Muslim men and dating?

What should I know about dating a Muslim man? He's lived in America for 10 years and has adapted very much to the American way of living, so I don't think he's very strict with his religion. But I notice differences in our culture and want to know what I should about our differences... Anyone have any insights about their views? I've read a lot of crazy things on the internet and I'm sure he can't be that bad...

Thanks for all your answers - this has really been educational. He's a Turkish guy from Cyprus in Europe. He seems to not practice his religion really at all but I hope I'm not being tricked into being a fling while he has an arranged marriage or a desire to marry a Muslim girl back home (after reading your answers now I'm worried). He just told me it's OK for him to have girl friends stay over his place but I can't do the same with my guy friends. What is that?!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm a Muslim guy and I wouldn't mind marrying or dating someone outside of my culture at all. My parents might care a little, but then it would depend on how nice the girl is, is she someone I would take home to my mom?

    It also depends on how conservative the family is and where they are from. (Pakistani Muslims are way more strict than Indian Muslims generally speaking) I do know that with Hinduism or any Indian culture, its a lot easier for the guy to marry someone outside the culture than with Muslims however. For instance, an acquaintance of mine, the lead singer of Lucky Boys Confusion, is married to a white girl. I know other Hindus that are married to white people. Even South Indians (most of which are Christian) have no problem marrying white people, but again, it all depends on the family and community that family belongs to. Some people are strict on sect, for example some Patels will only marry other Patels or people in their caste system. But then again, you have families here where the parents are laid back and don't give a phuck who you marry. With Muslims though its difficult, they despise even marriage between Muslims and Hindus, even if they are from the same country. But like I said, its family specific. If things do work out, you might have to convert to Islam or make some sacrifices, like give up pork. However, if he really loves you, he would be willing to make some sacrifices as well, as in the beginning it might be difficult for people to accept, but eventually they will not care, especially when the babies come along. It also depends on the Muslim sect too. For instance, in my sect, there are already a few people that married outside the culture, one guy married a black woman, and one married a white woman. And one woman married a Hispanic guy, people were taken back a little but no one really cares. If I marry a white girl people might be like "whoa, cool" some might be like "whoa, why?" but at the end no one really would care.

    • Same here; wouldn't mind marrying a non-Muslim girl, as long as mutual respect exists between us. Conservative parents tends to obstruct this practice nowadays, merely because previously they had no (or little) contact with the outside world and prejudice and bias surfaced.

    • Lao vi mitro mai hazara singh delhi wala

      Jeno UK de vich dara keya janda

      Lao vi ishq de mamaley de vich

      Babey aaj kal Bapu oh interfere kardey ah

      Oh interfere kardey ah ta una de varey khuj keya gaya

      Jara goor hovey jara goor hovey.

      --RDB: Song, Bapu

    • lol I realized no one down hated you and I think I have an idea why...the very same who are opinionated on hating and stereotyping people probably looked at your answer and said holy sh*t I'm not reading all of that, requires brain activity! lol

What Guys Said 14

  • -Not all Muslims have arranged marriages.

    -Yes, there's a double morality concerning what guys are allowed to do and what girls are allowed to do. (non Muslims too have a double standards: 'Hvis standarder er gode, dobbeltmoral er dobbelt sea godt.' (Danish saying: if standards are good, double standards are twice as good)

    -He'll probably want to raise your children in his belief.

    -Family influence often is important.

  • American, another American, another American, oh look, a canadian...

    Screw the opinions of others. Keep an open mind, an emergency eject button handy, make your own opinions, and do it all through your own experiences. We're Northern America. Our worldly political correctness only goes skin deep. The media we have at our disposal is highly selective and unless you know of some open source sites you can't get any unfiltered information.

    As for "Not without my daughter"... American publisher... "based" on a true story... it's one persons story. Dose anyone really want to base their opinion on so little?

  • The fact that he is dating for the sake of dating, and that too outside his religion; that says that he is not a practiving Muslim. So, don't even take him as a Muslim.

