Girlfriend talks to guy who likes her

[jasont1992]

Do you guys/girls see something wrong with this...I told my girlfriend that I don't like her talking to a guy that likes her and she still talks to him. she said she feels bad so she talks to him cause he cries and won't stop texting, but he keeps texting her shit like "i wanna be with you". she says that she told him she doesn't want to be with him but he keeps doing it...and she keeps talking to him...how do I bring this up again without causing a fight?

Updates

+1 y

ps I know she would never cheat, it just makes me sad when she talks to him...

[Pentaframe]

Before giving my advice i want to give some background. Firstly, the stigma of men cheating in women is frowned upon. Women actually cheat more than men and its usually encouraged and backed up by excuses such as the following:
- He doesn't pay attention to me
- He is always busy
- He doesn't have sex with me as often

That is something that is absurd.

The first thing in any and all relationships should be RESPECT, COMMUNICATION and TRUST.

Lets dive into each of these things in relation with your situation.
The situation is simple, you are a couple and someone in any way shape or form to be threatening that is NOT acceptable. Its threatening not because you should distrust your partner, thinking she will cheat, but because there are NO clear valid reasons to be in contact with this man. When we talk to people, there are pros and cons and there are reasons we still talk to some and loose touch with others. The very BIG con of talking to him is that it makes you uncomfortable, so that alone should mean if she continues to talk to him her pros should out weight that. Talk to her and find out. (COMMUNICATION)

Now as far as respect goes, no one should be calling someone controlling over this. You are in no way "controlling" because you have common sense and you are trying to preserve your relationship and feelings. Anyone that says "she's her own person, you should trust her, stop controlling her... blah blah fricken blah" is just one of those facebook vegans that like to hop on the #MeToo or #Vegan or #LGBTQ trend bcz they think its cool. Those are people that disgust me because they diminish the true meaning of a toxic relationship, and how a controlling partner really acts. No matter the situation, after youve discussed it of course, if you find what she does to be disrespectful to you yet she still does it, then your only option would be to sit there and let it happen lest be called "Controlling". If your partner calls you controlling when you aren't, dont fall for it. END IT.(RESPECT)

Trust isn't as black and white as people believe it is. Example: your girlfriend wants to go skinny dipping with 5 muscular men while being high and very drunk. She can tell you she won't do anything and you SHOULD TRUST her, but lets be real for a second. There comes a point where you dont have control over your actions. I dont condone cheating but when people use the excuse "It just happened, im sorry" they are 100% telling the truth. However, that doesn't exempt them from blame. DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN THAT SITUATION, its as simple as that.
If you are a flirty person and you choose to flirt with guys even for the "banter" then you are choosing to put yourself one step closer to "THAT SITUATION". there's a saying that goes, "I trust you as far as I can throw you." Not to say you dont TRUST your partner, but of you can see that she is willfully putting herself in situations that make it likely for her to cheat, or make you uncomfortable, then she is first she isn't RESPECTING you and second she is diminishing the trust you have for her. Thats not on you, thats on her. She should keep guys like this at arms length so she isn't put in a senario where she is more likely to cheat, as it may not be her intention but she is increasing the odds of that happening... and statistics doesn't lie.

[Pentaframe]

I accidentally submitted, but to add my final advice:

Talk to her, let your feelings be known. "If you do this ill feel lole that". Find out what is driving her to continue despite how you feel and discuss it, find solutions. If she feels bad well is his feelings more important than yours? If she needs a stidy partner well she can't find any other? Things like that.

Make it clear your feelings matter, its not wrong, and its not controlling.

Goodluck to you

[bDizzie]

I get how she should stop talking to him, but the guy is such a wimp that he doesn't know how to attract a woman or else he wouldn't be crying to her.

[jasont1992]

well she saw him a few times but chose me after she met me and now we're exclusive and told him so

[bDizzie]

I'm surprised she gave him that much of a chance, though he is burying himself with his sob stories. He has shown her that he doesn't have options, that he is clingy, that he has put her on a pedestal, nothing he is doing is something that a real man would do.

[jasont1992]

true and she says she deeply cares for me and couldn't see herself dating any other guy. but she also misses talking to him...i find that a little weird

[kitty007]

She might think of him as a friend\aquaintencs

[britaygam]

Honestly, I understand where you are coming from, but she is entitled to her friends (including guys), just like you are yours. Granted, that doesn't mean she should be talking to some guy who consistently hits on her and begs for her back. She should have told this guy a long time ago that regardless, she is in a relationship and that you come before this guy. What the guy is doing sounds like he is trying to make her feel guilty and have pity for him, which isn't always a good sign. It doesn't mean your girlfriend will cheat, but it more than likely means he is trying to get her to leave you. By the sounds of it, she won't leave you, but she still needs to tell this guy up front, because if she doesn't he will only continue to to try and reach out to her other ways (phone calls, hanging out, etc.). She is allowed to stay friends with him if she wishes, but she needs to tell him about you and her priorities. If she has and issue with doing that, then she isn't being respectful of you.

[kitty007]

I'm in a similar position with my boyfriend and a guy that likes me. The guy told me he loved me, tried paying for my movie tickets, and is generally super nice in the way infatuated guys are. We both consider each other friends so I wouldn't stop talking to him at work, but I don't take his calls, and send short responses in text. I guess the key is to strike a balance, I mean she can be friends with him but keep him at a distance. If bothers you that much, she needs to be more firm with him and maybe ignore those "I wanna be with u" texts. Don't tell her to stop talking to him completely, that will cause a fight.

[tiredoftrying]

What does she say to him? I feel bad if she is leading him on. Since she is not going to cheat then it really shouldn't affect you at all.

[Anonymous]

She needs to stop

This isn't ok