Does cold approaching women really work?

Question

This has always puzzled me. Is cold approaching women for dates something feasible? Unless the guy is exceptionally hot, I don't see any reason why a girl would agree to go out with him without even knowing who he is. Also, I'm not talking about nightclub situations here, where people of both genders are looking for just hookups, and cold approaches work very well.

So guys, have you ever cold approached a girl for a date (not sex) and she agreed, in spite of you not being exceptionally good looking?
Girls, have you ever agreed for a date with a guy who cold approached you, and he wasn't that good looking?

P. S. Just looking for opinions here, I wouldn't personally cold approach anyone.

grinning_totem · Accepted Answer

I did this a bit a couple of summers ago. Approached complete strangers in public places.

And I got some dates. And I started getting A LOT more looks from women.

I guess it's to do with the courage it takes. It's scary, especially at first, and it REALLY sucks if you get a bad reaction. This one woman just didn't reply when I spoke to her, and was evidently really uncomfortable with the whole situation. The whole train carriage bore witness to my crash and burn. That was... no fun.

But most women were actually really nice about it. I got two dates out of it.

Nothing came of either one, and that is because the actual approach is a very small part of mating. I had and have a lot of issues and a messy personal life, so being able to approach a woman and have a casual conversation doesn't matter if after that she finds out you basically have nothing going for you and are pretty damn immature.

My conclusion: Yeah, it works, and it's fun (for the guy, anyway). But make sure you gauge the woman's reaction, and if she's uncomfortable, apologise and leave. Never get angry about rejection. Never. Always be polite, friendly and corteous about the whole thing. Understand her perspective. Be honest. Etc. etc. etc.

I also witnessed this second-hand:

This woman was at a bus stop, and there was... something about her. I wanted to talk to her, but didn't dare. Then this other dude crossed the street, went up to her and told her she was beautiful and that he felt compelled to speak with her. So they spoke, and I guess she rejected him, 'cause she left. But she smiled to herself, and she was smiling on the bus too. I think he made her day. Because he was good about it. He was a gentleman, not an asshole.

Try it. I predict you will learn something about yourself.

ConsultantIsBack · Accepted Answer

Debating going anon to avoid appearance of narcissism but what the hell..
YES cold approaching works, BUT you have to be hot. You simply have to be an attractive guy. I used to be average af and approaching just didn't really work, but now, it definitely is effective.

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

I would love it if a guy would cold approach me. Mainly I have no idea how anyone gets dates outside of being online anymore.

I never get approached and I'm starting to feel like there is something wrong with me. Guys always say they approach women, but I have never had it happen to me. I'm usually the one who shows interest, I smile, kind of keep looking at the guy, hoping he'll notice. But then usually his wife or girlfriend come by and then I feel stupid :(

So I mainly stick to online dating. Which I'm not having a whole lot of luck in :(

You don't even have to ask a girl for a date. Maybe just strike a conversation up with her and see how it goes. If it goes well, maybe ask her out for a coffee sometime. See if she'll give you her number so you can text her.

That way you aren't asking for a date, but just a coffee. Most people would be down for coffee and talking if they are single and are open to dating.

Good luck!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If you make the cold approach seem natural then it can totally work but most people don't seem to get that concept. If we are both in the same place, doing the same thing (checking out the same thing at the mall, waiting for the bus, singing out loud to the same song, etc.) then by all means strike a conversation and end it with getting a phone number, however just having a guy come over and ask for my number knowing nothing about me just because he likes the way I look? Turn off and it doesn't matter if you look like Brad Pit or Vin Diesel... it's a turn off and makes it seem like something that you are a little too used to doing. If someone comes across like they are playing the numbers game it is a total turn off.

abundantlyrich · Accepted Answer

Would work in america's corporate world. Not in australia though. Over there , guys would cold approach if they are pissed drunk sayin 'hey cunt, wanna fuck? ' thats how crude they are there. No such thing as formal dates. I hate to blow out your candle. 😐

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

I have accepted from average guys who approached me, talked a bit and then asked me out.

There is a lot of do's and don't though. If she is in a hurry, Don't... if she is busy doing other things, like reading... Don't.

If she is sitting on a park bench people watching, sure go for it. If you get the feeling she isn't interested, don't push it and leave.

Often it may be easier to just say hi and then start up a conversation about something else first, then ask out... but it is possible to just randomly go up and ask out.

Things to keep in mind though, we don't know the guy. A stranger approaching to ask out, we have no idea if he is a rapist, looking for sex, or the next Ted Bundy but average looking.

Some people don't like the idea of dating someone they don't know.

If he gives me a bad vibe, then I won't accept.

