I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year and have been thinking about our relationship in the long term.
I’ve always been supported and encouraged by my parents to work hard, get an education, and achieve my dreams. My parents are part of the true middle class. We’re not wealthy BY FAR, but we’ve always been able to afford nice things and live a stable lifestyle. I would like myself and my future family to grow up in a similar environment. I’m 18 and plan on getting at least a master’s degree. I'm a very goal-oriented and motivated person.
My boyfriend is wonderful, but our future worries me. He’s almost 22 and only has his AA degree. He’s been out of school for the past couple of years and been working a minimum wage job. He had a hard life growing up and has no family members to help him out and his mom always asks him for money for medicine. He isn’t in debt and has all the essentials, but he basically lives paycheck to paycheck. He doesn’t have a car because he wouldn’t be able to afford the insurance. I think he would ideally like to go back to school some time so he can get a higher paying job, but it seems like this goal keeps getting pushed back farther and farther. He also doesn’t have any real goals for the future and is happy with living in the moment.
I love him a lot, but I don’t know what to do. Is this something that I’m supposed to wait out and hope it improves? Or is this even something to end our relationship over? I haven’t had to struggle financially and I don’t want my future family to. I see this going one of two ways: One, we break up eventually because he can’t help provide for the type of life I want us & future family to have. Two, I stay with him out of love though we will live a less privileged life. What would you do?
Most Helpful Guy
You should do what's in your rational self-interest. Considering you've been with him for a year and you say he's "wonderful", I would say the best thing to do would be to try at least for a little while to motivate him. You just have to be open with him. Say that you want to help him to make the best of his life.
But, make sure you base your advice on reality. One thing's certain: waiting around and hoping for the best would not work. Also, a degree is not what it used to be. I know many people who have degrees but are working shitty jobs. Is he intelligent? What subjects is he interested in? What is he actually good at? Could he get a good grade in a good subject from a good university?
At the same time, having no debt at age 22? As I've indicated, it could be worse!
You said he had no family members to help him out, and yet he's giving money to his mother. What's that about? Is she parasiting off him? Or is she a genuinely good mother whom it is in his interest to support? If she's a bad mother, then he should stop supporting her. That would instantly free up some money.0