Girls Have You Ever Been REJECTED?

[Anonymous]

Girls have you ever approached a guy and had him reject you? I am not talking about being dumped. I am talking about when you first meet a guy, you put yourself out there and ask him out and he shoots you down.

I have this theory. Most girls seem to think they understand men, I think they don't understand men at all. The reason? Men are expected to do most of the approaching.

I think most girls have never really approached a guy, and if they have, they usually do not get rejected because the guy is flattered.

Because of this women, never really understand rejection, or fear of rejection and do not realize how much skill and effort it takes for guys to get good at approaching.

I have always said that a lot of guys get rejected the first few times the approach a girl when they are 12 or 13, and they are shocked by how much they get hurt, women do not have this experience as part of growing up. It is much safer to "wait for him to make the first move" than risk getting hurt by putting yourself out there.

Am I right or am I wrong?

Girls have you ever approached a guy and been rejected? If so did it bother you or not? Also, how old were you at the time of your first rejection?

I am a girl and I have had guys reject me.

I am a girl and I have never had a guy reject me or else I usually just wait for him to make the first move.

Updates

+1 y

Interesting, nearly all the comments support my theory, but the poll indicates otherwise. I should have made a category that said "I have been a girl and I have only been rejected one or 2 times in my whole life." So it wouldn't be all or nothing.

Updates

+1 y

Very Interesting Stuff is happening here!All the girls who have said they started approaching men from a young age were not from America. All new respondents please also tell me what country/region you are from as well as if you've ever been rejected.

Updates

+1 y

Why are there guys voting in my poll? The very first words in the poll are "I am a girl."


sigh.

[Anonymous]

No, I have never been rejected for approaching a guy, cause I haven't approached a guy. What I have done, very recently as a matter of fact, is let a guy know that I like him...and I am still waiting on a response (he hasn't said either way), so I am kind of feeling rejected because of that although not to my face necessarily. :(

And to add to your story...now that I am older, I have had guys that I went to high school with, end up telling me that they liked me but they just never said anything.

[Asker]

So this is a "Yes" completely supporting my theory. You've never been rejected, never even approached and you STILL feel hurt from a semi-rejection.

Try and imagine what it would have felt like if you got rejected, again and again, to your face, starting when you were 12, and then you will have some idea what's its like to grow up as a man.

A lot of guys get so hurt in their first rejections they stop approaching, those are the guys from your high school.

[azwethinkweiz82]

it's my first time to feel rejected with a guy, I think just this year. Most of the time, guys tell their feelings , and such, but I rejected them if I don't want them. Then now, it hits me. I fancy someone and I act so natural with him, I appreciate him, I drop some hints and he does too . But lately, he's not talking to me anymore or just ignoring me out of the blue, so I think that's one way of rejecting me and it hurts like hell...geezzz.

[Asker]

Kind of makes you wish you had been a little nicer to all those guys, doesn't it?

[Shorty1991]

I've been rejected more than once, guys that I liked kept flirting with me and when I told them how I felt they told me they already had girlfriends. Fed up. of attracting guys who are already taken. The other ones who are interested in me never have the balls to talk to me.

[scooogy]

poetic justice i'd say

[quackingkafreen]

I once told a guy how I felt about him, I didn't get an exact clear answer but assuming that he didn't say anything about it, he didn't feel the same way. If that counts, that was my only time I've got rejected.

I was just telling him to get my feelings off my chest. Of course, I was bothered but in the sense that I didn't expect anything it didn't hurt too bad. I just wanted my feelings to be aknowledge. At least now, when I look back I wouldn't have to wonder what it could've been like if I waited around. He was a shy guy afterall.

I was about 14, 15ish.

As for relationships, I feel like there should be a balance. A balance as in both party puts in the effort. I don't feel like it's mandatory for guys to make the first move.

[Asker]

OK, so you have had one, and only one rejection in your whole life. I will count this a "kinda yes" supporting my theory, since its a different experience than guys have.

I agree with you, I think there ought to be a balance, but in practice there isn't one. Men are expected to make the first move, and I don't think that's likely to change much. Still I always support those rare and wonderful women who are willing to approach men.

