Would you break up with someone over bad hygiene?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a guy for a few months and he has a bad hygiene problem. Last night he came over to watch a movie and I prepared him a nice dinner. It's understandable that after dinner his breath wasn't the best. I got up and brushed my teeth. He told me I was going to erode my gums like his aunt if I kept brushing for too long. Annoying remark. I suggested he brush his teeth and even bought a toothbrush for him. He declined.

We stopped by at a convenience store where I purchased two packs of gum and Altoids. I offered him one and declined.

We went to a Christmas display in which a $4 entry was required. He asked me to pay his way because he had forgotten his wallet at my place. I told him I didn't have any money on me either and thus we canceled that part of the night. Let me clarify, I didn't expect him to pay for my part but I thought he'd pay his part at least.

We went back to my place to watch a movie. I pretended to fall asleep and turned around because he had sour body odor. I wanted to choke. It hasn't been the first time. One time he smelled like rotten eggs. I've never been able to have sex because if this. In the morning he did not brush his teeth or shower either.

He's in the Air Force so he has a job and I don't understand why he has to act so cheap. I'm not asking him to pamper me or buy me anything. He's never had a girlfriend and maybe now I know why. Should I break up with him? How do I tell him he even has bad hygiene if I decide to discuss this?

[Anonymous]

You have three choices:

1. Continue dating him; continuing being miserable.

2. Tell him that he smells bad, in a diplomatic way; you don't know how he might respond but maybe he would start taking showers and using mouthwash.

I have a bad breath problem. I brush my teeth twice every day (I usually only eat once a day.) I told my girlfriend that I had a dental cleaning every three months and she very matter of factly said, "Oh, I guess that;'s to help you with your breath odor problem." It was not an attack on my hygiene or habits. I bought a bottle of mouth wash and left it at her house and I now use it three times per day. Problem solved. Your guy may, or may not, respond the same way.

3. Break up without telling him he is malodorous; break ups involve some temporary misery but I don't think you would be miserable for very long.

Good luck.

[Asker]

I would think me giving him gum and brushing my teeth would be enough. I even pulled away when he kissed me. I actually told him we should see other people and started crying. I know he's never had a girlfriend and thought about getting a prostitute before getting me. I think I'm going to break up with him and tell him about how he smells in s nice way so he can have better luck at dating.

by the way, what you did for your girlfriend was nice! You didn't get mad but took the suggestion to heart 😊 Yours was a simple fix. ThIs guy though it's not only his mouth but his entire body! Oh and thanks for the different options and words of encouragement.

[Opinion Owner]

I am old enough that I have learned that throwing a tantrum doesn't work anymore. What works is making myself a better person for my partner and selecting a partner who will have the same attitude towards me.

[simplyadorable]

you eat once a day? you know being hungry could also cause bad breath. however you said you had bad breath problem so maybe that (the breath problem not eating once) is the reason,

[Opinion Owner]

@simplyadorable I have bad breath because my mouth has a very strong propensity to develop plaque around my teeth. I get them cleaned every three months, I brush twice a day, and I use mouth wash. I had the breath problem before I reduced my intake to once per day, so I don't think that is the problem. . . and I don't really have and sense of hunger during the day before I eat.

[Speedy94]

Its obvious that you can't continue this way. If i would have this problem with a girl i would tell her this in a very gently caring way saying her that i did so to help her and not to bring her down. If she still doesn't change then, well i have to be radical and end the relationship. Thats what i would do

[Asker]

Thanks for your opinion. We did break up. Honestly can't I gave him a loofah and toothbrush while he was here which was the breaking point since he used neither. Refused. I just hope this never happens again in the future. Thanks for the great advice!

[loofah]

To be honest, if I felt any chemistry with him... I would rather talk to him first about it than break up with him, because hygiene is something that can easily be worked on and chemistry is more special. Sensitive topics can be brought up gently. Like, make it clear you are having a hard time bringing this up because you like him and don't want to hurt his feelings, etc. Maybe he has a medical problem. Or maybe he doesn't notice it himself. When thinking about how to say it to him, put yourself in his position. What kind of words would offend you and what would make you willing to give it a shot?

If it becomes a continuous issue even after discussing it with him or if he gets mean about it, then I think it's fine to consider breaking up with him if it bothers you a lot.

[Asker]

Thanks for the great advice. I appreciate your honest insight 🙂

[loofah]

Thanks! I hope it can help you and I hope it works out!

[brnxsweet]

I definitely think you should talk to him about his bad hygiene before you end everything with him. Maybe if he knew it was actually this big of a problem he'd try to smell better. If he still doesn't care after you talk to him about it then I'd probably break up with him too.

