Why don't men approach me or randomly flirt with me?

Question

I have been curious about this for awhile. I think that I am fairly good looking, probably more cute than hot. When I am out around town I never notice Men checking me out and I have never been randomly approached or asked out. Some of my girlfriends tell stories about how this happens to them all the time (and they are not extremely hot) and it makes me wonder. Am I putting off some type of vibe that makes Men avoid me or am I just an acquired taste in the looks department. I would love some honest opinions or suggestion on how to attract more attention from the opposite sex or appear more approachable.

GoodManDave · Accepted Answer

Sometimes, people just aren't noticed right away for whatever reasons; there may be many, or just a few reasons why.

I'm not tall, not buff, and not the most fashionable (though ok). I'm fairly shy, and I look like I work everywhere I go, for whatever reasons, because everyone asks me where an item is. So I may "blend in" more, I don't know. I may not currently have the things that go LADIES, LOOK AT THIS GUY!

The woman that I'm interested in doesn't fit that "ideal looks" kind of thing, but I doubt if I fit hers. I'm not even sure if I'd fit her "personality" or "interests" range. But supposedly, rumor is, she has said she wouldn't be completely opposed to dating me (whatever that means).

Ok, so she may not be the type who gets stares when she walks by. I'm sure not a lot of guys turn their heads. BUT... I really like her intelligence. I like how, it has been pretty easy to talk to her. She seems pretty sensible, (so far) and I like a woman who carries herself like that. She's quiet, and comes across as a bit "businessy" for my tastes, but in many ways, that's how I am, so while the looks or mutual interests might not be there, the personality thing might just mesh together anyway.

In fact, none of the girls I've dated have been my "ideals" as far as looks go, but it has ended up where every time, I've gotten interested in dating them, and then they've become "more attractive" in the looks department - at least to me.

MY OPINION

I'd say you're cute. I may not think right away "date her!" (Sorry, no instant "va va va voom!" thing here). If I liked your personality, then that might be the thing I'd go for.

I'm actually a bit shy until I get to know someone and feel comfortable around them, so it would take me a while to get up the courage to ask out ANY woman, even my "ideal" woman.

Perhaps these girls have a certain thing that gets them noticed, for whatever reason. Or, perhaps they could just be lying to seem more attractive or make themselves feel better. Who knows?

You're fine. All I can say is the generic stuff; Make sure the personality is cool, maybe wear some clothes that flatter you (you could be already doing this, I don't know), try to stay positive.

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

Simply put: Put in more effort to make people pay attention to you. Not in a bad way, but in the good way.

For example: You are currently wondering why they aren't approaching you, probably just going on with your chores, and maybe stopping to talk to the few men who do approach you.

The blunt honesty: You could spend that wasted "inner dialogue" on being sociable and friendly with some of the people you meet.. To another person it would look like your "having fun" which then intrigues them to pay attention (because we all want to have a fun-filled lifestyle).. In turn more men will approach you.

The sad truth: Most guys don't have a backbone OR they have grown through the stage of life where "approaching women" doesn't seem to get what they want (constant rejection).. So until the guy changes and grows a pair, he's never going to get what he wants.. Those types of guys (me) are not the types of guys you'd want to date right away, sure maybe after you got to know them and so on.. But to be honest, I'm rather shy with strange women who are attractive. It makes the first couple months kinda bland and boring because I'm always second guessing whether a girl likes more or not (and the shocker -> I consider myself as f***ing handsome)

So in all aspects of life, your going to meet people that just aren't interested.. You have a few options:

1) Do something about it (try to intrigue them more)

2) Do what you've been doing (Nothing, just contemplating why they aren't approaching)

3) Become jaded and pissed off, or self doubt yourself (when really it's their issue, not yours)

etc

.. Hope it helps,

ArtistBBoy

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Hey, I think you're plenty cute.

However, as a girl who does get approached, it's not all that. All the guys who have hit on me in the street have been rude jerks. I'm not saying all guys with the courage to hit on a strange girl are jerks, but they probably have a more aggressive personality. At the very least they have confidence that borders on arrogance, regardless of how much game they have.

Having said all that, maybe dudes are checking you out. How closely do you pay attention to them and their body language? Maybe guys you wouldn't necessarily find attractive at first glance, either, are sizing you up. Not like dirty older dudes because they're always around, but...keep up your standards but your options open, is all I'm saying.