  • I don't see why dating will be a problem.Don't you think that you date someone to know about them before making any further decision?

    Date him and get to know him and his culture ,his lifestyle,his point of view towards his religion and different stuff like that if you are comfortable then move forward and if not the Hasta Lavista baby Jesus.!

  • watch "Not wthout my daughter"

    • it's based on things that happened on 1980's so maybe things have changed since then and anyways that's just the worst case scenario. not everybody are like that...

    • lol your right I was just being a troll, but idk, everyones different... good luck though

    • fact: so called honot killings are very rare and exist in every other religion including CHRISTIANITY should google it if you don't believe me

  • I've dated Muslim women before and have a few male Muslim friends. You can't really generalize how they are when dating. Some are very religious, others are strict about following tradition despite not being religious, some are very liberal and even drink, smoke and eat pork. It strongly depends on how they were raised and educated as well as the country they grew up in. Having grown up in Europe, I assume he'd be a bit more open-minded due to other influences besides religion. Just to be on the safe side though, until you get a commitment, don't put all your eggs in one basket.

  • Apparently in the Quran, Muslim men are allowed to their other races/religions but Muslim women can't. It's made to increase Muslims population cause in their ideology the children take the mans religion.

    • Muslim men are only allowed to marry non-Muslim women (without conversion) who follow either of the two holy books: Bible and Torah. So, they can't marry non-Muslim women who practise idolatry, for example, Hindu women. And Muslim women can't marry non-Muslim (regardless of the race) men without the man converting to Islam, but they can marry a Muslim man of whatever race...Source: I'm a Muslim girl. Just like to clear up on a few things. :)

  • I would stay away from any religious people personally.

    • Agreed. Not for nothing but many religious people only try to push their beliefs on others.

  • very simple..ask himif he is OK you being in swim pool on bikinis...

    drinking on fdriday nights in bar...try these things before ever dream about dating

    good luck

  • You shouldn't really listen to the stereotypes about Muslims. Sometimes guys hurt women and sometimes they dont, it depends on whether he is a good guy or not and how well he was raised, not on his race or religion. Also Muslims for different countries have much different cultures. If you are going to be overly skeptical and judgmental of him because of his religion what ignorant islamophobes say about it on the internet then just leave him, he doesn't deserve to be judged that way. As for the guy/girl sleeping over, you should confront him and tell him that it should be both ways. Some Muslim women are very happy with the way they are treated in their countries and would love to live back there. Some of them live like queens with maids cleaning and cooking and the husbands working for money and some are happy doing all the cooking and cleaning while the husband works. Its more of a cultural thing that you shouldn't worry about.

    • not saying I agree with those traditional roles but just giving some insight on their cultural perspective. I personally think two people should really know each other and maybe live together for a couple of years at least to see whether they're compatible or not.. Sex before Islam is a sin and sins should be forgiven easily because Islam isn't a strict religion contrary to popular belief. The people who go to extremes like a lot of pakistani people do it because its their culture

  • Im a Muslim I have have many friends married from christian girls & living a happy life,

    I jst depends on his culture & the wau he environment he used to live in

    As long as he has no problem in dating u, I think he'll never has any problems wz a complete relationship

  • What shouldn't you know about dating a Muslim man.

    I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND reading "Not Without My Daughter". Don't just watch the movie, read the book. Seriously. I cannot stress this enough.

    That's what a lot of western women get tricked into thinking "I'm sure he can't be that bad".

    It's a part of islam to convert the western world by marriage, and if you want to go perpetuating that, sure. but you can be sure that it will be restrictive on your freedoms. *shudder*

    • Honestly, I have nothing against Muslim people themselves, it's their chameleon-like religious texts that allows them to say one thing and then say another thing completely contradictory. (hence why they can say they are a "religion of peace")

      Another thing to keep in mind.. if you moved back to a country where Islamic law was in place, there's a good chance that the guy could have several wives, including you.. I wouldn't be too happy about that if I were a woman..

