Boyfriend checking out other women?

Am I crazy for being angry because I think it's rude. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and I've had this problem with him for over a year now I tried talking to him about it and he says he'll stop or he wasn't looking at anyone. It's just that I'm tired of talking. I know men look but he stares at women or he turns his head when he looks and it pisses me off because it makes me feel ugly. I'm a pretty girl and besides I really feel bad because he's a lot older than me I'm 29 and he's 44 so this is rather insulting to me also some of his family members told me he was a dog when he was younger so I was thinking maybe it's just he's an old player but who the hell wants to be with an older man that checks out other chicks for that I can date a younger guy. I don't know, I love him but this really bothers me, please some advise anyone, especially from guys.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i think its goen to my head to much ! my boyfriend says to me that he doesn't find any other girls attractive at all ... which I know for a fact that's a lie and that getts on my nerves but tis becoming a real psychotic issue for me . when he goes into the mall to wor ki say to him dotn loook around and to be goood and when he getts out of work I ask him a million tiems if he checked out girls or if he saw any and stuff like that... but if I try not to ask hi mthen I get sooooo angry inside and I burst ... and I feel bad because sometimes he prob really isn't looking but I bug out on him badd even though... and when I'm with him walking around ill try to avoid being around girls and if there in front of him ill waist time so they can pass and ill watch him liek a hawk and we get into so many fights because of it and I think this is becoming a huge problem because I can't function normally now everyday I go through this with him and I just have to ask and I get so angry inside ... do I have a problem ? lke something psychological ? help ! I don't want to keep worring about this but I can't help it and I wonder if I neeed meds or somehting helllp !

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    • I know how you get insecure, I do too. I think you'd have to see a therapist if you can't function properly. It sucks that guys do this, but to them it's meaningless, and you don't want to lose him to jealousy. Guys do get fed up and don't understand, and they break up when they feel caged. I'm sorry to say this, but you have to get over it if you don't want to lose him. It sucks, but there are battles you just can't win!

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    • Don't worry, you're not the only one who does that. I do all you've described to my girlfriend. When your significant other looks at another person, it makes you feel like you're not good enough. That's what it is. Makes me think that she isn't the one for me...but of course that's crazy thoughts right? Who knows..I'd assume my other half would only have eyes for me, just as I only have eyes for her, and no one else in the world could catch my attention.

    • wow, JohnNaughten, crazy I didn't think guys were like that

What Experts Said

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What Guys Said 6

  • Well, it is in our nature to look at girls passing by, and I would understand if you guys were 17. But a man of his age should be able to restrain himself from checking out girls, AT LEAST when he's with you, ESPECIALLY after you told him it bothers you.

    You have to talk to him about it and let him know that you're serious - you want him to stop checking out girls when you're with him - and that's that. He's just making you feel less attractive, and if he's been dating you for two years, he should be doing the exact opposite. I understand you've told him before and you don't want to have to keep nudging him, but you do have to tell him one more time and really make him understand how it's hurting you.

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    • Thanks guys for all your advice. I have noticed now when we're out and he glances at someone if he thinks I'm gonna look in that direction he turns his head towards me really quick so he is trying to work on it.

  • I think he needs to cut it out. While looking at the ladies is natural (I think the noticing is instinctual), if you've made it an issue by telling him about it, then he needs to rein in his roving eye. Give him some room for a quick glance (the same way you probably notice a hot guy and the way I notice a hot girl), but once conscious thought is there, he needs to return his focus to you.

    Might I recommend a page out of the book of advice from don Juan? Carlos told him about a friend's out of control child. Don Juan advised arranging to have a stranger (an ugly, scary looking man) jump out of the bushes and scare the s** out of the kid. This being designed to stop the behavior by rearranging the kid's worldview. Maybe if one of these girls ( a friend of yours that he doesn't know) made a loud scene, telling that pervert to stop staring at her? Could help to rearrange his worldview.

    And if not, maybe an ugly, scary looking man can jump out of nowhere....

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    • Not a bad idea to try to change his worldview, but from what it looks, he doesn't care about a thing anyway.

    • Thats an interesting concept. I used to dress very freely in my late teens. By that I mean, short things. With no concept or idea of what it was giving off. One day I was standing at the stop lights and a guy who was there with his girlfriend yelled at me"put some f@#$%& cloths on you B**tch" It traumatised me...but taught me also, to have some modesty and respect in public.

