10 Things I Hate Hearing When I Say, “I Don’t Want To Get Married or Have Kids”

[Anonymous]

(In alphabetical order)

1) If your parents were thinking like you, then you would not exist.

Yes I know. But my parents had the cut to be parents. Something that I don’t have, personally.

2) Nobody will care about you, when you will be old.

Like…when I will be 80 years old. Which will happen in 2071. By 2071 standards 80 year old people might be considered just middle-aged. Like for example in the 40s a person who was 60 he/she was considered old. Now he/she is considered just middle-aged. Same thing will happen perhaps, in 2071. Not to mention technology by the time, is going to be developed by a huge degree, so my guess is both old and disabled people by that point, will be able to fully support themselves on their own.

3) People need to share their life with someone.

If we were living for 500 years, then OK. But we live only for 47 years. By 47 years I mean, the years after you become an adult, because before you are just a puppet of your parents, so you have no life of your own…and before becoming a senior citizen at 65. Well, this might not be always true, because some people over 65 do really well in life, and they are also alive and kicking down there. Hope I will fall under this category when I will be 65!

4) So you will have yourself lots of pets?

NO! NO! NO! I dislike pets as well. Why people believe that those who don’t want to marry and have kids, want pets…it’s something I really, really don’t get!

5) Who will cook for you?

Do I really need a wife to cook for me? That’s really ridiculous. I can cook myself, it’s not so hard. Not all men are useless in cooking!

6) Why not? I believe you would be a great dad.

Well this comes from my mother actually. I don’t think she says the truth, she only just says it in order to compliment me. I think she knows very well, that I would never be a great dad.

7) You will change your mind as you grow older.

This one especially, really gets me. I have already made up my mind after all. I’m 25 not 15!

8. You will feel lonely.

Lonely? As long as there are people around you, you will never feel lonely. Loneliness doesn't exist, unless you live in an isolated planet, completely on your own.

9) Your duty as a human is to reproduce.

This is usually come from science freaks. They believe that humans have only one purpose in life. To reproduce. Well, they don’t even assume, that not anyone has the cut to be a good parent.

10) Your life will have no meaning, if you want to leave like that.

It will have, because there are more things in this world, than getting married and having kids. I want to focus on my own life, since life is short as it is. I don’t want to share my life, with other people.

In conclusion: I never understood, and I will never understand, why people want so much to have kids in the future.

[Livinglogical]

I don't want kids either, said the same thing for 20 years. Nothing worse than when people at weddings that you barely know ask you when you are gonna marry and start reproducing. Umm, never.

Well the marriage part sounds ok (as long as I can skip the wedding. I mean ick, they are so tacky) but I never want children. I don't understand why other women think risking their life and health to have babies in this day in age is in any way sensible... or even sane lol.

[PurpleTeardrops2]

I don't want kids either. Tbh I surprise all my dates when I tell them that and they immediately reveal they don't want kids either lmao

[Trifulnoop]

I heard these things from the time I was 20. After 40, people stop questioning. I guess they assume some tragic reason for my being childless and don't want to make me uncomfortable. I have no regret at all in never having reproduced.

[shawnski]

I personally have some extra special hate for #2 &#8. How many people have several kids and they live all over the country and they never see them. And that is a SHIT LOAD of people

[Hwlsop]

Yep and they just throw them in a nursing home anyway.

[JudgmentDay]

Right! There's no absolute guarantee anywhere Ever that your kids won't hate you for whatever reasons and blame you for their problems and then eventually abandoning you to do their own thing. It's much worse when that shit happens. Besides, deep down I think we're all lonely somehow and eventually WILL die alone. It's a big fucking myth and false sense of security that if you marry and have children then you will absolutely not die all alone, which is completely delusional and FALSE!

Only ways to no die alone are to die in some great disaster and cataclysmic event or die in a car accident with somebody or die from a plan crash or something. Then technically you would not die "alone" because you had died with somebody and many other people. So in actuality and in reality, more often than not one spouse dies before the other and someone will be left behind to suffer the loss and grief of it all, even children can unexpectedly die before their parents and vice-versa.

