Boyfriend checking out other women?

Am I crazy for being angry because I think it's rude. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and I've had this problem with him for over a year now I tried talking to him about it and he says he'll stop or he wasn't looking at anyone. It's just that I'm tired of talking. I know men look but he stares at women or he turns his head when he looks and it pisses me off because it makes me feel ugly. I'm a pretty girl and besides I really feel bad because he's a lot older than me I'm 29 and he's 44 so this is rather insulting to me also some of his family members told me he was a dog when he was younger so I was thinking maybe it's just he's an old player but who the hell wants to be with an older man that checks out other chicks for that I can date a younger guy. I don't know, I love him but this really bothers me, please some advise anyone, especially from guys.


Most Helpful Girl

  • i think its goen to my head to much ! my boyfriend says to me that he doesn't find any other girls attractive at all ... which I know for a fact that's a lie and that getts on my nerves but tis becoming a real psychotic issue for me . when he goes into the mall to wor ki say to him dotn loook around and to be goood and when he getts out of work I ask him a million tiems if he checked out girls or if he saw any and stuff like that... but if I try not to ask hi mthen I get sooooo angry inside and I burst ... and I feel bad because sometimes he prob really isn't looking but I bug out on him badd even though... and when I'm with him walking around ill try to avoid being around girls and if there in front of him ill waist time so they can pass and ill watch him liek a hawk and we get into so many fights because of it and I think this is becoming a huge problem because I can't function normally now everyday I go through this with him and I just have to ask and I get so angry inside ... do I have a problem ? lke something psychological ? help ! I don't want to keep worring about this but I can't help it and I wonder if I neeed meds or somehting helllp !

    • I know how you get insecure, I do too. I think you'd have to see a therapist if you can't function properly. It sucks that guys do this, but to them it's meaningless, and you don't want to lose him to jealousy. Guys do get fed up and don't understand, and they break up when they feel caged. I'm sorry to say this, but you have to get over it if you don't want to lose him. It sucks, but there are battles you just can't win!

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    • Don't worry, you're not the only one who does that. I do all you've described to my girlfriend. When your significant other looks at another person, it makes you feel like you're not good enough. That's what it is. Makes me think that she isn't the one for me...but of course that's crazy thoughts right? Who knows..I'd assume my other half would only have eyes for me, just as I only have eyes for her, and no one else in the world could catch my attention.

    • wow, JohnNaughten, crazy I didn't think guys were like that

What Experts Said

  • 2|1

What Guys Said 6

  • Well, it is in our nature to look at girls passing by, and I would understand if you guys were 17. But a man of his age should be able to restrain himself from checking out girls, AT LEAST when he's with you, ESPECIALLY after you told him it bothers you.

    You have to talk to him about it and let him know that you're serious - you want him to stop checking out girls when you're with him - and that's that. He's just making you feel less attractive, and if he's been dating you for two years, he should be doing the exact opposite. I understand you've told him before and you don't want to have to keep nudging him, but you do have to tell him one more time and really make him understand how it's hurting you.

    • Thanks guys for all your advice. I have noticed now when we're out and he glances at someone if he thinks I'm gonna look in that direction he turns his head towards me really quick so he is trying to work on it.

  • I think he needs to cut it out. While looking at the ladies is natural (I think the noticing is instinctual), if you've made it an issue by telling him about it, then he needs to rein in his roving eye. Give him some room for a quick glance (the same way you probably notice a hot guy and the way I notice a hot girl), but once conscious thought is there, he needs to return his focus to you.

    Might I recommend a page out of the book of advice from don Juan? Carlos told him about a friend's out of control child. Don Juan advised arranging to have a stranger (an ugly, scary looking man) jump out of the bushes and scare the s** out of the kid. This being designed to stop the behavior by rearranging the kid's worldview. Maybe if one of these girls ( a friend of yours that he doesn't know) made a loud scene, telling that pervert to stop staring at her? Could help to rearrange his worldview.

    And if not, maybe an ugly, scary looking man can jump out of nowhere....

    • Not a bad idea to try to change his worldview, but from what it looks, he doesn't care about a thing anyway.

