Alright, so you may have seen my first take on how to get women:
https://www.girlsaskguys.com/relationships/a23334-how-to-get-women-and-maybe-men
This time for those who are introverted / shy / not wanting to be bold and over the top.
It requires being a little over the top. What about those who want to get women by simply being themselves and not going out, talking to random girls, playing the number game, etc? Well, my friend, I've got a whole nother method that is also tried and tested.
Let me preceed this take with a bit of background. Don't worry, I won't bore you for 5 paragraphs here. My first myTake (linked above) is what I did when I was single. It worked for me. This myTake is an observation I've made over the years. This myTake is what I've experienced on many occasions and really chalked it up to luck. After thinking, I realized that it wasn't luck at all that women just happened to hit on me when I was taken. I was exhibiting behavior that, oddly enough, women were attracted to.
This is a bit of a passive approach. If you want more of a direct approach, feel free to read my first take linked above.
So let's get started, shall we?
Introduction
Have you ever noticed how men and women seem to be more attracted to someone who is taken? Most people don't act on it (a lot of us don't want to be a homewrecker), but it is pure scientific fact that the majority of people want what they perceive is unobtainable or "more difficult" to acquire. Why is that? Well I could go into paragraphs about the level of achievement a man/woman feels when they finally get with the person they thought was unobtainable. I could ramble on and on about the psychological effects someone feels when they perceive something "out of their league", "unobtainable", or otherwise "more difficult" to obtain than similar things (talking material as well as people). I won't. I'm only here to tell you my findings on these effects and the impact they have in daily interactions. If you'd like the low-down on the science of it (I find it all fascinating), Google it :)
1 - Be Positive
90% of people I've met have proclaimed to be positive. However, the vast majority are downers. People don't like downers in general, why the HELL would the opposite sex look for someone to shoot down their own ideas, goals, aspirations, etc? Let's say we're not talking about girls with daddy issues because, let's be real, I'm talking about substance not a fling. I once worked with a guy who was incredibly abrasive and pissed people in the office off daily. He's good at his job and overall a pretty decent person, but, he's abrasive. I never wanted to talk to him for longer than I had to.
Stay positive, keep things on a good note. Your good vibes will lead those around you to draw the conclusion that they feel uplifted in your presence. Just worry about the internals - your paradigm defines how others interact with you. If you go into any situation with negative expectations, you'll find a way to prove yourself right.
This also means you need to be secure with yourself as you are. If you're single, embrace it. Don't sit and think about how you want a girl. Just embrace the fact that you're awesome, exactly how you are. A healthy relationship begins with two people who are comfortable is themselves. A healthy relationship consists of two people who know they really can live without their significant other. They simply don't want to :)
2 - Never Compromise Who You Are
A lot of people make the mistake of assuming that people want someone who agrees with them 24/7. A lot of the girls who have hit on me (including a girl I worked with who spent a lot of time trying to "win me over" - I was married at the time and still am so nothing ever happened) in the past have at least this in common: I never "tried" with them, and never cared to win their acceptance. Now, I'm not the best looking guy in the world (see my picture) - if I can say "a lot of the girls who have hit on me" so can you!
An observance I seem to have made is if you're not the one trying to win someone's acceptance, they will likely gravitate to that role (I have zero scientific facts to back this, I'm sure they're out there, but this is based purely on personal experience). If you disagree (I do it in a funny manner, put your own spin on it) with something they say, oh well. I'm not saying just shoot them down constantly (see above), but if you truly dislike 50 Shades of Gray and she's talking about it, why not make a funny scenario out of it? Joke and poke fun. She'll likely bring something else up to try and get your acceptance. Don't analyze it or put too much thought into it - you don't want to get an ego thinking you're playing god and your acceptance is worth more than anything. It's not. You also have to accept it if this person couldn't give a shit less about your acceptance - that WILL happen.
Just sit back, don't try overly hard to win someone's acceptance, and be you. Don't be afraid to disagree. In fact, healthy couples do disagree, respectfully (and often playfully). They embrace eachother's differences and embrace the fact that they're not one in the same.
A quick note: In my last take, I mentioned disagreeing and probably didn't convey it very well. Don't be a dick! You're not trying to disagree with someone. You're simply expressing when you actually do disagree in a light-hearted manner. A little bit of disagreeing is awesome (and healthy) - I'm mainly trying to convey that you do not lie to a woman and tell her all of her favorite things happen to be your favorite things too. That's not staying true to yourself, and is a recipe for disaster.
3 - Be Unique
How many people do you see every day? Do you know all of their goals, aspirations, talents, etc? No, you don't. What is unique? Allowing someone to know yours. I read a recent study that said women are more attracted to a man with a sense of humor than anything else (and another study claimed guys with a sense of humor are better in bed - and women subconsciously pick that up). There was a lot of theorizing regarding human psychology and how it typically means someone is smart, dominant, and is a deep thinker. I won't go into that, but here's the link if you're interested in the read: https://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/ct-funny-men-better-sex-study-balancing-20150429-column.html
If you're funny, make people laugh. Not just her, everyone. Say funny shit. Let loose a bit. If you're not funny, what other trait do you have that sets you apart from the hundreds of people one sees a day? Be conscious of this whole section, as I'm not encouraging creepy shit. If what sets you apart is that you think people are all worthless and you have 3 human-skin lamp shades in your apartment, don't even consider it. What I'm saying is, set yourself apart somehow. The key thing here, though, is that if/when she talks to someone else about you, they're not saying "eww... seriously?" they're saying "RIIIGHT? He's so awesome!". If another woman agrees with positives one woman brings up, it's basically game on. It's not only affirmation, but it's competitive affirmation. Two single women bringing up how cool you are? What more could you want?
