Men, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. So, what are you suppose to do?

[loveisbeautiful]

The mindset of a woman

If a guy approaches a girl and she didn't want him to, he's "creepy".

If he tells her how he feels about her all the time, he's "clingy".

If he compliments her all the time, it's "creepy" and "too much".

If he always is there to cheer her up when she's sad, either with compliment or making her laugh. It's deemed "creepy" and "too much".

If he remembers Valentines day, her birthday and their Anniversary, but she doesn't like to celebrate those things. She deems that he "doesn't listen to her or seem to care about the things she does and doesn't like."

All which lead to this reaction:

Now, we continue the mindset of a woman

If he doesn't seem to get the bat signals she was sending to him with her eyes indicating for him to approach her, he's "clueless".

If he doesn't tell her how he feels about her, she thinks he "doesn't care about her" and "there's someone else".

If he doesn't compliment her at all, he's "a jerk".

If he doesn't do anything to make her feel better at all, he's deemed an "emotionless jackass"

If he doesn't remember Valentine's day, her birthday or their Annverisary, she thinks he "doesn't love her" and deems him a "jackass" for not caring enough to buy her a bunch of crap.

All which lead to this reaction:

That's just half the list, it goes on and on and never actually stops.

The question is, if guys do all the right things and get scolded for it but then do the opposite of that and still get scolded, what options does it leave them with?

I'm not bashing women here or saying I have everything all figured out, but the way women treat men and don't seem to noticed how insane it is, is insane to me.

A guy on here asked a question today about what he did wrong, he complimented his girlfriend when she was down and he did it a bunch of times in a row. She said she felt uncomfortable with that and start being rude towards him, he responded with "oh" and "okay" and she got more rude.

The girls that answered his question said too many compliments are "creepy" and he should apologize.

Which led me to this reaction:

He's actually suppose to apologize for being nice and not reacting properly to her making him feel bad, for making her feel better? I mean, that's pretty crazy.

So, all of that made me think that everything a guy does be it right or be it wrong, somehow it just ends up being wrong in a womans eyes.

As I said above, I'm not bashing woman or trying make myself look like a saint. Like all humans, I'm flawed and in my own opinion, very flawed. The whole boy/girl dynamic doesn't come easy to me and I don't always understand it. I have a lot of insecurities and invisible baggage that I constantly carry around with me, that no one can see. Which leads me to make a lot of mistakes and end up making the guy defensive or feel bad. So, I too can overreact to things.

Here's the difference between me and most people though, I'm very self aware of everything I do. I'm especially aware of the things that I do wrong. So, after I say it I realize I was wrong and I apologize. I always apologize for everything, because I know my fears and insecurites get the best of me and other people shouldn't have to pay for that. It's my problem, not theirs.

So, being how I am. I just can't grasp how women can't see how they act towards men and how unreasonable, they are. How can they not be self aware of how they are? Why blame a guy for everything, when it may very well have nothing to do with him at all? Why not be apprecitive for the wonderful man you have in your life, instead of complaining about petty things all the time? I just don't get it.

A little appreciation goes a long way, ladies. It never hurts to say

Back to my original question though. Guy's, if you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. What are you suppose to do?

And, Ladies if you put a guy in a box where no matter what he's screwed either way. What can you do to remedy that and not be so unreasonable and make them feel wrong for everything?

That's my opinion and that's the question I pose. I looked forward to any response I get.

Peace out...

[pavlove]

lol, female apologist.

I think these guys generally have ulterior motives whether it's to have sex or get a girlfriend. I think all people just want people who are being themselves. Not every guy is super caring deep down inside and women can sense this, I think, because it comes off unnatural and it's like all this praise without the time it would need to truly develop those feelings. Remember, girls develop a sense for smelling bs primarily because after a certain age they've experienced it many times before. Anyway, men just need to learn how it works which is to say stop trying to overcome a woman with bs flattery

[UtopianLobotomy]

lol a run-of-the-mill feminist male apologist, overgeneralizing rationalizations

[pavlove]

^wrote this to appeal to female apologist who wrote this because he's beta/suck-up

[UtopianLobotomy]

Touche'

I don't care about beta alpha bullshit, I can hold my own just fine. But when a woman is actually right about something like this for a change it should be praised, or do you praise hookers and strippers? Yep, that's a pretty fake alpha thing to do bro.