OMEGL · Answer

Cold approaching can work, depending on a number of factors. Firstly, how high are your standards? If your standards are relatively low, then of course cold approaches are going to work, but if you want attractive thin white women, then it's going to be hard. From my experience they are they ones with their guard up the most. It also depends on where you live. For example, in New York, women are very defensive, so it's going to be difficult. But if you live in Talulah Louisiana, things may be much easier, because people in general are less defensive there. It's my understanding that women want familiarity. They want to date someone who they're familiar with. It can be a classmate, coworker, mutual friend, or even the mail man. If you do a cold approach, there isn't enough time for the woman to calculate whether you are worthy or not. It also depends on how attractive you are as a male. If you look good, then your chances may be higher. Doing a cold approach means you have almost nothing in common with this woman, meaning that you don't go to the same school, work at the same job, or have the same friends. Even if you do get a phone number, which I have, the conversation can dry up quickly. I've had a few women who acted like they liked me, ie liked my IG posts, or my IG dm''s but eventually lose interest or change their mind about how they feel about me. All the women who have liked me have known me a while, are familiar with me, and never from the cold approach setting. I talk to a lot of men who do cold approaches, and the vast majority of them have problems, and that's why they do cold approaches. For one reason, or another, they are unable to connect with people through school, or work. What makes things worse is that they are ALSO unable to create the social circles that would cultivate a dating life. More often than not, they have personality problems that hinder them from creating these scenarios for themselves, therefore, they have no other choice but to do cold approaches. One person I know, and there are probably lots of them, has misogynistic views, so you can see how that would pose a problem for him when connecting with women. Most guys I know who do cold approaches regularly also happen to be long term bachelors, meaning they don't have very much success with women. They may be able to get a phone number every now and then, but this does not mean the women will call them back, or respond to them, and this is what I see the majority of the time with men who consistently do cold approaches. It's not that cold approaching doesn't work, but what circumstances led to this person having to resort to cold approaches. A lot of these guys will go out for hours on the street with the sole intention of picking up females. This approach is going to be much less effective than approaching a female who happens to smile at you while you are out shopping. Both of them are cold approaches, but one is of a woman who invites you. One thing I've also noticed about guys who cold approach is they look for no signals, and just approach a woman because she is cute. That is going to create a huge rejection rate. When you approach also matters. If you approach women at night, they are going to be much more defensive than they are during the day. The venue also matters. If I approach a female at a concert, it's going to have a different effect than approaching at a park known to have mentally ill folks. If you want to know more, look for Common Denominator NY on youtube.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends. I cold approached two girls with a budy of mine and ended up eating lunch with them. I didn't end up dating either one but both girls ended up at least mildly interested in me. That was the only time I've ever done a complete cold approach. My friend on the other hand has cold approached girls in so many random places and ways it's ridiculous. I personally haven't seen it work for him but he keeps doing it so either he's crazy or he's had a little success with it. Then I have two cousins who cold approach on the reg. Both have pretty decent outcomes from it. So what I've noticed is cold approaching only really works for attractive guys. My friend who if I'm being honest is slightly less attractive then me (but is also in med school) tends to have less success then my cousins who are both more attractive than me. All 3 were at one point in a fraternity so they're kind of used to it. All 3 are crazy confident 24/7. All 3 have trouble establishing long term relationships but have a decent amount of one night stands and FWBs. All 3 in my opinion can be huge insensitive assholes at times (especially to women) but at the same time can be really great people.

WeeGeeTheSecond · Answer

I've done it before! I can safely say it would have worked if she didn't already have a boyfriend, haha. I don't look all that good either but i made her face look like pepper.

Basically i think you should be very direct, but not cold, you know? Get to the point but not in a totally straightfoward or rude manner. Here is how i did btw:

I approached her from behind, double tapped her shoulder and said "hey, can i talk to you for a bit"? And then i said about how i always see her on the corridor (we're from the same school btw) but didn't knew who she was, then how i thought she was pretty and then i asked if i could get her number. All of that while of course, demonstrating to her that i was a bit nervous (through body language, looking to the sides, playing with my hands when talking, etc... i was really nervous btw)

Notice how creepy that would sound if i wasn't being nice/playing with words/gestures? Knowing what to say beforehand is key i think.
Plus, we still talk to this day through facebook.
This whole story became an inside joke between me and her haha.

daren0326 · Answer

No. It's a really bad idea and if it DOES work it's if you're a really attractive guy (supermodel or actor attractive) but if you look average like me and it works its because she's egotistical and you approaching her makes her feel good and it gives her an ego boost. Most women are generally uncomfortable being approached randomly by a man who they've never even spoken to. It makes you look desperate and like you're on the hunt for women. Don't do it. "How do you know?" Because I've done it before a few times in high school, it's a bad idea. Let the girl show interest first, if she doesn't then just move on! It's not rocket science.