[shawnski]

@JudgmentDay absolutely. One or the other will die first so pretty likely ill die alone. Yup. I'm ready for it

[JudgmentDay]

@shawnski That's why it's best to not even focus so much and despair or worry about it anymore as it's beyond our control. For some couples they get lucky or rather "less" unlucky if they both had died together in old age silently and comfortably in their sleep, which is something that rarely ever happens. Instead, the most realistic situation that is likely to happen is people are going to suffer and die slowly struggling for air to breath as their body's breathing and respiratory system slowly stops functioning while they are completely aware and wide awake, which I know will be horrible for many people, regardless if they're married or not, have kids or not.

[Hwlsop]

@JudgmentDay I have heard of cases with old married people where one dies and the other finds them and has a heart attack and also dies.

[JudgmentDay]

@Hwlsop Still seems like quite a lot of suffering. Their heart fails, but they're still wide awake for the entire duration of the dying process, going from still alive one moment and shortly into death the next.

But I do know that heart attacks and health risks increase for unhappy and depressed divorced men the last I've checked.

If only somehow we we can always get a guarantee that we'll always and consistently die comfortably in our sleep in old age or otherwise, sigh... Except for those that really don't care or want it. Best to be completely unaware and not awake at all to know and feel the entire process of death, naturally, but it never consistently happens, and there's no known way to guarantee or consistently make it happen that way, no awareness of suffering prior to death.

It's very bothersome for me that we people, humans have to go through all this absurd shit that we had never asked to be part of in the first place and will eventually suffer and die inevitably.

[Hwlsop]

@JudgmentDay The best thing is not knowing the future. If people knew their fate most would probably not be able to make it through life. lol

[JudgmentDay]

@Hwlsop

Pretty much, especially if you knew that when, how, where, and why you die, and all those details. Especially if if it was all for nothing. So it all comes down to how we make it count even if we don't like the results of fate :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpCVoa-cz3U

If we're all going to die, then we better die for what we believed in. To die for something, rather than to die for nothing at all.

[Hwlsop]

@JudgmentDay Like if John Lennon never formed the Beatles he could have lived a long life but he would not have made the difference he made in so many people's lives.

[JudgmentDay]

Here's something from TVtropes in regards to why procreation and having children is not exactly a "good" thing, at least not for everyone:

"There is an ethics based philosophy called Antinatalism that pretty much has the same reasoning as outlined in the trope description above. Followers of Antinatalism argue that only the person in question has the right to determine whether or not they should exist, not their parents, and that creating them without consent (which by definition is impossible without a time machine) is thus playing God with that person's life, regardless of what the quality of that life will be."

I agree with you man, other judgmental people should just leave us people that don't want to ever have a life partner, relationship, or offspirng the fuck alone.

One last piece of advice, if you do not choose Celibacy, use all the protection you need, but I also strongly suggest getting a vasectomy if you plan on having multiple sex partners over the course of your lifetime. Avoid any lady that may totally screw you over and try to trap you by getting pregnant and then make you support her and the child. Once you get a vasectomy, you're sterilized, and can't make any lady pregnant no matter how many times you have sex with them. Or even if you decide ever to just sleep around, although I would not recommend it as Vasectomies and Sterilization stops all possibilities of getting someone pregnant, but does not provide any protection whatsoever from all the venereal diseases that exist out there.

[TatyanaTheEmpress]

Good mytake, most of your reasons are justified, but some of them are questionable:

1. I agree, I mean, if your parents were both e. g mathematicians, that doesn't mean you have to follow their example, especially if you don't like mathematics.
2. When you're too old, you don't care about the world anyway, you're just waiting for your life to end.
3. Says who? Some people prefer privacy.
4. That myth is based on stereotypical "crazy cat ladies" :D
5. Correct again, anyone can learn basic cooking skills.
6. Okay, I don't know your mom, but why wouldn't you be a great dad? I don't think you're a bad person, so what's the reason of your alleged inadequacy to be a parent?
7. Hmm, people can change their mind when they are 30, 35, or even 40.
8. That's true, you can be lonely while surrounded by a bunch of boring people, but you can also be alone and happy, not feeling lonely, because your mind is the best companion.
9. I don't believe in biological duties, even some animals never get a chance to reproduce, because they were being rejected by their pack, herd, flock etc.
10. Life has no meaning anyways, unless they can explain the meaning of life in details?

