I had a female friend that one night slept over my place in my bed with me and I didn't make a move because.....

I thought she just wanted to be friends and feel close to me.

Women, am I a moron that didn't take advantage of a clear signal to escalate the relationship with this amazingly sexy blasian girl, or do you guys think she just felt that cumfy enough with me to spend the night and I would have ruined it by trying to have sex with her?


Most Helpful Girl

  • If a girl sleeps in your bed, she likes you. I don't get the close to someone unless I'm interested, because I know how guys are (even my guy friends) and I would not get in a bed with them because I would know what they would attempt to do.

    But if I like the guy, I won't care if he tries to mess around. But I also won't care if he just wants to cuddle. And if it's too much too fast, I'll tell him I'm not ready but otherwise... it's almost expected of guys to make some type of move, even if it's just kissing.

    It's sweet that you cuddled with her though, and it probably makes her feel more special to you if you don't initiate sex the first time you get in bed with her.

    There's always next time though. You're on the right track.


What Girls Said 15

  • Personally, I can't say that I've been in bed with a guy just to sleep. I think unless she started to make a move on your first then you did the right thing but not making a move. Nobody is psychic and we have no idea what she was thinking at the time .

  • Most of the time girls don't just sleep close to a guy in their bed in less they want or hope that, that guy is gonna make at least a small gesture of interest toward her. I have a few close guy friends I probably could sleep in a bed with and want nothing to happen, but I don't think I would do that. Then their are those friends who are close and could see me wanting to use the "friend" card to try to get closer to. Maybe to see if he had interest in me. But like one girl told you she probably wanted something but since you were a nice guy and didn't take advantage she probably will want you more. But next time do something that won't get you into trouble if she's not into you like that but will give her some sort of sign that your feeling her too.

  • I'm going to have to agree with that-one-girl and the anonymous chick. I wouldn't sleep in a guy's bed if I didn't like him/want to have sex with him. If there happens to be another time where she does end up sleeping in your bed, just try making a move and see what happens. Don't get yourself stuck in the friend zone.

  • Most girls don't sleep in the same bed as a guy if they want to be just friends. I think there was something there.

  • I don't think you ruined anything, you acted like a gentleman, although it's hard to tell from you description if she gave you any signals to try... Do you like her? Why don't you ask her out, just casually "do you want to get together for coffee?"

  • Depends how she acts around you the rest of the time-if she is always flirting with you then she may have wanted you to make a move but if not then she might have just been comfy and felt safe there with you.

  • before me and the guy I'm seeing were together we were just friends. I slept over his house, in his bed before. I knew he wasn't going to try anything but at that point I liked him. a month later he told me how he felt and vice versa and know we are going out. my point here is you should talk to her about your relationship as friends because you never know, she might want more

  • I agree with the comment below...you definitely aren't a moron and she'll appreciate you waitin to take your relationsip to the next level!

  • I think if she really wanted to hook up with you she would have made it more noticeable if she was already in your bed anyways, Its good if she feels comfortable enough to sleep next to you without you trying to make a move, Maybe in the future she will want to take it to the next level.

  • A girl really can't spend the night at a guy's house and NOT expect him to try something, but I think you made a good move in not doing anything. This gives her a little more faith and trust in you. Plus, the longer you wait, the more she'll trust you, and the better IT will be.

  • she's a friend, then why do you want to sleep with her?

  • You acted perfectly. And if she did want you to make a move, well now she justs wants you even more (because who can resist such a gentleman) and she'll make it clear next time.

  • I applaud you for not trying to make a move! Its hard for that to happen. I know there have been times when I just wanted to cuddle and kiss a guy and he just kept trying to do other things. I believe you definitely did the right thing and she will respect you for it.

  • It depends how she acted. Sleeping at your house doesn't necessarily mean you would have gotten it doggystyle that night, but it's more of how her mannerisms were. Next time if you are unsure, make a small move and gauge her reaction. If she smiles and goes for a it a little more then you know you are in there. It doesn't mean you ruined your chances, there will be a next time I'm sure! I wouldn't sleep in bed with a guy that I wouldn't have sex with.


