Did she use me as rebound?

Hi, my story as I understand it. I met a girl, over a dating side. Pretty soon she told me about her past relationship, that got broken about 6 month we first met. She told me a lot about it, how long this rs was going on ( 9 years), that her former men cheated on her and left her...After a couple days of chatting I already knew a lot about her past relationship. And! that she is still friends with this person.

Alright, we started calling each other, a week after we wrote the first messages and I started to read her a small story every evening, cause she likes tales and stories. We continued reading and chatting for about a month, and then she asked me out for a date. I avoided to ask her first, cause I had the feeling of her being still hanging on her old relationship to hard, that she´s not over it.

We met and it was nice and funny. So we had another date a week later in the zoo and the day ended us lying in the grass of the Park...kissing for hours.

Then everything happened pretty fast. I visited her every weekend, straight eleven weeks in a row, and we made the plan to visit Thailand( she´s a diver and loves this country...but unfortunately it both was introduced to her from her former men friend...so she has lot´s of memories good and bad for this country).

So far no one of us, really talked about feelings, but the weekend were great and she said to me that I am good for her and that she likes spending time with me.

Ok, we went to Thailand, the place she visited with her ex times and times, and she broke down emotionally. Totally. Crying tears and she asked me often for her giving space and time to be alone. She cried a couple times before at home and I was not sure how to react, cause I didn't want to say to her that I'm sorry for her last relationship, you know, I was the guy who wanted to be with her...future! Not past!

Back home from Thailand, after 14 hours of flight, we both were pretty exhausted and hit the bed. Next morning she said to me that she belief´s in the " love of a live", but that she has not that great feelings for me. And that we never really talked about feelings...

I packed my stuff and said to her, that she could write me something if she wanted to do so. And she did. That she compared me and her ex, that she is not sure about her decision...and that she feels bad at the moment.

I wrote her a love letter, that I love her and I want to go with her into the future...

She kept me waiting three weeks without an answer, some days she sent messages to me that she misses me and that she likes my letter...after this time of torture/ waiting her answer came by Email. That she doesn't love me, even if I am a great guy, affectionate, faithful and very special...

All in all, I did not get any real answers. She cried tears for her lost love, I figured ( she denied) but tears don't lie. I tried a lot to get emotionally closer to her...but she seemed not open to me ...Did I've just been her rebound?

Updates:
What I forgot to mention is that, straight after she wrote me her answer, she started dating again...so it gave me the feeling of just being used by her. To boost her ego. I do belief that she´s not cruel or manipulative, but I really like her and it´s ruff to see her continuing with dating so soon after she broke up with me...



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What Girls Said 2

  • I believe she "thought" you would let her forget the past and her ex, but it didn't work out. Being a "rebound" isn't the right word because I don't believe she "used" you. It wasn't on purpose. You made her feel happy, alive and whatnot but she didn't feel the same way with you as she did with her ex.

    I believe she is honest and once she felt like using you, she decided to back off. I also believe that she has mixed feelings and thus confused about what to say and what not. Sometimes she is nice and sometimes she is brutally honest.

    I advise her to let her heal by herself. Confronting her or expressing your love and having a future with her won't work. Both will confuse her more and she will get hurt. I bet she feels lost and mad at herself for "using" you even though she didn't intend to. She needs to be left alone for her to discover what she wants.

    I am sorry you feel hurt but I think she has never meant to hurt you.

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    • @ update: she is looking for a rebound or someone to let her forget her ex. You are better off.

  • I don't think she was using you purposefully as a rebound. I think she was really trying to start a new relationship (which would be why she was the one who asked you out for a first date and tell you that she likes spending time with you) but sometimes people need a lot more time to get over a relationship, especially one that lasted for so long. So no, I don't think she tried to use you as a rebound, but I also don't think she recognized how attached she still was to her past relationship.

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