I broke up with him because I didn't see a future with him despite the fact I care about him a lot and I know I still love him & I can't stop crying?

[Primrose]

I didn't think he could give me the future I wanted. His life was so heavy and dark, I was his only sunshine, each other's best friends...I tried so hard to stay, to be there for him, because he needed me more then I needed him. But I felt like I couldn't see a future with him now. I don't know if I will.

My family and friends think this was probably for the best, I knew some of them missed single me and my family didn't approve of how I was virtually supporting us when he lived with me. He feels guilty I'm the wallet, but I always get frustrated when he says things like "money isn't everything." and thinks about quitting his jobs (which he hates with a passion) when he has only paid for two meals out of our entire relationship (1yr).

I had a lot of things about him I wasn't satisfied with. He said bigot and racial things, he thinks he doesn't need a bank now or ever and that we could share, he promised me things and doesn't fulfill his promises and he clings to me and can't be by himself.

I'm scared of loosing him, but I don't feel like my emotions are right right now to be his girlfriend. I want him in my life, I want that closeness, i want to be best friends but I know just being friends cuts him just as much as me leaving him.

I don't know what to do. I want to try again, but I know I probably will end up feeling the same way unless he changes things. But I don't want to change him, I wish I could just accept him the way he is. He loves me unconditionally, but I can't.

Updates

+1 y

He now tells me he has nothing to live for and now I'm gone he can do something stupid and reckless...

[enigmatta]

I think that relationships have a good chance when you share basic things like attraction, values, respect. Many things you will have to work one, like communication, trust, romanticism, sex; things that you can always change and better. You cannot change the attraction because either you have it or not from the beginning of the relationship (I feel). You cannot install new values in the other person because I think it is too late to absorb that at 20, y'know? If he lies, if he doesn't know the meaning and rewards of hard work, if he doesn't give a woman her place... these things you grow up seeing and knowind and therefore practicing, like respect. If he doesn't respect all that you are and you're only his bank that keeps him sane... you're going to end up darkened by his halo. It's not a person that will take you higher and to better grounds, and you know this, don't you?

I think your relationships is more like mother/son, because from what I read I can gather you're his protector, his provider, his refuge, and it will wear you out. If you were talking about communication or trust.. there are many techniques to salvage really bad cases of infidelity or affairs, or what not, but this guy is relying on you, he depends on you and that's why you fear losing him. You liked helping him, but you won't enjoy being his mother. Imagine if you had a child together, you'd be looking after 2 kids instead of one.

I think if he shapes up, you will be in shape too, to be in a relationship with him. If he doesn't change and it's likely he won't... you won't be feeling like you can put up with any of that. You can't just accept him the way he is. It will bother you forever to play blind when you're not and if you think about it, he doesn't love you unconditionally. Love in a relationships is quite conditioned from every point of view.

[Primrose]

Some times I do feel like his mother. I wish he'd change because then maybe is wanna be with him more wholeheartedly then now. But he has to change for him. He think he has a lot or offer and great traits (all true) so he feels like he doesn't need to change.

[enigmatta]

There's little we can do then. I mean, I was i a relationship for a long time because I hoped that he would change and work towards bettering himself, but I realized he was not going to do that. I couldn't change him, I couldn't convince him to seek a professional either, so there was that. It could take you years to see that change (if ever). Think about this a lot.

[meditate]

If the reason of breaking up with him goes back to him being a bumm , a thief, a gambler , a drunk, a drug user then youve done the right thing.

Now if you broke up with him for the sole purpose of him working and not making enough money then my god i wish you the worst in life and i hope you always stay feeling down and dark.

[Primrose]

It was never about him making enough. That's cruel. It was more like I'm dating a someone with a 30s mindset that I basically still took care of while I'm in my 20s and forced to mother.

[meditate]

ohhh, dang. had a friend who had to do this with her bf of 4 years. they got enagged then broke it off. didn't work. so yeah , guess you are right.

Sorry for what i wrote earlier.

hope things go well with you , next time

gl :-)

[shannon21]

Oh dear god. I got no words :O