    • Thats an interesting concept. I used to dress very freely in my late teens. By that I mean, short things. With no concept or idea of what it was giving off. One day I was standing at the stop lights and a guy who was there with his girlfriend yelled at me"put some f@#$%& cloths on you B**tch" It traumatised me...but taught me also, to have some modesty and respect in public.

  • It just shows that he is not ready to settle with one, just yet. I do check woman out, briefly and quick, but never if I am out with my girlfriend to the point that she would notice. Unless I don't care about her at all and want to drive her mad. But what's the point of having her as a girlfriend then right? If it is that obvious that even his family would tell you that he has always been like that, then I would lose him and make it quick. Love is not the only ingredient to sustain a meaningful relationship, you need more than that.

  • Men will always notice a girl if we think that she is attractive. It just can't be helped. That said, if he is actually staring at other women it's rude to both you and the woman. If he is trying to make eye contact with them while you're with him then that is very rude. On the other hand if all he is doing is glancing up as an attractive woman passes then he probably can't help it. I'll tell you what though, maybe the next time you are out by yourself you should go get lunch at a place where there are a lot of people. If you look around at the guys there, you will probably notice that any guy whether he is 16 or 65, with or without a girlfriend or wife present, is doing the same exact thing that your boyfriend is doing. I don't know if that will make you feel better, but at least you'll know it isn't just him.

    • Interesting... I should try that sometime.

      Iv never complained about it, but my Boyfriend constantly tells me he doesn't look at any girls.. and I'm sitting there like... ok, I wudnt care if you did.. but why are you telling me this? I mean, I'm sure he looks, itz totally normal.... I don't understand why he would say he doesn't though.

    • When I feel loved and cared for, I tell you, no other man appears attractive. And by attractive I mean, any amount of energy that distracts my attention from the company I am keeping. I have also been out with my grilfriends and I find it very annoying that they are distracted from our conversation or catch up because they are "checking out' others. This is rude as well. A good dose of meditation and observation on intention will soon show that one is not helpless and will build nobility.

  • I think it's natural to notice an attractive woman, but it's rude of him to stare and be so obvious about it. Especially since you have told him how much it bothers you, and have asked him to stop. He should be appreciating your beauty instead; It's really bad manners.

    You need to reevaluate your relationship. If you have been together for two years, and have observed this behavior for that long, it's unlikely he's going to change. Plus, I sense a lot of hostility on your part with this relationship. You may be better off just breaking up and moving on. BTW, age has nothing to do with bad manners. As an older guy myself, I really cringed at those "old player" comments. (LOL)

  • Its something we can't help. I know it sounds ridiculous, but we can only control it to some degree

    I can't speak for all guy but I Know If I do it I don't always do it intentionally, And I don't mean anything by it mostly. maybe you don't have to worry. But it definitely does not mean your ugly or unattractive ,

    its just somthing that kinda happens, sorry to say.

    • I guess what we as woman want to know...when you are looking...does it mean that in those looks you have forgotten the company you keep and are desiring, undressing another woman, and suddenly feel the one you are sitting not as good? That's the meaning we make of this. Tell me, what occurs in the mind, when one is looking at others?

    • I might as well be single for the rest of my life, if that's the case.

What Girls Said 19

  • my boyfriend now husband was or is like that. I brought that up to him because it made me feel like I wasn't appreciated or good looking enough for him even tho he said I was the most beautiful girl to him. when we go out, and his brother is there, they'd always whisper about the girls chest or a$$ looking good thinking I didn't hear him. I'd always ask him what he just said but he'll say he didn't say it or denies saying it and that he didn't check out a girl. it p*sses me off the most when I see him check out a girl for like over 10 secs making it so obvious and I ask him wth is he doing looking at her. he'd say that he was just checking out her jacket. ha! the girl had a red jacket with colorful writing that has a 'babygirl' logo on it. I was like wtf? if I had that, he would think it was something gay or something. I'm still pyroniod by all his lies and it does make you feel insecure about myself because I know he wants something better. even tho I'm the 'greatest' that's ever happened to him. all bs.. and yes, I'm married to him now. I love him a lot too, but it takes sacrifices... even tho its just a 'glance', men will never be satisfied. I truly turn my head or keep my eyes in my own direction. I've never 'checked out' a guy. no matter how good looking. he just made me realize men are never satisfied. that's why the majority of them say, 'its natural for a guy to look'. well then don't have girlfriends or wives or a girl, period. its not fair when I've to be 'faithful' and he gets his enjoyment while having sex with me telling me he loves me? ha! but girl, do what's in your heart. work things out. its really up to you hun.

