Catcalling is not complimenting!

[Anonymous]

Urgent news everybody, today I was catcalled!

Maybe it was the fact that the comment was coming from an older guy. Perhaps it was because he approached me and said, "Damn baby, you sexy. I know you be eating your rice and cabbage." (For those of you who don't speak ghetto people I'll translate. "Wow girl, you're sexy. You must eat well to be so thick.") I don't know why, but for some reason being approached by this older guy and hearing his comment didn't make me feel complimented.

It's obvious that I'm being sarcastic here, but for those of you who haven't noticed, I'm being sarcastic. Being catcalled isn't a compliment. Catcalling doesn't make women/girls feel special, happy, or make them attracted to you. I'm not a guy so I can only speak for women/girls. I know that females aren't the only ones who are catcalled. I don't know if you all know this though, BUT MOST WOMEN DON'T LIKE TO BE CATCALLED. I know this isn't something new and that my myTake is just one in the other thousands of myTakes, articles, and essays about catcalling.

However I feel the need to voice my displeasure about catcalling because it is a problem that is yet to be stopped. Why is it a problem? Here's why...

How people expected victims of catcalling to feel...

1. Happy: The person feels happy about being "complimented".

2. Excited: The person is excited about the "compliment".

3. Confident: The comment boosts the person's confidence.

4. Attracted to the catcaller: The person becomes attracted to the catcaller.

How victims of catcalling actually feel...

1. Confused: When this guy made a remark about my body I was initially confused. I didn't even know that he was talking to me because he was a complete stranger.

2. Uncomfortable: When random people make sexual comments about women and their bodies it usually makes us uncomfortable. Most people don't want strangers paying that much attention to our bodies, and then commenting on them.

3. Afraid: From a young age women are taught to be cautious with boys. That's because most rape victims are women, and most rapists are men. People who catcall aren't usually the nicest people, so women tend to be wary of catcallers.

4. Unconfident: When this guy made his comment about my body it had the opposite effect of a confident booster. Instead of making me feel sexy and proud of my body it made me worried about how much people actually look at my body. Most of the time I try to blend in with the crowd and be invisible because I'm terrified of people noticing my insecurites. Being catcalled made me feel like I was in a spotlight and that people were looking at me, checking me out, and examining me like a peice of meat.

5. Unattracted to the catcaller: I don't always get catcalled, but when I do I lose all respect for the catcaller. Catcalling isn't a compliment. It doesn't brighten my day or bring me joy. Catcalling makes me feel uncomfortable, afraid, and unconfident. Anyone who would purposely make someone feel this way isn't a good person in my book. No woman has ever said, "I wanna marry the guy who made sexual remarks about my ass."

So the next time you feel the need to catcall someone, DON'T. The next time you're catcalled and it makes you feel uncomfortable, give him a thumbs up... with your middle finger instead.

[MaskedSanity]

Cat calling is a shitty thing, but some of the examples girls present in the comments are fucking ridiculous.

Sure, it's kinda awkward that some guy on the street called you "Hey, beautiful", but it's seriously not the end of the world.

Here's a list of things guys shouted at me while I was out minding my own business in broad daylight:

"How much, love?"
"Wanna get in my car?"
"Handy for a fiver?"
"I'd like those legs around my neck."
"I'll pick ya up from yours, oaight *blows kiss*?"

You know what clothes I wore? Bootcut jeans, crew neck t-shirt and converse shoes.

"Hey, beautiful" is very lighthearted and honestly I wouldn't give a shit if a guy shouted that. But in my personal experience it were always very degrading things that were said that really made my stomach turn.

In take owner's example it was a pretty sleazy thing of him to say. But in examples made by other users? You girls need to get over yourselves, if a "Hi, purdy girl" ruins your day.

[Bluemax]

I that infamous 10 hour walk video, some of the things which were singled out as catcalling just mystified me. Things literally such as "Hello," and "God bless you," and "Hey," were considered catcalling. By that definition, I've been catcalled millions of times.

When you expand the definition of something offensive to include things like "Hello," you endanger your position into being something like the boy who cried wolf.

[MaskedSanity]

@Bluemax

Sure, some of the things said and done were downright creepy, especially where the guy just followed her.

But overall it was a huge spit on what ACTUAL harassment looks like. How the fuck else are people supposed to approach, if saying hi or hello is suddenly "offensive" and "harassing"?

[Anonymous]

Catcalling is a shitty thing but this becoming a social issue lately (as in being addressed) immediately was taken advantage of by some man haters and now some guys are being accused of sexual harassment for even looking in the general direction of some girls. Guys need to be taught not to be sexually aggressive towards strangers and girls need to be taught not to shame men that are just saying hi or saying have a good day in a friendly way.

[myTake Owner]

You're absolutely right.

