Relationships
3 mo

My boyfriend checks out women in front of me and tells me things like ‘she’s hot’ or ‘she’s pretty’. I get upset. Am I overreacting?

Anonymous

We’re both in our 20s and been together for more than 8 years.

A little on him: He’s a very blunt and honest person. He believes in saying what is on his mind irrespective of what the person thinks, especially if they are close. Because he should be able to speak freely with the people he loves.

A little on me: I’m an inherently insecure person, and an anxious partner, who has a lot of body image issues and thinks that if not for my physical appearance I have nothing to offer. I’m trying to work on it but it’s hard.

I’ve spoken to him about it and told him that I don’t like it when you check out other women and tell me about it. I understand that the eye wanders and there are a lot of beautiful women out there. So I can’t stop you from checking out other women, but maybe don’t tell me “she’s hot” or “I wouldn’t mind banging her (after which he said he was kidding)” or for example today we were speaking on the phone while he’s away and said “there’s two hot girls walking in front of me”.

I honestly don’t know what to answer or react to this. I automatically shut down and disengage from the conversation. Everytime we talk about it he says that you are the person closest to me and I’m an observer and these are just objective observations that I’m sharing with you. I don’t like keeping things in my mind. I don’t know what is the appropriate reaction to these situations.

Also, it’s not like he doesn’t compliment me. He is a very honest person and compliments me when he thinks I look good and says things like “you look good” or “you look hot today” and also says things like “your acne is back” or “your jaw is getting bigger” or “you’re going to look old sooner because of your face structurer” (he apologised for this after I said that was mean)

so yeah the problem being, if I get upset when he says things like this, he feels like he can’t speak to me freely or be his true honest self. Am I being too sensitive? If yes, any suggestions on what I can do improve.

My boyfriend checks out women in front of me and tells me things like ‘she’s hot’ or ‘she’s pretty’. I get upset. Am I overreacting?
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