Women should not be forced to date a nice guy


I'm tired of society pointing us out as women stating that we're stupid for not going after a nice guy. So what if the guy is nice?

Because he's nice does that mean I should date him?

No that's not how it works. I'm gonna date you if I feel we are compatible, I'm gonna date you If I feel sexually and emotionally attracted you and most importantly I will definately go out of my way for you if I feel that you've literally caught my heart and I really adore you.

Being "nice" is a good trait yes but I mean what else do you have to offer me? US women need more than that. And before guys bring up the "So you prefer fuck boys" fiasco, no we don't. We are simply attracted to them because they bring what we've literally being searching for and can't find in other guys.

That may be charm, intelligence, wit or even looks or even a combination of everything except being the biggest ass wipe in this galaxy. And people, whether you're a boy or a girl, we all have to agree on the fact that sometimes it's hard to separate the good apples from the bad. No one walks around with a sign that says hey I'm a fuckboy or hey I'm a gold digger. No one and I mean no one is going to pick up on the bad unless proven guilty. People need to stop passing the judgments and learn from others mistakes, value their personal testimonies and make them useful by applying them to their lives. Thank you and don't stop bring a blessing to others.:)


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What Guys Said 94

  • I completely agree.

    And by that same token, men should not be forced to like "meatier" girls opposed to the thin, pretty Barbie types simply because heavier girls find themselves offended by it.

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  • Girls mainly want money, and it just happens most guys who are wealthy tend to be assholes.

    Interestingly enough, guys who are arrogant assholes tend to be insecure, lazy, and controlling.

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  • First of all. Drop the nice guy thing. Guys are just guys. It doesn't make much sense. But other than that, women should just date whoever they want other than making stereotypes. Do you know who wants to date 'nice' people? Unhappy people.

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  • At the end of the day it seems a women wants a nice guy that has confidence and a personality since most nice guys are just doormats.

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    • *all women want

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    • @kdizzleforizzle91 That's exactly what I meant by nice.

    • Not all guys stay doormats, i'm outgrowing the doormat phase

  • Nice guy is a misnomer. It's a shy and weak guy. Agree

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    • Shy does not = weak. I am shy as fuck with women i am interested in but alpha as fuck with guys.

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    • @zagor, the "nice guy" label tends to refer to the pushover weak guys. That's pretty common knowledge I thought.

    • I've never heard it that way. Except from guys who describe themselves as that when they're really not.

  • I agree. Women should not be expected to date a man on the single proviso that he's nice. It's perfectly fair that they want a man in their league confidence and attractiveness wise.

    BUT women should also be able to distinguish between (inwardly) confident / attractive men that are unsuccessful because they are not as aggressive or manipulative as their (outwardly) confident / attractive male counterpart. (Note: some outwardly confident men can be nice also, I just focus on the inwardly confident men because they are less likely to get noticed).

    I would say that you're entitled to your preferences and should be free to date whoever you want to. However, society would probably be a nicer place and you women would probably be much happier, if more of you tried to find men who fit the bill of confidence (both inwards and outwards), attractiveness AND niceness.

    Meanwhile, you should have a better radar for scoping out the confident / attractive men who are also aggressive / pushy or otherwise manipulative.

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  • Nobody is forcing you to do anything.
    But if you do stupid shit, people will call you stupid. Thems the breaks lol

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  • And I'm tired of society and ignorant people adhering to stupid stereotypes and leaving any guy labeled "nice" out to dry, simply because someone titles him as such or because he has the simple trait of being nice.

    Also no one is forcing you to do anything if you date someone that's your choice and you have no one to blame for it but yourself, you are your own person, you have a free will.

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  • "" hey I'm a gold digger.""

    They kinda do, you can tell based on their accessories and their excessive makeup usage,

    Anyhow, some people truly believe that being a "nice guy" and treating a woman "the way women are supposed to be treated, and treated right" isn't sexist and dehumanizing. They're wrong.

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    • Gold diggers don't have a special "look", having excessive makeup really does not = gold digger...

    • @Rainie_ Well it shows you're vain. It's one tiny element out of multiple, but I still think it partly correlates.

