Tall Girl Dates Short Guy, And...

Tall Girl Dates Short Guy

From my dating history, one could gather that I'm pretty open minded when it comes to who I date. I have not been one of those, he has to be this race, or he had to go to this college, or has to to have this color hair as automatic disqualifies because I always felt that if we have a connection or some spark or whatever people like to call it, that that should be what leads to a date or relationship, not some arbitrary list of skin color, hair color, eye color, or in this case, height and so I've dated just about every race, I've dated the chubby guy, the skinny guy, the disabled guy, the rich guy, the poor guy, what have you. I hate to compare guys to a plate of food, but you can't really know if you like or dislike someone or something until you actually give it a chance...and so as a tall woman, I took the opportunity to date a short guy because there was that spark there.

I was introduced to *Alton, at a work function. When I stood up from my table to shake his hand, his head was a few inches below my shoulder level. He was well dressed and had a brilliant smile and it was soon quite apparent he could control a room with his humor because our table spent half the event laughing and hearing some great stories from him. I just thought this guy was pretty cool, but I mean, it was a work thing, and I wasn't really going there with my dating hat on, so if anything any interactions between us were strictly professional and platonic.

About a month later, we happened to meet up again via a company charity event. His company was there alongside mine, and as before, he was the same person cracking everyone up, except this time, we had one on one time because everyone left to go on the charity walk and we were left manning the tables together. I felt a flicker of something, but again, the situation being work related, there are just lines you don't want to cross just in case feelings aren't mutual.

Well, that professionalism lasted until after the event was over and Alton offered to take me to lunch. I was starving and accepted happily especially knowing we could keep a good conversation going, and the lunch proved that. Over the next few months we kept working together and growing closer, but I got the sense we were thinking the same thing...like we get along and all, and there is attraction there, but what about this physical difference. I'd never dated a short guy, or at least one with such a pronounced height difference, and from what I learned later, he'd never even thought to approach or ask out a tall girl for fear of automatic rejection which he'd experienced a lot of in his younger days on account of his height. I got bored with the what ifs, and me being me, I just flat out asked him after so many run-ins, and work things, if he was interested in me and soon after, our dating life began in earnest.

(Long Sigh....)

I learned pretty quickly that everyone is apparently cool with you when they think you're just friends or co-workers. Alton is a good guy they said, Alton is funny they said, Alton is great with his family, they said, blah, blah, blah, but date Alton when you're taller than him and it's apparently something that friends, family, people that worked with us, and perfectly rude strangers, just could not wrap their heads around. You want to taste what it's like to be a celebrity for a few minutes, walk down a sidewalk as a tall woman holding hands with your much shorter boyfriend or go in for a kiss. The jaw dropping stares, the comments we could both hear that weren't so whispered, and then the people who outright would make rude jokes to us as if neither of us had feelings whether they knew us or not became relentless.

I think we were both used to the usual jokes and bullying we got about our own heights respectively, but to get it doubly and more routinely and seemingly every single day we encountered someone new when we were together was a lot because I don't care what anyone says about that whole sticks and stones thing, words do hurt sometimes. They really do. You ignore a lot. You let a lot of stuff go, you fight back on occasion, but it sucks to see your partner is experiencing it or them seeing you going through it.

Alton was trying hard and so was I to just focus on ourselves and our own happiness and we were trying to ignore everything around us, but I think for me I was feeling like something was left out almost. It was so ingrained in me to date this variety of people...and yet, there was this qualifier that I didn't consciously realize that I did have that I had pretended didn't exist, that the guys I dated, be tall. It had been a large portion of the bullying I'd experienced in my younger days where so many people made it seem like the only hope I had of every being in any type of relationship was if that other person was taller than me and society re-enforces this over and over and over again.

Things just weren't working out between us. As a short man, Alton felt almost like he had enough problems in the world without the added headache of people calling him my child, or asking how exactly we "did it," or saying they wanted him to stand on a chair so we could be in the same frame for pictures. He just wanted to be 'a man' again, and not be treated more so like a boy by everyone on account of his height. Both of our egos were there and we both allowed them to be crushed, and so we sort of just faded out.

I've since gone back to dating taller men and, Alton, shorter women. We remain good friends, but we just couldn't make it work as a couple with our differences. You don't think superficial things should get in the way, but it happens to a lot of couples. People will judge you for whatever reason and for a lot of so called "mismatched" couples, you have to be so much stronger than all the noise. I think society is so much more accepting now of so many different types of matches, but the height thing still really bothers people and I guess the two of us were really no different.

