Misinterpretations: My revised thoughts on the dating world

Misinterpretations: My revised thoughts on the dating world.

I recently wrote a take titled "Things That Have No Place In The Dating World". After reading all the comments to that take it seems that how I meant it to be and how people took it to be, are very different. So, I thought I'd do a revised version of it and explain what that whole take was suppose to be about and describe how dating is for me.

People interrupted it as me saying "people shouldn't have preferences". I never said that, I even said in the end that "I know people have certain types their attracted to and I got that". So, how people thought I was hoping for a perfect world and said you can't be attracted to a certain type or want certain things, I don't know. Just because it's not that way for me, doesn't mean it isn't that way for other people. Because, I know it is. I accepted that. I don't agree with it. I do understand it though.

What my take was about, was the people who only go after a person for ONE specific thing and that's the only reason they go after them and date them. Like a woman that only dates a man BECAUSE he's tall, but that's the only reason. That's wrong to me, because you don't think after awhile that tall guy or even the chick with big breasts is going realize that if he wasn't tall and she didn't have big boobs that they would quite possible never get a date? Can you imagine how it would feel to only have someone dating you for physical characteristic alone and that's it, how sad would that be?

That take was also about the people who get having a conversation with someone and it's going great, they're attracted to them and connecting well but when they realize that person doesn't match the artist sketch in their head of what the perfect person for them should be like. They either never call them back or break up with them. That's wrong to me, because you just quite possibly ditched or broke up with the person that could have been right for you but since that person didn't match that sketch in your head you let them go. Sometimes what we think we want, is not what we're meant to end up with. So, that's why I think it's best to be open minded.

With that in mind, I want to a take a few minutes to explain how things with guys are for me.

For me, I don't have any preferences. I never have and I never will. For me it's more about a vibe or an aura I get from that person. Not what they look like or if we have every single thing in common. My best explaination to that is the guy at grocery store I once had a thing for, actually that guy is how I became a member of this site in the first place. Anyway, when I first saw him it was less than 5 sec glimpse of him walking through the store. I didn't see his face or know his name, but I felt drawn to him and thought "who's that?" It was like that for awhile I'd see glimpses of him and get that same feeling. Fast forward to when I finally saw his face and read his store name tag. The thing I noticed the most were his blue eyes. I thought they were really beautiful stare into their soul type eyes and I wanted to get to know him to see if his soul was as beautiful as his eyes. On and off for awhile we'd stare at each other, very intensly and based off all that and not knowing a thing about him and never spoken a word to him. I decided to write him a note, with hope of us getting to know each other and seeing were things could go. Whether he read the note or not, I don't know. He wasn't there the day I took it and I to had give it to another cashier who said "she'd put it with his pay check". Because, I also found out that day he quit and wouldn't be working there anymore. Even though nothing came of my note, that experience is the best way to explain how things are for me when it comes to guys and dating. I've been back to that store many times since then, that's were we shop for groceries the most. There's attractive guys there, but I honestly could care a less and I haven't felt that same thing for anybody at that store since him. Moral of this story is, it's not about looks for me it's about vibe.

As for the other stuff. The whole point of dating and entering into a relationship is to find someone you connect with on many levels. Sure, being compatible is helpful. But, being compatible doesn't mean having everything in common. Is doesn't mean liking all the same things, have the same hobbies, having all the same beliefs or political views, likeing the same foods, using the same brand tooth pastes, having the same life experiences, coming from the exact same family back ground (such as divorced, single or been together forever parents), etc, etc. I know this because I have people in my family who I've observed in my growing up years (especially my own parents), that show me what relationships and love are really all about.

Example 1: My Aunt is a vegetarian, her husband is not. Never has been, never will be. Yet, they've been married forever and they mange to co-exist just fine that way. He doesn't make her eat meat and she doesn't make him not eat meat.

Example 2: My parents. My dad likes coin and stamp collecting, before that it was trains and making train sets. My mom likes jewelery, home decorating and crafts (such as making wreaths and stuff like that). Both have different hobbies, yet still work out just fine.

My mom has LOVED the Beatles since she was a little girl. She was devastated when John Lennon got shot and just watched Ringo Star on the Ellen DeGeneres show a couple days ago and was totally giddy after that. My dad, hates the beatles. He can't stand them and even makes fun of them. My dad likes the band Tears for Fears, my mom does not. Yet, with these music differences it still works

My dad is big into politics, my mom is not. My dad can be racist and even more since Obama took office and my mom is not. My dad has had some pretty crappy life experiences, such as almost being picked up that serial killer John Wayne Gacy. My mom, has had nothing but good experiences in life and work. My dad, can be very negative and worrys a lot. My mom is extremely postive and always happy, even when she doesn't feel well and that's a lot of the time.

My point is, this is my example of relationships. My parents, my grandparents, my aunts & uncles and even one of my younger cousins. This is what I see and so this is what I know and it doesn't match up to how the rest of the world say's it is. Because, for all the things my parents do have in common. There's all the things they don't, but that's what makes them so great. Because, they balance each other out nicely and love each other no matter what. That's how it's suppose to be.

So, that's what I'm looking for and what I want and need. I want someone to balance me out and be the yin to my yang. Someone who will treat me right, because most people treat me like crap. Someone I know I can be myself with and know that I'm accepted as is. I'm an unconditional person, so I want someone who is also an unconditional person and doesn't care about all that stuff people say matter in relationships. I want something meaningful and worthwhile. What I don't want is to date my doppleganger/ indentical twin, how boring would that be?

I truly believe, people date too much from the mind and body but not enough with the heart and soul. Nobody really believes in love at first sight anymore, I do. You know what love at first sight really is? It isn't seeing them and falling in love on the spot. It's just about upon seeing this person being drawn to them and knowing there's something special about them, with no explanation as to why you feel that way. You just do.

