Can girls "turn off" their feelings?

Hey, I have a bit trouble with one girl. It is really strange to me, never had someone like that before.

I live in France and met an exchange student this summer, she is leaving soon in January. When we met everything was great, we liked each other and it was fun to hang around in school but we never dated or anything like that. Then after a party, not more than a week after we met, we ended up in her bed and her telling me that she feels very good and tranquil in my arms. But we both came to the decision that we can't date because she will be gone soon and that nothing more will happen.

Few days later she told me (chat and text messages, like almost everything) that she misses me really bad, but despite me feeling the same way, I tried to keep her at bay for quite a while but she kept telling me that and well..i relented and told her how I feel and that made her happy

so we saw each other for a second time at a party and everything was cool (but no kisses or whatsoever, just hanging around) but then suddendly she went away and was only with her friends. after a while I told her in a rush of clingyness that I feel neglected for no reason and then she kissed me. some when later we left but I didn't sleep over at her place like we planned to and she told me that she can't really trust me and she is afraid of getting used. I assured her that this is not true and we talked for a long time and kissed but again decided that we'll end this.it was then when it was the first time that I said that I want to continue this and I shared personal stuff (we were drunk) but she didn't want to. so she left alone.

but then the next days she kept telling me that she misses me and she apologized for being a bitch...i was happy to hear this somehow. but I was getting upset because of this. why can't she just decide what she wants?so I was being a d*** a bit, but she kept going on. but then we were cool again. shortly after that she went to a vacation for 2 weeks and we saw each other just for 5 minutes before she left and hugged ourselves. but when she left she said that she wanted to kiss me and that she misses me and I should promise her that I kiss her when she comes back. we texted each other every day. but when she arrived we saw each other again and I only hugged her at the end...but then I started to kiss her neck and she not offended but she said "don't do that" and then I stopped and left. but after that she apologized for saying this and that she liked it. then we saw each other no more somehow, we only chattd and said often that we wanna hang out but she blew off everything on the last minute. or not at all. or she texted me to check if I'm free, but did not respond to my answer. she was really weird. after 4 weeks of that and her screwing up my plannings I confronted her and she didn't seem to care at all and now she is dismissive.

i really don't get what happened so suddenly.she even asked me why I even care about us so much and that I need to let go. what happened?

Updates:
ps: she told me that she felt under pressure, because of me which I didn't get because we barely talked and I was just asking when we can hang out or why its hard to see her. but she was acting differently, touchy all of a sudden, I really had to take care about my wordchoice because she tended to overinterpret and we had many misunderstandings. but then after the confrontation we didn't talk at all and now it sucks. I try to lightn things up but it doesn't work,she just wants to leave and don't give a damn now

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, sad to say, when I really want to, I can become a cold- stoned hearted person if that is my intention. Most girls or people in general are great manipulators and are oblivious to it. This can include feelings, if a person is determined enough to block out certain factors they can 'turn off' emotions. Although this is a tricky question since most people just suppress an impending riposte by ignoring the matter and overwriting 'to be continued'. Yet there are people out there who can manipulate very well. I know how to desensitize myself, and have been doing it throughout life.

    I overall think that you are hoping to have something with this girl, and she can sense it. That might be what 'pressure' she is feeling from you. That can send anyone running the other way. I would just move on, and try to not get so caught up on a girl that you haven't been with for very long. It seems her intentions were more to not be tied down with someone and overly contemplated the details of what she wants to what she can have. I hope this has helped. In all luck, I know you will do fine moving forward. (:

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What Girls Said 13

  • I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own world that it's hard to see the craziness that is happening in someone else's.

    Your friend obviously has a few issues with commitment, which is why she seems to be unable to make up her mind. There is obviously a fear that if she gives into her feelings for that she'll get hurt, no matter how unfounded it is. That fear comes from somewhere in her past. Either someone took advantage of her or she was really hurt. When she says that she's afraid...she really is, and I think you missed that.

    The hot and cold is simply her way of making sure she keeps you at arms length. She may not even realize she's doing that, but in a way, it's sort of a power play. She controls what is happening within the relationship that way and that suits her fine, except it has you feeling like a yo-yo.