I don't know if I'll ever date another guy that short again or if Alton would a tall girl. The door on that for me I'd say is only half-way shut because every person is different and you just never know in life, what may come your way, but the whole relationship was definitely an eye opening one.


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What Guys Said 25

  • 2mo

    I've always said guys who refuse to date women who are taller than them are just being insecure. However, being 6'3, I don't really have any experience with dating a taller woman... I don't THINK I'd have a problem with it but I really can't be sure.

    One of my exes was 5'9, which is pretty tall for a girl, and she always said she had to stop dating guys shorter than her because they all had Napoleon complexes. :P

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    • 2mo

      try to find a 7'0 feet tall girl and ask her out

    • 2mo

      Yeah man at 6'5 I don't think I'd want a girl taller than me, that would be weird on a few levels.

  • 2mo

    You should feel free to date whoever you want. If you don't want to date someone shorter, that's okay too. Don't listen to the people who say that you're limiting your dating pool or whatever. I don't understand why people have to judge other people's preferences like it's their business. Like I don't want to date a girl who is under 5'5" because that's way too short for me, not because I know that there will be people questioning why I date someone half my size. I've been bullied for my height and I know what that feels like. Either way I'm going to get judged for who I date, what I look like, and what I do.

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  • 2mo

    Your story is interesting. I'm 5'8" and I've gone out with girls ranging from 5'1" to 6'3". I'm concerned about the face and the curves than the height. I actually think tall women are usually pretty, for a female to be a runway model the minimum height is are 5'11". I found that as long as you're assertive and self confident the women usually respond well. As for what people thought? We got some looks, but I thought that was dope because they were hot and I was proud of her. Guys usually wanted to know how I pulled it off. Women were haters, but I think they were jealous. But that was normal to me, girls tend to not get along with prettier girls. Either way I couldn't have cared less. I think that my attitude in treating the relationship as there was nothing abnormal. In my experience the tall girl fed off of my confidence and didn't care either. But for the short-tall relationship to work the guy has to be assertive and confident. You can't act like your intimidated by her height because she can sense your apprehension and what do you think she's gonna feel?

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  • 2mo

    interesting

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  • 2mo

    How tall are you?

    I'm weird compared to most guys, because for whatever reason I seem to really like women much taller than myself (I've posted that sentiment on GAG multiple times). I realize that I'm in the minority, though.

    The experiences of you and your ex pretty well underscore what everybody already knows: most men like shorter women, and most women like taller men. We don't have to like that truth or enjoy it, but that's the way things are, and relationships are easier if they follow said format. It takes special people to reject these norms, and, honestly, most individuals won't go against them.

    I've been around a decent number of women who had 9+ inches on me, and it didn't bother me any, because I'm already a very peculiar person who's accustomed to raising eyebrows and doing my own thing. However, putting aside my own feelings, I realized early on that these ladies would not have been comfortable with a man whose head barely reached their shoulders (or breasts in one's case), and I respected that. No matter how attracted I was to them, I couldn't guilt someone into liking me; it's manipulative and will yield only failure and regret.

    Having said all this, in trying relationships like a S. M. T. W. arrangement, overcoming adversities and challenges will often make a couple grow closer and stronger as they go through life together. Sticking with it shows dedication and perseverance. It's all a matter of how much you want the relationship to work.

    Of course, I can't tell you how to live your life, and you probably already knew this stuff, but I figured that I'd share my thoughts.

    And, lastly, for perspective I typically include the following photo in height questions, because it illustrates everything much more effectively than words can. When I say that I like much taller women, here's what I mean:

    c8.staticflickr.com/.../12007915495_05be0fbe57.jpg

    I'm that dude's size, and the girl is 6'6". I've been in a couple of situations like that, and I thoroughly enjoy it. I realize that most guys wouldn't, though.

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  • 2mo

    everyone has preferences, but I believe for the girls, if they were a bit taller than its ok, but NOT by 5 inches and stuff, it wouldn't look good but its also wrong to insult them, they are free to be together and I wish any couple good, as for me, I am 5 foot 9, and I prefer girls anywhere between 5'1-5-9. 90% of girls are in that range anyway.

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  • 2mo

    Well that's pretty messed up. I'm not a short guy, but I wouldn't stand for that social abuse if I were.

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    • 2mo

      That's a nice thing to say and imagine you'd do, but you can't fight everybody all the time.

    • 2mo

      On the flip side, you don't need everyone's approval either. I don't, even short I'd be a pretty angry mofo if you trashed me for my height around my girlfriend.