But basically, I agree with you ;)

a.dilcdn.com/.../...-sewing-machine-apparently.jpg

[myTake Owner]

2) If I will be very old, I would like to start my life again, or have the choice to be born again, at the time and place I will choose.

6) Because I'm too focused on myself. That's the kind of person I am, sorry. I always put myself first, and the others after.

7) Indeed, but I'm 100% sure about it.

10) The meaning of life, is to be alive forever I believe. People remain alive via their writings, music, paintings, etc.

[TatyanaTheEmpress]

2. Reincarnation?
6. I get it, you are too selfish.
7. You may think like that now, but in 10 or more years, who knows?
10. I can't see much of a life signs from inanimate objects.

[myTake Owner]

2) Yes I believe in the reincarnation concept.
6) Indeed. I don't deny it.
7) I'm 1000% about it. And even if you want to have kids, who can guarantee you that you will have? You must find a woman first, who will accept to have kids with you.

[TatyanaTheEmpress]

2. Me too
3. I knew it, lol
7. Why would you think you are unable to find a woman who will accept to have kids with you?

[TatyanaTheEmpress]

Correction: number 6 instead of 3 :P

[myTake Owner]

Find a woman who will accept every single habit of mine. EVERY SINGLE HABIT.

[TatyanaTheEmpress]

Marriage is about compromise, she doesn't have to accept every single of your habits, nor you have to accept all of her habits, but you can both learn how to tolerate each other's habits, and live together in peaceful coexistence.

[krash2002]

Good My Take.

I think a lot of people with kids or who are married. Take offense for those who don't want to join their "side". Thus, they become defensive and try to argue to the fact that you're wrong somehow.

My thought's on all of this is it's up to you and how you like to live. My wife and I never want kids, and we're OK with that. When I was younger; I swore off marriage, but when I met my wife that changed, but that's just me. The thought's of marriage are always subject to change, but doesn't mean they will or will not absolutely be one or the other.

My uncle has never been married, and he's fine with that. He lives in a beautiful condo near the ocean with just himself and his dog. He's very social in his community, does a lot of volunteering, and helps out at his church. When he's asked why he never married. He just tells everyone it's due to him liking to live the way he want's to live and to not compromise. Which is absolutely fair and just as it's his decision.

If you meet someone who want's to spend their life with you. Then marriage is a fair thing to do if you feel the same way, but if you don't. Then there's nothing wrong with staying forever single. Plus having kids these day's is extremely expensive and I just don't want to raise a kid in today's world, but like I said before. That's just me. Plus my wife now.

[ginny_weasley]

I love this take. I don't want kids either. I think the dumbest things I have heard someone say is:
You will change your mind to which I say, "you do not know me better than I know myself."
you're too young to make that decision. Yet I am in my second year of college and am expected to have a majority of my life planned out.
The only reason you're getting a dog is to fulfill a maternal instinct that you're suppressing. This one is really stupid dogs do not go through these following phases: you will not let a cookie because I already one so I will scream bloody murder, the moody teenager, and many others.

[Carefuloutthere]

It's not really related, but that superheroes in the supermarket picture gets to me everytime, because it didn't work out with my son's dad and I, so he doesn't have that figure to have that with.
He has guys around him, he has my brothers and a couple of my friends who make a lot of time for him, but he doesn't have his dad.
It's not even that his dad doesn't want to be around, he's just not responsible enough to be a parent, and that's worse in a way.

At least you know know that being a parent isn't for you, or something you want. It's much more honourable than thinking you're all that, but not being able to step up to everything it takes to be there for and take care of a child.

Only you know how you want to live your life. It's no one else's business.

