Does cold approaching women really work?


This has always puzzled me. Is cold approaching women for dates something feasible? Unless the guy is exceptionally hot, I don't see any reason why a girl would agree to go out with him without even knowing who he is. Also, I'm not talking about nightclub situations here, where people of both genders are looking for just hookups, and cold approaches work very well.

So guys, have you ever cold approached a girl for a date (not sex) and she agreed, in spite of you not being exceptionally good looking?
Girls, have you ever agreed for a date with a guy who cold approached you, and he wasn't that good looking?

P. S. Just looking for opinions here, I wouldn't personally cold approach anyone.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would love it if a guy would cold approach me. Mainly I have no idea how anyone gets dates outside of being online anymore.

    I never get approached and I'm starting to feel like there is something wrong with me. Guys always say they approach women, but I have never had it happen to me. I'm usually the one who shows interest, I smile, kind of keep looking at the guy, hoping he'll notice. But then usually his wife or girlfriend come by and then I feel stupid :(

    So I mainly stick to online dating. Which I'm not having a whole lot of luck in :(

    You don't even have to ask a girl for a date. Maybe just strike a conversation up with her and see how it goes. If it goes well, maybe ask her out for a coffee sometime. See if she'll give you her number so you can text her.

    That way you aren't asking for a date, but just a coffee. Most people would be down for coffee and talking if they are single and are open to dating.

    Good luck!

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    • Good to get some insight! So do you like being cold-approached, even if he isn't an overly goodlooking guy? And how can men just walk up and talk to random women, just like that? I suppose a lot of women find that creepy, or think that he's trying to get into her pants.

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    • @ikissedtheskyonce Yea, I think I would like to start approaching guys. I'm just so incredibly shy though when it comes to guys that it's hard for me to approach them.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Debating going anon to avoid appearance of narcissism but what the hell..
    YES cold approaching works, BUT you have to be hot. You simply have to be an attractive guy. I used to be average af and approaching just didn't really work, but now, it definitely is effective.

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    • Changed my mind, I'll go anon lol

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    • thanks MHO brother, good luck

    • You're most welcome, and thanks for your inputs! :)

What Girls Said 10

  • Would work in america's corporate world. Not in australia though. Over there , guys would cold approach if they are pissed drunk sayin 'hey cunt, wanna fuck? ' thats how crude they are there. No such thing as formal dates. I hate to blow out your candle. 😐

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    • Haha, that's ok! I can't cold approach even if I wanted to, that's just not my thing! I prefer more subtle methods! So the candles were blown already!

      Appreciate your insight on this, though! :)

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    • Matt bomer and Nick Bateman and Siddharth malhotra are universally better looking than us

    • Ill block you now

  • I get cold approached sometimes when I'm out in public and the guys who approach me are unattractive and make no effort to get to know me. I have had some guys just give me their number and walk away without making any effort

    I have never been in a serious relationship with a guy that has cold approached me mainly because of two factors: they were unattractive, Made no effort, and were disrespectful

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  • I have never, nor would I ever.

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  • I'm sure it's more successful than hot approaching

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  • Yea I have.

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  • If you make the cold approach seem natural then it can totally work but most people don't seem to get that concept. If we are both in the same place, doing the same thing (checking out the same thing at the mall, waiting for the bus, singing out loud to the same song, etc.) then by all means strike a conversation and end it with getting a phone number, however just having a guy come over and ask for my number knowing nothing about me just because he likes the way I look? Turn off and it doesn't matter if you look like Brad Pit or Vin Diesel... it's a turn off and makes it seem like something that you are a little too used to doing. If someone comes across like they are playing the numbers game it is a total turn off.

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  • I prefer the cold approach much more cuz then you don't have to keep playing the guessing game lol

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  • I went on at least one date with a guy who cold approached. He was ok looking, not super hot (same as me). But it was in a social setting (friendly beer garden) in daytime, not like the grocery store or somewhere awkward to chat a bit. He was friendly, polite and direct and didn't try to hang around me the rest of the day I'd planned with my friends.

    We dated six weeks or so, but it didn't end up working out fur other reasons.

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  • 1. No girl OR guy for that matter is going to want to date someone they don't at least think is marginally attractive in some way, so when you say not attractive the answer would probably be no for guys and girls in this scenario.
    2. Typically with a cold approach, its been someone I was working with or knew through other people that had never hinted they were attracted to me, but asked me out. Knowing at least something about them at least got them a date if they were somewhat attractive to me as well.
    3. Total stranger... never say never, but randoms in grocery stores or coffee shops or malls, my track record is probably 98% no. I just feel more comfortable for safety sake, not dating complete and total strangers.

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  • almost. There was a guy who ask me out, i mean coffee. He was good looking but i still didn't meet him.

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What Guys Said 11

  • I've done it before! I can safely say it would have worked if she didn't already have a boyfriend, haha. I don't look all that good either but i made her face look like pepper.