  • 2mo

    never heard about the L rule?
    the tallest he his the shortest the D
    the shorter he gets the longest the D

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  • 2mo

    It's biology. Women are attracted to strong men, and men feel stronger with shorter women. Sure, height isn't the only factor and women can be attracted to guys that aren't taller than they are, and men can feel strong and masculine with women who are taller than they are, but it is less likely.

    So sure, if you know a person's personality and you really like them, then their height doesn't matter that much. BUT, if you're in a room full of strangers, then the men are going to be most attracted to the shorter women and the women the taller men.

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  • 2mo

    I'm a short guy and I get no love! :(

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  • 2mo

    I am 5'6 and 170lbs. My fiancée is 6'3 and 290lbs.

    Her height and weight are the least of my concerns and we couldn't give two shits what other people think.

    Nothing emasculating about it either and she is also 7 years older than me.

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  • 2mo

    that super tall girl in red bikini is so hot facially and in body proportions too, she is a 6'8'' brazilian woman and she is actually really good looking

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  • 2mo

    I'm good with a gal being to about 5'8" since I'm 5'4" and would like to be able to kiss her without standing on something (your first pix made me chuckle) or asking her to bend down when the mood arises.

    Good take

    Any thoughts on www.match.com/.../ ?

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  • 2mo

    Can't date a short guy because of "bullying..." whelp

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  • 2mo

    Some people have preferences

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    • 2mo

      It is no secret that women in particular tend to like tall guys. As a society we have conditioned them from their first Disney movie to understand that, but I decided to try and date a guy a lot shorter than me, and it didn't work out. Perhaps it is official that now I know I prefer tall guys if I didn't already know it before. :)

    • 2mo

      Yeah that's good! :)

  • 2mo

    That's kinda true, but let's face it, lots of tall girls can't find the proper guy amongst most of the tall guys. Short guys will respect them more ;)

    cdn.totalsororitymove.com/.../...adc4553568923.jpg

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    • 2mo

      If they are out there, they certainly haven't asked me out or even approached me. Even Alton did not officially ask to start dating, I did. I've had some good relationships with tall guys, not because they were tall, but because they were good guys. Height, short, or tall, doesn't make you a better or worse person no more than hair, eye color, or race does.

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    • 2mo

      @Jeeevan Of course I do :D

    • 2mo

      Wrahahaha! What a pic!

  • 2mo

    I have always been one that says "Don't let others dictate what you should like". Doesn't matter if it is dating, music, clothes, shoes, food, whatever. Life sucks bad enough and you need to make yourself as happy as you can.
    For me, I don't want a woman that is taller then me. I just can't see myself ever dating someone I have to look up to. But admittedly, if I really hit it off, I am betting I would. Now I am 6' 3" so the chances of that happening are very slim. For myself, I think the perfect height for a woman is 5' 7" to 5' 10". Since my unwanted divorce however, I seem to only find short women. Most of the women I have dated in the last 2 years have been 5'1" to 5'4". Honestly, 5'1" is too short for me. It was a little weird.

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    • 2mo

      A lot of people like to claim height doesn't matter, but if you look at their relationships, especially women, they have only dated taller, and men, only shorter. That's not just all coincidence or circumstance b/c obviously there are great tall women, and great short guys out there that are on the dating scene. On the same token though, I agree if what you have is strong enough, it won't matter about all the rest because society can be a big mean old jerk a lot of the times.

      It's all about experiences and learning as you live because I'd never had the experience of dating shorter, and now I know and maybe I simply don't like it. That whole, its "my preference." Add to that, no other short guys have ever approached me and asked me out before including Alton, b/c I brought it up officially, only taller guys, so long run, if I'm happy, I'm happy and as friends, I know Alton is too, so I'm good with that. Thanks for your comments.

  • 2mo

    Lol at women making up stories to justify only wanting tall men.

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  • 2mo

    Tall girls are seriously hot. Being 5'11.5 I'd date taller ;p

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  • 2mo

    Both of you are mentally weak people who allow society and others to determine how you live your lives.

    Yes stick with taller men and this Alton can stick with shorter women since you're both insecure in your own bodies and can't handle a bit of heat from a society that is riddled with morons.

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What Girls Said 13

  • 2mo

    My boyfriend is (at 14) 6'1" and I'm 5'4" and we get a lot of stares, not only because of the height difference, but he's Asian, I'm white, so there's that as well, and he's this really happy-go-lucky, clean-cut prep who listens to pop and EDM and I'm a emo/punk who wears black all the time and generally is on the negative or neutral end of the emotional spectrum.