  • Maybe its just because I'm strange but when my guy looks at a hot girl's ass, I look as well. Most of the time he has an eye for quality. the fact is he's mine and no ass will be ass enough to take him away from me. and the fact that I check out girls more then he does kinda makes it easier to laugh it off.

  • I worry it change to cheating

  • To notice a pretty girl is one thing...but 2 become pre-occupied with tht girl and keep staring at her is very wrong when in a relationship...even if he wasn't in a relationship with you and he was staring at woman thinking gross things about them then thts even wrong...u have every right to b angry if he's really checking out other girls and crap like tht...if I were you I would just end the relationship no matter how hard it is...because him thinking things will eventually turn into actually doing them...Theres a song called Slow Fade by casting crowns and in the song it says "Be careful little eyes what you see its the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings" in other words meaning the second time he looks at the woman is when the desire for her becomes worse...and there's also a part tht says "The journey from your mind into your hands is shorter than ur thinking" and so on...u should really listen to the song link its a very good one!

  • Either you break up with him because you've told him it's an issue but he doesn't stop anyway or you deal with it which isn't fair

  • I was just going through the same thing and you know what? I decided to treat him the way he treated me and looked at other men that had better things to offer than him both younger and older. Then I dumped his old ass for a younger model. We were together four days shy of a year and it's not like I never let him know how I felt about this matter and I told him he would really know when I'm tired of it. He continued to do it. I did not feel a need to talk to him about it again - I told him he hurt my heart. So, I just moved on. No need of wasting anymore time on his tired ass. I did try to do the right thing first. And this fool was talking about marriage - "Get Outta Here with that BS!" (Imagine how many time's I probably would have slapped fire from his ass! lol - 911) He can't even appreciate, respect and love what was there in his corner - the Assclown! I'm not mad but why stay with someone that is obviously not satisfied. I'm not into controlling others however I have a right to decide what's best for me and I do control my own actions and who I want in my life.

    • My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 3 years and he's always checking out women but it's the staring that bothers me. I've tried to talk to him about it but it just gets into a fight and he doesn't talk to me for 1 day or so. He can't admit to it and in the same breath he stated that it's one of the reason he doesn't like to go out with me. To be honest the honely friends he has are females and in the 3 years he has never been out with the guys or nor does any guy ever call for him.

    • Its wrong. plain out wrong.

  • okay I understand this situation , cause my boyfriend did the same thing . but I believe in him when he says he doesn't look because he's always faithful to me . even though I think he is looking I get aliitle mad but I end up letting it go, but I gotta say it is normal for guys to look. but when your in a relastionship things need to change. like your boyfriend can't be checking girl out especailly in front of your face . that's very disrespectful .if he deeply loves you he would listen to you and do something about it. he would actually change for you. if he doesn't than it doesn't mean he don't love but I means that he gets attractive to girls very easily by checking them out. but I'd say you should talk to him bout it whether he denys it or not. keep telling him how you feel . tell him in your side. how would he feel if you were checking out guys in front of him or behind his back. tell him if he would like that . cause I'm sure he will get mad. all I'm gonna say is that its good to fix the problem . never walk away from your boyfriend while he's talkinq ,and when your mad cause things get worse. make a change and solve the problem. if you feel that somethings bothering you. then always talk to him.

