Examining the Pros and Cons of Dating a Much Older Man

Pros and cons of dating a much older man.

Dating a man from another generation can be more entertaining than dating someone from your own. Age doesn’t always have to be a factor in your relationship. Focus on the connection you have together and not the age gap between you. There are some definite upsides (and downsides) to dating an older man who has established himself and figured out what he wants in life.

Pros of Dating Older Men

Dating a man who is twice your age can mean that you learn quite a bit from him. He knows his way around the bedroom, has figured out how to dress well and furnish his home with bath towels, and he can introduce you to movies, music and books you might never have heard of.

You Have His Support
A man who is twice your age is likely to be established in his career and be financially stable, but he can be a good person to lean on and go to for advice. Plus, an older man has it together, so you can focus on keeping yourself together instead of being the only true adult in the relationship.

Your Energy

It’s given that the guy you’re dating probably loves your energy, and that you energize him. Dating an older man means that you won’t have to worry about him always wanting to stay out late clubbing or meeting his buddies at the bar. You can spend time together doing the things you both enjoy; and, as much as you learn from him, he’ll love your youthful approach to life.

The Cons: Outside Judgment

One of the hardest parts about dating a much older man is the judgment you might face from people outside of the relationship. You might have to defend yourself against people who say you’re a gold-digger, accuse you of having “daddy issues,” or accuse him of dating you just for your looks. Wanting to be with a man who has an aura of personal authority and fits the definition of “classically masculine” is not so strange, Ignore the nay-sayers, or tell them why your date is really so special, but don’t let them get to you.


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What Guys Said 21

  • Older men are more patient (both in bed and otherwise) and they tend to be more faithful/loyal. An older man will be more appreciative of the little things that you do to let him know that he is special.

    However, what is lurking in the back of your minds is:

    'When I'm 40, he'll be 70 and he might even be terminally ill. I'll be pushing him around in a wheelchair when I've still got plenty of life left in me."

    He's thinking: "When I'm 70 and maybe in a wheelchair, she'll be 40 years old, in the prime of her life, and still have a healthy sexual desire that I can't fulfill. Sooner or later, she'll give in to temptation, so. . . I'm just fooling myself if I think this can work."

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    • Interesting perspective. But I guess that is where commitment comes and takes place.. Where you choose to stay with someone in sickness and in health.. Good/Bad times.

      But I guess that is dependent on the person and everyone is different and most people only want to be with people and be in relationships in only the good times. (ofc, there are exceptions)

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    • At 61? I've given up now

    • @Aloneyloneloner If you give up, it means you let the bitches (or bastards) win. Never, never, never!

  • The pros are many

    The cons is the different stages in life you both are and how they collide

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  • I know I wouldn't date a much younger woman.

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  • Men age like wine. Our sexual market value peaks around 30s and 40s then declines after 50, whereas women's prime sexual value is in her 20s then they hit the wall in their mid 30s. The reason to this is biology.

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  • I've been with younger women. Typically they come and go as they please, out of the blue they will show up and I respect that. I love our conversations as much as the sex. It is like we are mutually using each other for our own reasons and that is alright with me.

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  • What about the fact that he will probably die about 20 years before u die leaving u alone

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  • I am "older" and the average age of women I date is 23 and that hasn't budged since I was 25 years old myself.

    Everyone has her own preferences and they are all right.

    The women I am with like not having to pay part of the bill, in fact, if she needs something, or if we are in the store together, I take care of it. I bought a car for one of my old young girlfriends after we had been together a while, and have been known to pick up a rent payment or a tuition payment. They like the attention in sex on them, not the wham bam thank you maam of many boys their age. They like the reliability and the access to experience. Her dilemmas are trivial to someone who has seen it all. They like being treated like an adult, having a good amount of independence.

    Again, people have preferences. Some young women would never think of an older man and that is just fine. The problem is when they become jealous of the higher lifestyle and standard of living an older boyfriend can provide, then take it out on the younger girl.

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    • I really appreciate your response, but is it ok for a 19 year old to have a relationship with a man 26 years older than her?

