What Happens When You DON'T Feel Confident

What Happens When You DON'T Feel Confident

I think a lot of guys (maybe girls too) would agree that confidence, really powerful confidence, where you really feel happy with who you are and who you are becoming. When you feel lucky to be you. Where you feel like you're really awesome in a very clear and obvious way--is actually someone random. The first thing to observe, if this is you, is that some people actually do feel this way almost all the time. This is the goal you should be always striving towards. But, let's be realistic. Most of us don't feel this way even half the time. We can observe that we have much more success when we feel this way...we perform better in sports, write more daring stuff, attract the opposite sex with ease when we're feeling this way. Yet, even seeing the effectiveness does not bring an end to the randomness with which the majority of us experience confidence. So what do we do when that feeling goes away?

Don't get depressed...

It's easy to think everything is crap and that you are useless to do anything about it when you aren't able to tap into that raw confidence you do just the day before. You have to realize how success really works. It's messy. You go up only to go further down than when you started. You go up again and down and up and down and up. It will take a lot of focus and perserverance to get there.

Don't panic...

Similar to the first rule, panicing that you're not feeling it is an easier loop to get into than it sounds. You talk to girls and it's going super well. Then, for no reason, you lose that confidence and girls are giving you the cold shoulder. For anyone who is even remotely paranoid--this can be a very dangerous circle to get trapped by. You start to hit walls and you know exactly what the reason is but can't do anything but keep trying without confidence which almost never works. When you're not feeling up to it. Laugh at yourself. Admit you're feeling shit about yourself atm. Appreciate that this is what makes you human.

Remember you can only experience one dominant emotion at a time.

It is impossible to be both fully happy and fully sad at once. If you are feeling shitty about yourself and your value realize you are feeling this way at the exclusion of it's opposite. For a simpler example, if you are thinking of a rabid pitbull that's going to tear your hand off, you can't also at the same time be enjoying the floppy ears of a fluffy puppy. When it comes to being confident around others--embrace the emotion you want to feel which is most often a desire for fun however that's defined to you.

Control your thinking...

Controling your thinking does not mean hand selecting your thoughts. What it means is being able to not realy think but to just exist. To just sit in a space and not have anything in your head. In this way, you can choose--right now i need to solve a problem let me think or i'd like to think back on a fond memory or i'd like to think about why i don't like this person. A big reason movies and video games are popular to cerebral peoeple is because it turns off compulsive thinking and allows us to simply exist. Realize in your life that you don't have to think about anything. You can simply just sit there.

Be an idiot for once...

You don't have to be a full on idiot to benefit in the same way full on idiots do. When you're having sex...just focus on the body parts, the connection, the things you find sexy. Don't think about performance, judgement, or even positives like look how great i am for having sex with this person. An idiot doesn't really consider such things, they simply give into their primal desires. At a party, the limits of your reasoning capabilities is which drink you feel like at the time, which girl you feel is prettiest and most open at the time, which group of your buddies is the most fun to be around. An idiot does not consider which drink will get him the right amount of drunk for the situation, whether the pretty girl actually has any mutual desire to talk to him, or what hanging out with these guys versus other guys means to his status. Hey, you're really smart for making these connections, for thinking on this level, but it's also stopping you from having fun.

Tilt Self Deception in your favor...

If you're still reading, you've probably never been considered stupid unless you've said something offensive. As such, you may want to act only as great as you feel you are in reality. If you are not a star soccer player, you don't want to act like you think you are...you want it to fit and make sense and "be real." Yet, you will never ever know what "real" is...you can't even be sure that we're really here. What you can be sure of is your interpretation of reality and you can own that. Giving yourself a little extra credit is a sign of good self esteem. Like a parent who praises his child not because of exceptional work but because they are their child.

Trying is death to confidence...

If you feel yourself trying...if you feel yourself reaching for confidence...this is a sign that you have none at the present moment. It may make zero sense why it's gone from you, but it is. Here is where i suggest intentionally failing but if that's not your style walking away is a suitable alternative.


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What Girls Said 8

  • Good read

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  • I personally don't think it's a matter of confidence, I think it's more about being able to realize that your problems DON'T define you, it's what you do with them. It's also about not allowing your faults to take your life over. I mean for God's sakes, everybody has their shit, even the most confident of people have their shit that they have to deal with. I can't even begin to tell you half of what I've dealt with growing up. However, I have to tell myself that when I leave my house everyday, this is my time to leave all of that behind and to live life. I'm not saying you have to be someone you're not but just not obsessing over those problems 24/7, because that'll get very tiring for a lot of people, including yourself.
    All it really comes down to is just loving yourself, and trying to be a better person everyday. You have to tell yourself, "I understand my faults, and I will not allow them to define me, rather I will continue to better improve myself for my own benefit, and for the people around me who matter." When you love yourself, that'll help you to attract those positive people into your life who want to be part of that.

