Top 5 Things Never To Put In Your Mouth On A First Date...No Pun Intended!

Top 5 things never to put in your mouth on a first date... no pun intended!
Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I myself got stuffed with all kinds of gassy, nasty, burp infested foods. As the old army saying goes... "Eat now taste it later." In my defense I wasn't going on a first date or anything. Recently a client emailed me this question so I thought I would write a short article on it. Most of this stuff is common sense... YEAH YEAH but still fun to pontificate what really goes on. So hope you enjoy and as always.. please read responsibly!

Date night has arrived and you are both excited for that first date. Where should we eat? What should we order? What sounds good? Many times guys forget that they are on a first date and will order what they usually order when they are with their buddies at the local pub. Ladies always think about what they should order before hand and usually in my experience it's a salad. Salads are usually safe except if it contains spinach, corn, or onions. Spinach and corn will stick to the teeth and onions will stay with you all night.

So what should we order? Well here is a list of foods not to order when on a first date and a few examples of what to get instead.

MEN

1. Chicken Wings or Ribs. This is a complete disaster waiting to happen. I know those wings with blue cheese dressing on the side sound good.... but the chicken will get in your teeth and the sauce goes everywhere else. Remember its a first date. Order the steak braugh!

2. Draft Beer. Come on fellas ... nothing like burping up that bubbly brew in the car with the distinct odor of dinner. Stick with a mixed drink like Vodka and Tonic.

3. Garlic and Crab Legs. For most guys garlic creates more gas then a 7/11 gas station. Remember this when ordering any types of pasta or bread. Crab legs sound good at a buffet but on a first date there is nothing like that goatee smelling like the ocean for the rest of the night. Instead order some Oysters Rockefeller... very classy and dont' forget to share... it's an aphrodisiac.

4. Dough. Yes you heard me right....Dough. Anything made of dough like rolls, big sandwiches, garlic knots, nachos, etc. This my friend will put on 3 pounds at the table and make you very uncomfortable. It's called Bloating. Stick with the low carb and low fat options.

5. Shots. First date fellas.. not a bachelor party. Keep it classy.

LADIES

1. Red Wine. That beautful smile he loves and adores... SEE YA.... gone. Red wine is a smile killer and if you have some pretty chops then stay away. Go for a white wine, non sparkling.

2. Crazy Salads. I see way too many salads these days with secret ingredients that love your teeth. Spinach sticks to teeth very quickly and you will never know it. There are a lot of salads out there with corn or celery which are both teeth killers. The dressings have hidden odors and fats which you will burp up later in the night. Not very romantic. Instead go for a nice white fish with rice or if you really want to impress... order that steak.

3. Vegetables. The Green Giant is very popular but when it comes to a first date ....these green power foods will make you gas the night away. If you must order a veggie than stick with Grilled Asparagus.......they might make your pee smell but shouldn't give you that gassy bloated feeling.

4. Oreo Cookies. I think we all know what these tasty dark chocolate treats do to your teeth. So many cheese cakes, ice creams, etc.....have oreo cookies in them. Just be careful they will come back to haunt you and your smile. Instead, try a nice cool slice of Key Lime Pie with an espresso.

5. Coffee. If this is a coffee date then this is fine which I highly recommend on first dates. If you are at dinner and going to a show, a walk, down to the beach, etc.... then coffee is the worst thing to have at the end of dinner. Nothing like coffee breath for that first kiss. I recommend espresso. This coffee is usually the best to get because it doesn't last long. It's gone before you know it. Bring some mints.. HINT HINT.


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What Girls Said 9

  • Ha, interesting as fuck!

    Nice one!

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  • interesting take

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  • 😧 But I love Oreos!!!

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  • How is "genitals" not on the list?

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    • Have you seen the society we live in?

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    • @Phoenix98 . Yeah that's why society as a whole is pretty much failing at this point. There aren't enough people with decent morals anymore

  • I dont see why people eat on dates in the first place.

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  • Why not just order an empty plate with a side of air to be safe?

    Haha, nice take! :)

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  • I don't care what the fuck he gets on his face, I'm not gonna be like "Omg you've got sauce on your face! Die evil cretin!" just as long as he cleans himself up I really don't care. I'm not gonna avoid good food just to look pretty either, cause hey, if we actually end up married one day you're gonna end up seeing me with that shit all over my face anyways so I may as well acquaint you to the SexyMcApplesauce on my face right off the bat.

    And lol I can't believe girls order salads, I guess that just proves I was born the wrong gender. I will literally eat a BigMac (probably not though cause it doesn't fit in my mouth when I try to bite) or chicken wings right in front of the guy. If he can't take it, then he ain't man enough for me.