So, I'm sorry if my view on things seems to be like I don't think people should have preferences. Because, I don't care what other people do. I just think it's sad that it is that way, because in actuality from all I've seen personally. None of that stuff people say matters, actually matters. It's completely obsolete when you really like and connect with someone. At least, that's how I feel.

Anyway, that is what that take was suppose to be about. The people that only date someone BECAUSE OF something or break up with someone who they click with because they don't match their version of the ideal mate. That is what I meant it to be about and everything else I said in this take is how things are for me but I know it's not that way for other people. I do understand that how I feel and see things, is not how other people feel and see things. I am different from most, so I understand how my views differ from most. I do apologize if my last take offended anyone, that was not the intent of it.

I hope this clears everything up and if there's anymore misinterpretations of what I mean, just tell me and I'll gladly explain myself. Thanks.


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What Guys Said 8

  • Traditional dating doesn't fracilitate hart and sould connecting. Everyone's behaving 'properly' and everything is planned and choreographed. There's no spontaneous feeling like the one you had for the guy in the grocery store.

    That happened to me also at the grocery store, but you could say it turned wrong.. for me also!

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  • "Like a woman that only dates a man BECAUSE he's tall, but that's the only reason"

    I agree that that's fucked up of that's the only reason but in most cases its just one of the reasons.

    Like let's say a girl has a preference for tall guys and refuses to date short guys. That doesn't nessesarily mean that height is the ONLY thing she cares about. I mean if she hops into bed with every tall guy she meets then maybe it is. However in most cases it just one of many boxes that a they are looking to check off. People don't date others based off of one trait. They have a list of traits they are and they want someone who checks off as many of their boxes as possible.

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    • Alrighty, fair enough. I personally don't have a list, I suppose that's why it's hard for me to understand people that do (which is the majority of the population).

  • That couple in the picture are not wearing life jackets.

    ... And I hope the tide's not going out, or they're in trouble!

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  • I also lack preferences. I think they can hold a person back. It would be terrible to miss out on someone great because you got in your own way. Good take in my opinion.

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  • you are interesting, ill give you that. But you aren't the norm unfortunately. Preferences and type matter, especially to women. I've only ever seen them break it if they are hit with a guy who is fairly charismatic, or someone who is quiet, but looks like he's a member of a garage band. I do get what you're saying, and i agree with it mostly, but i guess my question is what is your purpose for writing this? You went into great length about how you don't have preferences, which is cool, but then there's the rest of the female population that cares quite a bit about things like height, general body mass and all those things that she wants in order to make her feel more feminine. I guess you're trying to inform guys/girls of what's more important in your view. I respect that, but I think it will fall on deaf ears.

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    • I did it because of the dating take I wrote before this one and everyone was accusing me of telling them they weren't allowed to have preferences and stuff. Which, I was not doing. So, I guess I just wanted to defend myself and explain how things are for me and what my examples of love and stuff are. That way maybe people would have a better understanding of me and realize I wasn't judging anyone. I was just stating how I personally felt, does that make sense? I tend to ramble lol.

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    • No, I don't. I mean, there's some qualities I'd like in a person but it's not written in stone. Like I said though, it's usually about vibe for me.

    • ah, fair enough then

  • Dating/marriage is like an exchange. Some people just marry for money, other for looks, other for the social status.

    Example:
    Most Indian people I know who go out with white people do so because they are attracted to one thing (their white skin). Dat der caste system.

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  • It's good to know that that feeling of vibe and/or energy has happened to others. I know EXACTLY how that feels.

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    • So, I'm not the only one then?

    • @Asker - Nope. It is or rather was just as you said it less than 5seconds I would even go to say that it was an instant connection between me and the girl. BOTH, of us were like compelled to each even when we didn't know how to but it was soooo crazy. From the moment I saw her it was like, I don't know who that girl is but I am not leaving with out getting her name and number.

    • That's very cool.

What Girls Said 7

  • Nice Take :)

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  • Your parents' time was difffrrent. I wouldn't put up with a racist for a spouse. We have more choices and a shorter attention span in today's time. We might even date 20 plus odd people before we may possibly find a good suitor.

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    • Well, my dad wasn't always like that and people change. Besides, for the things that make him flawed there's all the things that are great about him. My mom loves him with all of that, the good and bad. The way it's suppose to be. Just like he loves her the same way.

  • Nice take
    I really like it

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  • Thank you lol.

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  • I don't remember commenting on the first take but I did read it and I did agree with some points. As for this one, I completely agree with your views. I still have a preference but it's not like what most people think when they have this idea of the person they are looking for. I look for certain qualities in a person so its not about what they like and don't like people should learn to co-exist and not try to change someone or leave them because of that. I have seen a few friends of mine let go of something good because the person they were dating was into things that they did not like and I'm sure they were that way their whole life and it was unfair to them. Not only that, it only effected their relationship because it was made out to be a big deal and it should not have. I think everyone knows that nobody is perfect yet they still sort of look for that and until they change their perception, dating will suck.

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  • That's a nice take. Hasn't happened to me yet but hopefully will someday. I hope you get to bump into that mystery grocery guy one day.

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  • Amen! I feel the same way. One key word you hit on here is balance... we all need someone that balances us out... and of course that is different for everyone. Here is a story from my dating experiences: I had a limited view on some things such as I refused to date a smoker. Wouldn't even continue a conversation if I found out they smoked. One day while with a group of friends I met someone that was funny, nice and awkwardly cute. The more I got to know him the more I liked him. Then I found out he smoked. Funny thing is he never smelled like it... not his clothing or breath. I decided that his other qualities outweighed the smoking for me... it was a nice compromise and we dated for 18 months. It was one of the most fun times I've had.

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