    Understand that we're not "all" built to cultivate long lasting relationships and it's not about turning on or turning off her emotions. She herself is on a perpetual emotional roller coaster ride. No matter how much you love or care for her, she won't be able to "accept" your love until she feels worthy of it. It's like falling in love with a scorpion. You'll have to tread lightly and be constantly alert or else she'll bite...and then tell you not to get upset. She is a scorpion after all.

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  • Well two possible answers she is scared that she will get hurt so she pretends not to care. And to top it all the situation is such that you keep having what you call "misunderstandings" so now more then ever she might just wish she hadn't started all this doesn't mean she doesn't care. Just don't know how to handle the situation. Ever heard of saying if you love it( her) let it go and if it returns its yours for keeps . Second scenario she was already involved with some1 before you met and knows she can't continue but somehow now she has to fight the fact that she is developing feelings for you . Either way you decide if this is the person you want to spend your love and affection on . You yourself sound like a very complex person so maybe you not good for each other

    unless you like having drama in your life.

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  • tl; dr.

    No, girls can't 'turn off' their feelings, but they can repress them.

    Even then there will be a emotional outburst after a while, and it won't be pretty.

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  • anyone can move on. that's different then turning feelings off. usually we just put the away or towards a totally different activity. and tell ourselves we don't care.

    few people are good at closure. instead they bring unresolved problems to every other facit of their life. disfunctional relationships, alcohol, eating issues, crappy jobs, or work ethic.

    it would be best if people were not afraid to deal with their emotional selves head on. instead of just turning things on and off like remote controls.

    she either didn't care to begin with and lied that she dd. or still cares for you and lied that she doesn't.

    if you guys had spoken and really honestly talked things through, youd be in a good pace for moving on gracefully. the way she did it will just make it harder for both of you in various ways.

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  • I'm European as well, and I know what you mean. Girls in the US are raised to b e maniipulative by their vengeful mothers very often. This is second nature to them.

    They don't even realize they are doing it or anything else blameworthy. They aren't very self-critical, since they are spoiled and coddled in general. Especially if they can afford to travel or study abroad.

    It's not about you..so just say goodbye, and don't look back. She won't be hurt if you don't say farewell.

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    • 'Girls in the US' that's offensive. Any girl can do that really nationality doesn't matter.

    • Show All
    • Do you know EVERY single woman in Europe?

    • Born and raised in the USA. I'm not mean, manipulative, vengeful, or any of that stuff. Honestly that's a bias way of thinking. I work HARD everyday in school and at my job. I was not raised by my mother, bless her soul, I was raised by my grandmother. What you said is like me saying everyone in China is short or every man in Ireland is a abusive drunk. You have no real proof because you haven't meet EVERYONE in the USA to make such accusations.

  • Sounds to me like she cares, but doesn't want to. Why care if she can't stay? I think that's what she's thinking. She doesn't know what to do. Go with her feelings, or her head.

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  • She wants you , she does not want you. This girl does not know what she wants from one day to the next... I believe it is time to get off this roller coaster. You will be happier for sure. Good luck, your post made me really dizzy. I can only imagine how you feel. It is time for me to get off and go to another ride.

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  • This is a long post too long.. but anyone can 'turn off' their feelings it usually means they've met someone else, or just aren't that into you anymore.. if you're still into her the best thing to do is give her space, just back off and see what happens

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  • She's weird, maybe she's acting like that because she's not gonna see you again and she is trying to be defensive of her self so she doesn't hurt much when she leaves.

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  • Ugh,too long,dude. But yes,we can just like you guys can,too:)

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  • NO. But it seems some women are better at hiding them .

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  • I'm going to respond to the simple question and not all of the little details about can girls turn off their feelings.

    YES and NO.

    We can at times turn off our feelings. Though once we fall really hard for a guy it becomes a thousand times harder to turn the dial on our emotional radio. There are times when we can not turn it off.

    That's why they call it FALLING...in love.

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  • sure you can turn off feeling, psychopaths come in all shapes sizes and genders

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What Guys Said 2

  • She's not capable of an honest statement for whatever reason! Do you need to understand WHY?

    Wouldn'tyour time be better spent learning black magic, just for example?

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  • All people can turn feelings off. The question is, why do they?

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    • good point. that I still don't really know

    • Well the answer is that logic doesn't verify emotions. It's like science and religion...one can't prove the other and they will always clash

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