Stop Being That “Nice Guy”, From a Former "Nice Guy" (Page 2)
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My exact feelings on the whole "Nice Guys" thing. Especially the revolving their life around women thing.
No no no! TF, I'm a nice guy, that's not something i can change and i would if i could
Name one damn nice thing he did... u can't!
He wasn't a nice guy! He was a annoying as hell little dude
I'm here cause us nice guys are tired of getting the shit dumped on them!
For an actual nice guy these accusations are little less than a slap in the face smh -_-
For a nice guy, you're getting pretty defensive, and insulting others? Not trying to imply anything but just think about that for a second.
What if I'm nice to you because you're nice to me? Agree though, revolving life around women is a very strange concept.
There's a difference between being "nice", and smothering. I don't think you need to see why being a nice guy is wrong, but rather what you are doing wrong as a nice guy. God forbid we have a militia of douche bags running around.
Wise beyond your years, heart_of_gold. And you managed to say it without saying condescending.
There's a reason why OP put "nice guy" in quotation marks. Google the term and you will see that this type of behaviour has become so common among men that it turned into somewhat a meme.
Thank-you @Bluemax, I get that a lot. Lol. And yeah @MaskedSanity, I'm not surprised.
I never do any of these things and Im still single, I mean I could live with it, I think finding a girlfriend is something that requires patience, a little luck, and a good social circle helps, truth be told it's not always the guys fault, nor the girls fault, people can't help what they are attracted to plus when you have a lot of options you tend to be pickier.
Stop worrying about it, being single is not a disease like you are referring to it as. and just live your life and focus on where you want to be at as far as your goals and plans go. You can’t depend on partner to bring you happiness you have to do that for yourself I am pretty sure that you have noticed that the guys that get the women are the ones that really don’t make a big deal out of it. Trust me the best thing to do is to stop trying.
Honestly I never talk about my dating life to anyone in real life (i keep it to my self) I am just stating my observation I have goals and its something I always work on bettering my self... having a good job, focusing on my studies and staying healthy... do I worry , sometimes but humans are social creatures.. it's man's nature to carry on his off spring for generations to come... but I always stay busy so I don't have to worry... I am thankful for life because it is a gift that can't be wasted..
THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS. I hate these little "mytakes" but your's was the best and probably only one worth reading. It's about time someone calls these "nice guys" out on their shit.
seriously! well said. you, sir, got it completely right. congrats! at least I know of one guy now who doesn't have his head completely shoved up his ass.
A lot of things you are spot on. Yes stop chasing women because the more you try and become obsessed the less you have a chance. Also there is little chance to change your stripes and once a creep you will stay a creep until you fix some deeper things in life.
It really takes some growing up and a sincere desire to recognize your faults and change them. That and setting some goals and getting things going in your life that develop confidence. It was a long road for me to change my way of thinking when it came to women but recognizing where your going wrong is the first step and that’s what I am trying to get across to as many guys as I can.
Sad thing is they have to learn things the hard way. And some people have to hit a bottom to change. Glad that you are living free from the drama and tension of not being confident and happy. Carpe diem pal. You got one chance at this short life. LIVE IT LARGE.
Interesting, although condescending to the point where some people will ignore your advice out of spite.
Im telling them what the need to hear, not what they want to hear
@Take Owner
"Im telling them what the need to hear, not what they want to hear"
It is possible to tell them what they need to hear without resorting to terms which are more likely to drive them away and make them defensive. Corsair777 is correct to point out your tone.
Yes we all know that nice guys finish last but can you define the difference between a good guy and nice guy in a statement, please?
A good guy is someone who is nice to people without expecting something in return. This person just likes being nice and doesn't try to use it as some pickup mechanism. A Nice Guy is the person who is only nice to potential love interests and thinks that those women owe him something because he is "being nice". While in reality he is a douche and those women don't owe him shit. Hope it helps.
@AdoringFan - Thank you so much :-)
AdoringFan you are spot on. I could not have said it better.
lol, people who think it's OK to be an asshole, are obviously assholes already... the thing is, you can be a nice guy, you just can't let her run all over you. Step up when you think you're being unfairly treated. If you don't, they'll continue to walk over you, and then eventually cheat because you're not
Well written take, being a 'nice guy' is a one way ticket to rejection and loneliness.
Yes it is, I have been there and done it, wish I could have snapped out of it sooner then I did.
There are so many guys that come to mind from reading this! Thank God for someone finally understanding and informing!
This is absolutely, 100% correct!!! I wish all those "nice guys" out there would please please read this!
I wrote this with the intention of reaching out to as many of them as I can.
I got a gf being a nice guy.
There are exceptions to everything @Xbox720guy , you seem to be one. Be happy, there are a lot of guys who aren't so fortune
Nice means fake. It's an insult if someone calls me nice.
So my response to that is a big fuck you. Wether your a woman or a man.
Fuck you I'm not nice at all, in fact I'd probaly kill you for money.
Wow I wish me and you were best buds.
We are probably best friends under the radar of nice guys' world.
I would say I am a nice guy and I am with someone I am going to be marrying next year. I just proved that nice guys can get a lady that loves him, cares about him, respects him, lo u al to him etc.
but it will take 31 years lol
Some it takes less time and others it may take longer. I have many exes so getting a girlfriend was not a problem for me. Before you go on about me being a nice guy being the reason none of them worked out let me tell you why. I was cheated on, lied to, one tried to use me, ditched plans we made on Monday that were for Friday for a friend who called an how before I would get home from work on Friday etc. Now I am very happy with the love of my life that I am with.