What Guys Said 7

  • I wouldn't know for sure...

    It depends on the girl (and next month she might have other feelings/opinions/ideas and what is an evidence for one girl one evening isn't necessarily one for another girl/evening)

    In a case like that, just try: if she doesn't want she will say it and forgive you.

    When she has clearly spoken, don't insist: a NO is a NO.

    If you don't try and she had "intentions" she will feel worse than if you tried and she had none.

    Trying is easily forgiven, a missed occasion or being blind less easily.

  • Don't feel bad, because I've done it.

    I'll tell you this, make sure to let her know you want more than friendship.

    Making a move there would have made that a little more obvious.

    The move not to try something though, really gave you points of respect.

    I suggest not letting it go down like that again though.

    It could make her think you don't desire her.

    & since this is old, you may have already had your chance, but Good Luck anways.


    A Loving Black Man

  • You aren't a moron. Look at it this way, you made a mistake, now you are stronger than most people. A woman, especially in this society of fear in which the news creates an image that all men are rapists with their dicks in their hands, ready to plow any innocent woman or child to death with their manly prowess, well, let's just say it's not expected of a woman, unless she's super close to you, to sleep with you. Even then, I'd think she'd want to sleep in another room. She slept in your bed you say? That's a bold move. I think she liked you. Women shoot themselves in the foot alot. They like to set boundaries and close doors before anything happens, probably because they fear you are like their ex's, or they are scared of commitment, or they have deep insecurities (which is true for 90 per-cent of women). When they find you to be a warmer soul, they will try to take things further- to no avail, as you being a literal and no-bs man, would have moved on and established the fact that you are just friends.

    In my personal opinion, men and women cannot be platonic friends unless they knew each other to the point where the boundary between friendship/family is blurred. They can be friendLY, sure. But as in a hang-out every day thing? Someone is always going to be looking for sexual escalation, and that deals a huge amount of emotional pain to that party. A man who makes himself available for a platonic friendship, literally had his balls cut off. There will be no sexual attraction on the female side. If a woman says "lets be friends"- take it as "lets be friendly acquantances, saying hi and bye, and if time calls, asking how things are going", or "let's ignore each other until I mature".

    I had a similar experience, a girl who didn't like me when I asked her out. Couple years later, I went to a party with her and took her out afterwards to see a film. During the quieter part of the film, she asked me if I was single, and tried to make a move on me. I saw this as awkward because though I still liked her to a degree, I thought she was crossing the boundaries SHE herself had set. So, I missed the opportunity. But it's far better to learn.

    With all the girl "friends" I have, I've kept my options open- in that regard meaning, I never got too close to them. And it's worked positively. I've had these same friends give me all sorts of sexually-charged vibes. Cause I never became a girlfriend to them. You should adopt this policy too. Never become that cuddly teddy bear that answers all her phone calls on a whim.

    Remember this too, women's words are as flimsy as paper in a gust. She can deny that she wanted to escalate with you, because she'll feel on the spot and awkward. But deep down inside, you, I, all the men here, and most women agree that a woman won't sleep with you unless she feels some sort of deeper attraction.


    • This is probably one of the realest "reads" I've ever read on this site!

      Dude I must follow you!

      That was maturity at it's greatest.

      I don't understand the "Amen" at the end but attached my own meaning.

      Good Answer.


      A Loving Black Man

  • Well I guess not, you might have ruined a nice situation, but you could at least have tried. I would have. There are ways of starting to get things more physical, and telling by her reaction if she wants you to go on.

  • you could have at least tried, if she said or did something to stop it, then you could have respected that, but you still shoulda tried something

  • You're an idiot.

    • I concur

    • Yeah, pretty much agree here. You must be dumb. What more were you expecting her to do, take your friggin pants off for you? Be a man and hit that sh*t. What a waste of an opportunity.

  • If a female would to spend the night and sleep with a guy chances are most likely their gonna do something.