  • The problem with the whole nice guy versus bad boy thing is that it isn't that black and white. There are a lot of quality good men out there but there's an entire subset of nice guys who aren't really nice. There are nice guys who are bitter assholes in denial. They feel incredibly entitled to women and their bodies just because they're "nice". They don't realize that being nice is expected of people it isn't a unique quality. What else do they bring to the table? There are good men out there who are genuinely nice though but those men also tend not to have certain traditional masculine traits that women initially find desirable. We don't get bitter about it and instead work on ourselves because we know we will find a woman who wants to get with us and spend their lives with us. On the other end of the spectrum you have the bad boys or "fuckboys" as you call them. Many of them can be borderline shamelessly bold and confident. They exude traditional masculinity which women find initially attractive BUT they are just taking advantage of women which leads to heartache. They are the direct opposite of the good guy who may not be as exciting at first but more worthwhile to commit to. Unfortunately a lot of women who start a relationship with the bad boy think they can change them like a romance movie or TV drama which is usually futile. People only change if they want to change.

    So ladies don't go after the nice guy but instead the good guy and pursue the bad boy at your own risk or if you just want a casual sex situation. Nice guys stop being bitter entitled douchebags because you give actual good guys a bad rap and push women right into the arms of the bad guys.

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    • @redthread you said it and explained it so perfectly. Thank you!

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    • @ManuelMarquez I didn't... Bluemax did

  • No one is forcing you to date 'nice guys'. Expressing a negative opinion about your actions isn't force.

    As for this general subject, I have already written the definitive myTake:
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22747-women-need-to-stop-whining-about-nice-guys

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    • Putting aside the question about the superiority of selfishness as a personal philosophy, I think it's fair to say that niceness alone is not a sufficient proviso (especially when that niceness is not coming from a genuine place). But, before any assumptions are made about where I stand on this, I'd like to point out that I DO believe women should be pursuing more nice men. It's just that they should not choose an aggressive or manipulative man over the nice guy when the nice guy is roughly the same attractiveness. They often do this because the aggressive man is more adept at cutting in front of the line so to speak, and they either don't notice or don't care about the tactics being used. This is where I can agree with your negative sentiment about the way women treat nice guys in spite of their also being inwardly confident and attractive.

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    • The myTake is nice, but it only holds up in the confines of it's own environment, or petridish if you will.
      It has a lot of merit, but what happens when we begin to take into account the rampant and various needs in our society from a multitude of relationships.
      Polyamory, monogamy, asexuality, aromanticism, social classes, and a number of other needs within a multitude of relationships that encapsulate homosexuality, heterosexuality, pansexuality and transexuality.
      What of the "nice guy" then?

      A person need not be "benevolent and kind" to be desirable to a partner, but there exists partners who do seek "benevolence and kindness" in a mate.

      The problem with almost all mentalities I see is that people are frustrated when they offer something and no one wants it.
      If all you do is make cake, and no one wants cake, don't go around telling people they need to eat your cake. Find someone who likes cake. Don't tell everyone they need to eat cake.

    • I'm afraid society has evolved way beyond it's most basic primitive side. Humanity is capable of supporting minds and bodies that otherwise would be destroyed or pushed out long ago.
      Survival is no longer our strongest instinct. We do things that defy survival and reproduction now.

      Women seek a partner that can fulfill a need. Men do the same. Even beyond the gender binary, this holds true. That need may be sex, romance, desire to be cared for, arousal, fame, wealth, strong children, love and kindness, the list goes on. And it's not usually just one thing. It's a combination of standards that change throughout ones life. What one woman may scorn, another man may become turned on for.

      Just because you don't have what a woman wants, but she has what you want, doesn't mean she is wrong and you are right.
      The only time you should be concerned is if it will DIRECTLY affect that persons well being.

  • Is this satire? Please, just tell me it's satire, and I will be able to sleep tonight.

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  • Whelp, good luck being beaten by some douche.

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  • Why do so many good take owners and askers write so well and post it anonymously?

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  • Women who try to shame men into not talking about this issue are completely missing the point of the whole nice guy vs. bad boy dynamic.

    It's not that nice guys are pissed because you won't date them

    Nice guys are pissed that you spend your twenties fucking bad boys and then expect to "settle" for nice guys later in life.

    Talk about a sense of entitlement.

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  • that is called generalizing everyone has a different personalities with different tastes. if you study psychology you will understand that nice guy and bad boy doesn't exist its all about different personalities.

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  • biggest load of shit I read... most women don't even know what they want...

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  • Women should daye whomever she chooses. Whats good for some is not good for others

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  • i agree. just like men shouldn't be forced to date women over a certain age or women with children or any criteria we deem unacceptable.

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  • Nice-guys is a euphemism for a guy that is a people pleaser, ass-kisser

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What Girls Said 21

  • Thank you! I remember in my sophomore year of high school i turned down a guy who was in my friendzone and his friends kept asking me why i didn't date him because he was so nice looking back i should've told them to fuck off.

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  • Nice guy? it's just a stereotype. You can't base a person on one trait and deemed what they are about. You should be more specific.. Like Mr doormat or Mr clueless.