  • It just shows that he is not ready to settle with one, just yet. I do check woman out, briefly and quick, but never if I am out with my girlfriend to the point that she would notice. Unless I don't care about her at all and want to drive her mad. But what's the point of having her as a girlfriend then right? If it is that obvious that even his family would tell you that he has always been like that, then I would lose him and make it quick. Love is not the only ingredient to sustain a meaningful relationship, you need more than that.

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  • Men will always notice a girl if we think that she is attractive. It just can't be helped. That said, if he is actually staring at other women it's rude to both you and the woman. If he is trying to make eye contact with them while you're with him then that is very rude. On the other hand if all he is doing is glancing up as an attractive woman passes then he probably can't help it. I'll tell you what though, maybe the next time you are out by yourself you should go get lunch at a place where there are a lot of people. If you look around at the guys there, you will probably notice that any guy whether he is 16 or 65, with or without a girlfriend or wife present, is doing the same exact thing that your boyfriend is doing. I don't know if that will make you feel better, but at least you'll know it isn't just him.

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    • Interesting... I should try that sometime.

      Iv never complained about it, but my Boyfriend constantly tells me he doesn't look at any girls.. and I'm sitting there like... ok, I wudnt care if you did.. but why are you telling me this? I mean, I'm sure he looks, itz totally normal.... I don't understand why he would say he doesn't though.

    • When I feel loved and cared for, I tell you, no other man appears attractive. And by attractive I mean, any amount of energy that distracts my attention from the company I am keeping. I have also been out with my grilfriends and I find it very annoying that they are distracted from our conversation or catch up because they are "checking out' others. This is rude as well. A good dose of meditation and observation on intention will soon show that one is not helpless and will build nobility.

  • I think it's natural to notice an attractive woman, but it's rude of him to stare and be so obvious about it. Especially since you have told him how much it bothers you, and have asked him to stop. He should be appreciating your beauty instead; It's really bad manners.

    You need to reevaluate your relationship. If you have been together for two years, and have observed this behavior for that long, it's unlikely he's going to change. Plus, I sense a lot of hostility on your part with this relationship. You may be better off just breaking up and moving on. BTW, age has nothing to do with bad manners. As an older guy myself, I really cringed at those "old player" comments. (LOL)

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What Girls Said 19

  • my boyfriend now husband was or is like that. I brought that up to him because it made me feel like I wasn't appreciated or good looking enough for him even tho he said I was the most beautiful girl to him. when we go out, and his brother is there, they'd always whisper about the girls chest or a$$ looking good thinking I didn't hear him. I'd always ask him what he just said but he'll say he didn't say it or denies saying it and that he didn't check out a girl. it p*sses me off the most when I see him check out a girl for like over 10 secs making it so obvious and I ask him wth is he doing looking at her. he'd say that he was just checking out her jacket. ha! the girl had a red jacket with colorful writing that has a 'babygirl' logo on it. I was like wtf? if I had that, he would think it was something gay or something. I'm still pyroniod by all his lies and it does make you feel insecure about myself because I know he wants something better. even tho I'm the 'greatest' that's ever happened to him. all bs.. and yes, I'm married to him now. I love him a lot too, but it takes sacrifices... even tho its just a 'glance', men will never be satisfied. I truly turn my head or keep my eyes in my own direction. I've never 'checked out' a guy. no matter how good looking. he just made me realize men are never satisfied. that's why the majority of them say, 'its natural for a guy to look'. well then don't have girlfriends or wives or a girl, period. its not fair when I've to be 'faithful' and he gets his enjoyment while having sex with me telling me he loves me? ha! but girl, do what's in your heart. work things out. its really up to you hun.

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  • Maybe its just because I'm strange but when my guy looks at a hot girl's ass, I look as well. Most of the time he has an eye for quality. the fact is he's mine and no ass will be ass enough to take him away from me. and the fact that I check out girls more then he does kinda makes it easier to laugh it off.

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  • I worry it change to cheating

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  • To notice a pretty girl is one thing...but 2 become pre-occupied with tht girl and keep staring at her is very wrong when in a relationship...even if he wasn't in a relationship with you and he was staring at woman thinking gross things about them then thts even wrong...u have every right to b angry if he's really checking out other girls and crap like tht...if I were you I would just end the relationship no matter how hard it is...because him thinking things will eventually turn into actually doing them...Theres a song called Slow Fade by casting crowns and in the song it says "Be careful little eyes what you see its the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings" in other words meaning the second time he looks at the woman is when the desire for her becomes worse...and there's also a part tht says "The journey from your mind into your hands is shorter than ur thinking" and so on...u should really listen to the song link its a very good one!

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  • Either you break up with him because you've told him it's an issue but he doesn't stop anyway or you deal with it which isn't fair

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