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    • Why would you have a lonely life if you dated women who had your net worth and income?

    • @kat_gran
      "Why would you have a lonely life if you dated women who had your net worth and income?"
      Because they hardly exist. The only ones I have met are 75yo+ widows who inherited their money, a couple of married business executives, and a very wealthy, married Senator. The executives and senator are all significantly older than I am too. There are a couple dozen actresses that have that kind of money, but they live in a bubble (I have dated actresses, but not the A listers). Heiresses tend to get snapped up into marriage rather young, and I haven't met any anyway.

  • I'm an older man, but ibhave tobsay that you're forgetting one downside: sex. Although I've been lucky so far, knock on wood, as men get older they're sexual ability declines. I've seen several girls on this site complaining about not getting enough.

    Now if I couldn't meet my woman's needs the "old fashioned way" so to speak, I'd be more than happy to meet her needs in other ways, but that would not necessarily be sufficient to please every woman, so that needs to be taken into consideration.

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    • lol every older man I've met just tells me their sexual ability doesn't go down the women they are having sex with are just no longer bonerific

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    • @dudeman
      Been there. LOL.

    • The 20 year old women I date like going on for an hour, instead of a minute and a half with someone their age.

  • The only pros women care about are his money. Which is pretty much all women care about anyway.

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    • Maybe that is true of the women you attract, but certainly not in general.

  • I believe the cons of dating a much older person, be it male or female, go much beyond the judgment you will face. Age is indeed much more than a number. It's a matter of mutual experiences and interests. I think that couples need a mutual vantage point from which to view the world around them.

    If you can find that common vantage point, than more power to you, regardless of your age. However, I consider that rather unlikely.

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  • Good to know if I ever get divorced, these's such an emotionally paletable system of justification and rationalization behind basically wanting a sugar daddy and security in exchange for sex, that it shouldn't really be an issue dating a girl in her 20s again.

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  • Really, the only downside is people's judgement? Increased likelihood of sexual disfunction, increased likelihood of medical emergency, increased likelihood of outliving your partner, increased likelihood of ex-spouses and children, increased likelihood of problems during pregnancy, differing levels of commitment and trust, all of that is just irrelevant I guess.

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    • Yet guys my age flock to milfs in droves

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    • That is true. But they don't really care.

    • Plus I highly doubt it would even matter if she was 60 and he was 72 (they are twelve years apart) and died then because she'd be way beyond her years. But yeah they don't really care and they one time mentioned to be a story of couple further apart then them in age and it was the wife who ended up needing to be cared for. I forget what illness she had. Whatever happens happens she says. She isn't like me. She has a very worry free attitude about... Lots of things, so many things haha I don't even get it.

  • Excellent Take, it gives hope, at least for us single older men ;)

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  • I believe it can work sometimes. I look younger and often get approached by younger girls. Plus I feel that I really connect with some of them. Almost like we're on the same level. It's hard to explain but I feel comfortable with them. Plus I hardly ever if not never get approached by girls my age.

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    • How old are you if I may ask (if not being too personal). I have a girlfriend but experience the same thing.

    • @Sekrett I'm 39. I don't feel like it though. I had a girl interested in me last year. I found out she was only 18. I was shocked but at the same time really flattered. We got along well too and had some good conversation. I didn't feel like I was above her but more on the same level. She first thought I was a lot younger. And my age didn't seem to bother her when she found out. It's almost like they forget about the age gap and accept you for the person you are. It's amazing.

  • I'd prefer someone around my own age. Because instead of trying to know how I feel, or being supportive, or knowing how that phase of life is, they are actually living the same phase of life as I am, we actually grow old together, and not just support each other throughout the age differences and our strengths and weaknesses of age.

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    • I understand where you are coming from. You offer very valid points. But we don't really know when we are gonna go down. I know couples in the same age group where one dies a lot sooner than the other and I know couples 10-15 years apart that are still living together in their old age.

