Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she gained some weight?

First i want to say my girlfriend is not fat. She did gain some weight, but not like a muffin top or anything like that. 3 days ago i said "you packed some pounds", i'm a joking type of guy so she thought i was joking but i told her that she gained some weight in all seriousness. I told her it's not a big deal but just letting her know. Then all of a sudden she got emotional and to my surprise she was saying how fat she was and if i still loved her and just dumb things like that. Of course i told her i loved her, and told her that is not fat but she gained some weight. The past 2 days she has not been the same, she doesn't really want to hangout with me and earlier today we went to go eat out and she said she didn't want anything, I thought she was kidding but she literally took nothing. I told her to just forget about what i said. I know the food she liked, so i ordered it for her but she still did not eat.

Was what i said bad? I want her to eat and not starve herself. When i told her if she's eating proper meals she said "it's none of you business". I never knew she was that sensitive. Again she is not fat but just gained some weight. What can i do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Um, no its not wrong for you to tell her that. That is just her being sensitive as most women are when it concerns about her body. She is sensitive because she wants to look good to only please you. That is the sole purpose of why many women becomes emotional about their looks. Because if your not attracted to her then your bound to stray. I'm not you would personally, but that is often the case with many men who no longer feel sexually attracted to their partners and wives.

    Overall just tell her that your sorry and you won't comment on her weight again. Just don't say anything unless it warrants for serious medical attention. And if she asked you about how she look, just tell her that you won't answer if she is going to freak out about your honest. I just say this. If the person can't handle the truth and brutal honesty, then they shouldn't ask. You didn't know, so don't beat yourself up too much. Just forgive yourself and move on after you apologize. Now if she just complains after you apologize to her, now she is just being very unreasonable and you should just ignore her for being childish. Again, not saying that she is. I said IF she complains after you apology. Then don't stress it anymore.

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    • 2mo

      im going to see her today and apologize, i mean she is not fat but gained some weight. Overall it does not bother me so i should of never said it, i kinda said it just to tell her about it but should of not said anyting. She still looks good , but i will just apologize today

Most Helpful Guy

  • "To your surprise"? Really? It's sad how oblivious some people are. The only thing you should do is apologize to her and drop the subject. If her putting on a few pounds is a big fucking deal to you break up with her and let her be with someone less judgmental than you.

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    • 2mo

      It's not a big deal at all. I don't care, im just telling her. I still want to be with her. She has a good body. If i was dating her only for her body then i would break up with her if she gained a few pounds. But i would never break up with her because of that reason.

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    • 2mo

      I didn't say it was the only reason, I said if it's that big of a deal to you. If it's not then you had no business bringing it up.

    • 2mo

      i kinda said it as a joke but with a truth to it. I should of never said it and it was dumb of me. I will apologize to her tomorrow

What Girls Said 23

  • I don't think there's any issue with necessarily showing concern for your partners health, but there's better ways of going about it than: "You've packed on some pounds, just letting you know."

    Women are sensitive about their bodies, for obvious reasons - we're basically raised to be that way and statistically speaking an estimated 30 million individuals (many of which are women) will suffer from an eating disorder in their lifetime, to get a real idea of where the issue lies.

    I think a better way to approach it would have been to say you both need to start eating better and exercising more collectively. But perhaps I'm a touch on the biased side, being a female with a history of eating disorders.

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  • Yeah, never ever tell a girl she's gained weight. I promise she knew already without you having to tell her.

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    • 2mo

      I will tell her that i'm sorry and should of never said it then. I didn't think she would take it that personal. My dad has been saying im fat since 12 years old and i'm 21 years old now and he still says it to me. Again i meant no harm or wanted to make my girlfriend sad. I'll just apologize.

  • you're an ass. i don't blame your girlfriend one bit~ she's hurt, and you owe her an apology.

    "i never knew she was that sensitive."

    bullshit. all women who don't look like supermodels are sensitive about their weight because we're taught to measure our worth by the half-pound. telling a woman that she's gained weight is like telling a guy that he has a small penis~ even if it's true, you keep your mouth shut.

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    • 2mo

      She is not fat, she gained weight that is all. I understand it was stupid for me to say it and tomorrow im going to apologize for that. I never meant for her to take it that serious. I was dumb to say it and again she is not fat, i still love her. She has a good body but i didn't date her for her body, i dated her cause of her amazing personality too. i realised i messed up on this.

    • 2mo

      better to realize it later than not at all.

      in the future~ if you absolutely have to make comments about someone's body, talk about weight loss in terms of health. that's literally the only acceptable way to do it.

