He asked me out and then stood me up?

So I've known this guy for awhile now (about 2 years) and I frequent a bar/grill that he works at during certain times of the year. During this time, he and I have always exchanged glances, etc. and it was pretty clear that we were into each other. We never really spoke or anything just brief interactions. Last summer, he approached me while I was way drunk out with my friends (mistake, I know) and asked me a question , I was frozen on the spot because I was not expecting him to start a casual conversation with me and when I took to long to reply, he stormed of (he's an Aries). I kind of get shy. Anyway, he stopped working there right after since school was back in session, and since we don't have mutual friends, I was unsure of how to get a hold of him to apologize for being a goofball. I found him on Facebook a couple of months later and sent an apology (with a friend request) and asked him if he wanted to get coffee. He said "no apology necessary" and that "the invite was nice, but he was actually seeing someone". We remained friends of Facebook even though we never contacted each other. This was in December.

Fast forward - a couple of months ago I went in to the bar/grill and saw that he was working, so I went up to the bar and asked how he was doing, etc. He was a little standoffish at first, but then we talked for a bit and he warmed up. I have come in a few times since, and we would talk 15-20 minutes each time. Pretty good conversation - I wanted him to see that I was not a jerk. He was clear that he was seeing someone, and I did not try to mess with that in any way. So then while talking, we mentioned that we both have a similar interest in tennis and he said we should play. I said "oh yeah" thinking it was just a polite thing, but then he said really and asked what day/time would work. Not a date, just tennis right?

Well, then on the day of he stood me up. I waited for about a half hour and then realized what was going on. He text me about 2 hours later and said he was at the beach with friends and forgot his phone at home and lost track of time, but he apologized and suggested we reschedule if I wanted. I was pretty upset, and waited a bit to reply. When I replied and told him that I understand that things happen, but that he would need to show up next time if we rescheduled, he did not reply. I went in to the bar/grill again and mentioned it when we talked. He acknowledged he got it and we rescheduled. I sent him a text the day of confirming we were hanging out, he replied yes and told me that we would only be able to play for about an hour, because he had errands that evening. Now I know there is not a lot of time for small talk when you are playing singles tennis, but he was very distant, very different from our conversations. He said he was tired, worked all day and I suggested that we reschedule but he insisted he was OK to play. Was all of this just a revenge thing? Did he stand me up because he changed his mind?


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What Guys Said 1

  • I wouldn't say it's a revenge thing. He may have just been busy, but even then he should have been considerate.

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    • Well there is more, but I ran out of space. He still arrived late to tennis and and we played for like 20 minutes. When he talked to me he didn't even make eye contact, etc. Like I said he was so distant, it was just awkward.

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