[whatson]

I'm a girl and have never been rejected, never really pursued a guy. BUT as a girl growing up I experienced a different form of "rejection". I have never been outright rejected but at that 12/13 age you mentioned I felt rejected because I was all to often the girl no one asked to dance. I would agree with you that girls in general don't get rejected in the way you have described but we have our own humbling experiences.

[Asker]

Everyone had some part of their life that was unpleasant. What I am doing is pointing out a specific difference in the male/female experience. This is something that I believe women never think about, which makes them not really able to understand the male experience.

[Kattrain]

American.

I've been rejected... it's not like you put it though.

I've been stood up, I've made eye contact with a guy and show obvious signs he doesn't like me, I've given my number to someone who never called back... blah blah blah

But the number of times I haven't been rejected far exceeds the amount I have.

[Kattrain]

First time I was rejected was probably around 12

[Asker]

Thx for the feedback. So do you think my theory is wrong then?

[Kattrain]

Well, I don't understand men (I don't know any woman that claims she does). But it's obvious from your theory that you don't understand women.

I don't think we'll ever understand each other.

[Asker]

What I meant was, my theory is girls do not have much experience with rejection, especially early in life, when they are are very young. Do you agree or disagree with that?

As for understanding, I am trying to understand better, that's the whole point of me asking these questions.

[blufrenzy93]

Wow...now that I think about it,

I've never really been rejected and I've approached a few guys and vise versa.

I don't know if you wanna count this one time where I put myself out there with a crush,you know, told him I liked him.

He didn't give me a clear answer and then he stopped talking to me...

But a couple months later, he came back a completely different person,

and started looking me a lot and basically giving me signs he might be interested...which was weird.

so yes/no ? o.o

[Asker]

This is EXACTLY what I expected.

Not only have you never really been rejected but it never even occured to you that most men have had to deal with rejection, A LOT. This is what fascinates me most, that women are so UTTERLY CLUELESS about what all men go through growing up.

This would be like me never knowing that childbirth was painful, rejection is a HUGE part of the male experience, and women are oblivious.

[blufrenzy93]

Hey now, nowhere did I say it didn't occur to me that guys faced rejection.

[Asker]

I said have to "deal" with rejection. What I meant was most girls are oblivious to the emotional toll it takes on men when they are growing up. Anf the emotional baggage many men still carry.

I hear a lot of girls complain that men "don't have the guts to approach," and these same girl have never considered how much it hurt those men to get shot down at a tender young age.

Having said that, I still think men should approach women, I'm just pointing out that women don't get men.

[Brenda1991]

When I told a guy I like him, he said 'I guess we could hang out sometime.' I was so thrilled that I thought maybe there is a chance to work out. We decided to go out after the finals. But before going out, I keep sending him messages and the most stupid thing I do is that I directly ask him whether there is a chance he could like me in the future. He says 'I'm willing to give you a chance, but it probably won't work our and it's hard to say I like you now because I don't know too much about you and what we have in common. If you still wanna go out with me, I don't mind.' How can you say it probably won't work our even before you go out with someone? It makes me start to suspect myself, is it because I'm not beautiful enough or attractive enough? Or it is because I'm so active that he thinks I'm too easy? I'm confused. And after the finals, he hasn't contacted me again.

[PantheraTigris]

Then that guy is a fucking moron to waste a perfect opportunity with a girl who's actually straight forward. Please, keep being the way you are; so many guys value a girl who actually tells them she likes him and wants a relationship.

[Ghibli]

@PantheraTigris He is not a moron, he just takes relationships seriously, why is it okay for a woman to be selective in the dating world, but not men? That's a double standard

[freebird93]

i'm from America.

guys are voting in your poll cause they want to see the results.

yes I've been rejected a few times. and yes I understand that men also hate being rejected and if a man does approach me and I'm not interested I'm very sensitive to that.

i understand some women aren't sensitive to men's feelings but women on the whole are not the enemy.

[Anonymous]

I'm from the States and I've been rejected. Like quite a few times... almost as many times as I've approached a guy and he was open to it. So have my friends actually so either we're all ugly (I'm pretty sure we're not) or maybe you just haven't noticed too many women approaching men?

It happens all the time. Just not as often as men approaching women.