  • As far as I am concerned there are many pros, as I am an older guy and for over twenty years my girlfriends have all been over twenty years younger than me. My last one was 27 years younger, her dad is a year younger than me, but she is still a good friend.
    The cons have been that after a year, or three in most cases, they get broody and want kids, which I cannot provide, having had a vasectomy over 40 years ago. So they go hunting for a father for their kids.
    I am now available again, any offers?

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  • I don't see a point in taking age as such a factor. Many women don't like younger women, because older ones are "wise" it's such a gross generalization that it's like saying all women are stupid.

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  • I see nothing at all wrong with it. Bitter old feminazi bitches rail out against it because they look like shit and heave developed nasty attitudes. The US is so hypocritical of this. Most of the world doesn't care.

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  • You could say just say "I'm a gold digger with daddy issues" and spare the article.

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  • Gotta LOVE that youthful energy! lol!

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What Girls Said 20

  • I doubt the only cons are the outside judgement...

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    • But you haven't followed through with list of any other cons :)

    • @Sekrett Because I've never dated an older guy. There are many pros and cons to everything - doubtful there's only one for dating an older man...

  • No matter the pros, and I know there a few interesting one such as stability, maturity (not necessarily though) I WOULD NEVER date someone older than me by more than 7 years.

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  • Well there are young woman who are need of a cash strapped suga daddy

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  • Why I won't date an older guy!
    1) I don't like the power this guys has over me meaning he knows more than me and he lived more than me and has more money and experience.
    2) I don't like this daddy relationships! I don't want date my dad.
    3) Mostly boring guys who use their power to get young girls.
    4) I honestly think anyone who with an older guys is messed up in the head! Like did he trick you or something? Like I don't get! Thats just gross. He probably already has kids.
    Hey don't get mad its my opinion! And I don't agree that dating older is the best idea! Like no! Tbh relationship never work thats why people get divorce. Love thats just a pathetic joke. No one loves anyone we are selfish creatures!

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    • Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

    • I actually have a friend who is 34 and has been married to a guy 12 years older than her for 10 years now. They truly found love. He is a simple chef and she isn't exactly a very stunning woman. She is pretty yes but nothing very great to look at but she is lovely and very caring and just a couple months ago had their fourth kid. They met in a restaurant and he was interested in her from the start. She told me she is so glad a different guy she liked shortly before she met him didn't like her back because she wouldn't change a thing. When he lost his job due to bad restaurant business and high costs, she didn't even care lol she simply was happy to spend more time with him in the couple months he was unemployed. You are entitled to your own opinion but love does exist, for those who believe in it that is. Now I am not saying I am exactly looking for any guy more that isn't in my age group because I am not. But just thought I'd say that it is just your opinion.

    • @Grungenoreos aww thats sweet. But those are the rarity the out of reach. I assume I am average so I fit there with all the other girls!

  • Much older? No thanks, I don't have daddy issues. Older guys are usually bitter and skeptical if they were previously married. If single, thy're just weird. They stuck in their ways, unwilling to compromise, and look for someone to take care of them.

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  • I would love to date an older guy but usually not more than 10 years older than me.

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  • There are so many pros... soo many.. but a few deal breaking cons would be if he has kids and ex wives he still remains in contact with.. any health issue... not keeping up sexually.. but anyhoo I like older men.. but not twice my age.. maybe 7 to 10 years older...

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  • Pro : He has money

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  • In the past I dated guys my age. I found them to be too selfish, shallow, and immature. One never wanted to go out and do anything, just wanted to stay home, have video game or movie marathons, and then have sex marathons. The other one seemed to only have time for me whenever he wanted sex. I felt like all the guys my age cared about was my vagina and not me as a person. My current boyfriend is 53 and he makes me happy. He enjoys spending time with me and we go out to movies, museums, the park, even going grocery shopping together is fun to me. He takes the time to listen to me, encourages me to grow as a person, and supports my dreams. Since he makes slightly more money than I do, nobody can really accuse me of being a gold digger. The outside judgement with the daddy issues accusation and people calling him a cradle robber is always there.