How you carry yourself matters; look at people in the eyes or face, and smile. Not like a freaked out grin, just a little upturned corners of your mouth. Or just hold up your head, but don't stare at the ground like it's a work of art. Even if you don't feel it, act like you have all the confidence in the world. Stand up straight. Working out helps with the confidence and posture, and it makes your butt look cute and perky, lol. Try to put pep in your walk, a little bounce, like you're in a good mood or walking in time to a song with a great beat.

If a guy does look you in the face and you find him attractive, by God Smile! Who cares if he doesn't smile back. Eventually one will. Guys like smiles, even better if you make eye contact with it. I'm telling you, IT WORKS. Wow this is long, haha.

emilyzenella · Accepted Answer

I sort of had the same problem. I always thought that I wasn't pretty enough or something but I realized it's just the vibe I give off. Guys know that the vibe I'm giving off is sort of like "don't flirt with me unless you mean it and you like me". I will only flirt with a guy if I like them and I get kind of pissy when a guy tries to flirt with me if I know he doesn't mean it. Because I always felt like It's mean to give someone the impression that they like you and maybe they're just trying to be rude.

I didn't realize that I am pretty enough for guys to flirt back if I flirt but I always thought deep down that If I were to try to flirt for fun, they would be disgusted.

But now, I like this guy and we are almost "dating" and my friend told me that a while ago, at work, his friends were talking about me and how they thought it was so obvious that I liked him because I never flirt with any of the rest of them. They sort of seemed insulted that I never flirt with them but I don't really believe in flirting just because you can.

toosexualcat · Accepted Answer

It could be the way you dress, act, walk, talk... it could be you're not talking/being friendly with them.

It doesn't matter what you look like, you could be a hot b*tch but if you're a b*tch, they won't talk to you. Me, I walk around like an angry football player because then I get no attention. I wear tomboy clothes and even though I smile at people, I'm not sending a come hit on me vibe. I don't want them to! And believe me, I'm plenty hot or so guys tell me.

So sometimes it's you and sometimes it's them. Nice guys are usually quite shy... you know, the guys YOU want to date? They're shy but sweet. The a hole players? They go to anyone with a pair of legs and a p...y if you know what I mean.

So your solution? Go talk to a few guys, don't wait for them to talk to you first! Because I can assure you, the shy guy you want isn't going to come to you, he thinks you're out of his league ANYway...but trust me, that's the guy you want.

Cheekynicko · Answer

This seems a really odd question when you say you are dating already. Perhaps if you are still looking for something more then be honest with your current beau and make a clean break. Once you have done this go out, be happy, have fun and don't expect us to do all the hard work remember its 2011 not 1911. If you are out with a group of female friends remember it would take allot of balls for a guy to approach you in front of them so if he is not 110% certain of your response it will not happen.

dro305 · Answer

I posted this up. maybe it'll give you some insight:

So I'm walking around south beach by myself and I see this beautiful girl sitting on a bench. She's looking at her phone. I was struck. I was like omg that girl is hot. I keep walking.

When I lap around she is still there so I sit like 10 feet away and I start looking through 'my' phone. (Dont wanna make it obvious)

Problem: What do I say? I spent minutes on end...even on the drive home of what I could have said to open up. I couldn't think of anything to say or ask her to open up some dialogue. I guess I should have asked if there was a Calvin Klein store around. But that would have started and ended the dialogue right there and then.

So ladies, what would I have done?

destroyer · Answer

I see nothing wrong with your looks physically or style wise, definitely more cute than sexy, also agree on the 'fairly good looking'  So it's probably the vibe you're putting out, when the guys check you out, smile back or wink at them to show that you're interested back, otherwise they might feel like you shot them down or something.  Just always smile everywhere and appear confident (fake it if you have to, I do that sometimes too) and put yourself 'available' in places to get likely to be approached, like at a bar or club

CharlieUnicorn · Answer

This is something that happen less and less to everyone, except where it's implied (single mixers and closed gatherings). On the whole it's a good Development since it limits a lot of unwanted approaches too, but sure, it's come with a cost too.

So probably there's nothing with your looks or clothes. Just move from the random bar to more specific and close-knit gatherings.