  • She is overreacting a bit but then again, clearly this is the type of thing you shouldn't say to someone unless it's getting serious and their health is on the line. Her gaining a couple of pounds is not even mentioning. Most people's weight fluctuate a little bit depending on some circumstances. Pointing it out is just straight up unnecessary, unless (like I said) it's seriously affecting her health. Which it isn't because we're talking about a couple of pounds here. Watch your mouth next time and try to apologize to her.

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  • Lol dude USE TACT. Want to fix it? Text her THIS.

    "Baby I messed up. Im REALLY sorry. I am stupid. I made an observation and then said it rudely. What I meant is that you gained a little bit of weight, but you've gained HEALTHY weight. You're by no means chubby or fat. You're the sexiest to me. I'd rather have you this way than underweight. I'm really sorry that I had the wrong word choosing. You definitely still need to eat, if you developed an eating disorder because of what I said I will be VERY sad. Please forgive me. Like I said, you're the absolute sexiest girl to me and I was stupid."

    Say THAT.

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    • 2mo

      im going to see her today and apologize, i mean she is not fat but gained some weight. Overall it does not bother me so i should of never said it, i kinda said it just to tell her about it but should of not said anyting. She still looks good , but i will just apologize today. She is not chubby either, overall i thought she wouldn't get that emotional about it

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    • 2mo

      i spoke with her today and we're fine now :) I told her i find her beautiful since the day i met her i will always find her beautiful no matter.

    • 2mo

      Awwww goooood!

  • Well, I know it wasn't intentional... but thats a very sensitive topic for a lot of women. If it didn't really change anything, why say it? :S i know you didn't mean it as a bad thing...

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    • 2mo

      i understand now, i didn't think she would take it that bad. I messed up and will apologize tomorrow. I said it as a joke to begin with but its stupid of me so ill say sorry tomorrow

    • 2mo

      Im sure she'll understand. Dont worry too much.

  • Never tell your girlfriend that she gained weight. And never say like let's go to the gym together or for a run if she hasn't before. She will automatically assume that you think she is gaining weight and is fat. My boyfriend likes to hold my sides during sex and I say don't touch my fat. He replys well it hard not to. Well that takes me out of the mood and I become sensitive.

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  • Well. That's essentially a cardinal sin. Whether you're a guy or a girl or her lover or her mother You should never ever ever ever ever tell a girl she's fat or that she's gained weight.
    She has already 100% realized this. She doesn't need you to let her know that it's noticeable.
    It's a hard blow to the self esteem

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    • 2mo

      im going to see her today and apologize, i mean she is not fat but gained some weight. Overall it does not bother me so i should of never said it, i kinda said it just to tell her about it but should of not said anything. She still looks good , but i will just apologize today

  • I dont get this "dont ever ever tell a girl she gained weight" BS. As an ex fattie, I can honestly tell you that I didn't realized I was getting bigger. Only when a close relative had the balls to say it to me I took notice and did something about it. It's not a big deal to comment when your girlfriend or boyfriend is getting fatter. Better now, when is just a few pounds, than when she or he is a fucking whale. Good luck.

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  • She probably noticed that herself, hoping that you don't notice or don't comment on it and that you'll still love her regardless. If you didn't have a problem with it, then why did you mention it in the first place?

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    • 2mo

      I still love her no matter. She is not fat, she gained weight that is all. I understand it was stupid for me to say it and tomorrow im going to apologize for that. I never meant for her to take it that serious. It was my fault so i'll say sorry. She still looks good, i said it just to kinda let her know, i did not know that it would be that sensitive to her

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    • 2mo

      i spoke with her today and we're fine now :)

    • 2mo

      See, there you go. There was no need to worry after all. :)

  • Why point it out? She knows. Most people know.
    Her thought process is probably "he pointed it out bc he doesn't like it. "

    It would be different if you were like oh did you gain a little weight? You look really good or whatever. If you had no opinion of the weight gain you probably should've said nothing

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    • 2mo

      I still love her no matter. She is not fat, she gained weight that is all. I understand it was stupid for me to say it and tomorrow im going to apologize for that. I never meant for her to take it that serious. It was my fault so i'll say sorry.

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    • 2mo

      things are ok now :)

    • 2mo

      Good, good

  • She's being dramatic but why even mention it? Does it bother you? Unless she's panting for air after walking a flight of stairs, then I don't see the point in bringing it up.

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  • Bruh, whhhhhhhhhhhhhhy did you do that? You don't tell her she gained weight, I promise you, she already knows. You should tell her she's beautiful and you love her and she's gorgeous.

    Geez...

