I think a lot of guys (maybe girls too) would agree that confidence, really powerful confidence, where you really feel happy with who you are and who you are becoming. When you feel lucky to be you. Where you feel like you're really awesome in a very clear and obvious way--is actually someone random. The first thing to observe, if this is you, is that some people actually do feel this way almost all the time. This is the goal you should be always striving towards. But, let's be realistic. Most of us don't feel this way even half the time. We can observe that we have much more success when we feel this way...we perform better in sports, write more daring stuff, attract the opposite sex with ease when we're feeling this way. Yet, even seeing the effectiveness does not bring an end to the randomness with which the majority of us experience confidence. So what do we do when that feeling goes away?
Don't get depressed...
It's easy to think everything is crap and that you are useless to do anything about it when you aren't able to tap into that raw confidence you do just the day before. You have to realize how success really works. It's messy. You go up only to go further down than when you started. You go up again and down and up and down and up. It will take a lot of focus and perserverance to get there.
Don't panic...
Similar to the first rule, panicing that you're not feeling it is an easier loop to get into than it sounds. You talk to girls and it's going super well. Then, for no reason, you lose that confidence and girls are giving you the cold shoulder. For anyone who is even remotely paranoid--this can be a very dangerous circle to get trapped by. You start to hit walls and you know exactly what the reason is but can't do anything but keep trying without confidence which almost never works. When you're not feeling up to it. Laugh at yourself. Admit you're feeling shit about yourself atm. Appreciate that this is what makes you human.
Remember you can only experience one dominant emotion at a time.
It is impossible to be both fully happy and fully sad at once. If you are feeling shitty about yourself and your value realize you are feeling this way at the exclusion of it's opposite. For a simpler example, if you are thinking of a rabid pitbull that's going to tear your hand off, you can't also at the same time be enjoying the floppy ears of a fluffy puppy. When it comes to being confident around others--embrace the emotion you want to feel which is most often a desire for fun however that's defined to you.
Control your thinking...
Controling your thinking does not mean hand selecting your thoughts. What it means is being able to not realy think but to just exist. To just sit in a space and not have anything in your head. In this way, you can choose--right now i need to solve a problem let me think or i'd like to think back on a fond memory or i'd like to think about why i don't like this person. A big reason movies and video games are popular to cerebral peoeple is because it turns off compulsive thinking and allows us to simply exist. Realize in your life that you don't have to think about anything. You can simply just sit there.
Be an idiot for once...
You don't have to be a full on idiot to benefit in the same way full on idiots do. When you're having sex...just focus on the body parts, the connection, the things you find sexy. Don't think about performance, judgement, or even positives like look how great i am for having sex with this person. An idiot doesn't really consider such things, they simply give into their primal desires. At a party, the limits of your reasoning capabilities is which drink you feel like at the time, which girl you feel is prettiest and most open at the time, which group of your buddies is the most fun to be around. An idiot does not consider which drink will get him the right amount of drunk for the situation, whether the pretty girl actually has any mutual desire to talk to him, or what hanging out with these guys versus other guys means to his status. Hey, you're really smart for making these connections, for thinking on this level, but it's also stopping you from having fun.
Tilt Self Deception in your favor...
If you're still reading, you've probably never been considered stupid unless you've said something offensive. As such, you may want to act only as great as you feel you are in reality. If you are not a star soccer player, you don't want to act like you think you are...you want it to fit and make sense and "be real." Yet, you will never ever know what "real" is...you can't even be sure that we're really here. What you can be sure of is your interpretation of reality and you can own that. Giving yourself a little extra credit is a sign of good self esteem. Like a parent who praises his child not because of exceptional work but because they are their child.
Trying is death to confidence...
If you feel yourself trying...if you feel yourself reaching for confidence...this is a sign that you have none at the present moment. It may make zero sense why it's gone from you, but it is. Here is where i suggest intentionally failing but if that's not your style walking away is a suitable alternative.
Most Helpful Opinions