If you're not funny, try this. If someone says something that could be taken dirty (like "god that was so hard"), remember these two responses: "Sick" and "I thought you meant something totally different". You can be dry as HELL and if you say "Sick..." after someone says "god that was so hard", laughter ensues. I work with primarily women ranging from low 20's to 50's and one thing I've noticed is if you don't actually SAY the super obvious comment ("omg you mean like a dick?? a hard dick right?? am I right??" - no, fail ass joke) and let their imagination do the work, it's an easy win. You'll fail a few times, but people don't remember two misses when you have ten hits. Also, don't over do it. Accept ONE win in the meeting. Accept ONE win while golfing. Accept ONE win at dinner. Once the scene changes, you can fire a bit more, but don't try to make everything funny. Jokes are funniest when they come from a completely unexpected source.
Of course, the above are examples. However, the essence is that you don't have to be a comedian to get a few laughs.
A quick note: You don't have to be funny. You have talents and things about you that make you unique. Just find a good way of expressing what sets you apart. I happen to apply humor to things, but that doesn't mean you have to.
The major goal here is making yourself be known. Think of it this way: a hiring manager has an employee who presently works in the company. This employee is a decent employee. Usually punctual, hits deadlines most of the time, and has a pretty normal attitude. The manager interviews this person for a new position in the company. The hiring manager also interviews a wildcard from outside of the company. This wildcard has more accomplishments listed on the resume, and is very well qualified. So, here we have the employee who seems like a decent fit for the position, and we've got a wildcard who seems like a great fit (in fact, the wildcard seems like they may even be able to get a better position with higher pay somewhere else). Who gets the job? The employee is more likely to get the job. Why? Because the hiring manager knows the employee. The hiring manager knows exactly what they are getting into by promoting this employee. They don't know any of the peculiarities of this wildcard. People often stick with what they know, even if they know there is something potentially better out there.
Much like the employee, you must make yourself be known.
4 - Don't Care
Don't give a shit if she talks to you, messages you, whatever. Just don't care. If you do care, stop. Don't chase her down right after she talks to you and ask her out. There's nothing more obvious than desperation. If you wreak of it, you may as well just tell her "hey I'm desperate, wanna do dinner so we can fuck?" (that'd actually be pretty damn funny - she'd likely laugh her ass off but also be creeped out - feel free to comment here if you try that). I'm not saying just let her go completely out the window, but if she's interested and you've done everything right, she'll let you know. You can start putting some moves on afterward, but you've got to get the early "wins" in first.
It was brought up in my last take (linked above) that not caring will chase some women off. Please, let me make this ultra clear: You are not simply detaching yourself from her after there's interest. You're keeping your head clear until she's shown interest. I'm not saying once you score a date to treat her like shit and just don't care. Not at all! I'm saying up until the point that you've landed a few dates, you have to be cool. You can't text her all the time, you can't get attached just because she looked at you a certain way, etc. Just sit back, chill, and if she shows interest start caring a bit. Even then, wait until you've dated a few times to legitimately start the "Oh god she didn't respond, did I offend her? She hates me... I'm going down there to talk to her." thoughts. That was overkill and heavily exaggerated, but you get the point.
5 - Date Like a Boss!
Once you've landed one or more dates, make sure you're giving her a good time. In my last post, I mentioned asking questions. I'd also like to take a little bit of time to elaborate on that.
When I say "Ask Questions", I mean keep the ball rolling. There's a common saying in sales: He who speaks last, loses. Imagine that you're playing a game, and you do not want to be the last person to speak. I know, it goes against everything in our nature to not one-up people. However, if she tells you about her awesome trip, don't one up it with your more amazing story. Ask questions about it! Let her ask questions that she wants to know. Hell, offer a bit off your own information up "Wow you went there? I've heard that's so amazing!" but the key here is keep the ball rolling, show interest, and allow her to have a good time (listening to you speak while she can't get a word in is not fun).
This is one advantage that introverts seem to have over extroverts. We intros don't seem to want to express much about ourselves, we seem to be pretty content with hearing other people talk. That's great! What if she's introverted? Be prepared to switch gears and take it in a different direction. If she's unresponsive to your interrogations (hopefully it's not an interrogation, sometimes it can feel like it when someone gives you lackluster responses though) you need to recognize that and jump into "carry mode". Carry mode isn't necessarily talking non-stop, you need to keep her engaged. If you went sky-diving last summer, ask if she's been. If she says no, talk to her about how fun it was. After a couple sentences, ask a small, non-personal question to keep her from glazing over. Intros are a bit of a tough egg to crack, but they're often incredible at conversation on the right topic. Your job is to figure out the topic(s) and run with it.
6 - Don't Get Walked On
Please, for all of mankind's sake, don't get strung along. Seriously. I can't stress enough how important this is. If she's not interested, she's just not interested. If you're following the steps here, you shouldn't really get into this kind of position anyway. However, if you've gone on a few dates and the iron goes cold, you need to go cold with it. Don't treat her bad, don't lash out and call her a bitch. Accept the fact that she's not into you and move on.
I personally would give two chances to every girl I dated. If she flaked once, I'd give her an opportunity to make things right. Beyond that, radio silence from me. I'm not talking about standing you up, either. If that happens, a second chance should be next to impossible in my book. Unless she got hit by a car while walking to where you were meeting, there is no valid excuse for not even having the courtesy of texting "I decided to flake out because I'm not interested, sorry!". I'm talking about making plans and her telling you in advance that she can't make it. At that point, I think it's perfectly reasonable to tell her you'd like to do something sometime but the ball is in her court. Don't count on it happening, though. The few times it does happen will be a rare treat, and will mean that much more when you don't expect it.
So that's it, folks. What do you think?
Women: Would this work for you?
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