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    • 2mo

      im going to see her today and apologize, i mean she is not fat but gained some weight. Overall it does not bother me so i should of never said it, i kinda said it just to tell her about it but should of not said anyting. She still looks good , but i will just apologize today. She is still beautiful and gorgeous. I just noticed she put on some pounds but by no means is she fat. I thought she would take it differently but i guess not. I'll apologize today

  • Lol haha I am imagining my boyfriend telling me that I had gained a couple pounds and yes, I would be sad and upset. My first instinct would be to be hurt, astounded, and wonder if I'm attractive at all anymore. Then feel bad because I want to look good for him. Total downward spiral. But I would try not to take it too personally and quickly remember how to be rational and a few pounds is not the end of the world. Just lose the weight.

    So to fix this, simply explain to her that no matter what you still find her attractive and that you are terribly sorry. Explain to her the things you like about her (physical things would be good). And that she is in such good shape and her body is beautiful so she could lose the extra 5 pounds easily, IF SHE WANTED TO! Remember to add IF SHE WANTED TO. Either way it doesn't matter to you and you love her just the same. You will never be 100% forgiven on this, so shoot for about 85% forgiven.

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    • 2mo

      She is not fat and still looks good. I apologized today to her and told her that she still looked beautiful. All in all we're ok now. She is not fat or overweight, i didn't think she would take it serious. But now it's over. She said she wanted to lose a couple of pounds and i simply said ok. So things are ok now

  • You never ever tell a girl that she gained weight. Notice how I didn't say "fat" whether your girlfriend is fat or put on a few pounds it doesn't matter, you keep your mouth shut.

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  • NO NO NO MOTHERFUCKER NO
    NEVER EVER COMMENT ON A WOMAN'S WEIGHT !!!

    That is like penis size or height to a man. Consider you're punishments:

    A) Silent treatment
    B) Once word answers
    C) No sex for a month
    D) Staying at her moms

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    • 2mo

      She is not fat, she gained weight that is all. I understand it was stupid for me to say it and tomorrow im going to apologize for that. I never meant for her to take it that serious. I was dumb to say it and again she is not fat, i still love her. She has a good body but i didn't date her for her body, i dated her cause of her amazing personality too

    • 2mo

      if it didn't bother you you wouldn't have said it. Dont guilt yourself into thinking she is not fat or fatter. Deal with the issue dude

  • lmao! Omg you didn't. are you sure she's your girlfriend still?

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    • 2mo

      She is not fat, she gained weight that is all. I understand it was stupid for me to say it and tomorrow im going to apologize for that. I never meant for her to take it that serious. It was my fault so i'll say sorry. Yes she is still my girlfriend but i can tell she is not as happy as before and this is the reason why. I never meant it in a mean or nasty way

  • Woah you can't be serious, you sure don't know how women work.
    For her it's like you just said "you look like a fat cow" even though you didn't mean it in a bad way, girls take this kind of stuff very seriously, our appearance is very important for us and we care what people think, especially a partner.
    You fucked up, it's all I can say.

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    • 2mo

      She is not fat, she gained weight that is all. I understand it was stupid for me to say it and tomorrow im going to apologize for that. I never meant for her to take it that serious. I was dumb to say it and again she is not fat, i still love her. She has a good body but i didn't date her for her body, i dated her cause of her amazing personality too.

      I never ever wanted to hurt her in that way, i was approaching it as a joking way. But again tomorrow i'll say sorry and make it up to her. She is not fat, bu did gain some pounds. She still looks good and beautiful.

  • Prevention is better than cure so I find nothing wrong with telling her that she gained weight. It's faster to lose 10 pounds than 50 pounds.

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  • Why would you tell her that? Seriously it's so insensitive especially if it's not affecting her health e. g. If she's overweight

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  • No. It was honest.

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  • That's really rude... Especially from a boyfriend... :(

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    • 2mo

      She is not fat, she gained weight that is all. I understand it was stupid for me to say it and tomorrow im going to apologize for that. I never meant for her to take it that serious. I was dumb to say it and again she is not fat, i still love her. She has a good body but i didn't date her for her body, i dated her cause of her amazing personality too

    • 2mo

      Tell her that then. Never point out flaws in your SO unless your telling them how much you love them (but even then its better to just not...). If my boyfriend told me that he noticed i gained weight, even if im not fat and even if he doesn't mind, id still feel like shit. You made a mistake, that's fine. Learn from it and apologize for it :)

    • 2mo

      yeah. I won't do it again, i thought she would take it a bit better. My dad has been calling me fat for 8 years, but i brush it off (or at least try too). I dont think im fat, but he says i need to lose weight. But again i dont take it too serious. ill tell her im sorry tomorrow

  • Uh yeah she might have low self esteem and take it personal.