[Asker]

Well based on the comments and the poll there are still a lot of girls who never approach or almost never approach, so I'd say I'm still onto something.

Also the fact that you've been rejected "almost as many times as the guy was open to it" is telling. You still have a record with more success than anything else. I hope that women are plucking up their courage and approaching men more and more. maybe in a few generations it will even out.

How old were you when you first got rejected?

[Opinion Owner]

I think I was 16.

Like I said, it doesn't happen as often as for women, that's an accepted fact. Men approach women more often. That's understood.

You're trying to explain why. It is an interesting idea but you're overcomplicating it. It's just a cultural norm, so many women in other cultures (as evident) experience different circumstances. That's all there is to it.

Remember occam's razor.

[Asker]

I am more trying to explore how the cultural norm affects us.

[Opinion Owner]

Well what's your argument then?

[Asker]

My argument is men are emotionally damaged at a young age by their first experience with rejection. Many learn to deal with it, and treat it like its not a big deal, many others never get over it. I further argue that women have traditionally underestimated the amount of pain rejection caused, because they have less experience with it.

[Opinion Owner]

Why don't you bring me some empirical data to prove your theory and we'll talk about it. By the way, answers on girlsaskguys.com isn't exactly scientific evidence.

[Asker]

As for "empirical data" ...ummm I'm trying to gather data, lol. That was kind of the point of this whole question. I create a hypothesis, set out to test it by asking this question and I am now sorting throughout he results. I followed the scientific method as empirically as I could, I am pretty proud of the amount of responses it got and the data I gathered, as a matter of fact. :-)

You are 100% right that girls ask guys is not a great source, but I have no money to commission a study.

[tuleleek]

I have been rejected quite few times, but it won't stop me trying again. Life is too short for not approaching somebody you like.

[Asker]

Good for you! So that's 2 votes against my theory (in the comments)

Are you from Canada by any chance? The last girl who said this was Canadian. Also, how old were you when you had your first rejection?

[tuleleek]

From Estonia actually:D Don't remember the first time, maybe 14-15 but last time was in july.

[Asker]

OK so I'm getting a lot of good information out of this. It seems that American girls do not approach men much but in some other its much more common.

[socalgamehater2006]

So you have approached guys before? initiated?

[tuleleek]

Yes. Results have been pretty much 50-50.

[Anonymous]

Yes kind of I was really hitting on a guy for the first time, at 26 years old because I tought he was interested in me , he was looking at me, making me to notice him, so I went there and talk to him he was going along and them said he had to leave and said see you soon after that I found his Facebook account and I tried to talk to him and he pretend he didn't know me so I guess I won't do it anymore because that doesn't work

[Asker]

AGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! You're missing the point entirely. Don't give up approaching because ONE guy didn't want you. That's the whole point. Guys rejected by at least 60% of the women they approach, they thing is they just keep approaching, you have to face the fear.

Anyways, since your first rejection ever was at 26 years old, and most guys go through this when they're 12, I will say this supports my theory.

[scooogy]

Uhm, and you probably missed that to some guys, this facebook stalking can be pretty weird.

[Anonymous]

I asked a guy that I liked if he liked me. I said 'So you know how everyone's saying you like me, is it all bullsh*t?'

He laughed at me and then got a disgusted expression on his face, like he was repulsed. And he said it was bullsh*t like it was completely obvious. I was 13.

I have never actually asked a guy out but it's not because of sexist expectations, it's just my personality.

[hannah15113]

I used to be really nervous about approaching guys. The first time I ever did was about a month ago and I'm 19, and I got rejected. He was really nice about it, so I didn't feel too bad, but I probably won't do it again!

[Asker]

Do it again. The world needs women who are liberated that way. Learn not to take rejection personally. Approaching can become incredibly rewarding, it allows you to take control over your life. You just have to get over the hump and stop caring.

Since your first and only approach, and rejection was when you were 19, I count this as supporting my theory. Rejection was not something you grew up understanding.

[charlie_girl]

No, although I haven't approached many guys in my life maybe only a handful. I have to feel like I REALLY like a guy to do this, as I usually wait for them to approach me.

[Asker]

Yeah, that's about what I expected. Its funny, most of the actually written responses I got were something like what you wrote, yet the votes are more evenly split. I wonder why that is?