[UtopianLobotomy]

Feminists excuse the behavior of men misconstruing their misbehavior as natural behavior, instead the products a matriarchy as most rapists and thugs actually are of.

So have your matriarchy, I would like to actually get a legal chance to raise my kids.

Peace

[AllThatSweetJazz]

So does that mean you're joking or... what?

[MisterWhiskey]

I agree! Many men just seem to fake-worship women to get in their pants and then when the women catch on to their fake ulterior motivated kindness they whine and throw tantrums because they can't get their way. It's pathetic and sad.

[Dchrls78104]

@UtopianLobotomy what a simp 😂😂

[Sara413]

It's not a matter of damned if you do damned if you don't, it's finding a happy medium. That's all most of us are looking for. Treat us with respect and as partners and equals. Don't put us on a pedestal and worship us with constant unending compliments, and don't treat us like shit and make us feel bad about ourselves. It's really not that complicated.

[Riverock]

"It's not a matter of damned if you do damned if you don't, it's finding a happy medium. That's all most of us are looking for."

That happy medium is different for every girl apparently and men normally have to take the initiative so, in practice, yes it is damned if we do and damned if we don't.

[Sara413]

@Riverock we can say the same thing about guys... we're damned if we're too clingy and damned if we're too aloof.

Most people are quite capable of finding the middle ground in which normal, respectful interactions occur.

[Riverock]

"@Riverock we can say the same thing about guys... we're damned if we're too clingy and damned if we're too aloof."

I didn't know that but maybe that's true for girls.

"Most people are quite capable of finding the middle ground in which normal, respectful interactions occur."

You're probably right. There's probably enough people that can do it that will keep things lumbering along. Personally I don't have great social skills and just avoid this kind of stuff (e. g. dating, romance etc) so I can see why people get angry about it.

[AleDeEurope]

True, but don't treat a man like garbage if he puts you on a pedestal, like the girl from thar question did.
Tell him you don't like being put on a pedestal, but in a nice way, there's no need to hurt someone that's trying to cheer you up.

[Sara413]

@AleDeEurope we don't know what she has said to him in the past about it. He did say that he talks to her like that all the time. I imagine if she'd already said something nicely before how annoying that would be.

[AleDeEurope]

You're right on that, if she has told him before about it, then I understand why she got like that, but I still think it's a little too excessive.

[Toad-1]

@AleDeEurope I agree with you completely her reaction was way off

[ksoma]

Either find a woman who isn't insane, or decide that you don't need the trouble in your life of one at all.
I knew a guy. If he worked 40 hours a week, his woman screamed and cussed and threw shit and told him he didn't love her and was never home to spend time with her and she was lonely and depressed.
So he dropped a day from his workweek. down to 32 hours. And she freaked out. he wasn't working hard enough, there were bills to pay, there was less in the fridge, and we was a lazy good-for-nothing who hung around the house and did nothing rather than work, LIKE A REAL MAN.
True story. I was there to hear both arguments.
So, finally, he told her to go fuck herself, packed his shit, and left.
He had given some 4 years of his life to that woman. I hadn't seen him so happy in years, as I had when he looked at me and said "that bitch is out of my life."

men crave two things: to either be useful to a person who appreciates them, or to be left alone.
And women are less, and less, and less appreciative of the men in their lives. Not all women, obviously. But enough women. Enough that men have simply dropped out of sex, of relationships, of everything.

If most men had the choice of working 21 hours a week, and making just enough to pay for a small cheap apartment, their electric bill, their video games, and food, and he could live that way contentedly...
or?
He could have a 3,000 square foot home, a wife, two children that adored him, a sports car, respect of his neighbors... and worked like a dog to pay for it all, coming home to a miserable, unhappy, antidepressant pill-popping harpy who nagged him, hounded him, and made his life miserable?

most guys would choose the single room apartment, the cheesepoof stains, the shitty job at 7-11... and freedom.
Because if a man is not going to be appreciated, for working, for caring, for being supportive, for anything else? if he is just going to be treated awfully by the emotional sandstorm that is the woman he used to love and is trying to stay faithful and devoted to? He realizes he would be happier if she were just gone, and if he didn't have to be expected to do a god damned thing for any god damned person.