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What Guys Said 16

  • There are some things you can never "joke" about. Telling someone that one of their loved ones has died is never a joke. Telling your girlfriend that she has gained weight is never a joke.

    As a general rule, a joke is when you say something and somebody else laughs. Did anyone laugh when you said that she had packed on some pounds?

    Claiming that you said something as "a joke" is a very thin excuse for saying things that hurt others. "You are a complete moron with a little dick!" Hahaha. ROFL. Oh, I just meant it as a joke!

    Get the idea?

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  • There's nothing wrong with skipping a few meals. I do it all the time. I'm a powerlifter and recently started MMA training, and trying to drop weight to get to a competition weight. I've lost 9 lbs in the last 13 days alone by training a couple hours a day and eating almost nothing. Not feeling tired at all. I have lost some strength, but I still bench 335 @ 180, and you're going to lose strength whether you lose 9 lbs in 13 days or 13 weeks. Better to drop fat quick and bulk back up.

    Your approach with her is what you did wrong. You should have made it a team effort. You should have said something like, hey, we've both put on a few pounds, lets skip dinner and go do something fun or have great sex or whatever. Just apologize, tell her it came out wrong, and that you just want her to be happy and healthy, and that you two should do it together.

    Women are emotional and they react to the things you say emotionally, even if you make a logical statement. She just wants to know you find her attractive and the way you went about it makes her doubt if you do.

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  • Not only were you wrong but you win the clueless dumb ass award combined with a CRI with special circumstances. CRI is cranial rectal insertion. Leave that topic completely alone unless there's a compliment in it or you're ready to take the heat for saying something.

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  • Women take everything so literally like that. Once a female friend of mine showed me one of her pics back when she was 5 years younger. I told her as a joke "Woah! You used to be a hottie, what happened?" and she took that as "You are so fat and ugly now", called me mean, and went crying on her friends' shoulders for 2 weeks after even though I told her multiple times I was joking. She acted like everything was fine the whole time after that too, I had to find out I made her a depressed wreck and she was mad at me from a mutual friend. That was 16 years ago, these days I play it safe simply don't include them in my jokes and don't take them to comedy clubs out of fear of the comedian picking her out of the audience for his routine. As far as telling them my honest opinion of they don't want it they shouldn't ask for it and I don't volunteer it if it's going to be viewed negatively.

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    • 2mo

      You literally told her she wasn't hot anymore. And you don't think it's offensive? She let it bother her too much but of course it would bother her

    • 2mo

      @RachelBrigs it was a joke and I was kidding, and I immediately told her so afterwords. I mean hell guy friends/bro's say things like this to each other all the time and hardly any take it seriously or personally, it's meant to be funny.

  • Did you tell her because you actually thought she wasn't aware? Because -- no offense -- but that would be so, so dumb. lol

    Trust me dude. She already knew. She was already not thrilled with it before you decided to point it out.

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  • You fucked up bro. Now you gotta fix it

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    • 2mo

      ill apologize tomorrow to her. I didn't mean it in a bad way, didn't know she was that sensitive but ill tell her

    • 2mo

      You better right out your apology for us to see so you don't acrew shit up even more OP

  • She's going to be very self conscious about it for awhile. All you can do is give it time. Let her know through your actions that you love her and find her attractive. Should blow over in awhile

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  • I've told a girl that once, and she definitely wasn't happy at first, but I had a particularly good dialogue with her, and it ended up working out fine after a couple minutes of talk. I doubt it would work in a normal situation, but we've basically sworn each other to honesty about stuff like this. Overall it just makes everything easier.

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  • Some things can be told in an acceptable ways. With skill full talk every delicate problem can be tackled.

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  • telling her is tough. Losing interest in her becuase she gained weight is the alternative.

    Best bet - find a girl with a thin mother who has good health habits like diet and like working out.

    This is a very tough situation, especially in the industrial food inactive worlk we live in.

    most 20 year olds do not have the experience to understand this

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  • Sounds like something I would do lol. Women are too sensitive sometimes.

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  • Dude how dumb are you? Like anyone else in the world and I wouldn't say that but you never tell your girlfriend she is looking fat unless maybe if she were getting unhealthy. Thats gonna take some serious working to fix man.

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  • no its cool.

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  • Why should you tell her that?
    If she is not fat, and if she is happy why would you ever say something?
    You are her boyfriend and not her daddy, soo stop pretending you are her daddy and mind your own business.

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  • No, she is reacting incorrectly. Not you. She seems like an idiot to me. Her weight is clearly something she can change if it bothers her so much...

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  • It's not wrong. She wouldn't hesitate to complain about you if you got fat, or loss your job.

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