Also don't be entirely passive. You don't need to flip the script completely just sometime say hi first and ser if he attempts to keep talking to hold you there. It's not important who says hi first really.

ClothesFree123 · Answer

Adaire, I looked at your profile and your photos.  You are a very pretty young woman.  I think that you are probably an open person and would be easy to talk with by any male.  I noticed that you haven't added information about who you are personally to your profile.  If you honestly describe who you really are deep inside, you will have a better chance of attracting males who are attracted to you both physically and personally.  How you describe yourself in your profile will pique the interest of males who TRULY want to get to know YOU for who you are!  You can check my profile and see what I wrote about me.  What I wrote there is honestly who I am.  If I can help your further, stay in touch!  I will talk with you honestly. I hope what I have written will help you.   I have met a very nice friend and a very pretty young lady!  Hope to hear from you soon!

DaveMicharl69 · Answer

Oh, wow, You're EXTREMELY cute AND pretty! The only guess I have is that you look like a nice, propper girl & some young guys look for a girl who looks easy N like they'd hop in bed without asking twice. Personally, if I saw you I'd approach you in a heartbeat, and if it's NOT because you don't look "easy" then these guys must be blind, crazy or both! You'll find someone, I'm sure of it. If one of these guys you seem looking looks shy or suddenly turns away when he sees you looking, then he probably wants to appraoach you & is too scared. If so, approach him. If not, I'm sure you will pretty soon. I wish you luck...

Kamilah · Answer

I think you're a very attractive woman :) & I guess you just have 2 find a way 2 be more of a flirt lol. Now, don't confuse a "flirt" with a "hoe" lol there's a very thin line that you must not cross & u'll need 2 find that balance. Start off by laughing a lot (not 2 the extreme lol) and make lotta eye contact & tha'll be a good start 4 u, the rest just follows lol. Good luck :)

Goldielox · Answer

You know what, maybe you aren't really putting yourself out there. And you just don't realize it.

Make eye contact with people that is the best opening because beleive me if your friends aren't attractive and guys approach them maybe they are doing something to real them in.

So eye contact is a must.

Body language is another

And SMILE! Guys love happy girls!

XO

Good Luck

Masiah · Answer

yeah..actually you look really cute. I mean who ever would ask you out then it'd be for real. Serious love. And that could be a reason that why guys don't flirt with u. But you should still feel proud about yourself. And for the matter of the fact, we just miss things what we don't have. But I think we need to appreciate what we have. Sometimes.

Take care

micricjac · Answer

well I have the smae problem just with girls instead of boys

its not an easy worl trying to find the person that's right for you

just have to keep trying its not something to worry about really

as long as your hapopy with who you are then that's all that matters someone will find you or you might find them:)

darkhorn · Answer

you are not hot, you are not cute. loose some weight. dress more sexy.

Kokujin · Answer

do girls understand guys are being creeps when they approach strange women? how are you expecting this? No one wants to get someone who waits around and does nothing but then expects a 90 coming back at them..

jonnyrock123 · Answer

if you are cute act more childish and feminine and your freinds might have that happen to them a lot because they wear more provoking clothes like short shorts of mini skirts so you could do more of that if they don't maybe all the men are picky

drumr2009 · Answer

if you start a convesation, don't ask yes or now questions.

In this world it isn't getting easier to talk to strangers, so you may need to make the first move to engage them (looking and smiling will only get you smiles in return.)

gegegeg · Answer

gender equality if you want male attention, why not take initiative and make it happen?

dro305 · Answer

I'll say this. If you can achieve eye contact...smile and say hi. You'd be surprised of the outcomes. Just see what happens.

socalgamehater2006 · Answer

why are you asking this question if you have a boyfriend already?

PowerPlay7 · Answer

men have no balls these days, and are shy, especially when it comes to hotter girls. and I'm sure they're checkin you out, you just probably don't notice because you don't have eyes at the back of your head ;p

Sakurabella · Answer

I agree that you're sweet-looking than those typically trashy-looking girls with tons of make-up on. Maybe nice girls finish last? Jerks only want to f&^k around with easy girls and they can tell you're not one of those girls:)

sudher9025 · Answer

You may be different from others, So they are seeing you differently

Why don't men approach me or randomly flirt with me?

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