[Nicolás25]

mmhhm ok agreed that catcalling is unatractive and annoying etc. but it's not a major women's issue and sorry love but simply because statistically speaking women are more victims of rape it isn't necessarily true there's thousands of men raped in prisons and as children etc. but they take that shit to the grave for they would be embarrassed and humiliated if it were to be found out. one thing i want to make clear is that although we have established that catcalling is unatractive and annoying all the comments being made to the girl in the cartoon is not sexual harrasment by far i do strongly agree with what the catcaller expects as a reaction and what reaction he actually gets are completely different also i want to point something out it's more of an issue in certain areas as these videos below both taken in New York demonstrate
and it's not exclusive to women.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1XGPvbWn0Ahttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75aX9mlipiYhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TadUMYgCGs8

[Jager66]

In the USA, the rates of rape are nearly identical, with 1,270,000 women experiencing attempted or completed rape every year, and 1,267,000 men being ‘made to penetrate’ in the same time span. That’s less than a 1% difference in the rate of rape of men and women in America. And in the rest of the world? Well, among a large international study of heterosexual couples, 2.8% of men and 2.2% of women reported being forced to have sex with their partner.

[Hannah591]

I'm surprised he approached you. Usually I get guys shouting/beeping at me from afar or some weirdo taking a picture of me which seems to be common where I live. It makes you want to curl up in a ball and hide from every male outside. I've been harassed/catcalled since I can remember and ever since developing anxiety (it probably helped me develop it), it's just a lot harder to deal with. I already feel unsafe outside so when guys, especially a group, don't leave you alone it's terrifying. If you don't respond, you get insulted and then you worry they'll come and beat you up for not thanking them for their "compliment". When my anxiety was really bad, I was petrified of walking past cars by the road waiting at lights because I expected someone to beep or say something and make me jump which is really embarrassing. I was really conscious of men leering at me. It was hard but I had to deal with it to live a normal life.

Men who don't get any attention seem to envy us though and think we're being selfish but it would annoy anyone after you've dealt with it for YEARS. They wouldn't like some random, ugly woman taking a photo of them - you don't know where that photo would be used.

[Hannah591]

Men don't consider the women who've been assaulted/raped and/or have anxiety and are already nervous around men.

[Rainie_]

I honestly don't mind it as long as they do not come up and stop me, or say something very disrespectful, or telling me to get in their car...
there's one type which I think is completely fine which is being called beautiful or pretty. Or getting told "Good morning beautiful". Its flattering to me and sometimes cheers up my day. Come on girls, is being called beautiful really harassment? .__.
Another I don't mind that much is "Damnnn!" when I walk past. It is a self esteem boost, can't deny.
Usually I give a smile back and say thanks most of the time.
But when it gets to a point where they say something like "smile for me", or "where you going babe?", "hey sexy", and like the picture says "is that for me?" or when they start saying some really disrespectful, kind of degrading things. Nope, no, no, just no. That kind of catcalling I do not condone. And when they try to stop you and almost force you to give you your number, no. Harassment. Being stalked - harassment. "Should I drive you?/Wanna get in my car?" NO. These I just completely ignore, as if they don't exist.
But my question to you is, if you give the middle finger/or says "fuck off" to someone who calls you beautiful, who's the most disrespectful one in that situation?

[Watermelonoma]

Since we live in a somewhat hypersensitive society today, I'm usually at least somewhat skeptical when i hear a girl complain about being catcalled. People today are on the hunt to find something they are offended about, and part of the reason why tools like Trump are ahead in the polls is because people by and large are kinda getting sick of it. To me, there's catcalling, and then there's catcalling. I won't get into what i view as the difference here, but what i will say is that as someone who generally likes to treat others the way I'd want to be treated, I don't have problems with all forms of what some people like to call catcalling, because typically if those things were done to me, I wouldn't have a huge problem with it.

The problem to me is when a person invades your personal space, stalks you, puts you in a threatened position... that sort of thing. With that being said, i don't catcall women, but its not because I'm afraid of hurting their feelings (because with some gestures that are considered catcalling, i find this to be a somewhat ludicrous reaction to have if im being honest), but because i know for a fact that it doesn't work. A lot of these guys do it because they have no real experience with women, and think that by doing this, it has a 5% chance of gaining them something. It's more like 0 to 0.05%. That's mainly why i wouldn't... that and the fact that its kinda sleezy... but its not something i would write to tumblr and twitter about in a fury if it happened to me. That's my 2 cents on the matter

[Anonymous]

Nice take. You are so right. Personally, I find it irritating more than anything. The guys who usually cat call are... lower class minimum wage types with no self-respect. You know... losers. They know they can't get you no matter how hard they try. That makes them feel bad. So they try to drag you down to their level. A cool condescending look usually takes care of them. They have an inferiority complex. It is very scary sometimes though. I have had men follow me on the streets telling me all the things they would do to me. One evening I was in an unfamiliar neighborhood. A very tall guy with muscles held my arms with one hand and wouldn't let me go. His other hand was roaming all over my body. I was wearing white pants, a black t-shirt and light make up. I felt so helpless and impotent. He could do whatever he wanted to me. It was terrifying. The people passing by did nothing to intervene. Finally I had to trick him to escape. It is an international problem and it isn't nice at all. Girls are not just bitching when they talk about it.

