Why do guys not want to have a relationship with me?

I've always wondered if I am attractive or not. I came across tmy now best friend who is my fun bright spot and she has brought out my confidence and I feel more of a go getter/outgoing person, but it's still hard to know. I've only been asked out a couple times and I'm 20 for pete's sake. Never been in a serious relationship because the guys just want one thing ( I find out) and usually we aren't together in the first place we just date once maybe twice. Most times when the guy had asked me out I ended up saying no because he didn't get paid (why would you not save up knowing we're going on a date a week or 2 in advance) and they wanted me to pay and I just don't think that's right for a first date with someone.

I have straight bright natural blond hair shoulder length, blue green eyes. I am nicely curvacious and overall good looking. I love to have fun, laugh and goof around. I'm intelligent, caring, easy going and my friends tell me I'm an awesome person to be around. I play video games, go to college for architecture, and hang out with my friends with most of my time. So why does no body want to go out with me? I've wondered this a long time. One of my friends said jokingly when she was talking about ourselves, "maybe we are just too attractive to approach". So is that why? Is it just because guys my age are like this? Is it me? or something else? ugh I just don't know...it's something I've needed to figure out. And asking friends doesn't help since I can't get a good perspective on the subject. so help? Please?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm in your same situation, and honestly, I think its either the way our generation is or just guys our age in general. As my brother and father put it, guys in their twenties are generally after "one thing" and don't really become available for a serious relationship or dating until they are ready to settle down in later years. So like others have said, just use this time and be true to yourself and not settle for less or become a "slut". You know what you want, so until you find someone with similar values, use this time to better yourself. Maybe go to places where guys with similar interests and morals would be, perhaps dinner parties instead of bars, volunteer for various things like the humane society :)

    PS- this is weird, but I'm also studying Architecture! :D I'm about to transfer to Boston Architectural College! :D

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    • You sound awesome and I have heard the same. You sound very mature, nice and seem to understand my predicament. Thank you. For everything.

    • Thank you very much! :D

What Guys Said 12

  • i just checked your pic you are a nice lookn young chick eh, your type of woman is rare OK so don't fawk that up by copying the whores around you running around like kawk holsters eh.

    sorry for being blunt but its true, all I know for sure is the losers who are future deadbeat dads all have a few things in common for you to run from OK #1 theyre obsessed with being "cool" or really me 1st types (all deadbeat dads have this 1) #2 if theyre in your age range but still try to dress like 14yr old rapper clowns, you found a loser & if theyre beyond your age range like that you found the next guest on the jerry springer show so run from that POS. there's a lot more loser clues you probably already know.

    you sound like a great catch, I wouldn't change your thing because most chix are straightup whores running around eh. the kind of man you'll attract will be the marrying kind for sure I know it, just weed out the weasels that come sniffing around eh.

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    • Wow I'm glad you actually gave me a response instead of calling me fat, a prude or a bitch. So thank you. :)

  • Well if your username is a reference to what I think it's a refernce to...I don't know why you're having such a problem haha.

    Everyone has "blind spots" of their personalities. Something you don't even realize you do, and if I had to guess, I would say whatever your problem is, is a blind spot because with the way you describe yourself, you shouldn't have any problems finding a guy, unless you deliberately left out some of your faults...but we wouldn't be able to help you if you did that so I don't see why you would.

    I would ask one of your closest friends to be brutally honest and ask if there is anything offputting you do...and from experience I have to add, don't get mad at him/her because they're trying to help you.

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    • Aw well thanks! I think my blind spot is that I'm probably just too shy and need to be more confident and be a go getter. I kind of realize that now. Again, thank you for giving me advice and not just insulting me :)

  • Most guys are attracted to "healthy" looking features. Things like beautiful hair, even skin tone, good proportionality, body type, and having a non-dysfunctional personality all come into play. Fortunately, most of these things can be helped by living a healthy life style, eating properly, and exercising regularly. Other than that it's just about making yourself available. Remember that shy girls tend to get asked out less... even though being shy isn't necessarily a bad thing in my opinion.

