Why don't guys approach me?

I am just wondering why guys don't approach me in general? I'm in college right now, so I'm currently surrounded with a ton of potential suitors. I'm a girl with a whole lot of heart, depth, and passion. I'm smart, down to earth, and very caring as well. I know how much I have to offer the world, but more often than not I feel misunderstood and rejected. I have gotten attention from guys before, but it's always been the wrong kind of attention. So I'm wondering if it's because guys think I'm unattractive or maybe standoffish. I am shy at times, mostly in new experiences and environments. I've been told that I don't always come across as looking like I'm super happy and friendly due to the occasional blank facial expression, but as a person that embraces growth and self-improvement, I always try to put off more friendly vibes. I try to subtly smile in hallways and look confident, but I'm not perfect... I do have my bad days as college is full of stress, lost sleep, and work overloads. So I'm just looking for a second opinion here?:)


0|0
1|23

Most Helpful Guy

  • When I was much younger, college age, I was extremely shy to approach really attractive girls. Honestly I used to think most were out of my league, we're taken or hit on all the time by guys who I felt appealed to them more then myself. SO yes, you have tons of potential suiters and thats possibly part of the problem. Can be pretty intimidating. So many girls find themselves in relationships with
    guys who give the wrong kind of attention as you say due to how assertive they can be. They can't hold themselves back and feel the need to be macho to impress you.

    Most others hold back, find you SO attractive they clam up. In addition guys themselves are probably just as stressed and caught up in their activities, homework etc. Guys don't pursue girls like they used to I've found and don't make the first moves much anymore due to the reasons I've listed above.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Guys don't even approach me, not even for the wrong reasons like you.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      Do you have any theories as to why that is?

    • 1mo

      I know that when I do catch a guy staring, I never smile (yet, I do stare back). So I guess, I never give off signals to let a guy know I am interested. I guess I get scared that if I show interest, he might not be interested anymore and he won't approach. I am shy too so I don't make a lot of eye contact with a guy (unless he is staring at me). When I do happen make eye contact with a guy who is not staring at me, he never looks at me so I figure he isn't interested.

      In short, with guys who are interested in me, I never give off signals that I want to be approached. With guys who I may be interested in, I guess they aren't attracted to me/don't look my way, and obviously will not approach me.

What Guys Said 22

  • a lot of it is that a lot of guys have been tuaght or show that approaching women does not work and is in unwelcomed. In my college no one talks outside of class. Everyone in the halls is on their phone. People only talk to those that they know. For me being a great person who is fairly outgoing and always happy. It bugs me that no one is talking with each other.
    I'm sure that I have been around hundreds of great men and women who would hit it off great and start dating if the atmosphere were different.
    Now to often people rely on tech or friends to find a date. Instead of talking to new poeple to do so.
    As for you finding a bunch of losers. I suggest that you display a symbol of your religion or make it clear to them every early on that you won't open up your legs without a ring.
    I wear my Christain pendant and it has turned a few girls off of even being my friend and when I explained it to a blind date she just left after a few choice remarks. It has also helped me make several new friends who I would have normally not made without it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You're extremely hot and rejection could be devastating or you appear out of their league or you don't look interested. A girl that shows interest with her eyes is always worth a guys time. My advice just enjoy the moment.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Wrong kind of attention? Meaning they just want to fuck? Its your age guys just wanna fool around in college.. Try dating older guys.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Maybe being shy is a turn off in a way. Like how all the girls who are really chatty will have a better chance at finding a potential suitor because the guys will get to know them faster. Thus fall for them faster. That would leave the people who aren't as chatty on the bench, not in the field. Figuratively speaking.

    1|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      I completely understand what your saying and I mean it only makes sense that they would initially go for the women that are more outgoing because they are showing the most interest. The only thing I can really do is to work on overcoming that inherent setback and just try to put myself out there. Thank you.

  • No one would think you're unattractive, if that profle pic is you. Standoffish is much more likely. Either that or intimidating. Body language is the most important. You have to let the guys know that it's okay to approach. Why would they just walk up to a random girl? That's like sexual harrassmemt. Especially these days, and especially in college. It's in your hands. You have to find a way to let them know it's okay to approach. Either that or find guys via friends. That's the best way.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you want to be approached, you can up your odds by going places where people will be relaxed and social, making eye contact, smiling.

    Or, you could also try talking to guys.

    2|0
    0|0
  • If I remember correctly, there has been a lot of noise about sexual assault on college campuses. Men have been made to watch videos about not being a creep / predator.

    Read this link www.washingtonexaminer.com/.../2552346

    ''Thanks to an increased focus on sexual assaults on college campuses – mostly due to an overblown statistic claiming 20 percent of college women have been sexually assaulted – young college men are starting to rethink how they talk to women.''

    ''This is about men actually avoiding contact with women because they’re afraid a simple kiss or date could lead to a sexual assault accusation.''

    0|2
    0|0
  • Would you be nice or would I have to go through the bitch shield filter test?

    Honestly, so tired from work that I have no interest in being social atm.

    1|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      Nope not at all. I am a very kind and caring person, but one thing that is frustrating is this idea that women have to find this balance between being mysterious and being open. We're told that guys like women that someone times play hard to get.