    Basically i think you should be very direct, but not cold, you know? Get to the point but not in a totally straightfoward or rude manner. Here is how i did btw:

    I approached her from behind, double tapped her shoulder and said "hey, can i talk to you for a bit"? And then i said about how i always see her on the corridor (we're from the same school btw) but didn't knew who she was, then how i thought she was pretty and then i asked if i could get her number. All of that while of course, demonstrating to her that i was a bit nervous (through body language, looking to the sides, playing with my hands when talking, etc... i was really nervous btw)

    Notice how creepy that would sound if i wasn't being nice/playing with words/gestures? Knowing what to say beforehand is key i think.
    Plus, we still talk to this day through facebook.
    This whole story became an inside joke between me and her haha.

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  • I did this a bit a couple of summers ago. Approached complete strangers in public places.

    And I got some dates. And I started getting A LOT more looks from women.

    I guess it's to do with the courage it takes. It's scary, especially at first, and it REALLY sucks if you get a bad reaction. This one woman just didn't reply when I spoke to her, and was evidently really uncomfortable with the whole situation. The whole train carriage bore witness to my crash and burn. That was... no fun.

    But most women were actually really nice about it. I got two dates out of it.

    Nothing came of either one, and that is because the actual approach is a very small part of mating. I had and have a lot of issues and a messy personal life, so being able to approach a woman and have a casual conversation doesn't matter if after that she finds out you basically have nothing going for you and are pretty damn immature.

    My conclusion: Yeah, it works, and it's fun (for the guy, anyway). But make sure you gauge the woman's reaction, and if she's uncomfortable, apologise and leave. Never get angry about rejection. Never. Always be polite, friendly and corteous about the whole thing. Understand her perspective. Be honest. Etc. etc. etc.

    I also witnessed this second-hand:

    This woman was at a bus stop, and there was... something about her. I wanted to talk to her, but didn't dare. Then this other dude crossed the street, went up to her and told her she was beautiful and that he felt compelled to speak with her. So they spoke, and I guess she rejected him, 'cause she left. But she smiled to herself, and she was smiling on the bus too. I think he made her day. Because he was good about it. He was a gentleman, not an asshole.

    Try it. I predict you will learn something about yourself.

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  • No, it has never worked. I haven't bothered in a long time but I might give it another trial just because my dating pool is unsatisfactory.

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  • I dont approach cold women. They would have to be the last female on earth or me piss drunk for me to

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  • Cold approach? Do you mean going up to a stranger and flat out asking?

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    • Yup! But for a date, not for a hookup in a nightclub or similar setting.

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    • Haha, I understand!

    • And yeah it's worked a couple of times in coffee shops. Although I try to be creative in approaching because it's a point of humor.

  • Very rarely

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  • Only works when u tall jacked athletic like me OP

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  • nah i doubt that, it never works

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    • Yeah, I thought as much! The concept of cold approaching baffles me, and I don't see how it can work, unless the guy is a 9 or a 10 in terms of looks.

    • Exactly what you said. Unless you've really got something going on, it doesn't work like that. Things have to be more casual. Most of the time women are used to being approached in public, so this raises the bar of what they expect when it happens.

    • my friend does cold approaching a lot and he says it works for him, i haven't done it but i usually aim for much better target, like attractive girls i feel have a thing for me then yeah it works but complete strangers? no never really been a fan of that , it also depends on luck some people are just lucky but the majority aren't, there are many factors that come into play but unless you're very hot it doesn't usually end well.

  • Lol this question of yours proves my point now don't give me the bs of being happy as we are

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    • Nah, happiness has nothing to do with cold approaching. You're just connecting the wrong dots here.

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    • Fine, if she does that, she isn't the kind of woman I'd want to be with anyway. I want a woman who sees my worth beyond my looks. Even considering the worst case scenario of NO woman ever dating me at all, I still wouldn't bother because I have other stuff to look forward to, and goals to work towards.

    • I have no idea how people are so confident a out inferiority because I personally can never be, I believe in God and I hate him for being unfair

  • It doesn't work often, but you can cold approach a lot, so as a 'strategy' it works decently, but it's absolutely a numbers game.

    There are kind of two approaches: flat out hit on tons of women.

    Or

    Get in the habit of chatting and being friendly with strangers. All of them. If you chat with a woman who you find attractive and she's friendly back, keep it rolling and try flirting a bit. If she flirts back, ask her to meet for coffee or a drink sometime.

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  • Depends. I cold approached two girls with a budy of mine and ended up eating lunch with them. I didn't end up dating either one but both girls ended up at least mildly interested in me. That was the only time I've ever done a complete cold approach. My friend on the other hand has cold approached girls in so many random places and ways it's ridiculous. I personally haven't seen it work for him but he keeps doing it so either he's crazy or he's had a little success with it. Then I have two cousins who cold approach on the reg. Both have pretty decent outcomes from it. So what I've noticed is cold approaching only really works for attractive guys. My friend who if I'm being honest is slightly less attractive then me (but is also in med school) tends to have less success then my cousins who are both more attractive than me. All 3 were at one point in a fraternity so they're kind of used to it. All 3 are crazy confident 24/7. All 3 have trouble establishing long term relationships but have a decent amount of one night stands and FWBs. All 3 in my opinion can be huge insensitive assholes at times (especially to women) but at the same time can be really great people.

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