How do I nicely turn down an invitation to "hang out" from a guy who I suspect likes me?

[Anonymous]

There's this nice guy I know...
He asked for my mobile number a week ago and he has been texting me every day since.
He asked if I want to go to a particular movie with him. I said that I haven't seen the movies that go before it yet. He offered to buy the first movies so that we could watch those and then go to the cinema to watch the third movie...
He said he wants to hang out with me and get to know me better.

I am interested in being friends with him, but I suspect that he may be interested in dating me. I'm already dating someone else and I've fallen really hard for him. I don't want this friend to get false hopes because I know how much it hurts to be led on :(

What should I say to him? I'm thinking of saying something like, "Hey ____, I would really like to be friends with you because I think you're a good guy. But just so you're aware, I am already dating someone else."

He hasn't specified it would be a date... Would it be weird for me to come out and say it like that? Is there a better/kinder way to handle this situation? I need to tell him before we go to the movie...

What you're thinking of saying is fine

Don't bring it up; just assume he wants friendship

You could handle it differently; comment below!

Other

[Paris13]

Being you gave him your number, sweetie, this right away lit his fire that you May be into 'Dating me.' And without even mentioning you have another fish on the line, is making him believe that he has a chance with you, hook, line and sinker.
If you don't want to continue to lead him on, then don't put anymore sizzle in his sensation. Tell him you think it might not be a good idea if you went out because you are seeing someone whom you are Now more into a serious relationship with and it just wouldn't be fair to either one of you guys to Cheat you both.
Good luck. xx

[Asker]

Oh :( I guess my mistake is that I have never been involved much with guys before and I recently made two guy friends who I exchanged numbers with and hang out with, and for both of them, at least, it turned out to only mean friendship - in fact, it's just like a friendship with another girl, and I kind of assumed maybe this guy would be similar...

Thank you

[Paris13]

i have had many guys in my own life for friends but sometimes the tables turn and it backfires where it goes into something that you may not want... and it has backfired on me where I give them a chance and it turns into romance. lol:)) xx

[Asker]

How do I make sure I don't give these other 2 guys (who are both only interested in friendship at the moment) any fuel to start thinking of more than friendship?

[Paris13]

Don't lead them on by giving them any spark, keep it lite and semi sweet and be like a real cool bud.. they may flirt or get an idea of their own, which happens a lot, but set the record straight if it happens in your own cute way.:)) xx

[Asker]

Thank you :)

I feel terrible for leading him on :(

[Paris13]

Oh, so welcome... I don't think you meant to.. if you are anything like myself, who is just naturally outgoing and friendly, lots of guys get the wrong idea.:((xx

[Anonymous]

I voted A. I think it's good to be frank with him. You could also say something like "It would be fun to go to a movie, can I bring some more friends too? It's always funnier the more people there is."

[Asker]

Thanks :)

[spookysaturn]

Just be honest and if he's like "oh hey i just wanna be friends" just say that you were just making sure

[Asker]

Thanks, I'll do that if that is his response :)

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Before you start off, I'd maybe qualify your statement. Since you truly don't know how he feels, you should start off with something like "hey, I'm not sure what you are feeling about me, and just so we're on the same page, I like hanging out with you and going to the movies, but I am seeing someone and only interested in friendship. I'll be disappointed but understand if you want to cancel the movie"

[Asker]

Thank you, that's really helpful :-)
It may be a little difficult to see him in person WItHOUT lots of other people (friends and acquaintances) hanging around.
So my options are:
A) tell him in person with friends nearby
B) text him
C) somehow arrange to see him alone briefly to tell him (difficult to do)
D) call him and tell him over phone (we haven't had any phone calls yet, only texts)

[yaddayaddayadda02]

C/D would be my choice.

[Asker]

Ok thanks :)
I'll try tomorrow to catch him alone and if that doesn't work, I'll call him

[YourFutureEx]

I think he would be eagerly waiting for her first phone call. Does he like to hear that on phone?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

@YourFutureEx He's not expecting the phone call. And as much as it may sting to hear her rejection, at least he didn't go to a movie and make a move thinking she liked him. Obviously in person is best, but a phone call is a reasonable alternative.

[YourFutureEx]

Ah. Okay Good Luck!

[Asker]

Yeah, I would feel terrible if he made a physical move and I rejected his advance then... How much more that would hurt :(
I wish I hadn't given him my number in the first place, but I thought he only wanted friendship at the time

[DoriantheArtisan]

just tell him direct. you can't nicely reject someone. its like pulling off a band aid. if you do it slow he might misunderstand do it quick and hard so the guy understands he is not getting any. no dude wants to hear let us be friends anyway. sorry. its just how this works.

[Asker]

Ok, thank you.

[meatballs21]

The correct way: I'm seeing someone already, sorry.

The misguided "kinder" way: I'm busy with work/busy with school/washing my hair/have plans all next week/my hamster died/have to get my teeth de-scaled/busy with busy/not in a good place right now.

[Asker]

Thanks.
The problem is that I don't know if his intention IS to date.

[meatballs21]

Nobody knows his intentions except him. You have to make your own decision whether to preempt possible datery or not.

[IamFler]

Lol i love about hamster)

[slackercruster]

Didn't vote.

'A' is fine if you really want to be friends. If your not that interested in being friends, just tell him thanks, but no thanks.

If it was me I would not jeopardize the guy you've fallen for.

[Asker]

Thank you :) I would like to be friends with him. The guy I have fallen for has female friends and he doesn't have an issue with me having male friends.

[dakraziest]

he is definitely looking for a relationship
and i think you should tell him straight up that u already have a guy who you are in love with and so the only possibility that we have is of being friends

[Asker]

Thank you :)

[Insaan]

I am in a very jolly mood right now. that first sentence irritates me..
www.troll.me/.../...you-dosnt-want-to-date-you.jpg

[Insaan]

Let me say one thing. Be honest that you are dating someone else. No need to use this pretty word good/nice guy.

[Asker]

Ok thanks :)