[Asker]

Thanks for the suggestion! I'm going to talk about it so that he has better luck at dating in the future. But I think my sexual attraction is gone. I'm going to break up with him and move on with my life. I suggested we see other people last night but he started to cry. I didn't say it in a mean way and didn't even mention the fact that he smells bad or can be so frugal that he wants me to pay for his crap. Just mentioned it and he flipped out. Thanks girlie for the suggestion :)

[brnxsweet]

You're welcome, good luck with everything still :)

[Jaye234]

Oh I've never been in that situation so I've no idea what advice to give. But you're suggestions haven't worked at all so yea I'd get rid of him or try showering together? But that may not work would he been use the soap?

[Asker]

Gooood! I hope you never have to be in this situation. No, I'm just going to break up with him. I haven't even had sex with him because he stinks a lot. I don't even wanna shower together either. I think all the sexual attraction is gone and after reading some of these tips... It's time to move on. Thanks for the input though :)

[Jaye234]

Yea I don't blame you there. I can't handle BO either.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Oh god I would abandon ship. Reading that made gag.

[edcbhurfv]

I have mysophobia to some extent (it's complicated) so I would definitely break up with someone if she doesn't have good hygiene. I think it's a perfectly fine reason. It seems as he doesn't want to change either as he declined both brushing his teeth and taking a gum and even commented on your brushing behavior!

[Asker]

I'm the same as you. I go through great lengths to be nice and tidy when it comes to my personal appearance. He's always commenting on how good I smell. Then, if he thinks I smell good shouldn't he have that consideration toward me. After reading the replies, I'm just going to end it. Too many hints and he still doesn't get it...

[TheFlak36]

I dont understand why you decided to be with him in the first place. The guy is almost exactly like my father (my father is MUCH worse). Such people piss me off really. No respect for themselves whatsoever. Of course you should break up with him. Let him rot alone and maybe he'll take the decision to change himself. Fucking disgusting...

[Asker]

I decided to be with him because he was initially different than most men I've dated. He actually had an engaging conversation and was nice. You're right, I don't understand why some people can let themselves go like that. I'm ending it without a doubt. I tried to end it last night by suggesting we see other people but he started crying. Thanks for your words!

[TheFlak36]

My pleasure dear. I know how it is. You can't be with someone who doesn't take care of himself. I myself am ashamed that my father is like this. Where he is working, co workers complained that the whole locker room is stinking because of him and he still doesn't do anything.

[Asker]

Maybe your father needs to see a therapist? I suspect my guy also needs to. I'm thinking it's really a mental issue like depression. Best of luck... I hope your father gets better! Same with the guy I'm seeing!

[Mesonfielde]

I would definitely not tolerate this. You've tolerated it far more than I would have by now.

[Asker]

I think you're right. I think I'm going to end it. I don't think reprimanding him or discussing this will help anyway. Thanks!

[bryon]

That is terrible. A grown man should know how personal hygiene is a must. I have to admit I sweat like crazy and that's just how it is but daaaaaaamn I will bath just as soon as I get home. I honestly don't deal with stinky people well , thus if it were me I would carry them a towel , wash cloth and a bar of soap and say if your planning on staying use ALL of these items

[Asker]

I agree that it is terrible. I definitely understand if it happens I occasionally. But if you have malodorous breath or body every time we go out then that's a deal breaker. Not to mention the fact that I purchased a toothbrush and loofah, neither of which he used. Needless to say, we did break up.

[bryon]

I can sure understand breaking it off , that's just nasty. Even if he has defective sinuses and don't don't smell how gross he is , he has got to know he stinks like crap based on the length of time since he showered last

[Anonymous]

I think you have been telling him. Rather subtly, but still. If anyone offers you a breath mint, you take it :p

You can try being more direct, but don't get your hopes up. That works with some people (a v good friend of mine was happy to shower more often when we told him he smelled), but others get offended. So do it in a neutral place.

If that doesn't work, move the heck on.

[Anonymous]

yeah I could see hygiene becoming an issue , as if your having sex with someone you want them to be clean and such. I'd generally want a girl to be clean in the sense , if someone couldn't keep good hygiene I would really wonder why?

[Asker]

Big issue. After reading these comments I'm just going to end it and suggest he get therapy so he can lead a happier and hopefully more hygienic life.

[WhatTheHellAmy]

If s/he's way too gross, yeah.
I'm not too strict with hygiene tho.

And I think it's better to break up, I would, and I also think you will throw up someday if you keep dating him even tho he doesn't change

[katiesmuff]

It surprises me that a guy in our military can get away with such bad hygiene. I always found military guys to be among the cleanest guys probably coming from their military training.
I'd sure as hell have dumped the looser your talking about.