[loveisbeautiful]

Wow, I wanted to say I can't believe that's a real story but sadly enough I do believe it.

[ksoma]

it was my brother. so, yeah. witnessed it all.
although, to be fair, anecdotes should not be used to make broad examples. I simply used that to highlight some of the worst things guys can face, but i'd like to hope that it is also very a-typical, and that most guys can find women who are more reasonable.

[loveisbeautiful]

Sorry to hear that. Hope things are better for your brother now.

[ksoma]

much. but it was a rough initial break.

[loveisbeautiful]

I imagine it was, but I'm glad things got better for him.

[Anonymous]

"I just can't grasp how women can't see how they act towards men and how unreasonable, they are." That is because most of the families budget is spent by women, therefore the media mostly caters to women telling them whatever they want to hear so women will see the advertisements. This massive bombardment of unreasonable standards that men are expected to meet poison the minds of most women.

Feminism is another part of the problem. It spreads propaganda that men are always in the wrong and women are taught not to question it. It teaches girls that men hold all the power, and have solved all our problems. Therefore any issue a man brings up can be ignored. Meanwhile it also teaches that men are always at fault for anything a woman has a problem with. Such as women that want to go topless thinking men are sexist and are trying to control what a woman does with her body, while the women that are against women going topless think men that support women having the right are sexist perverts. Feminism and are pro feminist media are teaching women that only women can be victims.

You really do sound like a guy, for the simple reason that very few women ever seem to care about something being unfair to men. The next most common likely hood is that you have figured out how starved men are for a woman to actually care about his problems and are seeking male attention. If you actually are a woman, and honestly do think men are treated unfairly, a guy needs to slip a ring on your finger quick before you get away.

How do we deal with it? Mostly by becoming jaded. Sometimes even to the point they become sexist and see women as no better than objects to be used and thrown away. Human can't function under the idea that everything they do is wrong their whole lives and still be well adjusted. After all why treat a woman well if they are only going to complain anyway? We might as well be selfish, and not worry about her getting upset, if we think she is going to get upset anyway. For the guys that can't bring themselves to treat women like that, many of them just walk away from relationships for years at a time as they attempt to recover. Sometimes they give up on relationships for the rest of their lives.

[loveisbeautiful]

I feel like I need to put a picture of myself up or something, so people can see I'm actually a chick lol. So, thank you for what you said, that was very nice.

[hellionthesage]

Well said.

[tyber1]

Truth

[hellionthesage]

Women are told what they want to hear everywhere, in schools where they where they are told they have historicly been victims of male oppression (despite all evidence showing it not only to be untrue but quite the opposite) They are told by the media that everything they do is right and everything a man does is wrong since women control spending (80% of American domestic spending is by women, 70% world wide) so media tells women to treat men poorly, schools tell women to treat men poorly, other women tell women to treat men poorly so its only natural that they do. Feminist lie about how men behave and about history portraying women as victims and men as oppressors, how can you treat some one with love and respect when you are conditioned to hate them from birth? Then you have womens in group prefference, called the "women are swell" affect, where women will have a 4x greater prefference towards other women, for example if a woman claims her ex was horrible, then women will absolutely side with her over the man even if she was the one who was horrible. You hear about women talking about how you have to support other women, but why? If they are wrong they are wrong, if not then they are not why does being a woman require you to support her? Why does this not apply to men? This attitude helps place women on a pedestal so that women cannot help but look down on the men in their lives, after all it must be a mans fault because that is what society says that is what women say ergo it has to be true. That coupled with women beign encouraged to feel rather then think doesn't help. Now I am not suggesting that women are stupid, far from it, however in our society an emotional man is frowned upon an emotional women however is given a free pass. She is conditioned to believe that her feelings are facts, that they are truth so if she feels like he is to blame it must be true so why bother analyzing her behavior? I believe an anyononoumus male user had so very good points as well. I could get into the details and history of it and how feminisim influenced it (you can actually see the deterioration between genders occuring almost immediatley after the feminist revolution occured impacting everything from divorce to increased suicide rates among men) however I think this would suffice for your question. I would recommend looking up a writer Norah Vincent, specificly her book self made man, it might be enlightening.

