Top 5 Things Guys Can Do to Guarantee a Second Date

The date's over and you're driving home, agonizing over one question: "Will she really want a second date?"

Sure, you parted on good terms; the obligatory "I'll call you" probably passed somebody's lips, there may have been a couple smiles and even a hug. For about fifteen seconds, you were convinced you'd nailed it, that a second date wasn't only probable...it was goddamn inevitable. You were that good and there's no way she'll give you the cold shoulder, not after that stellar performance, which she'll gush about to her friends the instant she gets home.

After a minute in the car, though, the doubt starts to creep in. By the time you're lying in bed that night, you've convinced yourself of quite the opposite: Not only will you not get a second date but chances are, she won't even talk to you again.

Well, here are 5 ways to avoid the agony and doubt.

5. Make eye contact (but not too much!)

This is becoming harder and harder for the digital generation, which consists of individuals who are increasingly afraid of their own shadow. Psychology tells us that meeting someone's eyes is one of the most intensely emotional and personal acts humans can do, which is why it's essential in the dating process. The guy who can't make eye contact comes across as insecure or shifty (or both) and neither plucks at a female's heart strings.

Just remember, don't go overboard. Staring at her like a lunatic may trigger her built-in flight response. ;)

4. Smoooooth conversation

The art of conversation isn't necessarily dead but sometimes I feel it's at least on life support. Unfortunately, even those who believe they're conversational wizards actually turn out to be absolute train wrecks. They think talking a blue streak or simply remaining mute while the other person spins out a complete life story is, you know, "talent." The ebb and flow of good conversation is what makes it appealing and even intoxicating. Not only must the tonal quality shift about (naturally, mind you) but the topics should shift as well.

If it's getting a little dark - which can happen if you start discussing exes - tactfully shift gears to something brighter. If you're still on banal and trivial topics when the entree arrives, it's time to take things up a notch. But a notch; don't climb the entire damn ladder all at once.

3. Find the common ground

I know "opposites attract" can be an accurate maxim but for the most part, you really need to be more alike than not. During your pre-date conversation on the phone, you probably were smart enough to determine the lack of major red flags or deal-breakers; had you spotted any, you wouldn't be on the date, right? Well, now's the time to dig into what both of you enjoy, what you agree upon, etc, because this facilitates closeness. Here's a great chance to get her to laugh, especially if you hit on something that most people don't like, but both of you do. On top of which, she'll appreciate your interest in her interests.

And by the way, if you haven't figured it out already, this is a springboard to future encounters. "Oh, you like hiking? Me too, I love it! We should plan one."

2. You're attracted without being overtly sexual, you're interested without being obsessed, you're close without being all over her, you're...obvious and mysterious at the same damn time

Okay, so it's a challenge. It might take some practice. This is the art of body language and non-verbal communication, though not necessarily seduction. A first date really is no place for seduction, in point of fact; it is, however, the perfect opportunity to convey your interest in her without sending the wrong message or making the wrong impression. You touch her arm or shoulder occasionally but you're not awkwardly trying to hold hands. You're intrigued by her stories but you're not begging for sequels. You're taking her coat, holding her chair, opening the car door, etc, but your hands are all sorts of appropriate, and your actions are simple, smooth, and not ambiguous in the slightest.

At the end of the date, her mind should be filled with the possibilities of being with you.

1. Shy? No. Cocky? Nah. CONFIDENT. Oh yeaaaaaah.

Confidence will always be #1. I'm sorry, shy guys, but it's just the way of the world. However, let me add that far too many people mistake confidence for cockiness. Shy guys always say things like, "oh, what am I supposed to do, just act alpha all night?" No, that's cockiness and generally a colossal turnoff for most women (well, most non-frat girls, at any rate). Or the insecure man will say, "I'll look and sound stupid if I start bragging or acting all tough." Again, that's cocky. And stupid, I might add.

Confidence is simply you being you. That's what confidence is. There are no masks or acts or veils in the realm of confidence; the instant you start hiding behind something, or inventing something, you've left confidence behind. We all have flaws and we've all got problems. Insecure, nervous, extremely shy people can't accept them, believe they'll be mocked if they simply put it on the table in front of another human and go, "this is me."

Yeah, well, do it anyway. Not only is it immensely attractive (and you don't have to take my word for it; just ask any woman), but it also sets the stage for a successful relationship. Why? Well, because masks, hiding, acting, etc, has no place in such a connection, of course. ;)

One final test:

If I end this myTake by saying, "Class dismissed," is that confident or cocky?