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    • Haters will hate. You hit the nail on the head. It is all about the company and not so much about the sex.

  • I honestly love that you wrote this and applaud you ( lets chat). I was married to a man younger than me, dated a young guys after.. they arnt for me! I LOVE older men and glad you do too

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  • Cons: He's very rarely as sexually attractive as men closer to your age or younger.

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    • Oh man, a man is in his sexually attractive peak between the ages of 35-50. I definitely turn to watch more salt and pepper men go by more than I do my own age. In fact, it's safe to say that I almost never am sexually attracted to a man my age.

    • @Rocket_Queen same here

    • I disagree, for my own experience. I've had amazing lovers 24-30 range and the older ones have seemed to start losing their tight bods, hair and their steam. Which is all good if he isn't still strutting around like a peacock.

  • I have nothing in common with old people who didn't changed. Another era. Another mindset. I suppose those who survived much longer are the ones presevered.

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  • I have strictly only dated older guys for the past couple of years because of all the reasons stated. I want to add though that I love the 70s and 80s and dating someone who lived in those decades is fascinating to me. When I dated people my own age and tried to discuss the decades before our time they just looked at me like I was nuts. Its nice to have things in common and talk with someone who knows what the hell you're talking about.

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    • I totally agree with you!

  • As someone who was molested, at 8 years old, by my best friends grandfather, and then again at 15 by my brother's grandfather, I cannot agree with this concept. A few years older is enough for me.

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    • Sorry that happened to you, but everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

  • im 26, i dont think id be attracted to someone so much older than me.. lol I look young and i have no problem dating younger guys or those a little older than me. But dating much older no longer appeals to me, they dont look as youthful as younger guys. But someones gotta date the single ones and your one of them.

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    • Hey, just out of curiosity, why do you find younger guys attractive?

    • Well, they always look way older than what they are and they are just a lot hotter. And I'm pretty young at heart so , it's fun.

  • I'd never date a guy more than a few years older. such a turn off!

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  • I'd prefer someone closer to my age. A 5 years difference is max.

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  • No thanks! I get approached by older men (late 40's and I guess early 50's) but there is no way I'd be interested. I don't care about their status, money, etc.
    I make my own money and can support myself. I don't need a mentor or a daddy.
    On top of that, I don't want to become his nurse 10 years down the road.
    What I want is a young guy, full of energy, and ready to have fun.

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    • Out of curiosity, what would you do if you met a young guy, full of energy, ready to have fun, who has an accident or becomes ill and you now find yourself his nurse?

      This happened to me. Granted it was for a brief time.

  • You missed the important con. Becoming a young widow. Women on average live 5 years longer than men. When you pile a 10-30 years onto that the likelihood of him dying way before you goes way up. If you decide to have children there's a much greater chance that they will end up growing up without a father in their life. Even if the father has not died by then he would most likely not be in very good shape compared to a younger man. He may not not be able to do typical fatherly things with his children.

    I've never been in a situation where I was faced with the death of a loved one but I can only imagine how horrible it must feel. I wouldn't want to be without the love of my life for 15-35 whole years. That just seems excruciating to me.

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  • There can be a power struggle with older men, because they make more than you and are more experienced with you.
    They may expect far more than you're ready for, like sex, moving in together, marriage, kids, way before you're ready because they're in that stage of their lives and you aren't.
    They will probably have physical or mental limits, so they won't be prepared to travel all over the world with you, constantly go out, or constantly be passionate in the bedroom for that matter.
    They may have kids from a previous marriage and may not want to have kids with you.
    They may not want to try new things, because older people tend to value habits and comfort over new experiences. New experiences would require them to step out of their comfort zone, which many aren't prepared to do.

    As I see it, there's far more cons.

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    • It's nice that some people are rational.

    • @tyber1 The kinds of women who date men a whole generation older are, let's just say, not exactly the type to be adventurous or to "want to try new things". So, this poster has valid points, but they aren't counterpoints at all for a person like the OP.

    • @redeyemindtricks a lot of these (not all) still apply.

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