If he's over me, why does it bother him so much when we don't talk?

This is gonna be long, so I appreciate people having the patience to read it.

Ok, so he split up with me almost two months ago because apparently he fell out of love with me. I was really hurt and I admit that for a week or so after he left me, I wouldn't stop contacting him. I didn't beg him for another chance, just asked him repeatedly to tell me what happened. All he said was "I don't know." After a while he got annoyed (understandable) and he told me that he was cutting off all contact because it was hurting both of us. I cried for several hours, but I realised there was nothing I could do. So I sent him an email telling him that I was sorry for the way I acted but that I understood why he was doing it. Then I left him alone. There was no contact for a week so I assumed that was it and actually made some progress towards moving on, even though I still loved him. But then out of the blue, he unblocked me on msn one night and immediately asked how I was doing. I was shocked and so my answers were sort of cold. He seemed to get upset and asked why I was off with him. When I said I was confused about why he was talking to me again, he said "I realised I care too much to cut you off completely." For the next few days he continued to start conversations with me and we did flirt a bit. Then he got a girlfriend. We spoke a few times after the got together and he assured me he'd stay friends with me even if she didn't like it, but although he didn't block me, he then ignored me for a week. Then she cheated on him and left him for someone else. A few days later he started talking to me again. I asked why he'd been ignoring me and he said he'd just been busy. So again we started talking and flirting a little. Then he stopped starting conversations for a few days so we didn't talk. And then today he started again, asking how I was and why I hadn't been talking to him.

It seems like every time he stops talking, I start to forget him and then he comes back. He says he's over me but he gets quite upset if we don't talk for a while. Before and even during the rebound relationship, he was telling me he wanted to see me and that he missed 'us' and wanted a girl exactly like me. He also said I'm everything he's looking for in a girl. Please don't tell me to stop all contact with him, because even if it does help, I just can't do it and I don't want it either. I'm just wondering, if he's moved on completely, why does it bother him so much that I don't talk to him? Some people have said he's messing with my head, but it doesn't seem like it. He seems genuinely interested in how I am and what I've been up to. Could there still be some feelings there or does he feel as though he has to keep in touch? He's never stayed in touch with any of his other ex girlfriends and he ignored them if they contacted him. I've only talked to family and friends about this, so I'm looking for an outsider's opinion. Thanks a lot, sorry it's so long!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm just wondering, if he's moved on completely, why does it bother him so much that I don't talk to him? The answer lies in your posting ------------> He also said I'm everything he's looking for in a girl. I realised I care too much to cut you off completely." This means, he does not want to lose your friendship. So he gets upset when you guys don't talk.

    He ignore his exes because he does not see any value meaning for friendship in staying in contact or maybe it;s just hard for him to forget them by staying in contact... many reasons for that but it does not really matter. He wants you as his friend because he feels comfortable etc. But I don't see any benefit for you by staying in contact with him right now because you need to get over him now. Well, if you choose to stay in this cycle then do it but I would not recommend it. It's going to hurt you deeper if he finds another girl (the right one) and stop talking to you completely (you will feel used etc.) Well, if you are ready to get hurt, to wait for him, etc. then do it, do whatever you want, but in the end you have to bear the consequences whatever it may be (it can be good or bad, we don't know). Think about this again and again until you're 100% sure.

    Btw, I want to spare my story with you. HAHA your line is the same as my situation when you said when you start to forget him he comes back. This should not affect you because if your main goal is to get over him then whatever happens you should not respond or change your decision. You have to be firm about it. But as I said, if you don't want to forget about him and stay in this cycle then do it but it is going to feel like you are going thru hell... it's going to be really2 tough. Well, I said that because you seem to be in love with him like a lot. So, choose your decision wisely.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Holding hands on the merry-go-round

    We spun and spun

    Dizzy and fuzzy

    The world had just stopped turning

    A lot of men find new girlfriends because they're trying to make their old girlfriend jealous because they want to get back with you. From what it seems, you should put yourself on the line and see if he wants to be with you again. It can be painful, much worse than rejection from a stranger, but the pain of not having someone you love can almost be overbearing.

    Spring brings with it many things

    Memories regained on the folds of leaves

    Hopefully, the leaves will find their way

    Back to you

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  • I think he wants his cake and be able to eat it too. I think his biggest fear is you getting a new man. For some reason for a lot of guys the biggest mind f*ck is knowing your ex is getting it on with her new stud.

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  • he has feelings for sure. strong but not overwhelming. he just got out of a relationship so you may be rebound. be cautious, play hard to get. tell him he broke your heart and you don't know if you could go through that again and when he starts to beg take him. he def. likes you and if you like him back go for it. and I truley apologize to the guy your talking about because if you take my advice he's gunna win but its gunna take a hard game to get there.

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  • Hey wait a min.

    Is your ex a computer hacker?

    if not how in the hell can a guy unblock you off msn

    That makes no logically sense to others it may

    But I'm not that dumb

    Anyway the guy is just saying sweet nothing.

    He knows he screwed up with you

    But just ignore him and move on.

    You don't want to be in a"cycle"

    1-day he loves than finds another chick

    the chick dumps him he's alone thinks of you

    see a pattern here

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What Girls Said 13

  • I don't mean for this to be harsh...and I hope it doesn't hurt you...but it sounds like he just wants to keep you on a back burner incase nothing better comes along.

