Is dating a soldier a plus or a minus?

I'm enlisting in the U.S. Army in a few months, and I'm curious if it is a positive thing to girls or not.

Obviously it comes with both good and bad so I'll break it down into pros and cons as I see it.

Pros: steady job, the uniform, always in good shape, sense of duty and honor, opportunities for advancement.

Cons: gone a long time, danger of death or being crippled, stress from line of work, long distance relationship.

So that being said, do the pros out weigh the cons? Or is there too much commitment to date a guy who is going to spend as much as a year at a time on the opposite end of the planet getting shot at?

  • Yes, pro's outweigh the cons and I'd take the chance to get to know him better.
    43% (40)27% (12)38% (52)Vote
  • No, a soldier won't have enough time for me and will be gone almost all of the time, I don't want that.
    32% (30)36% (16)34% (46)Vote
  • Not sure/cannot decide
    25% (23)37% (16)28% (39)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The pros definitely outweigh the cons for us. I love my husband enough to get through the hard times like deployments and training and such. But it's definitely a challenge. It's not easy to sit here at home when he's over there, wondering every second if he's ok and anticipating his phone calls or e-mails to know that he is alright. It's tough on anyone mentally. But, the strong ones are the ones who make it through :)

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    • I definitely agree!!...

    • Just a question for you out of curiosity. Obviously by your name you are married but lets say you were single met a guy found out he was in the army already is it something worth trying? I mean I understand dating someone then a year down the road they join the army. You hopefully would already have a trusting relationship and I would think at this point the pros would out weigh the cons. But if I was in and tried dating someone I feel knowing that I am in the military before any real feelings..

    • Could cause the cons to outweigh the pros at that time. I am curious as to you as well as what others think. I just imagine it would be hard to find someone new while in the military to accept you and the responsibilities in your job.

What Girls Said 23

  • It is certainly a tough situation for a couple. As you already mentioned the stress of getting hurt or worse, and the absence for long periods of time. I am only familiar with three cases and all three ended in divorce in less than three years. In all three it was the wife who had an affair during her husbands tour overseas. One even ended with the wife three months pregnant when hubby came home. One of the couples tried to make things work, but just spent an extra year of mistrust, apologies, accusations and finely the divorce. In each case all had children together, and that is where the real damage will be. The innocent will be the one who suffers in the long term.

    I know there has to be some that survive this life but it must be so very hard, no matter how much you think you love one another.

    This site had a very nice young wife (A Soldiers Wife) which I haven't seen post in a long time, but I am sure she is one who could give some very valuable advise. She was happily married and several months prego. Search and see if she is still around and message her if she is. She would have the perfect viewpoint.

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  • i know first hand about dating my ex who was in the army that it is a very very tough thing to deal with, you have to have a very strong mental connection to amke it last from such a distance. Sadly mine didn't make it because the pressure it put on me of not knowing was too much. It takes a strong girl to be able to handle what is expected of us as well. I knew what ever I did in public can ever reflect negitively or positively on him. (so an army major told me) I hope to you that you could find a girl strong enough to deal with it.

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  • yeah it's stressful. but if I love a guy for who he is, I will accept this. because to me the definition of love means I'll be there for him no matter what because I expect nothing more or less than what I have to offer. being a soldier is an honorable job. I'd respect that. I have always wanted to do something in the army myself.

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  • If its true love and a serious relationship it can work if you let it. If you don't see future in the girl, don't even give it a chance. I'm sure its extreamly complicated but if I really loved someone and they wanted to serve the country I'd encourage him

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  • I think dating a soldier is great! I for one am very patriotic and if I thought I could hack it would love to join the military (although the Marine Core is more my style). My boyfriend was in the Army as were three of my ex-boyfriends.

    It is hard dealing with the space and separation, but the space just makes the time together so much sweeter.

    In a nut shell, I think dating a soldier is a great thing

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  • I'm not sure...I mean if I loved him with all my heart and he was my one and only love forever and ever.

    Yes! Of course yes! I don't care if he was a soldier. It would pain me so much to have to see him go and risk his life. I wouldn't care though.

    If I didn't know him...then I would never put my self through so much and risk hurting over someone who might not even be the person I'm going to end up with.

    So I'm not sure. Those are my two views though.

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  • i wouldn't date a man that was currently a soldier, but if my boyfriend decided that he wanted to be a soldier, I wouldn't try and stop him. if it made him happy, then that's all that matters, but it would cause me a lot of pain, so if it wasn't someone I was already in love with, I wouldn't mess around with it.

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    • Thank you for the honest answer

  • I would say its worth it if your looking for a serious relationship. I think it wouldn't work for people only looking for flings though. It could really put a strain on things but if you really love each other you'll survive.

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  • I don't like the mentality of someone getting rebuilt...its too big brother for me

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    • The being rebuilt thing is largely a myth, the military doesn't break men and rebuild them, unless a person lets them. They'll push a person to their limits to see if they will break under pressure because if they break in training they'll break in battle and probably get someone killed. They also teach people to work as a team, but really that's no different than sports or other team efforts, the stakes are just higher, life and death.

    • In short, the military is what a person makes of it. There are heroes and there are villians, the stresses of military service brings out either the best or the worst in people, it's what they choose to do with it that counts. Generally the military doesn't change or rebuild people, their flaws or virtues are magnified by the effects of service.