    But seriously? A salad? GTFO

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  • Heh, look at all the people all upset because they suddenly realised why their first dates went so badly xD
    I actually agree with this 100%. It's not about putting rules and regulations on first dates. It's about being dignified, and making a good first impression. And that's a bit hard to do when you have spinach or remnants of ribs in your teeth.

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  • A little while ago, me and my boyfriend went out for food so we came across some sort of KFC with spareribs and we just ate on the grossest way possible with our faces smudged with BBQ sauce and people looking at us. It was pretty funny.
    No but seriously, you should eat what you like and where you feel comfortable with. Not because you want to impress someone. Like a girl is not obligated to eat a boring salad, because it makes her look like she watches her weight and a person should not judge someone because he got some BBQ sauce on his face from eating spareribs.
    The only thing I agree with is the garlic and onion. There is no chance of me kissing someone after eating garlic or strong onion. The smell distracts me too much.

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    • Yeah agreed. You've both gotta have a good time too. Just be natural!

What Guys Said 9

  • We needed an Expert to tell us this?

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  • I actually wouldn't mind number 5 on the ladies side all that much I'm a big coffee drinker myself and coffee breath is nothing new to me, personally I don't really care all that much what they eat or drink, I ain't gonna be kissing em on the first date anyway, so it doesn't really matter to me. And please who would pass up a steak over mere chicken anyway?

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  • I'm not sure what girls would think of me doing one of those things but I definetely would not be affected by a food between her teeth as a criteria to choose whether she would be my girlfriend.

    On the contrary, I would even think that as funny and point out that to her expecting that she reacts naturally and with humor, or even being daring enough to smile like the girl who is smiling in the picture hahaha

    In the end of the day, I think only shallow people would judge someone value because of a piece of lettuce in their teeth. For me, as a man looking to a woman, it matters more how the girl reacts to situations like that

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  • "Top 5 Things Never To Put In Your Mouth On A First Date... No Pun Intended!"

    There is no pun.

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  • Very interesting, nice Take

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  • Thing to put in your mouth:

    MEN:

    1. Burger - Women love to see a guy chew into it to show how powerful he is.
    2. Chips - Women love to see you pick and choose each chip. Rather than finishing all of them, you choose the ones you want.

    WOMEN:

    1. Banana - Guys will love this, it's healthy and clean and shows you value being healthy. Preferably close your eyes when you first close your lips on the tip. From there on open eyes, and give him eye contact. Eat really, really slowly. Eat a small amount first, then a larger amount, then as you run out, progressively smaller amounts to prolong the enjoyment. Like it's the last banana on earth. Enjoy it.
    2. Hot dog - Given it's going to be hot, eat it slowly. Shows you are cool to eat enjoyable food rather than just your veggies.
    3. Veggies with a crunch - shows off you eat healthy and you care about your health. The crunch to add some excitement to the table.
    4. Ice cream or anything with sauce. Eat it nice and slow, enjoy it. Shows you like to enjoy yourself, indulge and also slowly licking it off your fingers shows him you don't mind bending the rules on table manners for exceptional circumstances.

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  • This MyTake, I like this MyTake

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  • >draft beer
    >expert

    Do you even food bro? The brew pub menu is the hardest menu to design. Do you even no what "draft beer" is?

    You're not supposed to have more than 2 in a setting. It isn't some piss water Coors Light or god knows whatever light beer you included loosely under the term "draft". Not to mention, it makes great conversation by knowing which kind of beer goes well with wich kind of food.

    Source: before my family emigrated to the US, they owned a winery in Europe

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  • this is so fucking stupid, this is why American culture is terrible. in my culture for people in my age bracket, its completely normal to go out for beers with a girl on a first date. and maybe even order a couple shots to the table. and if we're hungry we will not hesitate order chicken wings! why should i have to not order what i want to order? perfect reflection of American culture; fake

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    • Well, maybe it's you who thinks drinking copious amounts of beer and getting drunk is okay on a first date. On a first date you are supposed to get to know the other person not to show off your drinking and burping skills. As far as I know, alcohol is known for slowing down your judging skills and therefore not the ideal date plan. Of course if you are an alcoholic meeting another alcoholic, it's recommend to keep it light so chug down the beers!

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    • Why so serious? If you like having your first kiss smelling like coffee or onions by all means.. have at it... just a little advice.. that is all this is... :+)-

    • obviously i'm not gonna sit and stuff my face with wings and ribs on a first date but someone wants to then why not? who made all these rules for a first date?

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