[ObscuredBeyond]

This is what drives some men to bad girls and sluts. Yes, it's a trap. Yes, those women will only turn on you in the end and leave you for someone else, and ruin whatever life you hoped to build with them.

However, when us guys try to look for a "decent" woman instead of whatever we see in a bar that is actually polite to us when we first encounter them, the alternative "decent" woman nearly always proves to be a coldhearted, materialistic snob that deems us "unworthy" based on shallow criteria.

These snobs come in two flavors: either they're rude outright, or they pretend to be polite - until they can call in the cavalry to crush the man who never imagined he was doing anything wrong.

The one that is rude outright is preferable. It lets me see her true colors immediately, so I can write her off quickly and move on.

The second type is the scum of the Earth, as she'd rather make the good man suffer for his goodness by sending a mob after him - the more authority-figure-like the members of that mob are, the better. The more they abuse their offices, the better.

The one who was rude outright, I can in time forgive. And grant some benefit of the doubt. And speak to / work with in a pinch. Yet, she'd be a fool to want my heart.

The second variety... the contempt I have for them never dies. Every time I run into them again, I walk away and say nothing. But I don't have to. I see nothing but hatred in their eyes. And in short time - mere months after their offense against me, even, their beauty fades and they become snake-like in appearance. Or like old, dying bulldogs. They gain weight. Their lives fall apart for reasons they never saw coming. Which tells me that God has cursed them, implying to me that they will never change, so just as well I keep avoiding them.

It's one thing to be treated like the bad guy by a woman you are being neighborly to. It's another when she directly goes to others with power over you and tells them that you're the bad guy, and they are convinced it must be true - solely because you have a Y chromosome!

In that event, I wind up not only resenting her till the end of her days, but I lose all respect for those who became willing accomplices to her injustices against me. Especially if I stand vindicated, and receive no apology.

[Anonymous]

I was the white knight... I was the evil villain... yet she reacted to me the same way saying "I was wrong" regardless of my actions. I did what she wanted but I was wrong. Then I did the opposite, thinking she wanted that, but was still wrong.

With the utmost respect to you and to women but such unreasonable behavior - where no path is the correct path - leads a man (who is reasonable by nature) to conclude that he's not dealing with a mature creature who can ever truly be his equal because she's mentally & emotionally unstable/underdeveloped; that she can never be trusted to support us emotionally in a relationship. He is forced to conclude that she is a child (or teenager) in an adult's body who can't possibly know what she wants from one moment to the next.

I don't mean to sound sexist or chauvinistic (if the term even applies here), but that's what such erratic behavior forces a man to conclude.

A man by nature tries to make sense of his world because that's how we maintain our personal security (i. e. we put things in boxes/constructs/structures), but when trying to make sense of a woman like you've described, he can't... he just can't. There's no steady path to walk because it keeps changing on him. So he's forced to either keep her out of his world, or place boundaries around her to keep her from throwing the rest of his world into her chaos (i. e. he either learns to stay away from her or learns to be controlling/domineering of her as if she's his child).

So to answer your question, if we are dammed if we do and dammed if we don't, we will choose what's best for us and say, "eff it. her opinion no longer matters. either she gets with the program or leaves. Either way I'm better off".

Interestingly enough, I've had my current girlfriend respond positively when I've decided to stop treating her as my equal, controlling her like she's a child and basically treating her outbursts/opinions like something I won't tolerate. My girlfriend said our new structure/boundaries/dynamic finally makes her feel secure like she was no longer living in chaos.

by the way, she's a college grad and highly intelligent and older than me so this isn't a case of the young, inexperienced babydoll I've manipulated etc. She's very self-aware as well.

Thank you for allowing me to speak candidly, though I'm anonymous because I doubt all women agree with this assessment. I apologize if I've offended you or women in general with anything I've said.