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    • Lmao..calling me a troll too eh? says the anon user who is labeling all Muslims (billions of people) as psychopaths who will murder their daughters. Just because it happens by Pakistanis sometimes doesn't make every single Muslim whether they be Turkish, Spanish or other the same. Stay an ignorant trolling hater with no argument. If Islam was so wrong surely respected members of Congress in the States won't be allowed to practice right? LMAO

    • fact: so called honot killings are very rare and exist in every other religion including CHRISTIANITY should google it if you don't believe me

  • You should know that they hate Christians, there was a news story where a Muslim man raped a christian woman because she was talking about the christian religion.

    • Well I guess not all Muslim's hate Christains since I'm Christian and he's never had a prblem with it - he seemed more concerned when he first thought I was Jewish in the beginning.

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    • Muslims hate Christians? That's an utter fallacy. As a Muslim, got loads of Christians friends as well as Hindu friends; and I've got to admit that I never based my opinions of people on prejudice. Christians shared so many similarities with us, and I always wanna learn more on it while I advocate the teachings of Islam (not the deceitful propaganda on TV, but the actual doctrines) to my friends which they wholly admire.

    • No they don't hate Muslims or Jews... link

What Girls Said 21

  • I would pass. After my ex, I said forget it. They are really nice and everything, but my ex's mom just made me stop considering dating Muslim men. She would call my phone calling me a whore and stuff, just very uneccessary. And his uncle told me he can't talk to me anymore because I'm American... -__- The guy you are interested may be everything you want and look for, but his family on the other hand? That's something to worry about.

  • I am a Christian and while in college I was the only Christian in my circle of friends and the remaining were all Muslims... I never had any problems mingling with them what so ever... some of my best friends are Muslims you cannot generalize ...u will come across conservative people in any religion...It all depends on the family upbringing ...all my friends were from good affluent families ...and they were very liberal ...few of them would even drink instead of just looking at the religion look at the person he is ...

    Fyi Muslims don't eat pork so keep that in mind... and remember terrorism doesn't have any religion ...

    all the best ...

    • I'm not racist, some of my best friends are black

      I'm not religionist, some of my best friends are Muslims

      I'm not a pedofile, some of my best friends are kids...

      Wait no!

    • lol, don't listen to this kid, he is an inexperienced coward who stirs up conspiracies about Muslims because his Muslim girlfriend wouldn't marry him then he makes ridiculous links and blocks you...just ignore him :)

  • If you are not willing to convert to islam don't marry him and don't by any means travel to his home country if he asks you. Just know that if you do travel to his country you should guard your passport with your life. Have fun with him if you really like him but be wary of the consecuences if you do marry him and move to his land. Usually in Muslim countries you haveno rights as a woman so guard your passport.

    • Its funny I hear that middle eastern males are skeptical to marry and have children with an American woman because Americans are treated better and she can easily leave the country with his kids.

  • There wil be a lot of double standards. He won't want you to have any guy friends but it will be OK for him to have friends that are girls. Drinking will be out of the question for him but he might not care if you drink. It really could go both ways. Some Muslim guys marry outside of their race and end up treating their wives very well. Others would never even consider being serious with someone outside their race and are just killing time before their family finds them a girl from their own country. Islam does say that it is OK for a man to marry and non-Muslim but a girl cannot because of how the kids will be raised. I don't know any turkish guys so I can't tell you how their culture is. I know more about arabs and persians. There is one way of maybe knowing what his intentions are. If he just seems interested in sex then you have your answer. If he tries to enforce some beliefs on you like how you dress and other things then maybe he could be interested in you as a future wife. I wouldn't get to attached until you know what his intentions are. You also need to decide whether you will be able to handle the double standards cause it won't be easy. I think its pretty shady that he thinks its OK for a girl friend to stay over at his house and that you can't do the same thing. It shouldn't be OK for either of you to do that. This is just the beginning so be prepared and be careful.