[Anonymous]

I did. The guy smelled so bad that my couch smelled when he left. I lost any sexual attraction to him over it. It's a bummer, but what can you do when their bad habits repel you?

[Asker]

I know exactly how you feel 😞 At least I haven't been the only one with this weird problem!

[Bandit74]

I think it's a perfectly valid reason to break up with someone.

[Asker]

I agree!

[Intraluminal]

Hell yeah! Who wants someone who stinks? Besides, it sounds like the beginning of a mental disorder.

[Asker]

He's told me he's depressed at times, so this could be the reason he's like this. I suffer from bouts of depression but no matter what I'm always so clean about my appearance. Maybe I should just break up with him and insist he see a therapist...

[Intraluminal]

Yeah, self-neglect is a primary symptom of depression. He may also have PTSD if he's a vet. In any case, he can get counselling through the VA.

[Asker]

Thanks for the suggestion I will tell him that. He's only been in the service 3 years. Has never been to war. I think counsrling might help so I will let him know.

[Intraluminal]

Good luck!

[Heyyakk]

You don't really like him if you can't stand his smell.
My boyfriend accidentally burped into my face once and I snuck my face in it and took a big wiff.

No joke. We're both not pigs either I just loved all his body excretions

[Asker]

That's great that you love your guys smell. But a burp is different from bad breath or sour body odor. Not arguing with you girl but at least you like it ;) thanks for the input!

[Anonymous]

Damn... Poor you. I don't know, yiu seem to have done all the usual suggestions like trying to offer him gum and brushing your teeth then offering him to etc... Maybe you just have to be blunt with him now.

[LoveLikeRockets]

Yes I would, there is no excuse for bad hygiene.

[Alexagon]

He just sounds like a dumpy guy.

[Anonymous]

Depends how bad I guess.
If she showers/bathes at least three times a week and brushes her teeth at least once a day, I'd be okay with it.

[tony72722]

Easily.. That's disgusting lol

[Omar5881]

Yes I would break with someone over bad hygiene

[Stephen10]

Just shows how shallow women really are.

[Asker]

I don't think I'm shallow tbh. Asking someone to be clean isn't shallow. It's normal. I spend a lot of time taking care of myself and I expect a man to do the same in return.

As for always forgetting his wallet, I'm not asking him to pay for MY way in. I'm self sufficient. I just ask he pay his way in. Especially when I had the courtesy to invite him to my place abd took hours to make dinner. I don't think that it is shallow...

[Stephen10]

So he could be faithful and be a good hearted man, yet you would break up with him because he smells? If that isn't shallow I don't know what is.

[Asker]

I respect your opinion. If you think it's shallow then it is. Shallow to me is asking a guy to buy me Gucci purses, drive a Benz and pay for my stuff all the time. None of which I have asked him to do.

Being clean to me shows that you respect the other person. I have hygiene because I respect myself and respect others around me. Lack of hygiene shows disrespect to me and lack of manners.

Would I rather date a clean player with fresh breath or a slob who's faithful? Neither. Id rather date a nice guy with proper hygiene.

If you like dating women who smell I respect that. I don't like dating stinky men though even if that makes me shallow. Enough hints have been given to him and he's nearly 29. He should know better.

Best of luck to you.

[Stephen10]

Has it not crossed your mind that maybe he doesn't know that he smells? Maybe he DOES wash often but has a health problem that is causing his bad odor. If something can be done about it then why break up with him?

[BuchitaBuchys]

So many guys are agreeing though. It's not shallow. Enough of the victim complex and trying to demonize women -_-

[Stephen10]

@BuchitaBuchys Thyen women shoyldn't be so shallow and pathetic

[BuchitaBuchys]

I think you're referring to yourself there.

[Stephen10]

@BuchitaBuchys I'm referring to you

[BuchitaBuchys]

I stand by my statement. So many guys on here are so bitter and pathetic. Y'all would not last a day with real issues.

[Stephen10]

@BuchitaBuchys It's the toxic nature of western women that make us bitter

[BuchitaBuchys]

I'm sorry you've been through whatever. But it doesn't excuse it..

[Stephen10]

@BuchitaBuchys excuse what?

[Asker]

It did cross my mind that he has a problem. Just imagine if you had to "kiss" or "hug" someone who smells. I did what a NOT shallow person would fix I bought him a toothbrush and loofah, neither of which he used. I didn't know how to say it so I went out of my way. Didn't accept the gum either. Yes, I broke up with him. I'm not his mother and I didn't date him to babysit a grown man. Had he accepted the gum, brushed his teeth or showered and he stil had that stench then maybe I would think it's medical. I'm sure it's not. It's called laziness and disrespectful.

[Stephen10]

Stop your whining.