A man twice my age is pursuing me. How do I know if he wants a serious relationship?

[Anonymous]

There is this man, a co-worker, who is more than twice my age. He's been showing a lot of obvious and direct signs that he's interested in me but because some were childish, erotic and playful, yet some were kind of serious, I'm not sure how serious he is about me.
He's touched me in subtle and sensual ways and behaved like a real kid, getting jealous and impatient. Then again he's been very calm, patient and heard me out when I had trouble. He told me things about his life and tried to make more of a personal connection between us happen.
And there are times when we don't see each other for a few weeks and then we don't have contact at all, but when we meet again, it's the same all over. Kind of hot and cold at times. And he promises to do some things for me on his own accord, but forgets about it most of the time. I know he's busy but that doesn't justify breaking promises.

How do I interpret all of this? How do I find out? This has been going on for half a year.

[Ratiocinative]

Even if he is a great guy, large age differences cause problems when you get older. Thats why dating someone much older is often just for fun and short term, not long term.

Biggest thing to consider about age is do you both want to have kids, and how you feel about caring for him when he is old. No matter how healthy he is he will eventually be unable to things himself that he once could.

If this had been going on for half a year and he hasn't asked you out, he is either playing games or doesn't have a clue about women. If he has asked you out but you said no, then you need to ask him out if your interested now.

[Asker]

Thank you. I think it only developed as weird as it is now because I kinda blocked it off in the beginning because I was really very surprised. If I hadn't done that he definitely would've either asked me out or something similar. He persisted though it seems.
But yeah, large age gaps cause problems.

[Streamhopper]

I'm doing the same thing with a girl I like. It's tough. You just have to play it by ear and see how it goes; some of us are more mature and patient, some are more impulsive and child like. I've never had a problem with age; to me, it's if the two get along and are compatible (I'll probably get flamed for this, but oh well, I'm not in a popularity contest).

[tizz704]

If he was truly interested he would ask you out, point blank. He would make it sound casual if he was uncomfortable asking out someone so young, but he would indeed do it. Also, do you know this persons marital or relationship status? Things may be more complicated than he keads on/wants you to think.

[Asker]

You may have hit the nail on the head. He is married but acts as if he isn't in front of ke. He says things like he just had a fight with his wife etc.
As for asking me out, he asked whether I have a boyfriend multiple times. I don't know what's up with all of that.

[Asker]

*in front of me

[Our_Dilemmas]

Sounds like he is interested but it can be difficult to interpret. He might have had a bad relationship in the past that means he is reluctant to get too involved and wants to take things slower. Age shouldn't really matter as long as you both want the same things in life and are on the same page.

[Asker]

Well he did tell me all sorts of nice things: that I'm near his heart, beautiful, a nice person etc. But it's hard to trust words in this situation.

[Our_Dilemmas]

I guess he could just not want to pressure you into anything? Do you have feelings for him? Need to decide how you feel about it and it might make it easier to know what to do.

[Asker]

I kind of do have feelings for him, which makes this situation really hard. I even caught myseld contemplating whether I would be fine with having half of a relationship, meaning being the secret girl, being the one he runs to when he feels bad and wants some loving, because that might give me some sense of love which I rarely had in my life up until now. But I guess that it's a dumb idea since in the end, I won't get real commitment and will have a broken heart for real. He'll always be there for his wife and family and I would have to deal with not only being in love and emotionally scarred, but alone and emotionally unavailable to other men.
This is such a bullshit situation, really.

[lePoivre]

1) Don't let him touch you sensually at work. That's just unprofessional and could qualify for sexual harassment.
2) It doesn't sound like he wants anything serious. If he's that touch-and-go, he's probably just looking for a few nights with you.

[Asker]

Fortunately he stopped touching me like that some weeks ago. I admit that I was too afraid to tell him to back off.
Now he's very patient, kind and calm towards me and that just makes me suspicious. Maybe this is "part of the plan", God knows.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't sound like much of a keeper. I wouldn't. I see nothing wrong with women dating older men tho. I usually date men 10+ years older than I am.

[Dandeus]

Unhappily married coworker twice your age?

A mid-life crisis, acting out his frustration from his marriage.

He wants the sexy time and immediate gratification, nothing more.

The touchy-feely business at work is very inappropriate, especially considering that his age implies a degree of seniority/authority over you.

[Dandeus]

There's someone like this at my work, by the way, so I recognize it pretty well. He's got a reputation among a lot of female employees. Someday he's probably gonna cross a line and get a sexual harassment claim against him.

[sexyphil]

Just do it babes. Age is just a number and as long as he is fit and healthy there is no reason you shouldn't get with him. I have had relationships like that in the past and it always worked out fine. I'm in one now even

[KDA20]

If he is married - You are as well to stay out of it

[Asker]

I do stay out of it. But I think it's ok to be curious, if I wanted to get myself involved in BS I would have a long time ago.
Maybe I just want to satisfy my imagination, you know. But for my own good, I don't do shit like that.

[godfatherfan]

he isn't interested in you. he wants your young pussy and mouth. the end.

[jacquesvol]

Why would you even be interested in a guy who has your dad's age?

[Asker]

Unfortunately he simply possesses a lot of the qualities I adore in people. And since he is good-looking and slim, his age doesn't make him physically less attractive.

[jacquesvol]

Why would HE even be interested in a girl who has his daughter's age?

[Asker]

Well that's the question I ask myself.

[Asker]

And why I asked it on the internet.

[Georgi2008]

Just remember, when a man marries a trophy wife, it is an unwritten rule she can have lovers if he can't keep up with her sexual apetite.

[Anonymous]

if he forget what he promise, its 99.9% he is not serious... u not that important to him

[KAZ-2Y5]

stay away from him far, far away

[zombiebabe]

he is married keep your distance!!

[GotTheseMitts]

Is this guy married?

[Asker]

Bingo. That's why I keep away. And since nothing has been said absolutely clearly yet, I'm left with guessing what's up. It's clear that his marriage is in trouble, but I know nothing more.

[GotTheseMitts]

Maybe he could have marital problems or maybe he just is trying to acquire the infamous side chick. I mean there's always these men in unhappy relationships you hear about that get involved with another woman with no real intentions of leaving their family and so forth

[Asker]

Is there a way to find out or signs to look for? I know I sound desperate. This has simply been getting on my nerves too much lately.

[GotTheseMitts]

The signs are no different than if someone was actually trying to start a relationship with you... they'll tell you things about the birds and the bees and som men will use this to play to your emotions while some are genuine about it. This is a tough area to really pick the s deception isthmus from the lineup, I mean, the power of lies are pretty strong especially if you have someone who can pass them off as the truth... I call these guys "The Salesmen", they have perfected their craft and can usually get what they want through spoken word and a little convincing body language.

[GotTheseMitts]

*deceptionist from

[Asker]

Exactly! I do think that this could be the case in my situation. But well, I can't be sure about it. I had hoped someone can tell me something I wasn't thinking of before, yet it seems to be a tough field really. Oh well. That makes me even more careful!

[GotTheseMitts]

Well, that's why they coined the phase "if you play with fire you're bound to get burned"

[Anonymous]

He's married
Stay away