[Saoirse_Nua]

I understand your frustration somewhat but I alleviate it a bit by saying the people who say that usually care for you and equate happiness with a family. Obviously I have met loads of old happy couples but I have met childless old couples and old single people who were happy. I don't think there are any set of criteria that guarantees happiness in old age or not, it usually boils down to luck or fate if you wish. So I would never start having concerns unless an old person was having their first whiskey of the day at breakfast.

[Hwlsop]

then you have those that get married have a bunch of kids then their marriage goes south and they get divorced and the guy pays alimony and child support and is broke and miserable.

[IceCubedude]

90% of people i know who decided to not get married are depressed and know that no one is going to take them now since they are too old, people will make all kinds of excuses as to why they hate marriages but the facts remina. marriage is essential for a healthy life. when your parents are no longer alive, when you siblings get married if you have any to begin with, your friends start families or move away... etc who are you going to spend your life with? and why are you alive anyone if you have no reason or goal to live? you're going to continue working and making money? for who? yourself, how long will it take to experience all the things the world has to offer , 10,20,30 years? what will happen when you run out of money, years or simply do what you wanted to do , you're not living for anyone and that is no life my friend.

[myTake Owner]

I'm a hedonist. As long as I'm alive down there... who cares about marriage?

[IceCubedude]

are we going to throw around random nonsense now , if so iam not interested.

[JudgmentDay]

@IceCubedude

Check my reason, some of us follow the concepts of antinatalism, and because life and existence is absurd. All births eventually lead to unavoidable pain, suffering, harms, and the inevitable. Nobody asked to nor wanted to come into existence here, and I'm sure if some of us had known, we'd rather had not be brought into existence into this reality if there truly was a real choice for those people to begin with.

[IceCubedude]

@JudgmentDay sorry to burst your bubble but you were brought into this world by your parents so start acting like a realy human being and be decent and live your life iam not interested in any labels you're giving me.

[JudgmentDay]

@IcCubedude

I don't have a problem with how you think of feel about wanting to be a parent and having your own children, but I seem to think you may have a problem with how others feel and think that children and family or even relationships just are not for them. Each to their own. Not every single person on the planet has to be or even needs to be a parent. Each time someone choose to be celibate forever or even if they undergo sterilization procedure they save someone else from ever coming into existence to face all the troubles, and miseries they normally otherwise would have to face once they had been born.

And if Mr. Anon is legit and serious about being a hedonist, I suggested he take the route of getting a vasectomy, that way if he decides to sleep around or whatever, he don't have to ever worry about knocking some girl up unintentionally. Otherwise, he can always remain celibate and avoid dating or relationships altogether, and seek other forms of hedonism.

[JudgmentDay]

@IceCubedude

[dipta]

Lol.
To repeat something you don't wanna year, 25 years old IS young and the probability is that you will change your mind and will think quite differently when you're 35, or 45. It just is, it's not a bad thing and you don't have to prove different. People change, priorities change, you may or may not fall head overs heels with someone.

I think it may be better to just reply "at this point, I don't intend to" rather than disliking the replies you get, and what will be will be. You don't really know.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Our situation is likely to be different aged 35, 45 and if it's more secure and low stress some of us may want kids but we don't know that at 25 or in my case 24.
I don't intend to commit to adding to my workload by having kids or pets and if i do ever intently have kids Id want to do a good job which i wouldn't do without enough money and time.

[funny_strange_man]

@sedrftvgyhujik I have not wanted kids since I was 15 and i still don't. I am 33 now so it has been almost 18.5 years.
What is the least amount of money and time you would consider to be enough?

[CrazynKinky]

Say that when you're a female and people put a clock on it.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

@funny_strange_man
I'm honestly not sure? There would be a point though but it may be one i'm unlikely to ever reach.
I've also never wanted kids because to me the costs outweigh the benefits i've also never wanted pets for the same reason.

