The army changed my boyfriend!!!

[Lesliecbv]

well he came back for 2 weeks and I only saw him for only one day, he put me through hell... we were so excited to finaly see each other after so long and he come back he barely talked to me and when we finally saw each other we argue because I was asking him why is he being so distance and he got mad, he wanted to leave, I hold him so he won't leave and at one point I tried to block the door and he pulled the door hard and I fell and busted my lip, he step back to look at me and just left and my reaction was really bad I strated crying yelling at him and I slam the door like 3 times and it hit him. he never tried to hurt me before he was sweet loving and every time we were together he would be all over me so it was really strange to for me ... I want to fix things with him but I don't know how I know he loves me for sure and I love I adore him and it hurts that he became so aggresive now ...

[christian2724]

Ok... wait wait wait wait wait. I'm having flashbacks to my mom here.

You sound like this is all his fault.

You're projecting negativity. "Why are you so distant?" Participating in arguments. Blocking the door. Crying... yelling. These do not create positive situations.

He is impatient. If you're the girl he needs he'll probably come back emotionally. Never make accusatory statements. Never say "You..." statements. Always "I...". Instead of asking him why he's distant, snuggle up next to him on the couch without saying anything. Don't yell. Suggest positive things. If he seems frustrated suggest he go out with the guys and you'll be here for him when he gets back. Say you love him.

Fighting him only makes it worse. Dance with him. Redirect his negative energy so it doesn't hit you and create confrontations. I'm not telling you to become passive or submissive. Just don't exchange negativity.

Havent you ever noticed people respond aggression and confrontation with the same? And they respond to warmth and love with the same?

[Lesliecbv]

i yelled at him because I got hurt and I got angry at him and when I asked why is he being distant I sat next to him on the couch I hold his hand give him a kiss first and then asked him

[Lamnad]

think about it this way, your boyfriend has gone through a training plan that is designed to teach him how to kill people. Even if he is not a combat MOS, that is what Boot camp is. I saw this happen with my brother when He came back after losing more then 80lbs. He was already a very Passion it person and it made it even more pronounced. the Best thing you can do is give him time to get back into being around Citizens. the Army changes you, It kinda has to, but with some time he may get back to becoming the man he used to be, but he will not be totally the same. the changes can be for the better and some can take some getting used to but many Army Wives/GF/BF will tell you that it might be worth it, then it might not. I just say to give his some time to mellow and maybe tell him, Calmly this time, that you may have to get used to the new him but you are willing to try.

[Lesliecbv]

yeah I know they have to get kink of cold to do what they going to do but is just really hard and I asked him by yelling at him I sat next to him and asked I yelled because he hurt me and I got mad

[Anonymous]

This is common for people in the army. Those people go through hell and it changes them. I would never consider being in a relationship with someone that was in the army. There is just way too much emotional baggage they end up with. He is likely to need years of counseling if he is going to get better. I am sure there must be sites that can advise people on how to help their loved ones that are in the armed forces.

[Lesliecbv]

is it ? and I been with him for almost 3 years now since high school

[Tackett12b]

I just got out of basic as well. Just give his space or you will push him away. I know its strange, but from what we went through, we just need time and space. I can't ever make you understand, its just if you want it to work... Give him space and be patient.

[lothanks]

The radiation from the DU warped his mind...

Yes, we lob our nuclear waste at our enemies...