    • I confronted him about the double standard and he said he was kidding about my not being able to sleepover guys (I know he wasn't) but he tried to pretend he didn't care about all of these things so he can do them. He didn't understand why I was so upset and that hurt my feelings. We've had sex and he always talks about it but we're not boyfriend/girlfriend yet and that worries me that he just thinks of me as someone fun :(

    • I'm sorry to say but I think your right. I wouldn't get too attached just yet and the way they think is very different. I am used to it cause I myself am Middle Eastern but I know these guys and how their mind works. If you have sex with them to soon then they pretty much have their minds made up about what kind of person you are even though they sleep with girls like its nothing. Just find yourself someone with the same religious beliefs as you. It makes it a lot easier. Good luck!

  • Hey! Just poking in! :P I love Arabic guys and a lot of them are Muslim so just stopping by to look at your answers :)

    I've dated a Muslim before, a Kuwaiti from Kuwait, and although he was SUPPOSEDLY Muslim lol, he did some very un-Islamic things! For one, he was not a virgin. The Muslim girl he lost his virginity to wasn't a virgin either. Although he was always extremely respectful towards me and honored the fact that I'm a virgin who's not just giving it up, I got the impression he's the type that would hook up with girls sexually. Maybe not just have sex with anyone, but if he knew enough about her as a girl and her sexual past, then he'd probably take and return sexual favors. He also went through a phase where he would drink a lot, get really drunk, and not remember what happened. He parties and goes to sleezy clubs. I think the strict, confining rules of the Muslim religion and his culture created a lot of curiousity. Then that curiosity actually lead him to be kind of wild because he felt deprived from a lot of experiences. So yeah, keep in mind that this is 2011 and the rules of Islam are kind of outdated with society so there will be some Muslim guys who don't follow them the way they're supposed to.

    You really have to be careful though because most of the time, us non-Muslim girls are just for practice...

    • Aww this makes me sad :( "just for practice" I hope he doesn't look at me this way, but I guess there's a possibility he could

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    • People have different beliefs and attitudes regardless of culture. I didn't say it's not a guy think, but I'm saying it's more likely to happen when a guy is arranged to be married to someone else or if she's not a Muslim and he plans on raising his kids to believe Islam. You can make all the exscuses you want, but I'm pretty sure there's a huge difference.

    • excuses for what? lol. I don't know anyone in my whole family, Mom and fathers side who is in an "arranged" marriage. There's probably more Egyptians married to European/North Americans than Egyptians married to Kuwaitis lol. My aunt herself married a white guy and all he did was "convert" although he doesn't know a word from the Quran. Just sayin

  • based on your update: Yeah Muslim men won't let you stay over at a man's house but he can't either. That's not about him being Muslim, that's just him as a person and it's wrong that he thinks he has the right to do so while involved in a relationship.

  • im Muslim :)

    it depends if he's religious or not

    and where he's from( which country )

    in islam sex before marriage is prohibited , although some people do have sex , it depends on how he's involved in his religion and what he thinks

    i don't think there much problem with dating him apart from the above lol

    good luck ! :)

    • Thanks - he's from Cypress and is Turkish. I don't think he's too religious since he doesn't seem to behave in the way that many say he would. We've had sex before marriage and we've got a very modern American relationship going on I'd say. We go out and party and sleepover, etc.

    • I dated a Muslim from Kuwait who was not a virgin and lost his virginity to a girl who wasn't a virgin. I also know a Lebanese girl who is definitely nowhere near a virgin! :P I bet if you go to a p*rn website, you'll see tons of Muslims screwing on camera. So even though sex is supposeed to be prohibited before marriage in Islam, a lot of people don't follow that rule.