SO what do you think of my article then? Now that I have pointed out to you that you've never been rejected, and EVERY man on earth has been, do you feel you understand men better than you did? Did my article teach you anything?

[courteneysugar]

No. Because I have never asked a guy out. And I have never rejected a guy either. And most of my ex bfs said to me that I was very "obvious" and they could tell I was in love with them. Well ... I liked them but none of them were my crush. I can't talk or even see my crush when he is around me...I get so nervous, and I act like I don't like him;(

[Asker]

OK this is yet another vote supporting my theory that women have no knowledge of rejection.

As a side note, you will never get your crush if you keep acting like that. As you may imagine from everything I've explained, guys like a girl to at least give some signs that she likes him, otherwise he'll just move on to some one else.

[anerom]

hey this is so weird I'm actually going to approach the first guy ever next week and I'm so afraid of getting rejected... I feel he has interest my gut feeling tells me then my head is telling me don't do it.. I think its about time all women started making moves I'm going to chance it because afterall what have I got to lose

[Asker]

Thats the spirit! We need mo9re women like you. I wish you luck in your approach, but remember not to get too wrapped up in it, a lot of times it seems like a big deal the first time, but its not that big a deal, as you said, you've got nothing to lose.

Thats yet another vote confirming my theory.

[truelove22]

I approached guys twice. One time he said yes, then broke up with me the next day, so not sure if that's a complete rejection or not. Second time I asked out a guy he said yes and we dated for quite awhile. So I'm not sure about the first time if that was part of a rejection or not, but the second time it for sure wasn't. Did I answer that question? I think I'm way off base haha.

[Asker]

OK, since you've only had 2 approaches in your life, this kind of supports my theory. I think having a guy break up with you the next day is not the same as being rejected. There is something very specific about putting yourself out there and having some one dismiss you based on first impressions.

How old were you when you made that approach?

[truelove22]

The first time I approached a guy was when I was in 5th grade and the second was in 7th grade.

[Snakes001]

I was rejected by this really cute guy in my grade last week and I ended up crying myself to sleep because it was my first time ever asking someone out. now I am scared to ask someone out again.

[crazybear]

I don't think so. I tend to be really shy so I don't approach a guy unless I think I have a pretty good shot. So when I do wind up approaching someone, I've never had them turn me down.

[Anonymous]

I was 14 and I asked out a junior who happend to have a girlfriend whom I had no idea about, I was inexperienced and had no idea, he said I was cute and maybe next time so the rejection didn't bother me.

[Asker]

That was the only time ever? That sounds really nice, wish my life had been like that when I was 14.

[Cosmogirl2]

I've been rejected and I have no clue why most of the time... oh well I think both males and females get rejected all the time.

[Asker]

OK so that's a clear vote against my theory.

How old were you the first time you ever got rejected? Were you young so it was part of your devleopment or were you older?

Did it seem like a big deal, were you upset by it?

[Cosmogirl2]

I was 12 and it really did hurt me so I decided never to approach another guy but then as I got older I tried again and well hell sometimes they bite and sometimes not so much

[Asker]

OK, so you experienced what I consider a typical male up-bringing. Do you think your female friends went through this same process, or were you unique for approaching guys.

[Cosmogirl2]

Nah I think girls do it more often then people think just no one ever talks about it because no one thinks of it I guess. I mean people have crushes all the time when there young and its in our nature to try and make a move when were impulsed.

[Asker]

Interesting, none of the other comments seem to agree with your point of view.

What part of the country do you live in? Maybe you are from a slightly different culture.

[Cosmogirl2]

I live in Canada from Toronto

[Asker]

Fascinating, then perhaps what I am talking about is an American kind of thing and girls in Canada are a bit more modern.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't really asking him out, but I told him I liked him, and he just looked at me like I'm insane! People at school (this was a while ago BTW,)(before I told him I like him) said we look cute together and that we should go out! I like the idea, but I never said anything. everyone was saying I liked him, which I did, but I always denied it. I asked if he liked me, and he no. I don't know if its a rejection, but.. yeah..

[Asker]

That is not even CLOSE to a rejection. The fact that that is the closest you ever came to getting rejected completely proves my point.