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  • Great take :)

    The irony is, nobody makes a big deal out of the guys who fall for "bad girls" and then make them feel bad for it. Plenty of guys are in love with "bad" girls who don't give them the time of day, hurt them, abuse them and aren't nice to them. However it's never a thing to tell those guys that they are wrong for dating those girls and you never hear anyone attacking guys for not going after the nice girls when sometimes they actually do end up ignoring the nice girls for the not so nice girls. I see it daily on this website. Guys giving plenty of attention to girls who clearly don't give a crap about them.

    Just another bad double standard. But well written take and you get me.

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    • lol you are my twin!!😁

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    • If most guys could be a girl for one day they would sit home and fondle themselves...

  • Frankly, be is not getting anywhere near my body nor my bed unless he is a nice guy. I'm not attracted in the least bit to assholes. That being said, there are plenty of women out there who fall for them and then wonder why they are left with a broken heart all the time... My best girlfriend is a prime example of that. Yet, she keeps choosing essentially the same man with a different exterior.

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  • I read Mars and Venus on a date. It had a section about this, and it made sooo much sense. I finally understood why I turned down the nice guy, and it wasn't because he was nice - there were many other mistakes he was making.

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  • I know a TON of nice people that doesn't mean I should have to fuck/date them all get that through your heads! Being nice doesn't mean you get whatever you want just handed to you, you should be nice because you are nice, not because you expect something in return.

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  • nice guys are better!

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  • I have found that the nice guys turn out to be controlling and possessive. I dated a guy for four months who was an all around sweet heart. However, shit got out of hand really quickly. He wanted to go everywhere with me and spend his every moment crammed up my ass. It slowly turned into me not being able to answer my phone call from my doctor without him asking me to out it on speaker because he wanted to know details. He also claimed to be in love with me a week after we met. He brought me on dates and would give every single man the stink eye who looked at me.

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    • So one guy claimed to be nice and lied about it, and you got "All nice guys are controlling and possessive?"

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    • Because one guy is fake nice you assume all nice guys are that way?

    • @ManuelMarquez self proclaimed nice guys are always assholes in disguise.

  • They are nice till you rejected them. SHM self-proclaim nice guys. I agree when you say it's hard to separate the good apples from the bad. Everyone tries to avoid jerks and gold diggers but it just happened that they fell for them. No one wants it.

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    • @desidoll I am a guy that calls himself nice and have respected women that have rejected me.

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    • @ManuelMarquez: Eh no totally a normal feeling. I'd get sad too if a guy rejected me. No one feels happy for being unaccepted lol.

    • @desidoll alright. And I have decided to be single for life.

  • I am not sure if anyone else mentioned it but I have found that most "nice guys" are not actually nice anyway. They are some of the biggest jerks who are convinced they are nice and use it as an excuse as to why women won't date them. I love nice guys (the real nice guys, not the pretenders) but being nice is not enough. If I am not physically attracted to a guy then I will never see him as anything more than a friend. I don't know why in our society we women are expected to forget about our sexual needs and then to add insult to injury even the least physically attractive guys expect to get super models. It's so ridiculous.

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  • Of course. No person should be forced or guided to date someone they don't want. After all, that person knows what they are attracted to, not complete strangers.

    I just think that a lot of people think that being "nice" is the only quality a guy must have for a lot of women. That's not true. Sure, some women would like a "nice" guy that they can use and abuse, but many women want one who is confident enough to voice his opinions, not a lap dog.

    Agree with this Take, of course.

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    • There are way to many comments and I'm sorry for the harsh ones that I've seen from the irrational dolts. You would think this would be a simple concept to grasp, and yet it's one of the hardest ones. Preach on though.

  • I totally agree with you.
    You don't date someone just because h's nice, it takes way more than that. Not all men who make those claims are like that but I've crossed path with some of those men and they are usually bitter and not even nice. They are probably the more judgmental men there are. It's weird but basically the one who don't make those claims are often the nice ones... it's just weird

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  • Here here!!!

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  • I think females need to stop telling guys they're nice when they really mean "I don't hate you or anything" It's misleading. I made that mistake when I was younger. The guy wasn't otherworldly nice - he treated his mom like a maid, he was self righteous and judgmental, he told racist jokes and thought women should wait on him. Furthermore, we had little in common outside of a few superficial activities.

    What I really meant was "I appreciate that you're infatuated with me right now and trying hard, but we aren't a great fit." Because I felt bad, I lavished him with compliments about how great a guy he was, when he was just a normal guy with good and bad points. I shouldn't have said so much trying to soften the blow.