[loveisbeautiful]

Nope, I'm not offended by what you said. I'm more offended that some people believe I'm a dude lol. I don't know why it's so hard for people to accept that a woman can actually see things from a man's perspective as well as a woman's.

[Applefan1]

I love your take. It is so true of about 99% of women. The problem is the messages society sends females nowadays just because she is a female. Some mums tell their daughters that men are evil, society tells women that they can never be wrong because they are a woman. There are also so many sexist stereotypes around about men to in the media and everywhere in society. Parents tell girls they are little princesses and deserve only the best. I could go on and on but these kinds of things are what creates women that are so entitled, complain all the time and treat men like they are the scum of the earth. Then the girls that are like this turn around and want people to feel sorry for them when they are single. This is why it is now harder to get men to marry women. The other funny thing is the girls that have commented on your take that won't accept women do this which is another thing society allows females to do which is act and do whatever they want to men and take no responability for their actions. The problem is if men try to pull a woman up on this attitude they act like immture little 2 year olds and will do anything to men and not care how it affects the man if it means they get away with not taking responability. If the woman can't win by herself she will get her female friends to help her and then the group of women will get together and bully the man. I am sorry to be so negitive but it is true. I am pleased to see your not like this, your take is so correct and I love your take and that is why I followed you. :P

[Anonymous]

This is very true.
Many women don't seem to realize that they are changing the dating game and it's becoming harder for everybody. It's as though women feel they can act however the fuck they want. I was in a relationship for 15 years and when I got out I immediately noticed the dating scene is night and day to what it was 15 years ago.
People told me "you'll have a lot of fun; dating is a great time." Nope. The arrogance, sense of entitlement, and 'accept me as I am attitude' is exactly what women bitched about men for years and now it seems they can't wait to continue that sort of cultural phenomenon, in their own way, rather then learning from the mistakes of history and improving things. The kind of 'boy that guy was an asshole I can't wait to do that exact same thing to somebody else' attitude.
I've noticed that usually men are told that they need to fix this about themselves or fix that about themselves but when I comes to women they are usually told "your wonderful... you'll find a man who loves you for who you are, don't change for anyone" as if women are somehow perfect the way they are. I call bullshit. Life is all about growing and improving, nobody is perfect the way they are- all of us have to keep improving.

[Almostoverit]

I think it all comes down to being on the same page. I read that question and I sympathized with the guy who asked it. The real question though is "is she picking up what I am setting down?" Basically, if a girl (or guy for that matter) is checked out of a relationship, or not really into the guy/girl, then it doesn't really matter what they do. Just about anything will set him/her off in the negative direction because it causes a certain guilt factor because deep down they know the guy/girl is trying and he/she is feeling the same. I was in a relationship for ten years where just about anything I did early in the relationship was well received. Then we started growing apart because we were different people and I started to put more into the relationship than she did, because basically she had checked out. It happens and sometimes it doesn't really matter why or how it happened. The best thing to do at that point is move on and find someone who appreciates you for who you are and what you do.

[loveisbeautiful]

That makes a lot of sense and is good advice. My question is though, why can't people just be honest with each other and say they just don't feel it anymore? Instead of lashing out at random things they do.

[Almostoverit]

When someone feels guilty about something or just off about it, they haven't necessarily worked out why or how they can address it. It's human nature.

[SomeOtherGuy]

The biggest issue with societies evolution is interesting under the umbrella of your take.

The problem is society's deep drive for traditional-masculinity. I think both men and women, and society itself, would be much better if traditional-feminine traits were emphasized in our development. Things like empathy, acceptance, and graciousness.

But you never see these traits focused on as beneficial to society as a whole. Infact, people freak the fuck out over men or women cultivating these traits. It's ridiculous, and leads to issues like the ones you're pointing out.

In a society of highly-evolved social creatures who could completely and totally end the lives of one another in the blink of an eye, using everything from guns to nuclear weaponry, it may be imperative to our survival to start emphasizing and cultivating traditional-femininity before we completely annihilate someone's civilization over trivial bullshit. Or worse yet, end up annihilating ourselves.

But even at it's most basic, it would stop women from freaking out on their boyfriends for compliments and men from freaking out over guys talking to their girlfriends. And you know, other stupid shit like that.

