...(continued from below) which was "is there any point in trying to get you back, ie are you going to change your mind"? which at the time was an impossible question to answer and I didn't want to say yes/maybe and keep him hanging on so I said I have to say no because I can't answer so that's why... perhaps if he had things would have been different... Anyway, nothing really happened, I think he had his guard up from then, I tried to arrange get togethers but there was always excuses... then it kinda fizzled but I suggested spending Christmas together so we werent alone which we did... then Valentine's came and I sent him a card and received nothing... I don't really know what I expected after the way I just broke up with and left him, it must have been so hard for him, but I so wanted another chance that I had swallowed my pride and done everything I could to prove to him that I was serious about giving it another go but that's when I realized it wasn't happening (this was February 2010) so contact dwindled. I got the odd text from him once asking to pop round but I was going to work so I said no. Then I was out one night in summer and heard from an old work colleague of his (and mine) that he'd been seeing someone for "about a year" I was more angry than upset - not that he was with someone because he had every right to be, just that he couldn't be honest with me, after I had been so honest with him about my 'relationship'. He texted me about a month later saying he really needed company that night, I said I was busy (I wasnt) and I never saw him again until a couple of months after when I agreed to go round and have a catch up with him - id calmed down by then, I didn't want to see him when I was angry. It was only then that I found out that night he wanted to see me was the night before he was going in for a major operation - I felt so terrible, if only I could have turned back the clock. We talked for hours and it was so nice being in each others company - there was definitly still a spark there for both of us. He was saying things to me, nice things but it was hard to work out exactly what he was trying to say, I felt confused but at the same time I felt like I was over it because id spent since february telling myself it was done so when I left I felt like it was some kind of closure. That's the last time I saw him, we've exchanged a few texts about programmes we used to watch etc... Thing is, it's been almost 2 years since I broke up with my ex and for the past 6 months I've been thinking about him more and more to the point now where I think about him every day and the doubt I have about whether I made the right choice grows and grows. I miss him terribly. I've not laughed as much with anyone else as I did with him. Worst thing is not knowing how he feels about me anymore, whether he's with someone new... not sure I want to know. I sent him a birthday present and he thanked me so even after 2 years there's still contact & I still love him.