[AleDeEurope]

Most men that catcall don't know shit about women. I mean, yes, many that catcall are sexist assholes that think women are objects, but many others are just ignorant about how to talk to women.
Many guys, if not most, would be happy to get that kind of comments from women, so the ignorant ones believe that if they like that, then women should like it too, cause who doesn't like being told they're hot?
Obviously someone who has put effort into getting to know women will know that you don't talk to most girls like that, and even though that works with one, it's not going to work with the rest 90%.

I never catcall a girl unless it's a friend and we're joking around, so she obviously knows I don't mean it. Catcalling is disrespectful in my opinion. A genuine compliment like "I think you're pretty" or "I like your hair" while smiling (in a non-creepy way) is perfectly fine (though there's gonna be girls who will think this is offensive -_- ), but catcalling is never ok.

[thedevilwithin]

Catcalling is probably the reason that so many nice guys with a genuine something to say get shut down immediately.

What amazes me is the amount of dudes that defend it, like be happy you're getting a compliment. And then complaining how women don't give dudes a chance, that they just reject right off the bat.

I mean catcalling does one of 2 things:
1. Makes chicks think they're super hot, and therefore better than any normal guy.
2. Makes chicks think that all dudes are extremely superficial, rude or creepy that suspicion is immediately thrown on any dude who tries to "compliment" them.

Either way guys lose.
I don't get why more of the guys aren't over it by now?

[FakeName123]

First world problems. Especially when reading the female comments on here. Someone said something to me about my appearance. Big deal. Live goes on. As long as they dont decide to grope you or whatever shit it's barely worth a mention.

There are tons of uncomfortable situations in life and we all have to go through it. "Hey babe, your legs look juicy" - might not be the nicest nor the most gentleman way to talk to a woman, but it doesn't exactly cause serious harm.
And if your problem is being called beautiful, that you should really reconsider how privileged you are if thats your biggest problem in life. Lol.

[cipher42]

Yeah, as a male who has probably never experienced serious constant catcalling, I really don't think you have any right to talk. You have no idea what it's like to constantly feel unsafe when walking down the street because you know you'll be harassed. And for the record, "you have it good, so stop complaining" is a disgustingly common idea from abusers trying to keep those they abuse complacent. So don't you even dare go there.

[FakeName123]

@cipher42

I might not have been catcalled, but I have had girls move their hands in my crotch and I was creeped on by older woman as well as a handful older gay men when I was a clear minor.

Wow, big deal. I still didn't end up crying into my bed every night about how traumatic it was.

Even if I didn't have those experiences though, I still have the right to talk. Go to China or Cuba if you prefer censorship.

Further the passive-aggressive implication that I am an abuser is more of an own goal than an actual argument as you just defame yourself from any objective debate.

And you are right - I have no idea what it's like to constantly feel unsafe, because I am not some paranoid sissy. But let's face it, if one of us - how you said it so nicely - "had the right" to be feeling unsafe, it would be me as I am - like any other guy - am way more likely to be the victim of any violent crime except rape. Feel free to argue though that murder isn't as bad as rape. I heard that already.

[MeltedCheese89]

Reading the responses from guys here seems to be pretty good evidence as to why this is such a widespread problem. Guys are raised to think they're entitled to women's bodies, are trained to objectify women, and are completely ignorant of how helpless and weak they make themselves by endlessly chasing after women without any suave or charm or notion that women want to be respected as much as they do.

I need to kill the gender binary.

[willow74]

Here's how I feel about catcalling. And this is my favorite video on the internet.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0bORO0FjKd0

[myTake Owner]

This video is everything!

[AleDeEurope]

"Bob... Bob's a breather" xD
Funny video, good way to express the problem.

[Nicolás25]

A video with unrealistic strawman characters to make a point definitely feminist propaganda

[willow74]

You poor thing.

[OpenWine]

way too acted and stupid.

[Somali]

it is true she is fat,

[Anonymous]

Catcalling is a form of sexual harassment, but it's also something that is not gender specific. Just like sexual abuse isn't. I've been "dog called" by a female before. I've been sexually abused by a female before. I don't know why females feel like they are the only ones who go through things. Besides females also physically "cat call" or "dog call" I guess I should say guys. Girls have shook their butts in my face. Rubbed my leg. Purposefully bumped into me. So isn't that a form of "dog calling"? That's harassment too.