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  • Pretty good mytake.

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  • Interesting! :)

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  • Age sex drugs

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  • Another great myTake by Pavlove 👍

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  • nice take, definitely gonna use some of these points

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    • thanks!! which ones spoke out to you out of curiosity?

    • "A big reason movies and video games are popular to cerebral peoeple is because it turns off compulsive thinking and allows us to simply exist."
      "At a party, the limits of your reasoning capabilities is which drink you feel like at the time, which girl you feel is prettiest and most open at the time, which group of your buddies is the most fun to be around. An idiot does not consider which drink will get him the right amount of drunk for the situation, whether the pretty girl actually has any mutual desire to talk to him, or what hanging out with these guys versus other guys means to his status."

      both eye opening points that i really appreciate you bringing to attention thank you <3

  • "A big reason movies and video games are popular to cerebral people is because it turns off compulsive thinking and allows us to simply exist", that's so true.
    Same thing with sports too, you drain yourself in physical activity and forget a bit about the parasite thoughts looming your mind. One of the reasons why you feel serene and relaxed afterwards.
    anw, about the confidence part... from experience I found that high display of confidence trows off a lot of people and creates a sort of unneeded pressure.
    People feel threatened by you, other dominant people wanna impose themselves on you too since you re sort of an opponent in the group and they want to constantly prove their point.
    Also with high display of confidence comes a lot of expectations. People expects you to do great in this, to handle this matter etc.. so screwing up is a dreadful idea and you feel extremely pressured and stressed :/
    so I usually tend to showcase a really modest approach when talking to people instead of coming out too strong and opinionated and dominant.
    I let them form an idea of me instead of imposing mine. But the idea they form is the one I want, but I do it indirectly.
    When you come out modest, people feel more comfortable around you and

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    • sry :P
      and can rely on you more, you sound more human and more real.
      Also showing weakness and downgrading your game a bit makes people feel more sympathetic about you.
      for example, if I have a test or competition or whatever, I don t go out saying I owned the material or I am really good at that sport. cause people will watch out over you because of that.
      I usually say I am ok and let my actions speak. Although I know I am good at it and I know eventually they re gonna form this opinion of me. But rather than me imposing it and they rejecting it, they are the one who formed it.
      and if in any case I due mess up, at least they weren t expecting much.
      ok I am done lol :P

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    • @ i would say confidence tends to work out for men and modesty tends to work out for women in terms of it having more positive than negative effects.

      i don't think that respond deals with the heart of what she was saying about projecting more than you can actually carry. woman or man. people form expectations. deception is complicating and neurotic. this doesn't work better depending on your gender.

    • @Azara yea true.
      but confidence translates to power, power translate to dominance...
      I ve heard many guys saying that this girl is intimidating and overwhelming etc...
      unfortunately the stereotype of male/female still lingers in today's society even unconsciously.
      when you ask a guy what is feminine to you he ll usually say: a girl that is sweet, soft, calm etc..
      and vis versa for a guy we want him to be imposing, strong personality, assertive etc...
      of course not everyone is like that I am def generalizing here.

What Guys Said 5

  • That is why I envy stupid people. They don't over think they just do.

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  • The "Be an idiot for once..." idea is tounge-in-cheek but does make a lot of sense.

    At times one has to stop calculating and thinking, and start doing and executing.

    As a cerebral person I used to struggle with this when I was in my teens. Now I loosened up and start doing things without overly calculating the possible results, and I enjoy life more. :)

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  • So what? I have no confidence I should roll over and die? Oh god of confidence, six pack of stanzas, how does one mold themselves in your image?

    Seems you get dumber with every one of these you write, just stop now, people don't want to hear anymore. You seem like the type of person that barely graduates HS, hits up Community college, transfers to a big ten school, drops out and then decides to open a business with three HS stoner buddies. Sit down and shut up.

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  • didn't understand the last paragraph at all.

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  • But how is it attained? This is a great myTake, but how do you actually gain the confidence? I'm sure the self awareness is a huge part of it, but that can't be all

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    • thank you.

      i talk about it a lot in other takes i've written but gaining confidence in terms of the effect i think you mean is like developing any other belief system. first, you have to realize that being confident isn't a bad thing and doesn't make you a bad person though insecure people will try desperately to convince you of it. then you have to actually "buy" into it as in finding things about you that you feel are absolutely awesome.

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