I'm not saying masculinity doesn't serve a purpose in our society, but I am saying that there's still a disgustingly disproportionate focus on traditional-masculinity over traditional-femininity among both men and women.

People should be allowed to cultivate their strengths based on how they fit into humanity; not their genitals.
Sure men and women are different, but the reality is, every human being is different, and must cultivate traits together to form happy, healthy relationships.
> men and women are not the same, because no two people are...

[JusttryingtohelpU]

I was one of the people who answered that question and I agreed with the girls (except for the apology part). Here is why:

Whether I think it is fair on guys is another discussion, but fact is life isn't fair. Society has little to no compassion for an individual's feelings (especially men).

Coddling him won't help him. It wasn't necessarily what he said, it is why he said it. He was coming from a place of neediness. The compliments weren't for her, he wanted her attention.

We as men are expected to be tougher whether we like it or not. That won't change in one lifetime or possibly many. I could have told him he was ok and didn't need to change, but pointing him to reality was the least painful way for him to go in the long run.

You will get to where you need to be much quicker if you use the right map. Better for him to see things as they are and learn to use what is to his advantage rather than live in a world of what should be.

I'm typing on my cell, so it is difficult to keep track of the text and make a coherent point. If clarification is needed on any of my points, I would be glad to.

[Botchie]

So what about people who are assaulted, robbed, murdered, etc? Is life just unfair to them too? I agree we shouldn't coddle people, but at the same time, we can't neglect the fact that we should have a bit of compassion for feelings, especially for depression and anger. If left unchecked, those lead to either suicide or murder respectively based upon their severity. Yes, men should be tough and not care, but when it happens, time after time after gosh dang time, and being told that it will eventually work out or it will happen when you least expect it, and you follow every bit of advice from both sides of the board and you still manage to do it wrong, I think a person deserves a bit of sympathy and understanding. Just because we men are supposed to be tough means we have to be soul-less rocks.

[JusttryingtohelpU]

Yes, life is unfair to them because they were assaulted, robbed or murdered. They didn't have a say in it. If you read the update, he says "she was feeling depressed". Should we have "a bit of compassion for feelings, especially for depression and anger" in this case?

From what you typed, I can tell you are frustrated with those expectations and/or the way women have responded to you. Most of us have been through it. Advice is just a guideline (don't take women advice from women), but you have to get out there and keep at it to get a thicker skin. It isn't about "becoming soul-less rocks", it is about developing character. A character that will benefit you in many other aspects of your life.

There is more compassion in honesty than in telling a person what they want to hear. There is more compassion in helping them grow by telling them the truth than blinding them to it and then have them suffer when suddenly exposed to the real world. I grew from where he is at. This is compassion.

[Botchie]

I gotcha. That makes more sense. I didn't see the update but I see it now.

[CoolSky01]

Well you are right i agree not all women but the majority are like that , i know because i've seen it happen esepcially not getting attention from the guy they like , if a guy they deem less than attractive has an interest in a girl she will call him creepy and yes girls are unreasonable and insane most of the time.

So what do we do? what should we do?

I think i've found a way to personally deal with it , iam normally cold, no not cold hearted but i am very slow to react to others and what they do, shit i can keep my cool is so many situations that other just get frustrated or angry about , i've found that it does work with girls, this emotional neglect does make girls think twice about acting shitty , i mean they'll be lik " if he doesn't care about this important thing then he probably won't care about me or what i do " , of course it will never work with every girl , but the majority is a good place to start.

If you are blamed no matter what you do then the only thing you can do is not care , simply do not care , dont get angry dont get excited , dont care , say what you want and keep your cool , it works.

