I ruined our first date...he is still texting daily but no talk of 2nd date...is he keeping me as an option?

So I had been crushing on this guy for a few months when he made a move on me on night out...for weeks after we texted daily and spoke on the phone couple of times a week.

I wasn't sure if it was going anywhere but he eventually asked me out.. to cut a long story short it was a pretty disastrous first date..I got pretty drunk. He wasn't impressed and said he needed time to think about whether he wanted to continue things...

I gave him space and didn't contact him. After about a week he text me..nothing about us or the date just general chit chat and he has text me everyday since..

So I'm really not sure if he's just stringing me along or is actually considering meeting again...to be honest this daily texting is meaning he is constantly in my thoughts.

If he is only keeping me as an option I need to distance myself from him...any advice on how to handle it and/or find out where I stand? I dont want to be rude and not reply to his texts as he normally asks a question. Also I do like him and dont want to ruin any chance we have of working.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm disappointed in the people who suggested cutting him off to see if he's interested. This isn't about stringing girls along, playing hard to get etc, it's a matter of human decency.

    Let's flip this situation and say that this guy on the first date got drunk and came off as an ass. You weren't impressed but your gut wants believe that he isn't really like that, but you're afraid to find out if that's really his true nature. So you keep in touch with him in hopes that he'll show his better, truer self - the one that attracted you to him in the first place.

    Now imagine this guy suddenly cut you off. You'll be left hurt, but thanking yourself later because you realize this person is too immature for you and it wouldn't work out anyway.

    Let's flip back to your situation. I hope you realize that this isn't all about whether he's keeping you as an option, but more urgently, whether he RESPECTS you enough to continue seeing you. The good news is that the ball is in your court to make things right.

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What Guys Said 13

  • Most decent guys don't do the whole 'options' thing. If I were you I'd make your feeling clear, in person, and try and organize a second date. It could be he just sees you as a friend, and if so that's fine, but I doubt he'll be the one to make the move here even if he does like you. Good luck! :)

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  • There may be 3 things he's waiting for:

    1. More time to determine whether your drunkenness is a common theme or a rare occurrence.

    2.If it were me, you would have crossed a line for a first date. I would be waiting for some type of apology, even if it's jokingly, to see if you even realized that you did something unacceptable. If you don't apologize, I would see you as oblivious of your possible behavioral / drinking issue.

    3. He may just be trying to be polite, given that you could have screwed things up. First impressions are important, because things can die out before they get heated. People have to show their best self in a first date. The weird, crazy things you do can be shown with time. Showing the crazy things first makes guys flee. This applies to girls too.

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  • You at least need to acknowledge you messed up and won't do it again. Ask him for the second date.

    If he had a week to think about it and is now texting you then he probably wants to give it another go but is not willing to ask you in case you get drunk and make him feel foolish again.

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  • I agree with almost everyone else's opinions. Since you're the one who caused the issue in the first place. He's waiting for you to apologize, and ask him out. You must correct your wrong before you can continue on this one.

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  • He has forgivien you. Tell him you promise to never act like you did again and you ask him out for the 2nd date. I bet you a cup of coffee he will say yes! Good Luck gal pal, hope you get what you want!

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  • Just be honest with him and ask him out, if he wasn't interested, he wouldn't bother texting you back.

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  • Look don't be to cloose to him but but not to cold either. You need to be a challange for him not a person than he can get easily. I don't think he is keeping you as an option, he probably is shy and is afraid of rejection that's why he is acting this way.

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  • He's obviously apprehensive as a result of the first date. It wouldn't be a bad idea to ask him out and give it another try, but only if you make it clear that you acted out as a result of nerves and that isn't who you are. Maybe do something that doesn't involve going to a place where they serve alcohol. Ask him to go kayaking or mini golfing. Do something fun and spontaneous. First impressions are meaningful but they aren't everything. I think it would also be fair to try and find out where you stand. Don't be afraid to ask directly. No one deserves to feel like they are being kept around as a back-up plan.

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  • girl yoz fucked up the date and still think he is leading you on. you are not worth him. either you excuse yourself for it and ask him for a new date and be someone he can appreciate or you leave cause if he sticks to a girl like you either he is really hoping you change or he wants to just have sex. he won't see you as gf material like that. got it?

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  • He's waiting for you to ask him out

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  • Ask him out for coffee or something casual. If he is interested, he will definitely ask you out again.
    If not, you are either just friends or a bach-up option

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  • ask him for a date but be sure to mention that there will be no alcohol this time.

