Ok. This is not easy for me but for those who find this stupid and utterly pathetic I agree and even hate myself for this but no matter how hard I try I cannot do it on my own. So I have decided to ask people who I can be completely honest with and tell everything to but I have to tell those reading this please be gentle with me and thank you for taking the time to reply! Well here it goes... When I started dating my boyfriend I did not feel jealous at all towards his mother, however, a strange negative feeling started to develop towards her. When I spent time alone with her I felt no jealousy whatsoever but when I got to see the relationship they have together I feel the slight needle of jealousy piercing into my stomach. The reason for this being that every time she spoke she only acknowledged him and never looked at me. It has always been a pet peeve of mine and it only bothered me a little. On top of this I am an extreme over-analyser. Then I started getting jealous with him calling his mother cute and tiny. I thought that I was his cute tiny girl and that I am not the only one botheres me a little. I also developed a sense of anger towards her because she is and was extremely overprotective of her son. She calls at least once a day, leaves messages with "xxx" and hearts at the back of them and it just makes me bit uncomfortable... I understand her worrying but I feel there is a limit. When I meant that she WAS overprotective, as he was a child she never let him experience his childhood so she could ensure his security. I am grateful to such that extent that he is alive now but I feel that he was deprived of his childhood. Nowadays he has a curfew at specific times, which I also understand as my parents are strict too, unless it is for work. There are many more factors that contribute to my childish jealousy but then things took a turn for the worst. My boyfriend's father passed away yesterday. I didn't know the man very well but
My second part didn't send through. Let me try this again... I cried and mourned for his father. I was the shoulder to cry on for both of them and helped wherever I possibly could. Although when I hug her it feels like it is unwanted and that she wants only him. They slept in the same bed she caresses his leg and he does hers like he does mine and he called her sweety once... they have gotten even closer and my jealousy has become more extreme.
I hide my emotions so I can help them in their time of loss but my boyfriend knows when I lie and when I am sad. I feel selfish telling him after nagging and then I am the monster that cares more about herself than her grieving boyfriend. I have researched this and it is not as uncommon as I thought. But something that threw me was when i read that "the relationship between a mother and his son is as strong as that with a daughter and her father".
Honey you need to worry more about you. Jealousy eats away at your soul. Lighten up. You need to realise that they have welcomed you into their special world and bond. You won't fit in perfectly but in time you might. Such a sad time for them now. If you try compete you will lose. But you could learn how to compromise. Yes he thinks she's cute and tiny but when I say I like dogs and I like men. I don't use the term in the same way. Relax and enjoy what you have. Now more than ever they need each other so maybe call over to her on your own sometimes. Be there for her too and she might be over protective that is infuriating but time has a funny way of dealing with things
How is your relationship with your own mother? It may be that you are jealous of his relationship and it's coming out when you see how close they are.
Mothers and sons are normally much closer, likewise fathers and daughters. It's only natural that she still wants to mother him and she will be struggling as well with the fact she is being "replaced" by you. You will be cleaning up after him, cooking his meals, etc (or whatever role you want to take, for sake of argument go with it here). He will no longer need his mummy to take care of him. It will explain her rudeness to you. Especially now her husband has passed away, she will be clinging to her son more for comfort, love, and a reminder of what she has lost. She will need space and for you to be forgiving with her. How would you feel if you lost your boyfriend and you had a child? You would nurture that child and protect it even more.
I come from a family where I'm close to my dad but not my mother. I never really had a mother and as a result I crave the attention, and most mothers understand that and take me under their wing. My boyfriends parents (I find his dad really tricky to deal with) very loving with him, he's their one and only special boy. His mum bends over backwards for him. But she's almost 67 years old and I think she's grateful to see him with someone who can help her look after and potentially give her grandchildren.
You could try showing his mother your not all bad. While we were visiting his parents (they live abroad), it was his mums birthday. And as a birthday treat for her, I said me and your son will cook dinner, wait on you and his dad, give you two a night off and we will take care of everything. We did the washing up and everything. And she loved just having an evening off in comfort. Perhaps you could do the same thing? Food is an excellent thing to bond over and it's a great talking point, as well as a relief for her and her grief.
Ugh. Mothers. Girl, I just had the mother of the guy I was seeing actually talk him out of it. So I've been feeling really shit all day and will until I get over it because his damn mother was so overprotective. (He had the same, constantly calling and texting when he was with me "im worried") The only way we can feel better is understand it from the mothers perspective. They don't want their son to get hurt and they see you as a potential for that hurt. Plus they think you're "taking their baby away from them". I don't actually know how to resolve this, men will always love their mothers and put them first, we can at least hope our sons will do the same. Just commenting to say I understand the annoyance, I have suffered it to except this one actually accomplished getting rid of me. Very sad about his dad, unfortunately I think it will make them stick together even more. It will take a long time for her to trust you/like you, if you really like this guy you will just have to wait for that to come with time. Fuck their mothers seriously lol