It's confident if that's who I am. If I believe I'm a dating or love guru of sorts, and I honestly think I could teach Will Smith's character in "Hitch" a thing or two, then yes, it's confident. Otherwise, no, it's cocky because it's an act, a facade. And in my case, it is indeed nothing but an act and hence, inanely cocky. :)


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What Girls Said 11

  • 3mo

    Can't disagree with any of this!

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  • 3mo

    Good myTake. :)

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  • 2mo

    Pay the diner.

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  • 3mo

    I agree with most, and perhaps I'm old fashioned (47 years old) but if I guy doesn't tell me to text/call him so he knows I made it home ok... he won't get a 2nd date. So that's on the list for me too.

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  • 3mo

    One thing I've noticed is that a lot of guys just have a hard time being themselves because they're so nervous. Be yourself enough to where you reveal your personality the girl can get to know you. Otherwise you're just like another frog in the book

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  • 3mo

    Well said. Good mytake💟

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  • 3mo

    And pay for the date LMAO

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    • 3mo

      I'd think that goes without saying, but it really doesn't these days haha. But yeah, if you want a second date, pay for the damn first one. Duh

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    • 1mo

      @SarahsSummer No you're just too fucking dumb honestly. All I can say is that I hope I don't grow to be as fat as you are.

    • 1mo

      @SarahsSummer
      Er my gosh you guys! Haha ease down on the scrappin. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Wether it be accurate or not, it's prolly gonna change over time anyways

  • 3mo

    Thoughts on this matter please.
    Assuming that the first date is the result of a long phone call relationship, can we assume that this couple would have better odds of hitting it off and scoring a second compared to the couple who has not really established a chat history?

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    • 3mo

      i would agree completely. phone call history is a requirement. i'm not taking a girl out based on how she LOOKS alone if i actually want to see her. And if i just want to fuck her, I'm not taking her out to dinner lol, fuck that-maybe drinks. if the phone call shows a connection-you bet, i want a real date and that definitely works. connection on phone leads to a great date usually.

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    • 3mo

      i think it is. I've been on many dates.. but never connected like it was perfect til now. refuse to compromise and he'll appear :)

    • 3mo

      ie refuse to compromise on WHAT YOU WANT, but of course it should match what you give...

  • 3mo

    Spot on

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  • 3mo

    Yeah I'd agree with this take. I will say tho that most of the things you can't really "do". They just "are".

    A guy can't make the conversation flow. If the chemistry is there, it will just happen.

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    • 3mo

      I agree with you! You either can or can't make conversation flow and be natural

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    • 3mo

      I agree with @Fathoms77. I could have total chemistry with a girl and easily still manage to have the roughest comversation ever. There's definitely a skill there and I simply don't have it yet. Workin on it though

    • 3mo

      mostly true... but you can certainly read cues and roll with what works, jump when things don't etc... ie read your audience, but ya-it's gotta be real and real means it just happens that way or it doesn't. good point

  • 3mo

    Be nice, ask questions, show some humor (if that's you), don't go dark and negative and ask about sex/be creepy.

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What Guys Said 20

  • 3mo

    Good style, good content. Ends with just enough self-deprecating humor to tell us that the author is not all ego. I'll give it five stars!

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  • 2mo

    To all of those guys that talk about how important it is to pay for everything on the first date or to be a gentleman. Just bear in mind that many of those same women have at some point, received a late night text from a man and have gone over to his place for some fun. What ever way you look at it, you are only dating her to convince her of something. Why didn't the other guy need to do that?

    So all of you guys going on about paying and being a gentleman are just being taken for fools. In this day and age of hookups, promiscuity and double standards, not to mention the ''I'm an independent and powerful woman (but only when it suits me) that wants equality'', there is no longer anything worth paying for.

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  • 3mo

    good i'll keep that in mind when i'll get to the first

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  • 3mo

    And don't call her a dirty whore when she's giving you the end-of-date blowjob. On a first date, women like to be seen as a good girl and hard to get. Let her think you respect her and shit.

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  • 3mo

    I mean if you have any chemistry it will be evident and she will want a second date if you do. But if you seem like you're stressing it, she'll probably feel that too. Women are fickle, they can sense insecurity. If you aren't naturally confident, then I think it would complicate matters. You almost have to play a mind game with her.

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  • 3mo

    F--k her right in the pussy.

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    • 3mo

      Or in the ass and then in the face. Then make sure she doesn't try to hijack it for 18 years of indentured servitude and financial rapage.