So no. You get no sympathy from me because it happens to guys too. Deal with it.

[myTake Owner]

"I'm not a guy so I can only speak for women/girls. I know that females aren't the only ones who are catcalled."

I'm aware that guys also get harassed. However, I can't speak from a guys point of view because I'm not one. I'm also aware that not all guys catcall. I don't have a problem with all guys, just the ones who have no respect for other people.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay.

[BruceJender]

I want to come out and say I've never catcalled in my life, and I never will, not even when I'm drunk.

It's a revolting thing to do and extremely demeaning.

I realise that it is difficult for certain men to understand how horrible it makes one feel. It took me several months to fully acknowledge it.

No one likes to get shouted obscene things.

[Mustachekitteh]

Never really cared if guys did that. It only becomes an issue if he starts to follow you and actually touch you and stuff. Other wise it's easy to ignore.

People are always paying attention to people them around them. Some catch their eyes more than others.

This one time when I had to run across the street with my friends to get to a store. Right when I got to the other side this sporty looking car with a bunch of dudes in it started yelling or which ever. I looked back at them was thought that was the dumbest thing and that they were weirdos. Still never bugged me.

[Kirah]

Catcalling isn't as big of an issue as you make it out to be.

I've heard women complain about too much cat-calling, and then a few years later they complain that they're not cat-called anymore.

Did I mention that one of these women is a devout feminist?

www.thesocialmemo.org/.../...alled-for-end-of.html

[AleDeEurope]

What a hypocrite xD Clear reflection of what modern feminism is.

[ObscuredBeyond]

When you flip the gender, and it's the gal that dog-calls the guy, the guy can feel:

1. Confused. Is she really that horny?

2. Suspicious. It's a trap. It's gotta be a trap.

3. Threatened. Someone put her up to this. Someone who means me harm.

4. Angry. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. I'll respond to the gal, but not the way she expects me to. I don't want her, I want ANSWERS!!!

5. Vindictive. Oh... so THAT was the plan, gal? He told you to say those things so I'd react how? Lemme at 'em! I'll give that two-bit a piece of my mind!

[Braveheart4321]

The interim ting thing about catcalling is that if women started catcalling men, the men would likely be appreciative, and because we would like to be catcalled, many men have trouble understanding that women don't enjoy being catcalled. Women don't enjoy being told that they are sexually valued because they are barraged with their sexuality, while men are never told that they're sexually valuable. This dramatic difference in experience leads to constant misunderstanding between genders in this matter

[FoxyRoxyBlack]

In all honesty being catcalled isn't the worst thing in the world. I mean, their are plenty worse things out there. I would say it largely depends on what they say. If it's something witty then yeah sure, I'll smile and it will make me feel better. But if it's like your case where it's just weird then I feel how you described. Also when old guys do it it's creepy, no one wants old creepy guys hitting on them. All in all I'd say it's either a hit or miss with most cat calls being misses and quite frankly not at all enjoyable.

[GreatnessPersonified]

I think there is a time and place for random compliments.
On the street during working hours is not one of them.
Maybe in a social setting, that can be ok.

I saw that video with the "harassment" of that girl walking in NY, most of the times. The guys said "hi, you are beautiful." and that was it.

Also, it was a 2 min video for ten hours of walking. That's pretty low, in my opinion. That's means a lot of guys said nothing!!

However, don't worry. There will be a time when no one will catcall you at all, ever.
Continue to ignore.

[becca123]

I am not sure the guys doing the cat calling are expecting the girl to do or feel any specific way. It usually tends to be a pack thing rather than a singular thing, i. e. a bunch of guys on a corner. Empowered by each other they can act out in inappropriate ways, but they hardly think the woman will come back or respond in any way.

One on one becomes a little more sketchy, a lot more awkward. Likewise if they block your path physically; this is the only level that would actually concern me.

I am not sure whatever happened to ignoring them and walking on. They do it to every girl that comes past, so it's hardly a personal thing.

[Bluemax]

Interesting observation about the pack thing. Quite correct, I think.

When I was a teen, an acquaintance of mine catcalled quite a bit when he was with the right crowd. With me and several of my friends, he never did any such thing. Perhaps they feed of each other's attitudes.

[Anonymous]

... sigh...

The overwhelming majority of men do NOT catcall. We're well aware that it is rude and unseemly behavior.

But a lot of people (particularly feminists who love nothing better than to feel like victims) are wanting to paint men who ask women out on dates as being the same as men who catcall -- in other words, making it socially unacceptable to speak to a woman at all.

Backlash from men isn't happening because men are supporting catcalling. Backlash is happening because all men are being demonized, even when their behavior isn't (or SHOULDN'T be considered) rude or controversial.