    • That is a very nice way of putting it. I do know some men who have served that I resepect and adore. But I find that many men I meet have a superiority complex, and tend to believe anything they are told/don't question as much as others. Almost like they have become more closed-minded. My Uncle and my close friend are two people though that still are very open-minded. But my cousin, second uncle, and close friend of the family are all very similarly harsh. I like your perspective though

  • My answer would be biased because I have a brother who is in the army. I've seen how it has effected his life and his family. He and his wife are having issues with her wanting him to get out even though she married him in. Personally I would not date someone in the military.

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  • I would be really hesitant to enter into a relationship with a soldier. Based on what I've seen from the circumstances of others, I wouldn't want to deal with him being gone all the time. What if I had a child?

    And then there's PTSD. That would be a big negative.

    Plus...i'm just not one for military guys...just not my type.

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  • i don't know, based on reading Dear John, it wouldn't be a plus for me =(

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  • I think it depends on the girl, some girls can deal with it better than others. My boyfriend serves in the military in a different country, and we deal with it okay...It also depends on what your doing in the military I think. I myself am obligated to join the army where I live so I guess in a way I understand what you mean. Most girls (in the US anyway, where they don't have to join the military) love a man in a uniform, so that a plus. Just keep in mind that its not all fun...bc, lets face it, its hard.

    I thinks the pros outweigh the cons though...

    its a hard question...i'll admit it...

    do what you think is right and beneficial for you though, don't enlist because of the girls liking soldiers, ok? (just had to clarify that)

    hope I helped a bit

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  • i've never been in that situation so I really wouldn't know but my friend is married to a soldier and she finds it really tough not being able to spend time with him and because he's away so much he misses a lot of important moments in his childrens lives.

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  • For most, the cons would definitely outweigh the pros. A lot of people cannot handle dating military personnel, at least long term. Personally, I did a LOT of research before dating my boyfriend (Army) and decided the pros made it worth it and I could handle it.

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  • I think its a plus because I'm also a soldier, and we can keep up with each other and we both are there to support each other.

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  • My Boyfriend JUST joined the Air Force and my ONLY concern is cheating. He is a really great guy and completely OK with my guy friends, I have more guys than girls as friends. That is why I can deal with the distance and long term separation. I have lots of moral support. I am worried that he might cheat. I've been hurt and used a lot, so naturally I'll be a bit paranoid, and there is no way to prove if he does it or not.

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  • I will have time to date him.

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  • other pros: sense of pride girls have when their men are in the military, so strong and courageous and sexy of course. and you don't have to worry about anyone givin you sh!t when they know who you're dating ;)

    other cons: women who are in it only for the benefits they could get, or who will cheat on you while you're away

    Overall it's a pro for me, though I prefer Marines :)

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    • I would be proud to date someone whose honoring our country and would never cheat!!Shame on those who do!!They're just not strong enough!!

    • Agreed. Semper Fi to my Marine :]

      xoxo

  • My boyfriend is leaving to afghanistan not to far ahead in the future. we have been together almost 2 years and I stand behind him for whatever he wants, I know ill miss him but that's not reason for me to not stick around. as to the crippling comment.i wouldn't leave him if he lost both his legs, he's my best friend and I want what he believes in even if there has to be sacrifices. sometimes bein gone for a few months at a time can be good for a relationship, esspecially real long ones. It gives the couple time to miss eachother. as far as dating someone new already in the military, I would suggest friends first, and growing. its hard to put such dedication into something that isn't even implanted in your life yet.

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  • some girls can handle it some can't it's the same as every thing else.

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  • i wouldn't think of dating a soldier as that much diffrent if he as a nice guy and I liked him I would go for it..it would be a little more complicated but no relationships are perfect. There would be a lot of emotional stress but like I said it would be worth it if it ended up being some one I really cared about. Plus a bonus for me is I like men in uniform lol. :)

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  • I think that it's noble and that there are a lot of risks involved in this. But it wouldn't matter to me if I really liked him

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What Guys Said 5

  • If they like you enough, they'll make it work. End of. I'm fairly sure when girls meet you for the first time, the last thing on their mind will be long term implications of your chosen occupation.

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  • I was dating someone prior to the military. It wasn't serious so I broke up with her.

    There is ugliness in the world and I'm not talking about looks. I have had friends get divorce papers shortly after they deploy. Or perhaps she gets knocked up when he's been gone for over a year. Some just marry for the money and benefits.

    Not only that is the temptation of other women in the military. I met some wonderful females while serving and learned quite a bit. Unless you feel that the other person is the one and they feel the same about you, it's best to cut the cord.

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    • I agree with you complete and know a few guys that have gotten screwed like this. It sucks and in all reality it is best to not be seeing someone seriously while deployed. A lot of times it will just mess with your head and you will lose your focus. Well I can't say from my own experience but from the many friends I have in the military a lot share this view.

    • One thing I forgot to mention. If the former soldier gets PTSD some women are less than understanding (I know first hand). Also long distance relationships can put a strain on the soldier causing error in judgment when doing the job at hand.

  • Basically, a soldier is trained to kill people: remember that.

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  • I suppose you're looking for female answers. But what the heck.

    Could I date a soldier? If she still turned me on physically and mentally, then sure. But the chances of finidng a girl like that outside of the medical or intelligence corps is low.

    (then again, I am considering doing my medical training in the RAF)

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  • Just figured I would throw this out there. Not all military are in constant good shape. lol

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