  • My guy was doing this, and making comments as well... open flirty comments. It made me MAD. It has calmed down now,he is older than me. I told him it is a lazy mind. I told him that I don't mind who when how, he can look all he likes, but show some respect in front of me when I am around and save it for when I am not. It was difficult, he got upset, thought I was jealous, thought he was just being friendly, labelled me as controlling. At the end of the day, its about female pride and honour. We have a button that goes wild if we are not shown this respect publicly so he needs to know, he needs to be educated out of his habitual single ways...also tell him it makes him look old and sleazy and the women he is looking at lose respect for guys that do that when they are with their partner.He will eventually get it...dont accept it and don't buy his making it your problem if he swings it back on to you. if he does that, start training him, by excusing yourse;lf and leaving when its happening, quietly and gently...go to the toilet, walk up the street, go and check your phone...but leave the scene! He will then be faced with what he would prefer, a loving warm relationship, or strangers passing by.

    • Thank you RomanceDetective I really like your advice, I've read hundreds of them but yours is the best!'s genuine advice and yes I like what you say ". At the end of the day, its about female pride and honor"'s so cheap when men act that way and like you say that if they really respect you, have them think about what's more important "a loving warm relationship, or strangers passing by."

  • My boyfriend is the same, not so much staring at other girls, but alsways commenting on celebrity females and sometimes real girls saying how stunning or gorgeous they are. Would be nice if it was said to me once in a while. Am I wrong to think that is insensitive to sit with your girlfriend whilst looking at a girl-friends Facebook album and hear him tell me how gorgeous he thinks she is?

    • I think that's kinda uncalled for. He should be saying your the gorgeous one more..

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    • Yes, that's wrong becasue it is hurtful, eats at your self esteem and makes you feel unloved. Somethings don't need to be said or verbalised and those are in that basket. My advise, although I don't usually get into game playing, and you may be devoted by nature-source yourself some good movies with guys in it you enjoy and have yourself some wonderful visuals. Watch him squirm, as he has to watch. He will soon get the idea of how hurtful it is!

    • yes definitely wrong!

  • it depends on the guy. There are guys that are capable of only either love or lust.

    if the guy still checks out girls, even if you two are married and he thinks you are beautiful and says he loves you...there is a part of of his heart that isn't completely yours...maybe he isn't ready, maybe he is very independent and hard to tame..whatever the reason is, Even if he says he loves u...wake up. He doesn't completely belong to you even if you're married. Something is missing in your relationship, he is unsatisfied.

    Theres also guys that are capable of love. They come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, some are good hearted, down to earth, some are assholes but can love..etc. But what matters is that they can love you and only you...and I mean really love you. Enough to not wander around and stare at other girls.

    I've dated a guy for two years and he never onced checked out a girl because we were completely in love then. I would be able to hang out with my girlfriends and he wouldn't give a flying f***. Now, I am dating another guy for over a year and he stares and check out girls constantly eventhough I've told him every single day to stop staring..not only that he tried to get into one of my friends pants, the same girls that my ex never thought twice about or even stared at.

    No, there is no excuse. It is NOT IN THEIR NATURE. that's f***ing B.S.

    They either love you or they don't completely love u.

    if they don't completely love you it means you guys aren't soul mates but just two people who are married. If you want more then he needs to give it to u. So you f***ing make him fall in love with you or find someone else who will love you.

    I think its very important that your man loves you completely and you love him completely. Bc

    in the end, we are all unsure of everything, we rely on faith for religion, how would we know what religion is the right one? friends come and go, they will eventually have family and other duties, they can't always be with you. your career and money won't matter when you're laying on your death bed. the only thing that you KNOW that is true and there, and you won't have to rely on your faith...bc it's simply there, its love. In the end there is nothing but a big ball of love. That's it.

    • It is wonderful that you have a had a relationship with a guy that showed the potential of what all men are capable of having and that is DEVOTION. Thank you for that example and showing that there is nothing wrong with us for asking for devotion, it is not an impossible and unrealistic ideal. x

  • its funny cause women somehow find a way not to stare at other men when they are out with their man, and so many men are using this excuse that "it can't be helped cause they are men!" and staring is not the only thing they use that excuse for, when they 2-3 women they say "oh I can't help it, i"m a man" when they go to strip clubs "i'm a man". and at the end of the day, that's all it is, an excuse... men are human beings and they can do what they chose, if your man is staring at other women in your company, its because he wants to have a look. and my advice is to take it seriously, one day just looking at candy won't be enough, they may want a taste... so if he isn't content with just eyeing your goods.. my advice is find someone else who is!