      I knew some cool Arab Muslims in high school who were not virgins in the slightest bit, yet claimed to be so religious

  • I'm a Muslim and also a Turkish, west part of Turkey and also Cyprus aren't generally so religious; if he's not practising his religion, drinks and can easily talk about sex and that kind of stuff and does, that means he's not religious. Now, we are on Ramadan, look if he fasts or not (a religious exercise of a part of Muslims, not all). It depends also the country and there are lots of young people in Turkey who don't care about religion (like me), we just carry the Muslim title without practising it. And there are also lots of sects of Islam (like Evangelics and Catholics in Christianity), so not every Muslim practises same way. Don't believe everything on the internet, the bad influence of September 11th still continues, prejudices and biased people are everywhere. Say him "selam" from me, I think he would agree with my thoughts.

  • Muslim is different from culture. For instances an Egyptian Muslim is different from a Pakistani Muslim because of their culture. Is he Arab at all? Maybe he was born in Europe? I need more info.

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    • knowmeyourself owned shani

    • I know she did. :P

  • well... I won't call him "bad" or "harmful" just because his culture might be different from yours. most probably his family will call you "bad" and "harmful". so the problem here is whether your and his upbringing and views might become a hindrance. yes its quiet possible. it may work if both you and him are capable of respecting each others individuality...but its no mean feat to do that. its much easier to live with a person who shares the same background...culture is a huge factor..its not everyone's cup of tea to understand and adapt to a different culture..

    the internet can't tell you anything about this man..u know him better. so you decide

    • and please don't read books and watch movies to understand a particular person. the advise this guy above gave is the stupidest thing ever. know to him...ask him... be with him...this will tell you whether it will work or not.

  • Muslim men think that women are not equal to men in any respect...In fact, Muslim women are often put down and are second to the husband and must do everything that the husband tells them to do. That should explain why he told you it's OK for him to have girl friends stay over at his place but you can't do the same.

    • To enlighten yourself, here is some textures directly retrieved from the Coran that can guide you through the steps of understanding the true position of women is Islam; you'll only be able to comprehend it if you put your ego aside and minimise your ignorance (everyone is ignorant, in one way or the other).

      --> link

    • I would never read the Koran, nor do I care enough to do so

    • lol, I think QA knows better than to take advice from someone living in a very indiverse and generally not race/other religion friendly. :)

  • My best friend who is 23 and Muslim was born in Saudi-Arabia, and has had dual citizenship his whole life. People who tend to say negative things about Muslims are being hypocritical most of the time. I truly do believe it can work for you too.

  • Get out while you can if you already havent. I dated a Muslim man for 5 years we have a child and rearranged a marriage from another country behind my back. That is what they do. I will never date a middle eastern man again.

  • My experience with Turkish Muslims, male and female, is that they are pretty down to earth sane people. Put it this way. BOTH my brothers are seeing Turkish Muslim girls, one of my brothers is living with his police officer Girlfriend and both families love my catholic cultured (atheist) brothers. So I think you should be alright, but if its still early days, keep your eyes peeled for strange behavior .

  • this is ridiculous. how can you expect all of us to tell you how the guy is based on what religion he practices. nobody knows him...nobody has talked to him... how can you rely on what everyone is telling u. just go with your instinct.

  • ehhh I've heard its a bad idea to date/marry a Muslim their religion is too extreme and horrible for women especially. I think Muslim men will date outside their religion and have sex with non Muslim women but they will only marry a virgin Muslim religious girl. here in new york I've witnessed at least 10 stories like that with my Muslim friends and schoolmates.

    im being honest I don't mean to offend anyone who is Muslim but islam is just not my cup of tea. I like all other religions though theyre cool.