  • Find a club and hang out there for a while, find another club and hang out there for a while, keep doing it until you find a group of people you like and then you will be able to meet all sorts of people.

    If you really feel like guys aren't giving you enough attention then you need to take matters into your own hands. Go out there and meet perople!!

    0|0
    0|0
  • You are very beautiful and it's common that most beautiful females reject most guys so they probably assume you will reject them

    0|0
    0|0
  • First things first you are beautiful young girl and you sound lovely with a good heart. A guy would be very lucky to know you, be patient and you will meet right guy for you in time.

    0|1
    0|1
    • 1mo

      We have no idea whether a guy would be lucky to know her. Do we know what bad habits she has? hygiene? how she sounds? her energy? We don't know anything.

    • 1mo

      @Truthatanycost
      Your right. You don't know me. While I have nothing to prove to anyone, I know how to take care of myself and and switch gears when needed. I'm perfect by no means... but I'm only human. One thing that I will say is that I'm a Christian. As a Christian, the opinions of the world that claim judgements on me don't matter, because my God knows that I'm beautiful. I was created through his eyes, but he's fully aware that humans are a work in progress. I always strive to be a better version of me everyday. I'm not trying to sound preachy, but I know who I am and what I have to offer...:)

    • 1mo

      I get what you are saying but your point ''I have nothing to prove to anyone'' and ''the opinions of the world that claim judgements on me don't matter'' are false.

      Even though we are spiritual beings in a physical plain and are loved and seen as perfect by our creator, as human beings, we do, to some extent have something to prove to others and the opinions of others do matter to some extent.

      For example, you are asking why guys don't approach you so the opinion of you that those guys have in general does matter because it determines whether they approach or not. You do have something to prove in a sense because you want guys to see you for what you are.

      Now if you are just talking about some stranger behind a keyboard on the internet then I can see your point but then here you are, asking all of us strangers for an opinion.

      As both physical and spiritual beings, we do care about each others opinions of each other to various extents and that has a huge impact on our lives.

  • I think there's a ton of guys wanting to talk to you, and be your friend, maybe they find you intimidating, i have wanted to talk to people many times and then I don't do it for fear they will reject me or laugh or who knows

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think you might shy with guys.. I think you might not expess your self..

    2|0
    0|0
  • THIS is the logical consequence when society deems it duty to marginalize/demonize/and slander men for being true to their rightful and natural masculine nature. Truth be told the majority of of woman only have orifices/holes to offer wiht nary an original thought or any real tangible to offer with the cost of association being not even worth bothering (if one views the exchange of bodily fluids and antibiotic resistant STD's something worth having LULZ!) When society makes men the ENEMY #1, rest assured thelament ationsofwomen just like you (BOO freaking hoo!!) will grow exponentially. The thought of millions of twats in utter and total despair to the point of and actualization of suicidal ideations for fear of being alone truly is giving me a massive schadenboner. Must... GO... FAP!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Why don't you girls approach us?

    0|2
    0|0
  • who says guys have to? you obviously dont approach them. guys are commonly rejected, so due to that, guys are taught that girls dont want us.
    so, if you like a guy just approach him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wish girls approached me. That would be really cool.

    But seriously... many guys can be shy or dating someone. It's hard to tell.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your pretty to me

    0|0
    0|0
  • You're cute, it's probably because you're standoffish. Guys don't like that

    0|0
    0|0
  • Guys who are looking for committed relationships tend to be the more shy timid ones.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Have you tried talking to them?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know I mean in my case there have been many instances where I want to approach a girl that I notice but I'm too nervous too approach her because im not sure what to say to her

    1|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      If I could tell everyone in this world one thing, it would be to act on your fears! I wrote a whole article about it in my blog @ foodforthought256. wordpress. com
      I know putting yourself out there isn't easy and the fear of rejection can be daunting, but think about it this way: would you rather live with the guilt or curiosity than remains after not going after what you want or would you rather go after it at least knowing you tried? The answer lies in your hands. I know that we all have our good and bad days, so if your feeling to nervous to do it one day, then do it on a different day when you feel better about it. Even I need to remind myself about my own advice as well. But believe me, I am working to put myself out there more. I've tried gatherin a couple numbers myself in the past, and despite being turned down the few times I asked, I still felt good about doing it.

    • Show All
    • 1mo

      @Danielstairclimber How did you eventually learn?

    • 1mo

      men , I am ashamed of my self thinking back now. I consider myself above an 8 in terms of looks, but and I m confident when it comes to other things, but its just social interactions, and especially girls, and i wish I could be 10 years younger to correct all those mistakes, I wish someone had couached me, I was too shy, and msitakenly saw it approaching and getting sex an impossible achievement. But you have to know one thing, girls like to be approached and get horny, so its better to say anything than to say nothing. but t o answer your question specifically, I learn best by watching other people do things, so yea you have to be jerky and incorporate being funny, and loose fear of emberrasment/rejection, watch videos of different way to pick up girls, read the books by paul janka. In my case it was such a tragedy, because like I said I was even given signs to approach by very pretty girls, and I just did not close the deal through because i did not know how , yes i was that pathetic

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

Loading...