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  • "sometimes it's hard to separate the good apples from the bad"

    It's only hard if you're a shit judge of character. That, or you're simply blinded to his real nature because he's "hawt".

    If you truly can't pick up on the way a person carries themselves, the things they say, how they behave, how they treat people around them, etc and need to be burned to learn your lesson, I feel very sorry for you.

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    • I know plenty of men who behave like their angels of God yet they are the most disgusting beings alive. Heck you wouldn't know if you were marrying a serial killer and you would probably die not knowing that your husband was a sadistic murderer. Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for yourself because you're going preaching how if one can't pick up people's actions then there's something wrong with them. You don't know HALF of what manipulation is all about because you haven't seen the tip of it yet. Welcome to planet earth.

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    • I think my opinion was removed/hidden 😢

    • @MaskedSanity Absolutely agree 100%!

  • I don't understand men who think that if they're nice (and most of them label themselves as nice without even being unusually kind or caring) that's all that should count. They don't have to be intelligent or funny or charming or attractive or deep or any trait that someone looks for in a bf/gf. They're nice isn't that all that matters?

    And a lot of these self proclaimed nice guys aren't even nice at all. A lot are complete jack asses. If you go around going on about how nice you are you're probably not nice. Especially if you think that entitles you to something

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    • Women don't miss out on dates for not being funny or charming or confident. And those things are typically meaningless to you being a good partner. Far less than honesty, loyalty, respect, caring , unselfish lover. You know the things that really matter in a relationship. Yet women never look for this until they make sur your confident and charismatic and funny. Shallow

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    • Ah so you're just trying to put words in my mouth. Thats disappointing most trolls do a way better job than that.

    • @genuinlysensitive 😂😂😂😂😂 you're like a child. by the way, its "genuinely. " that's been bugging me

  • you prefer a wife beater than a nice guy cool your life

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    • sorry can you read?

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    • @bobby12345678910 Women deserve to be beat due to the fact that they prefer a man who they are sexually and emotionally compatible with NOT excluding the nice guys?

      What an asinine thought. I suppose you deserve to have your dick cut off for being an embarrassment to the male gender with your irrationality?

    • Lol, a little over the top, but it doesn't seem to register to a lot of women exactly who "bad boys" are. They aren't superior, they are at best narcissistic assholes, and at worst wife beaters. Which is why so many guys wonder why women flock to them, and swoon over them, just "wtf"?

  • I think some people might get confused on the term "nice guy". A "nice guy", as an EXAMPLE, can be a guy who you know who won't stop bugging you about your new boyfriend because he wants to date you. He'll say "you're dating a dickhead, I'm a nice guy, why won't you go out with me?" And he gets you to try and pity him, because he's 'a good guy that can't get a girls' attention'. They play an act, wanting you to change your mind, and get mad at you when you don't.

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    • That doesn't sound like a nice guy at all.

    • Sorry for your bad experience. You have a liar, not a nice guy, in your life. If you want to hate on someone hate on the liars, not nice guys.

  • I've dated, bad boys and loners. i don't want those types. I just want a nice guy. But will nice stay for good or be gone quick? I want the stay. I want to be treated nice for once. Both of the sayings are true, like attracts like and opposites attract.
    But nobody is forcing you, just a suggestion.
    If you don't want the nice guys, i'll take them. I just hate they're harder to find.

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    • I have a lot of nice guys that I'm not interested in, you can. have them.. they are truly Kings

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    • upernerd99 I like when people know my story. Because they're always wrong. I don't go for those types, I'm not picky but im not desperate either. If a guy liked me, was nice to me, funny and sweet. Then i liked him back. He'd ask me out, i said yes. Months later they always dumped me, leaving me for another girl, got bored of me, cheated on me, or they said i was just something to pass the time. If i liked guy, i felt attraction. I don't care if he was fat, short, tall, skinny, handsome, ugly, awkward, outgoing, all i cared was that he was nice. But it never lasted long. But they always came back to say sorry for hurting me, using me, they should've treated me better, i was the best girlfriend, they can't find anyone else like me, and most of them wanted to get back with me but i refused. So maybe it is me.

    • I wish girls who wanted nice guys were easier to find too :(

  • Good take. I'm trying to change this shift by not calling guys nice. They're nice because they want something from us, regardless of what that is the bad boys start off nice as well just because others don't see what they're like with us doesn't mean they're bad from the start. Nice is a way of saying not attracted to you but don't want to be mean about it. I'd rather be honest and go for what I want, not what someone else decides I need because it didn't work out with someone else.

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    • Man you got some nice teeth. I bet your breath smells very nice. I'm thinking maybe a fresh minty lettuce scent to your breath?

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