Is my college professor hitting on me?

[windupbird]

My college professor has been acting in a way that's starting to irritate me. He is my mentor, I respect him a lot and he has always been kind to me, hence I always saw us as "friends" of some kind, but now his behaviour confuses the shit out of me.
He is 30 years older than me and married.

To make it quick, here's a list of things he does:

- he comes very close to me: when he demonstrates something he hovers about 3 inches above me; he hugs me when we greet each other, but not in front of everyone, mainly in the classroom when we are alone; his hand often lingers on my shoulder and even on my back
- when I show him something in a textbook his hand "accidently" touches mine very noticeably
- he gets nervous around me
- he brags to me
- he brushes his hair with his hands when I look away
- he reads funny stories to me that he just found
- he laughs when I laugh (even when it's dumb)
- he tells me personal stuff in relation to our field (nothing weird)
- he said I'm a nice person, cute, charming and indirectly asked if I have a boyfriend twice
- I've caught him looking intensely at me more than once
- he makes fun of me and teases me
- he observes me and makes jokes based on my humour
- he once joked about his wife leaving him... what?
- there was a guy who took a liking to me and my professor was a real, big douche towards him (he normally behaves professionally)
- there is this weird vibe around us
- he is genuinely concerned about me

I noticed that it's fairly easy to fall for him, but where will that lead towards? Affair, mid-life crisis, what is up?
I decided to be smart enough to not let myself be blinded by infatuation while I'm young and making big and courageous steps on my life path.
So please tell me, is his behaviour "normal" and how do I not make a fool out of myself? I've managed to do so already anyway because I naively opened up to him, but now I want to be myself and live my life freely and according to my abilities. Thanks!

[zorro8888]

The thing is guys never stop being attracted to women even if they are married the idea of flirting is never going to stop but it doesn't mean that he's actually attracted to you in a way where he would want to date you. Some men just see flirting as part of a way to keep their skills fresh. I think he has a tiny crush on you and you can't stop that from happening but I still don't think he actually wants anything to do with you like in a relationship setting.

[windupbird]

Thank you! So what do you say: If I continue to be nice and let all of this happen, does that look like I'm reciprocrating (assuming he has some kind of intention)?

[zorro8888]

You're welcome!
I say it's fine to continue being nice but if he tries to engage in a physical connection with you then you need to start slowing it down.
For example if you try getting hair out of your face consistently tries to touch you I don't know how does have to be sexual but just text you a hug to clean whatever it is been obviously need to slow down and take a step back.

Because even if you are possibly interested in him and I'm not sure if you are... it will never really end up being anything you're just going to end up being used by him because he is never going to actually leave his wife so if there's no real future in it for you.

[windupbird]

Well I am infatuated with him to say the least, but I am not willing to be an affair or a toy. So before anything happens I decided to evaluate the situation. If I let something happen between us that can cost me a lot of time, energy and self-confidence if I stay the affair etc.
So yeah, I will see how far he goes physically and based on that I can tell if it's harmless flirting. If it is not, I'll have to have a talk with him.

[zorro8888]

That's honestly the best solution because right now. You don't want to tell him to stop hitting on you and make the entire thing awkward if he meant nothing by it but if he does see it in a different way then it's time to tell him to stop and to back off.

We can't stop who we become infatuated with however, we can control if we get in a relationship with that person or not.

[Hannah591]

Yeah he's definitely interested in you. If his behaviour isn't welcomed, tell him you don't appreciate how he singles you out and treats you differently and in an overly nice way. If you don't want to tell him, tell someone above him about his behaviour so they can speak to him for you.

[windupbird]

Thanks! I do like him, I secretely enjoy his advances, but I don't know his intentions. Everything is possible, I know, but I'm cautious since I don't want to be used by a married man and it is super risky right now. Not only for my sense of self worth, but also for my job and development!

[windupbird]

I just feel super caged when I think about all of this.