    The stares sucks, because we're getting stared at and no one likes getting stared at, but hey, you only need to flip off so many people and glare at so many others before people leave you alone.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah, I'm not really in the business of flipping people off. That can be dangerous too if you do it to the wrong person, but I know there are a lot of couples that get this kind of treatment just for being who they are.

    • 2mo

      Yeah, I live in a town full of rich people, who, if you banged two of their heads together, would come up with less than a full brain between the two of them, so I' m pretty safe in that regard. They're also mildly scared of me, so that helps.

  • 2mo

    Interesting take.
    In my time dating a guy who's not only shorter than me, but also not the same race, one thing I've come to realize is that society will always find a way to hate on your relationship if it doesn't perfectly fit the idealized, cookie-cutter mold. In the end, though, the relationship is between you and your s/o, not you two and society. It's a matter of learning how to not shaft either of your insecurities/inferiority complexes onto the negative judgement of others.

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  • 2mo

    Oh my god this take is exactly what I don't want to go through. There's. A guy whose the nicest being someone I'd defntly date but can't coz he's short

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  • 2mo

    blah blah im a victim lol

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    • 2mo

      you are, sorry to hear that :)

  • 2mo

    God, this is so sad. It's so bad that people feel they can comment or laugh at these kinds of superficial differences. Like you'd never openly do that (unless everybody you knew was scum) if it were race and laugh point and whisper about say an Asian girl with a white guy or something, so why do people feel it's ok to do so about something like height which can be helped as much as your race can be.
    So sad you guys broke up over this. People are nasty.

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  • 2mo

    men should always be taller no matter what

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  • 2mo

    When things bother you, it is ususally about you. Does that male sense? If people look at me weird because my guy is chinese the only reason it bothers me is because of me...

    I do think people have preferences. And i dont think you have to ignore them and say you are attracted to someone physically who doesn't have those traits. That doesn't make you bad if you find short guys unattractive. The bad part is when someone you find attractive is less so because of anothers opinion. Know the difference

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  • 2mo

    My husband is about 3 inches shorter than me (I'm about 6'2", he's about 5'11"). And, I'm an absolutely inveterate shoe whore -- girl we're talking 5-6" heels EVERYWHERE, with the gym as pretty much the sole exception -- so, in public I'm almost always standing a full head over him.

    And... you know what? Doesn't matter even a tiny fraction of a shadow of a shit.
    Next to that boy, I feel like a teeny tiny little bitty little girl.

    ... And, believe me, other people pick up on this.
    We've been together for the better part of 17 years, and married for 15 1/2 years... and I can't remember ANYONE so much as casting a derogatory glance in our direction.
    Much less actually daring to say anything aloud.

    Srsly. Seventeen years... and exactly 0 people have ever had a smart-ass or mean-spirited remark to spare about our height difference.
    They just know better, I suppose.
    <3

    If I had to guess, I'd guess that he -- and *maybe* you -- just happened to be broadcasting underlying insecurities about the height difference, more clearly than you thought you were... and that others simply picked up on those signals.

    Eh. You live you learn.

    I actually LIKE the fact that my husband is shorter -- like, I'm actually MORE turned on by his sheer presence, because he gives no fucks about the height difference. Basically, it makes his incredible *presence* -- and his sexual dominance -- even more authentic.
    In other words... That boy doesn't need any artificial "help" in the dominance department.
    <3

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  • 2mo

    People can do what they want. But I could never date a guy my height or shorter.

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  • 2mo

    Honestly, who the fuck cares. If someone was making fun of me for dating a guy shorter, I would have nized them on the spot. I refuse to let that shit be okay, it's just a height, it's just a number. I don't believe that should ever be a problem.

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  • 2mo

    Wait what?

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  • 2mo

    My boyfriend is only an inch or two taller than me and as a person who loves heels, I've pretty much reserved them for when I go out with friends or family. I can tell the height difference makes him uncomfortable so I've stopped wearing them. Other than that, I really don't mind that we're almost the same height. It does feel uncomfortable holding his hand or cuddling because we're basically the same size but we manage. I usually just hunch a little more or scoot down further on the couch/bed. Not sure how I'd feel about dating someone shorter than me because I'm already pretty short as is.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah, I've dated guys some 1-3 inches shorter than me before, but never like at my chest level, and had no issue with it, and most people barely noticed unless I was wearing heels which I love to do. I don't know how the super tall like athletes do it because logistically having to hunch all the time, like bending in half to kiss or to hug or sit down in order to have a conversation at a more comfortable eye level, would be very taxing.

  • 2mo

    My late mother was 5'9/5'10 and my dad is 5'3. People though that they were cute together. But when you love a person, non of that really matters. It can be challenging, but so is everything in this life.

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