    I don't know if any of that applies to you but there you have it!

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  • dont worry.. you are too young... you just have to try different strategies to meet us, and so, you ll be learning how is our behavior ..so you can proceed in consequence..

    Goto difference ambiences and expose yourself to different kind of people so you can compare and don't be afraid of rejection..

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  • What's your weight/height? Do you smile at guys you want to approach and talk to? Do you ever make an effort to interact with guys and give them a hint you're interested, or do you always wait for them to approach?

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    • I'm a little short like 5'5 or 5'6 and I'm not like 200 pounds. I smile (people tell me I have a nice smile, since I had braces, they are white and I'm always genuine) at people all the time and wave at them or say hello. Maybe I'm overly nice I guess? If it's a cute guy I will smile at them but idk...

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    • I guess I just need to be less shy since I'm not really a person (like my best friend) who can go up to someone and be like "Okay you're hot, I'm hot, let's get to know each other better." Just not tht confident yet I guess

    • You don't have to be that blunt, but certainly, if you're shy, you have to work up to it. A little bit of small talk first never hurts. Please answer my question about your weight. There's a difference between curves and being overweight. I want to make sure we can rule this out.

  • how many men have you asked out?

    or...are you still waiting for men to approach YOU?

    I make it a personal policy never to date old school women, and first rule is, she HAS to approach me first!

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  • any woman who doesn't believe in paying her fair share is a waste of time.

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    • I will pay but when they ask me out and tell me they will do the planning, I would think they should pay. On dates you shouldn't go dutch. If I asked the guy out then I would pay no problem.

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    • Its good you do that and if they insist on paying no problem. Don't mistake that for a show of confidence because it is not.

  • But you do think it is right, your saying he should save up and pay are you not, and some guys will not approach a real looker in fear of rejection, however if I was single and your as hot as you say I would take you out, but alas too old for you LOL, look maybe your trying too hard, stop looking for it and you might be surprised. Ask your mates to be honest with you and say what am I like, a true friend will tell you if you have any problems, Hope you get the man you long for.

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    • I'm not really looking that hard honestly, I'm just constantly hoping someone will take time out of their day to at least try to converse and get to know me. Maybe I'm old fashioned as in I want the guy to pay for our first date or at least not ask me to pay. I'm the first person to pay for anything with friends and I would pay for future dates if it got serious. And Thanks :)

  • Maybe your a prude.

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  • i has to ask how do you look what's your weight hight and how do you look

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  • Eh...your a prude and your not even hot enough.

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    • Wow, that's mean. She might not be your type or whatever, but that doesn't mean she's ugly! I've had lots of guys say the same thing to me, and it just made them less attractive / dateable to me, whether or not I thought they were anything special beforehand.

    • Thanks musicbrain. People like you give me hope. :)

      Do you even know what that word means? Just because I haven't had relationships doesn't mean I'm not interested in sex. And no that doesn't mean I'm a whore. Society tells women that they are either a prude or a whore. You xX_DRE_xX are a prime example of how society taught you this dichotmous way of thinking especially of women so shut the f*** up. Besides you don't know me and that username is totally lame especially since you are a guy.

    • Hahaha speaking on the versus of knowing people, you apparently know my whole nonchalant attidue when it comes towards how I view society & the people in it. Either way, you can think what you want. It's not like I put much thought into this username. I figured you would of known that.

  • What is your height and weight?

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What Girls Said 3

  • Girl you could be the most attractive woman in the world, that's still not going to make a man want to have a relationship with you. It takes more then just looks and I wish you wouldn't dwell so much on that. People get overwhelmed sometimes when things don't work in their favor. You just have to get out there more and be bold and confident. That's what men are most attracted to, confidence. As long as you're not overweight, loud-mouth and you become educated, men would be drooling over you.

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  • Picture?

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  • If you were as attractive as you describe then A) you'd have a picture of you , not some lame animal pic, and B) you'd get guys.

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