I am in the nice girl category.
An example. Just recently a so called (ex) friend took a guy's interest off me. Someone I was intimately involved with. She played the victim, manipulated situations to her advantage, even made comments to try pursuade me to try change how I felt about him (that did not work) and ended up being able to win him over.
I never chased the guy aggressively, like she did, used casual sex to get his attention the first night I met him, let him always come to me (we were friends after all) and never forced anything.
Just gobsmacked that guys fall for that and think that, that kind of girl is relationship material... More like 'instant relationship' material...
@Tiarra I do feel for you and believe you will find some who can not be taken from you. He will love you and care about you for who you are.
Being rejected isn't the problem but being led on is.
That being said, there's a huge difference between genuinely nice and then being "nice" in order to expect stuff in return. Sadly people lump those two together.
The issue is that for whatever reason, plenty of guys seem to see just being pleasant and friendly as somehow leading them on. If a woman acts in a way that she thinks is friendly, but the guy thinks is "leading him on," who is at fault? It's all about perspective.
I think its more than perspective; guys and girls just do not seem to be obvious with their intentions a lot of times.
Nope, I'm talking about legitimately leading a guy on. There's a difference between a girl talking to a guy and being polite and friendly and then there's flirting a guy and leading him on, giving false hope.
For example, there was a girl who flirted with me at a party who came up to me and wanted me to go to this party with her and then later on I asked her if she wanted to go outside for a smoke and then she said no, but you should come to my apartment later. Later on, I saw her a week ago and she pretended to not know me and acted like I was a creep for liking her. That's bullshit.
Another time there was this girl I talked to off POF. We talked to for a week on the site, then I texted her and asked her if she wanted to meet up the next day. She said im sick but I could really use a cute cuddlebuddy right now. Then a day or 2 later, she blew me off and quit talking to me altogether.
What's worse is when a girl leads you on, when they initiate it, and when you like them back
and make a subtle move, they ditch you and act like you're creepy for liking them.
Bottom line is if you're gonna flirt with a guy and lead him on, don't be surprised if he likes you back.
Know what I mean? I don't think this is the same as a guy who thinks he's entitled to a girl because he was nice or if she was nice and friendly to him.
As the saying goes... you attract more women, when you're not TRYING to attract women in the first place.
Well written Take. Cheers!
Thanks professor, you cleared the things fairly well :)
@YourFutureEx im speaking from experience, I seem to get the most positive attention from women, when i'm not TRYING to pick up women, and just going on about my daily life.
It's a strange paradox to understand... but it is what it is. :-P
I am just getting rich and getting sex workers. Its just easier... If there was ever such thing as love, it was not created for some.
I was thinking to post similar post but u did it better
Between the stupid guy and the good guy small difference
So pretty much do nothing?
Seems like giving up, guys want women for a reason and that is to satisfy their urges. A hobby can only do so much, sex is a biological need and I'm not planning on getting a hooker.
Well with that way of thinking you are setting yourself up for much dissapointment. No one said to give up or get a hooker, just stop being up their ass, bothering them all the time, being a jerk and doing the behaviors I have mentioned. I am pretty sure you have noticed that the guys that get the girls, whether it’s just for a casual encounter or for an actual relationship are the guys that really don’t make that big of a deal out of it and have other things going for them.
The reason they are able to get the girls is because they have practice and understand how women think. So far my attempts have been unsuccessful and I'm trying to figure out what it is that they do and how they do it that makes it so easy for them. Girls rarely approach guys and when they do they tend to be unattractive.
So the whole wait and they will come doesn't seem to be working for me. I need results in the short term not 5-10 years from now.
I can really tell you are so much the typical "nice guy”. There you go with the sense of entitlement when you say you need a girlfriend, it’s just like I said no one owes you anything. The guys that you are referring don’t have any kind of special skills or super powers like you like to think, they don’t practice anything to pick up women. The thing that sets them apart from the “nice guy” like you and how I used to be is that they are confident and sure of themselves. They have things going for them and know what they want and go for it. They don’t let rejection wound their pride. If you want to attract the ladies then you need to be confident, what builds confidence, having plans and goals for your life, getting out and doing things. So focus on yourself and getting where you want to be at in your life, once I started doing that and gained some confidence that is when women started taking a notice to me and things changed.
If you carry on thinking women require some voodoo rain dance bullshit to figure out how "women think", you will always fall flat on your face.
Women are not a different species that require some kind of special approach.
The day you stop treating us like these mysterious creatures and start seeing us as PEOPLE is when you will start seeing results.
Women and men are different. Yes they are both human but if I treat as I would any guy then I get friend zoned.
Bullshit.
Why do you need to put up a show to attract a woman? If you can't be yourself around her, she's not worth dating. Think about it, at some point when you two get deeper into the relationship, both yours and her true colours will start to show and that's where most couple fights come from.
Be chilled, relaxed and YOURSELF. Put up a show and you'll have to do that for the rest of that relationship, if you want to keep it alive.
Living a lie does not bring anyone happiness.
I get that but how do I attract girls in the beginning?
The whole be yourself and confidence is key is a load of bs it doesn't help while others out there are getting laid.
Eh. It's more just about looks in general and being talkative. So if you're good looking and you're talkative, you can get a girl. Bad and nice guy personas don't matter.
And if you are talkative and not good-looking? :P
It will be better than not being talkative