Lets say if you do get the girl to give you her number from a cold approach. Here's what generally happens. She gives you her number, and when you're texting what will most likely happen is she will be wishy washy and playing hot and cold games.

Again, let the girl show interest first, if she doesn't then just move on! It's not rocket science. It makes you look desperate if you try to cold approach.

chicosuave · Answer

Yes it works but only for insta dates or getting laid. To get in relationships it doesn't work especially if you are in the western world. If you go to south America or the Philippines it's extremely likely you will get in a relationship and fast with cold approach. The main problem in the western world is that women were taught not to trust any strangers. So if they just met you in the first day and even you both went on a insta date they will ghost you the next day or they just won't follow up at all. It happens a lot for night game. You can get laid but most girls will not have any interest in meeting you the next day. So to answer your question it's only 50/50. It works but to a certain degree if you want temporary attention but to get in a relationship it doesn't but this applies to the western world.

Anonymous · Answer

1. No girl OR guy for that matter is going to want to date someone they don't at least think is marginally attractive in some way, so when you say not attractive the answer would probably be no for guys and girls in this scenario.
2. Typically with a cold approach, its been someone I was working with or knew through other people that had never hinted they were attracted to me, but asked me out. Knowing at least something about them at least got them a date if they were somewhat attractive to me as well.
3. Total stranger... never say never, but randoms in grocery stores or coffee shops or malls, my track record is probably 98% no. I just feel more comfortable for safety sake, not dating complete and total strangers.

RATETUI · Answer

Cold approach doesn't work. People like familiarity, not random strangers running up on them. Even if you were a mailman, you'd have a better chances at picking up women than a cold approach. Why? Because people see the mailman everyday. They know what he does. Random guy running up to women, no one knows him. No one knows what he does. It's too risky

molonski2 · Answer

Like cold calling anything , of course it works , its a confidence producer those who dont have a crack get nothing , and even when they say its not going to happen..

Often it still does - guys HAVE to have the courage and ability to cold call , its how life works and its there for the taking. Numbers game , pure and simple.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Tough question, I've cold approached 1000s of women and probably have about a 10% success rate, which is well above the industry standard. "Good looking" is subjective so I can't speak to that but I will say if you're going up to women seeking "dates" you're making a huge mistake anyway.

Gibbons44 · Answer

Yeah, for exceptionally hot it works. Not in 100% of the cases but in 90+% easily. It just isn't worth dating the venomous little bitches commonly found in pubs and clubs the world over. They all want instant sex and then growing affection/fame they experience.

Anonymous · Answer

i would never go on a date with someone i barely know who just randomly came up to me... honestly it's creepy and sometimes it's just asking for trouble (for the girl). i know you'll come back with "someone you barely know, but that's why you date them to get to know them." nope...

Anonymous · Answer

I went on at least one date with a guy who cold approached. He was ok looking, not super hot (same as me). But it was in a social setting (friendly beer garden) in daytime, not like the grocery store or somewhere awkward to chat a bit. He was friendly, polite and direct and didn't try to hang around me the rest of the day I'd planned with my friends.

We dated six weeks or so, but it didn't end up working out fur other reasons.

ikissedtheskyonce · Answer

I get cold approached sometimes when I'm out in public and the guys who approach me are unattractive and make no effort to get to know me. I have had some guys just give me their number and walk away without making any effort

I have never been in a serious relationship with a guy that has cold approached me mainly because of two factors: they were unattractive, Made no effort, and were disrespectful

Anonymous · Answer

It doesn't work often, but you can cold approach a lot, so as a 'strategy' it works decently, but it's absolutely a numbers game.

There are kind of two approaches: flat out hit on tons of women.

Or

Get in the habit of chatting and being friendly with strangers. All of them. If you chat with a woman who you find attractive and she's friendly back, keep it rolling and try flirting a bit. If she flirts back, ask her to meet for coffee or a drink sometime.

Chthou95 · Answer

If you dont have anything going for you, it won't work. You have to make sure you work on your value first. Go to the gym, work on your physique, work on your finances, work on your social skills etc. These things will guarantee a higher chance at succeeding with cold approach

Agrojag · Answer

No, it has never worked. I haven't bothered in a long time but I might give it another trial just because my dating pool is unsatisfactory.

Cosytoasty · Answer

Cold approach? Do you mean going up to a stranger and flat out asking?

Vncmc3 · Answer

Lol this question of yours proves my point now don't give me the bs of being happy as we are

Blurr090 · Answer

If you are really good looking, it might be worth it. If you are average looking or below, I would be surprised if you could get better than a 1 - 2% success rate.

Does cold approaching women really work?

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