    The fact that he got a girlfriend and forgot all about you means that you are there when it's convenient for him and you allow him to use you.

    Stop talking to him and let it go. Let him realize what he's missing. If in a few months he is still making attempts, then maybe he is sincere in his feelings for you.

    Good Luck!

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  • I know what that feels like. I mean, one of my ex-bf's kept sending people to talk to me for some reason and it would make me livid...but it meant my ex-bf deep down liked me. so same goes for you in this situation

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  • It sounds like he still has feelings for you, but for some reason he has buried them way down, probably because he is scared. Here's the bottom line, though-he can't have his cake and eat it too. He doesn't want to be with you, but he still wants to be all friendly? Even if it hurts you? That's BS. If seeing him/ talking with him hurts you so bad, it might just be better to cut off communication with him until you both cool off. Explain to him that you were really hurt by the entire situation and that you need to distance yourself from him in order to get yourself together. If he really does have feelings for you, he will make it more than apparent after you have taken yourself out of the picture for a little bit.

    P.S. It's really really uncool and pretty mean to keep jerking you around like this...

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  • Since you don't want me to say it I'm not going to. Not that I really was anyway.

    I have no doubt, based on what you've said, that this guy still has feelings for you. There is no feeling of obligation to keep talking to you because you're and ex and suposedly a friend to him. If it bothers him that you're not talking, then he's obviously not over you. I think you should talk to this guy about these confusions and feelings. If you don't you're probably just going to keep wondering. Trust what your gut tells you too, it's usually right (supposedly).

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  • When he's lonely he wants to know that someone cares for him and goes to you...so you're like the official rebound chick for him. He's taking advantage of you.

    Kick him to the curb hun.

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  • ok I had a similar situation I was with someone for two and half years. the truth is men want what they can't have so make yourself un availbe don't msn right away wait. I would say just to ingore the ass cause hun he wasnt busy he was with his girl friend and when she left him he needed someone to fall back on a lot guys feel insecure when they get dumped and go to someone they know they can control and take advanatge off, but since you want to keep talking to him here are some tips if you want to get over him do not talk to him because it will not happeing even if you tell yourself it will it won't you will have hope every time he textes you or whatever he does thinking omg he is texting me it means something he must miss me or at least be thinking of me but he's not in the way you think guys do not think they way girls do so keep your gaurd up at all times start dating and having fun while talking to him but don't rub it iin his face big turn off! you don't need to like a guy either as a boyfrined just to hang out with him. I don't think he has feelings but maybe jsut wants to remain friends let ne know if you have any other questions I can write about this for ever and from every angle ha

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  • there is no way in heck that he is over you. maybe I'm crazy but he still likes you in my eyes. But he is being selfish as well. He wants to be able to start other relationships but by god you won't be able to. You do what you think is best, cause really that's all you can do. Life is full of risks, and it's up to us to take them. Is he playing with your feelings? Maybe. Is he giving mixed signals? Definately. Does he understand what he is doing? Prob not. You can only do what you think is best, and in that you can only deal with what happens as it happens. There is a 50/50 chance that he likes you, leaving 50% to the chance that he is just a d*** sucker. And by all means most men are. You have to pick, either one will be a gutsy move. Forget him and move on or stick with it and risk a broken heart. No matter how many people you ask for help, thye won't answer they will just make you yourself realize what you were going to do all along. Good luck, I hope everything turns out the way you hope. (btw Who cares if it's long. It's your issue and is aloud to be as long as you like.)

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  • this is my EXACT same situation! My ex texts me at odd hours of the night, just saying hey, and asks how I'm doing, even though we're long distance, and he recently got a new girlfriend. We broke up 2 months ago too. He asked me to add him to skype again so we can talk, and asked what my plans are for thanksgiving. If he has a girlfriend, why is he doing this? Does she know? is he really over me, like he says? We're going to be in the same country in a month's time, for winter break, what do I do, and how do I handle it? Is there a chance I can get him back, and make him realise what he lost? He didn't keep in touch with ex's when we first started dating, yet he's keeping in touch with me, when he's got this new random girl.

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  • Wow, I am in the exact same situation. But let me tell you something girl, I found out just last week, it isn't going to end if you keep going back and it won't end if you keep him in your life. Give it time, give it some months, a year, whatever, but don't push your own buttons by tearing your heart out for him because you'll only hurt you.

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  • OMG! He has feeling for you! by not contacting him, believe it or not, makes the guy relieze what they did. you may have another chance!

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  • I'm sorta in your shoes a little bit well the first part of this situation anyways...he really is not over you lol I can totally tell anyways get back with him and give your relationsip a nother chance it'll work out better!

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  • I think that, even though he fell out of love with you, he still loves you and cares about you. Those feelings don't disappear just like that, even though he's the one that broke up.

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  • O.K so you ask why does it bother him so much when you don't talk to him, well obviously it dosen't really bother him in my opinion because he managed to ignore you for a while after he got a girlfriend. You probaly won't like what I'm going to say. But listen. People think with their heart rather than the head when they are in love. Try to look at this situation as if it was happening to someone else. What would you advice that person to do? What would you think of this guy? I would say wake up, this guy is obviously not good enough for you, your time, attention or anything. You can do much better than him!

    Soz for the long lecture

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