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  • Girl he is giving u a chance to handle the situation stay focused and be careful not to be rude while having a chat
    Ps this time u shud ask him out if u thnk its right

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What Girls Said 19

  • I think you need to apologize for how the first date went. Maybe say something along the lines of "Hey, I feel really bad about how the first date went, would it be possible to have a re-do?" Bring that idea up yourself, don't wait for this guy to ask you.

    But also, if he does give you a second chance, don't mess it up by getting drunk again. Try to control yourself. It's hard to get a second chance, so if you do get one, don't mess it up!

    It's possible that he still does want to go out again. Maybe he has been busy or isn't sure if you really like him (because of how drunk you got). But it's a good sign he is at least talking to you.

    The best thing to do is to just give it a shot, see where it goes.

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  • I think that if he was going to lose Complete touch with you, he wouldn't be Still Keeping in touch with you. And being the date ended up on a sour note with you tying one on, You may Still---Have another shot with him. Who knows...Maybe, after some thinking, he realized you are Intriguing. I am not seeing a grudge bearing guy here.
    For now, with all his text and 'questions,' he may be feeling you out, getting to know the Other side a bit more, and when you least expect it, he Just may push a button one day with a question: "What are you doing tonite?"
    And of course, in a few weeks or so, if this continues, you could always Ask him to hang out again, and see where you stand. He may be feeling somewhat awkward and could be waiting for you to 'undistance yourself.' Tell him this time things will be different, that you'll order Seltzer water instead, and that you would like to give it another try.
    Good luck.xx

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  • I honestly don't think he would've ever texted you back if he didn't intend to see if things could actually work out. If he didn't consider meeting you again, then he wouldn't have texted you back, at all. Firstly, if you haven't done it already, you need to apologize to him about your behavior and mention that it was completely out of character for you. Tell him that you'd like to show him the 'real you' and that it'd be nice to meet up again for coffee or something less wild than partying and drinking. If he says yes, you've got yourself the lucky second chance. You will never know whether he wants to try again or if you're just an option to him if you don't talk to him about it! You need to let him know what's going on in your head because he doesn't read minds. Talking to him about it cannot bring any harm, only solutions. So do it!

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  • it sounds like he may be stringing you along. stop texting him and put some distance. its not rude to not reply to a guys texts, that's life. I used to think it was mean and I should try to respond everytime a guy texts me, but that's unrealistic. eventually (unless you get married to the guy) you're going to stop texting one way or the other anyway so why not let it be on your terms?

    if a guy texts u just to chat but isn't asking u out, then ur being strung along. just face reality that you may have just bombed it on the date and now he doesent like you as much anymore.

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    • If he asks you out or agrees to you asking him out, AND talks & texts you then you should be golden

  • My advice from experience...ask him outright. "Look where is this going? You said you need time to think about things, but you are texting me every day so i am a little confused".

    Even if it was a bad date and it was your fault, that doesn't give him the right to mess with your feelings.

    I question why he is still texting you, if the date was really that bad. But like you say could be kkeeping you as an option.

    Aski him outright. Its the only way you will ever know.

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  • Reading these comments here, there is one thing that you definetly need to do and that is to ask him out casual. And if you want, apologize to him but I think if he agrees to go out with you, he'll see the real you and he'll realize that you being drunk is just a moment that will never happen again. So, ask him on a coffee and if he says yes, you've got the jackpot

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  • If he didn't want a second date, he wouldn't be talking to you. Casually suggest going out again in conversation.

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  • He's waiting to see if you screwed it up on purpose or if not if it was just a fluke and the only way he will know is if you ask him out

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  • Just suggest that you want to see him again,
    "Tell him I really want to see you again..."

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  • I don't think many decent guys would keep you on the back burner just in case, if I were you I would just ask if he wants to go out again sometime, if he says yes he's obviously interested if he says no perhaps stop communicating with him.

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  • Okay, you need to apologize to him for your rude behavior the other night, and go from there. Tell him you'd like to start over, and that you hope he wants to too.

    This is about all I can say, and make sure that if he does give you a second chance, you take it easy on the alcohol!

    Good luck!

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  • I think you should just apologies for the first date I think he's waiting for that

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  • YES. why would he still be texting?

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  • Why don't you suggest you guys do something?

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  • I think he's trying to give you another chance. Let it happen naturally, no need to back off.

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  • You should stop texting him. So, if he really cares about you, he will do his best to make you don't forget him! If he doesn't care about you, then, he'll forget you quickly.

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  • maybe he is confused and trying to get to know more about you! or he likes to take it slow..

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  • just ask him to hang out…if he gives a lame excuse then u have your answer

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  • I think he was turned off but got over it, or he wouldn't text ya. Ask him out again, he'll say yes!

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