  • 3mo

    You forgot probably the most important top 5. Cover all the bills for that night

    Most women go home thinking it didn't go as smooth because he didn't pay

    One girl told me she judges how her date has went by if he covers the bill Or doesn't. Im sure she's not alone

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  • 3mo

    I don't know if guarantee is the right word but they do help.

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  • 3mo

    And i farted thats 6.

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  • 3mo

    Im confident and well hung so I don't worry about the need for a second date I just slap my large and thick meat pole out on the table and then its back to mine for desert, why would I want a second date when bitches can't resist a booty call

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  • 3mo

    And 6) be yourself and if girl doesn't like you for that, its her fault. you're handsome , don't read butthurt women on here. Most of them sad and lonely and make up shit on intetnet and probably gonna downvote this

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  • 3mo

    About that confidence, that was necessary :) Glad I'm officially confirmed confident now hehe.

    About that "act alpha" thing, that was also very true ^^ I personally see that as being insecure.

    Aaaand of course the paying is, which makes the real deal for a second date. It's almost inevitable I guess.

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  • 3mo

    good mytake.

    i'd add - read signals. you must know your audience. if she's nervous, you make her comfortable by smiling and doing most of the conversation work. if she's excited about a topic-roll on that topic. be natural, but effective and the most important thing is-make it FUN. girls love to laugh...

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  • 3mo

    So confidence is basically being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be such? I like this outlook. I'd never thought of it that way before.

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    • 3mo

      kind of-it DOES mean you can be you and you're not scared but proud of that. it means you're "take me or leave me, but this is me". But if you are confident, that's just it-you're not really vulnerable. because if she DID reject you, it wouldn't phase you. it means YOU define you, and you're proud of who you are and can warmly share that with her with minimal fear ABOUT rejection. it also means you're comfortable enough WITH yourself that you can engage HER and who SHE is while offering yourself.

    • 3mo

      @feminismisnarcissism Ohhh, I see. Yeah, I like that. XD

  • 3mo

    Yea, and I'd need to get a first date first. Something which would never happen, lol.

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  • 3mo

    "4. Smoooooth conversation" This is where I always mess up :(

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    • 3mo

      Women can't conversate for shit outside of lame social trends/irrevalent minutia. Try to get them to pry their God aka the smart phone out of their hand.

  • 3mo

    Too bad i dont know what to say or do.. But at least i am not so ugly, girls usually just come up to me and i just take them home after some drinks ayee

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  • 3mo

    Oh man paying for the date was not included here...

    Uh oh, open the flood gates, the tides of butthurt are about to blow!

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    • 3mo

      WOOOOOOOOOOOooooooshhhhhhh came the entitled gold digging princesses expecting free meals :P :)

      But for reals, in my opinion the one, who organized the date is usually the one, who is supposed to pay and you can take turns, or you can always go on cheap/free dates, which I highly would advise.

    • 3mo

      @Unit1 I have always gone on free dates. It's 2016, I ain't paying for anyones' food =P

    • 3mo

      Hi-Five ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)/

  • 3mo

    Totally disagree. You can like a tool and get away with it.

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    • 3mo

      Totally disagreeing meanings that this wouldn't guarantee a second date.
      Another method getting a second date sometimes would not disagree with this.

  • 3mo

    Got a question tough. Once I saw a post (not even sure if that's true or not) saying that the japanese believed everybody has 3 faces, one we show the world, another we show to people we trust, and our true face/identity. Even tough it's probably BS, I thought the idea to be pretty accurate. How deep should I go with your "be yourself and confident about it" advice? I mean, I think everybody tried actually being themselves at least once, and in all likeability you end up showing deffects and weaknesses that will destroy your entire attractiveness...

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    • 3mo

      I mean it's a concept that's been pretty well established in psychology. I mean, we all act different (for the most part) when we deal with friends vs strangers vs alone... Like, I don't call my parents cocksuckers nearly as much as I do with my friends. I'm gonna blast that new 1d song by myself, but sure as shit won't tell anyone else 😂 ... Anyways, it's has more to do with how comfortable you personally are than, what level you should be at in terms of how you act towards your date. No one likes everything about a person so it's a bit more nuanced and feeling out the person you're interacting with

      For example, you might think farts are funny, but you probably have enough common sense to know not to fart around her. And if you want a sure fire way of making sure she clicks with you, just ask her the most basic open ended questions imaginable. That way, you don't have to risk turning her off and she's telling you everything she finds interesting... She's basically doing all the work

    • 3mo

      And I was kidding about the 1d thing... Or was I? 🤔

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