[sovetskii13]

This is great because I fall in the same situation. And yeah, the "You will change your mind as you grow older" is the most annoying of all. Similar to "When you meet that special someone you will never want to be away from them". How do they know that I'm gonna meet someone special? Maybe that special someone is on the other side of the planet. I ain't gonna surf the world to find them.

[Unit1]

1) I would prefer it that way to be honest :P
2) Nobody cared for me except my parents to some degree and I'm used to it
3) Say's who?
4) No.
5) Me :) I always have.
6) They say: As the son as well as the father. While I do not believe so, I would still be a horrendously poor bloke of a dad - like my dad.
7) Living my life in my decision of celibacy since 2004®
8) I do and I'm used to it since forever.
9) Say's who?
10) Life has no purpose, only you can give it one for yourself. Get over it.

Yes, people like that ARE annoying and shallow minded AF!

[TayTay21]

Everyone has freedom of choice, but you should try to understand why people are against your position. If everyone decides to not have kids, our society will die. That's just a fact. This is already happening in Europe, where they have to import millions of people from Third World countries to make up for their shrinking populations. So there is a rational reason people take issue with your stance. They aren't just naysaying to piss you off.

[myTake Owner]

So you believe people who aren't cut to be parents to have kids? I'm a selfish person I admit it. Do you believe someone who is selfish should be a parent?

[19magic]

I donno but half my family is that already so there's not much to lose

[TayTay21]

No, obviously not everyone should have kids, but I just see all these people today saying that they don't want kids, almost like it's a badge of honor. You have to be true to yourself, though.

[Anonymous]

"NO! NO! NO! I dislike pets as well. Why people believe that those who don’t want to marry and have kids, want pets…it’s something I really, really don’t get!"
never say never!!!
my aunt who hated cats, and did 2 abortions, just cuz she didn't want to have kids outside marriage, now when she is 62... look at her... live alone with 5 cats 2 dogs and desparately love one nephew, who s mother not always let her see him, and she get very sad bcoz of this...
and she often say how she regret that she didn't have a family and lived for herself... its pitty to see her old and alone and misarable around 5 cats

[myTake Owner]

62 is not that old in our days... relax.

[Opinion Owner]

yeh its youth, relax

[myTake Owner]

It's not young, but not old either. I would say middle-aged.

[Opinion Owner]

and? what it change? she already can't have any kids, bcoz of age

[Ses1992]

I think I would want to get married, but more than likely be a childless couple. That way I can devote time and attention to my husband and we can come and go whenever we want like traveling, how many say they want to explore the world but never do because of obligations of having children. With most girls in my culture marrying or having babies super early, I am already looked at like some oddity for choosing to be single. Plus going through childbirth would traumatize me :0

[datgirl]

Lol good for you. I definitely think people who aren't cut out to be parents just shouldn't become parents. Meanwhile, I'll be getting married, have tons of my own little nuggets, and a few dogs and cats. And I know this is not something I'll ever regret I have been wanting this ever since I was a child.

[GOOSEBOY78]

LOL you are only 25? and you are spouting this MGTOW crap? life hasn't begun to funk with you yet kid. when men get to their late 30's they have a mid lfe crisis and buy a red porsche/trans am/corvette/mustang convertable you will turn into one of those guys. or at the least get the baby blues you say that you dont want kids but you are still young. you still have more growing to do.

[Anonymous]

"I'm 25! Not 15"

Ya buddy, I'm not saying you will change your mind but it is very likely that your decision is not final. Some people change their mind at 35. You may or may not, if you stand with your decision that is good for you. But at 25, nothing is certain.

[phil2]

Do what you want so you will be happy. I wanted to be single all my life but I realize how much I needed that close connection with someone. I changed my mind. It happens. I am happy with being married with kids and I am not lonely anymore.

[myTake Owner]

So young?

[flypaper]

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to get married or have kids like at all esp. if that's what will make you happy. Do you.

[LadyTerror]

I agree. I think of marriage as optional and definitely don't want kids.

[CrazynKinky]

I completely agree with you but I love pets and would be happy being a crazy animal lady!

People who say it's your duty to the human race. The world is over populated as it is.