The date's over and you're driving home, agonizing over one question: "Will she really want a second date?"
Sure, you parted on good terms; the obligatory "I'll call you" probably passed somebody's lips, there may have been a couple smiles and even a hug. For about fifteen seconds, you were convinced you'd nailed it, that a second date wasn't only probable...it was goddamn inevitable. You were that good and there's no way she'll give you the cold shoulder, not after that stellar performance, which she'll gush about to her friends the instant she gets home.
After a minute in the car, though, the doubt starts to creep in. By the time you're lying in bed that night, you've convinced yourself of quite the opposite: Not only will you not get a second date but chances are, she won't even talk to you again.
Well, here are 5 ways to avoid the agony and doubt.
5. Make eye contact (but not too much!)
This is becoming harder and harder for the digital generation, which consists of individuals who are increasingly afraid of their own shadow. Psychology tells us that meeting someone's eyes is one of the most intensely emotional and personal acts humans can do, which is why it's essential in the dating process. The guy who can't make eye contact comes across as insecure or shifty (or both) and neither plucks at a female's heart strings.
Just remember, don't go overboard. Staring at her like a lunatic may trigger her built-in flight response. ;)
4. Smoooooth conversation
The art of conversation isn't necessarily dead but sometimes I feel it's at least on life support. Unfortunately, even those who believe they're conversational wizards actually turn out to be absolute train wrecks. They think talking a blue streak or simply remaining mute while the other person spins out a complete life story is, you know, "talent." The ebb and flow of good conversation is what makes it appealing and even intoxicating. Not only must the tonal quality shift about (naturally, mind you) but the topics should shift as well.
If it's getting a little dark - which can happen if you start discussing exes - tactfully shift gears to something brighter. If you're still on banal and trivial topics when the entree arrives, it's time to take things up a notch. But a notch; don't climb the entire damn ladder all at once.
3. Find the common ground
I know "opposites attract" can be an accurate maxim but for the most part, you really need to be more alike than not. During your pre-date conversation on the phone, you probably were smart enough to determine the lack of major red flags or deal-breakers; had you spotted any, you wouldn't be on the date, right? Well, now's the time to dig into what both of you enjoy, what you agree upon, etc, because this facilitates closeness. Here's a great chance to get her to laugh, especially if you hit on something that most people don't like, but both of you do. On top of which, she'll appreciate your interest in her interests.
And by the way, if you haven't figured it out already, this is a springboard to future encounters. "Oh, you like hiking? Me too, I love it! We should plan one."
2. You're attracted without being overtly sexual, you're interested without being obsessed, you're close without being all over her, you're...obvious and mysterious at the same damn time
Okay, so it's a challenge. It might take some practice. This is the art of body language and non-verbal communication, though not necessarily seduction. A first date really is no place for seduction, in point of fact; it is, however, the perfect opportunity to convey your interest in her without sending the wrong message or making the wrong impression. You touch her arm or shoulder occasionally but you're not awkwardly trying to hold hands. You're intrigued by her stories but you're not begging for sequels. You're taking her coat, holding her chair, opening the car door, etc, but your hands are all sorts of appropriate, and your actions are simple, smooth, and not ambiguous in the slightest.
At the end of the date, her mind should be filled with the possibilities of being with you.
1. Shy? No. Cocky? Nah. CONFIDENT. Oh yeaaaaaah.
Confidence will always be #1. I'm sorry, shy guys, but it's just the way of the world. However, let me add that far too many people mistake confidence for cockiness. Shy guys always say things like, "oh, what am I supposed to do, just act alpha all night?" No, that's cockiness and generally a colossal turnoff for most women (well, most non-frat girls, at any rate). Or the insecure man will say, "I'll look and sound stupid if I start bragging or acting all tough." Again, that's cocky. And stupid, I might add.
Confidence is simply you being you. That's what confidence is. There are no masks or acts or veils in the realm of confidence; the instant you start hiding behind something, or inventing something, you've left confidence behind. We all have flaws and we've all got problems. Insecure, nervous, extremely shy people can't accept them, believe they'll be mocked if they simply put it on the table in front of another human and go, "this is me."
Yeah, well, do it anyway. Not only is it immensely attractive (and you don't have to take my word for it; just ask any woman), but it also sets the stage for a successful relationship. Why? Well, because masks, hiding, acting, etc, has no place in such a connection, of course. ;)
One final test:
If I end this myTake by saying, "Class dismissed," is that confident or cocky?
It's confident if that's who I am. If I believe I'm a dating or love guru of sorts, and I honestly think I could teach Will Smith's character in "Hitch" a thing or two, then yes, it's confident. Otherwise, no, it's cocky because it's an act, a facade. And in my case, it is indeed nothing but an act and hence, inanely cocky. :)
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