Neediness: Is it Really THAT Bad?

I know universally, neediness or clinginess, is stereotyped as a bad trait for both genders but I want to dig a little deeper (mainly focusing on girls, as I don't know too much of it in guys but please, do give me an insight!)

I believe it is an unfair label. I was speaking to one of guy friends, and he revealed that he quite liked it when a girl acted a bit needy as it reassured him, she liked him and it made him feel more masculine, protective etc. No games, nothing. He's a confident guy, so I was surprised when he told me this.

Now, this made me wonder; is neediness therefore a "feminine" or even a "submissive" trait, seen in "feminine" girls or can it be applied to both genders? When I say feminine, I mean girls who are not afraid to be girls or is this trait found in all women? Personally, if a guy exhibited needy traits I would find them sweet in minimal doses but exhausting if it was too much, as - from a woman's standpoint - we biologically expect a man to show strength. So maybe, neediness or clinginess, is more acceptable in women?

Obviously, we are all different and unique. I believe there is a wide spectrum to neediness and how it works psychologically. Society will dismiss someone as "needy" as insecure, but what if its just a behavior exhibited by a girl when she has truly fallen for a guy? My guy friend is referring to the latter; yes it's an ego-boost to have a girl crazy about him and he reciprocates her affections but there is of course the former; the extreme form of "neediness" which is when a woman becomes insanely jealous ... therefore just very insecure.

So in conclusion, perhaps a dash of neediness is okay and even welcomed; it's just about achieving that fine balance. Not all of us women can be "confident" and live "fulfilled lives" like going to the gym, helping out in soup kitchens, or working on self-improvement etc etc and whatever nonsense I have researched on articles across the internet.


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What Guys Said 6

  • 3mo

    i think something is important in what the guy said to you, "he revealed that he quite liked it when a girl acted a bit needy" ... a BIT needy. i agree to that extent. everyone wants to feel wanted but there is a big difference between being wanted and someone who is needy to the point of annoyance.

    i want my partner to not be dependent on me. it doesn't mean they should want me and feel better with me but i don't want their happiness to be entirely dependent on my presence. want to be able to go away for a day to see friends and vice versa without it feeling like they are going to be miserable without me

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  • 2mo

    Wanting to be around someone and neediness are two different things. Desire is a plus but when you seem like you can't exist without a guy then it just starts to get annoying because most people like "me time"

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  • 3mo

    Neediness and desperation sometimes intertwine, I used to have this male friend that said the same thing he likes girl clingyness and it's because he was desperate as hell. He had issues too.

    I'm not saying all guys that like neediness are desperate, some of us like it too. but everything on moderation ok I love affection but I also like to breath too😅

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  • 3mo

    Neediness is not a good thing. It means that the relationship is gonna be work.

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  • 3mo

    if you really want to know from a guy that wants to have true love I can tell you that for myself I absolutely love neediness

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    • 3mo

      cause it shows me how much a woman really wants to be in my life most people don't understand that neediness really is true love

  • 3mo

    It depends... IF you have no life of your own and your totally dependent on the other for your social stimulus.. then yes. As you've said.. you want somebody who enjoys being with you. That's the whole point of a relationship; to be build a team or partnership that is mutually beneficial...

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What Girls Said 7

  • 3mo

    Yes... it really IS that bad.

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    • 3mo

      I don't think it is cause men only want to be loved we want to feel like the girl wants us in her life and if anybody tells me that neediness is a weakness don't know what their talking about

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    • 3mo

      I'll tell you why you need neediness in a relationship and here is the reason why you need neediness in a relationship that's the whole reason for having neediness in a relationship is cause the bigger the bond between the 2 people the harder it is to pull the 2 people apart

    • 3mo

      so anybody says that neediness is a bad thing in a relationship or is the worst thing in a relationship doesn't know what the hell their talking about

  • 3mo

    In need of attention and love every now and then isn't bad.. but constantly begging now that is bad.. but it really depends.. sometimes when that person is begging for that attention you got to think on how much attention are u putting out because you might not be giving them enough attention...

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  • 3mo

    I think this is so accurate. Great take 🌹

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  • 3mo

    If I really like a guy, I do feel semi needy (I never express this to him though). Its not that I don't have my own life, but if I start dating a guy and I can't read his interest level I get kind of antsy. No matter what I have to fill my time, work/volunteer/friends if I'm thinking about a guy, it kind of consumes my thoughts. I don't put my life on hold for any guy, but he does kind of consume my thoughts.

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  • 3mo

    I guess we confuse, neediness with vulnerability and wanting intimacy. Most guys want a submissive vulnerable girl, so that they can feel big, important and masculine. But their neediness radar goes up and its completely unatractive to him when you show too much interest in him and you two barely know one another. When he does things that are disrespectful and hurtful and you cling on to him for dear life cause you feel like you dont have any other options.

    So neediness is when you try to control the other person, you tolerate shit behaviour and you share yourself before acquiring respect for him and for yourself.

    Vulnerability is when you relinquish control to a man who has shown you love and trustworthiness and you are not texting him 24/7, or feeling anxiety and waiting for the worst to happen.

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    • 3mo

      Interesting point and thanks for sharing your thoughts. Yes, I believe its a real killer to any progression whilst dating someone (mainly casually) that if you show too much interest, i. e. constantly texting and being overly lovey dovey, it can be a bit much. Consequently, if I like a guy, I will wait for him to admit it first, and therefore I'm not afraid to admit it as well.

  • 3mo

    Yes it's kinda bad, the boyfriend/ girlfriend can feel suffocated within the relationship and feel like they don't have time to either think, breath, or even miss that person cause they clinging to them so much. It just makes the person want to escape, instead coming closer it pushy them away.. time apart is always good to do your own thing is always good and helps the relationship.

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  • 3mo

    It is definitely that bad.

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