    • If you are trying to seem less prejudice and judgmental with that last statement, you have not succeeded. 10 stories huh? Ok, well there are over 100 different type of Muslims from different sects, cultures and families who have different beliefs. What were their nationalities. Were they born in the States? were they white? (a lot of people are converting these days, 20000 per year)

      I have 2 cousins married to christians and at least 2 friends also. God bless Canada :)

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    • lol, I already have a girlfriend and I don't care what an anon biggot thinks. :) where did I show anger? you are the one being prejudiced against billions of people :)

  • I don't know your friend...and as much as I hate to stereotype, here's my advice...Honey, run NOW while you have the chance. A friend of mine dated and loved, a Muslim man from a relatively liberal part of the Middle East. He was (very well) educated in Europe and the West, and in many cases had far more liberal views than her. He too didn't actively practice his religion. They were planning a life together, building a business together until he found out she was pregnant. Conveniently his Muslim and family "values" then became the center of his life. He wanted her to have an abortion and felt he had say so over her body and her right to choose. Long story short, she left him for fear of her life, because he made violent threats to her when she would not agree to have an abortion. Subsequently, he said he wanted nothing to do with her or the baby and made violent threats against her if she ever brought the baby to him or his family. She's now free of him, but is still stunned that this once "loving", "well-mannered" and "caring" man, could turn out to be so misogynistic and evil. Be careful! As much as I hate to believe it, cultural norms and values play significant roles in relationships.

    • Sorry to hear about this, but I think any guy is capable of reacting the same way, despite his religion so as much as I see what you're saying, it could have just been circumstantial.

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    • *Sorry, I meant thank god the QA disagrees.

      Anyway, I'm terribly sorry for your friend. That's a horrible situation she was in. I'm glad she's out of it.

    • lol keep assuming stereotypes...can I play too? All Christian priests moleste children so little boys NEVER go to church orelse you know what will happen to you. How was that?

  • I was hesitating on whether I should answer this or not since many people have already answered so I hope my answer is appreciated.. I will make what I say short and if you have a question you can ask :]

    If you do not want to understand his culture/religion then don't date him, if you do date him then you must know more about it. in any relationship understanding is key. it all depends on how far you too would go into understanding each other.. he might lower his strictness because your American or you might adapt to him because he's Muslim.. one way or another it really depends on how far you two are wiling to understand each other.

  • depends on how strict he is..Im a Muslim woman and Muslim men in general don't like their women to wear revealing clothes because its just unnecessary and grabs too much attention. Also they think a woman shouldn't really try to impress other men by showing off what Allah gave them for other purposes. ( breasts to breastfeed , vagina to reproduce, butt obviously to sh*t) Another thing you should know about Muslim Men is Muslim men are kinda overprotective but the degree of it depends on the culture and family. Muslim men don't like their manhood to be questioned. Pride is very important. Don't hurt their ego. Treat them like a man and get treated like a woman. It is wrong that western women think Muslim men oppress women and treat them like sh*t, depending on the man, yes but there is a sense of protection... honor is everything to a Muslim man. Family is very important. Its very important that you don't question his faith by what you see in the media and don't ridicule his family or faith. Do not bring gay people around him being real gay around him he won't like that. Also do not talk struff about his momma. good luck

  • I'm a Muslim and I'm telling you it depends more on his culture than his religion. I'm Egyptian and we're totally different from Muslims in the gulf area for example. Tell me where he's from and I'll tell you more about him.

    • @update: he's not a practicing Muslim. How he'll treat you depends on his culture not relgion. I don't know a lot about Turkish people culture, I'm sorry. Muslim people are different everywhere. The culture & the socity he lived in is what should your question be about. Good luck.

    • I think you need to talk to Shani. Look at my answer. :\

    • Im Turkish, ask me.

  • I'm a Muslim and if there is one thing I know is that 90% of what you see on the net isn't true we date if that's what your asking , we also makeout and all ... the only thing we dobn't do is sex before marrige and if you wanna know anything else just ask :)

    p.s: we don't hate Christians or Jew and if you think that Jew love Christians you couldn't be more wrong I live in isreal and Jew hate all Arab including Christians tho only really religion Jew hate as so bad the rest are like yaa they can go to hell what ever and one last thing my bff is a Christian so we really don't hate you its just stereotypes