  • all guys check out girls.. but I think it is very rude to do it while your girl is sitting right by you..i told my boyfriend that I understand its in a guys nature to do that but to not do it around me because it doesn't make me feel to good inside.. and he don't do it now I also would check out a guy who would have his shirt off jogging to show him how it felt lol he didn't like that too well

  • hi dear,

    I know how it feels

    today me and my boyfriend were at a petrol station. there was a hot girl in short skirt at the station filling up petrol. my boyfriend stared at her for 2 min and by mistake went to the wrong lane. it is so annoying and makes me feel ugly. recently, I have put on weight and don't feel attractive anymore. if I tell it to him he will deny and a big fight will arise. all guys do it. they are dogs that's all. you be happy thinking there are so many guys that stares at you.

  • Be with someone who treats you like you want to be treated. Although it would be unfair if you got mad at him for checking out other girls when you check out other girls/guys just the same. He obviously feels like he has the need to keep looking. and if that's the case. why keep yourself in the relationship? I mean if you have told him repeatedly that you feel disrespected and he doesn't make a change. DO NOT settle for anything less than what you know you deserve. If a man doesn't know what he's got, don't stick around to wait for him to know. People won't change for anyone, and it takes a real man to love a woman the way she should be loved.

    Don't stick around waiting for him to grow up, because some people never do. If you want someone serious about a relationship lose the BOY and find a MAN.

  • My boyfriend checks out other women constantly. I'm a little overweight, not much, but just chubby. He makes this horrible face when I offer to sit on his lap, and I walk in on him with his hands down his pants watching solo-girl porn (nothing but!) We can go out on a romantic dinner, but he'll look and then make comments! Like: "Damn! She's hot!" And I don't know what to do. I try to talk to him about it, and then he gets angry with me and says I'm being abnormal and insecure, while in the mean time, I feel like sh*t because of what he's doing. Any advice for me? lol


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    • I so agree with KHRISS 80 comment, that's what my boyfriend does manipulates the situation and it's been 3 years now. For 3 years I have felt ugly and I know that I'm not cause everyone tells me that but when were out that's how I feel. He tells me it's my problem not his and I have to deal with it.

    • Omg get a restraining order then leave, you don't want that a**hole anywhere near you,do you?

  • It's very sad and bad.

  • I feel less alienated that I am not the only girl with this problem. However I have caught myself turning my head to a guy walking by but this seems to happen a lot less than I notice my boyfriend turning his head. And I would never get mad if he expressed he was hurt by it, I would in fact nurture his feelings. However when I have noticed my boyfriend noticing someone else and looking intentionally he gets angry with me like a little boy that was caught in the candy jar. I believe it is very disrespectful. I give my boyfriend room for accidental glances but when it is frequent or becomes a second glance I really start to re-evaluate our relationship and whether I should stay with a guy who seems to be less attracted to me than the girls that constantly turn his head. Also it is embaressing to be out with your boyfriend whom you are supposed to be proud of that he's yours, but is so embaressing when all the other girls walking around whom he notice obviously probably giggle (cuz most of them are scandalous illminded short iqed girls) they giggle that you THINK he's yours when he is constantly noticing other girls well then obviously the commitment isn't there as much as you think. Also my boyfriend doesn't allow me to wear shorts or shirts showing ANY cleavage or are tighter than a t-shirt, I think it is ridiculous how he insists that I not be desired in public when I have noticed him desiring others in public. This is getting pitiful to put up with, like I said I can handle infrequent accidental glanced because I do the same but some men will always be alone because they will never be happy with one girl. Allow yourself to be attractive to other men if your boyfriend is doing this, it's silly because he's not the only one capable of infedelity of the eye you can go out and dress like a slut too and be rude having other guys notice you. Some boys just need to grow up, it is not "normal" for men to constantly look that is a cop out, they can control it and they choose not too.

  • I can relate to this, but what I feel even more distressing is when he takes photos of ie colleagues with his arm around these women. Then says that people in other countries are unlike British and that kissing etc is common practice in the workplace. I am gullible or what?