[UhDopeDude]

Yea it sucks man I have a crush right now but I'm afraid I'll come off as clingy or creepy so I don't know what to do but I also have the feeling that because i havnt said anything yet she thinks I'm not interested or thinking about someone else or something... I don't know what to do... I really like her and it sucks that I can't just FREAKING TELL HER THAT WITHOUT FEAR... Because last time I confessed my feelings the girl I liked basically exiled me never spoke to me or came around anymore... So it's like wtf man... I've just come to the conclusion that if it's meant to be than it will happen naturally... I don't know though... Maybe I have to put in some kind of effort... But I honestly aren't really that great at tempering my emotions... I either love you or I don't there is no in between... Zero to a hundred or nothing.. You either try or you don't.. 110% or stand still... There is and never has been any in between in my life... I don't half ass anything I either do it as best as I can the right way or i simply do not do it... So it's hard for me to make the transition into relationships... That you can't be too much... I'm fine the way I am and that's why I've chosen that I'm not going to go out of my comfort zone for anyone anymore... I'm
Not risking my heart anymore.. It's way too fragile.. If I like a girl.. I like her all the way.. It's hard to turn that off.. Takes like 6 months hahaha... So yea I fall in love right away and if she doesn't feel the same then it isn't meant to be... Wish me luck ://

[loveisbeautiful]

Good luck :)

[UhDopeDude]

Lol yea I'll need it

[Anonymous]

I will tell what you everyone should do, just be yourself, and stop trying so hard to please everyone, and if someone doesn't like you for who you are, then why don't they just fuck-off. Live your life on your terms, do what you can, and the best you can be as a human being, if someone doesn't like you like you at your best, then they don't deserve be with you full stop

Most people get into relationships, to try and change other people for their own selfish reason or needs, and because of that the relationship fails.

If a girl doesn't like me, for who I am, and what I am about, that's fine, be on your way madam, If you want to be miserable, that's fine, don't bring down with you. I have told many girls to foff.

I think compliments are nothing bullshit, they are only for people that need them, because they have low self worth, and no confidence anyway, If your confident in yourself, and you know your worth, compliments won't do much for you anyway. Compliments are just people's opinion of you. The only real opinion that matters in this world, is the one of yourself.

[Opinion Owner]

The saying goes, do what you feel in your heart to be right, because you will criticized anyway,, your damned if you do , and your damned if your don't.

I don't think girls are just like that, majority of people are like that, that's why its best to live life on your terms, and not for your friends, or the opposite sex, most people need to take responsibility for their own happiness, instead of looking for a girl or man to do it for them.

Relationships are about sharing your lives together, not trying to make each other happy for your own reasons.

[steveguitar]

Wow, I think everybody in the world should read this. Mothers, wives, sisters, female friends, girlfriends, female cats and dogs lol, and guys too.

Not saying that it will solve everything, but it may lead maybe 1 woman to change her mind or not be so controlling or feel like someone is against them for not conforming to their thought, or societal expectations.

My mother is great, but wants to control every little thing, and I get way less freedom or leeway than my sister, I think because I'm a guy

[loveisbeautiful]

Dogs and cats, huh? lol.

[steveguitar]

Yep, they are the most problematic in these situations lol

[loveisbeautiful]

Haha, cats and dogs are most problematic, huh? lol.

[SarahsSummer]

I agree with what you've written. We are difficult on the guys. I'm not sure if it's based on past guys actions or our own insecurities, our biology, a combination or something else, but I too try to be self aware. sometimes when caught up in it I unfortunately don't always initially acknowledge when I'm wrong until the issue is brought to a head. I wish I could step back sooner. Relationships and general make female interactions can be puzzling which may cause frustrations that expose them self as bitchiness or anger. But self awareness is a great start to clear the air on our side of the table. I read some of the other posters negative comments so for them, I apologize and hope they too can step back at whatever caused their initial comments. Good take. Although you wrote this 13 days ago, Happy Valentines Day today ❤️

[loveisbeautiful]

Thank you, same to you. And, thank you for everything you said. I was starting to regret writing this but I'm glad you and some other people get what I was saying. Thanks.

[howardque]

This is so funny. You are right. I don't think women realize this, but you are just messing around with most guys who are genuinely nice, confident and into you. It drives them to madness.

They may not text you cos you might be like the other crazies. Seriously, if he texts, he likes you. But he will also want you to text him and initiate. That shows him you're interested and value him as at least a person. He also wants you to reciprocate and treat him special e. g. valentines, bdays, Christmas etc. It shouldn't always be on him to text first.

And as for compliments, yeah I think if he means it when he says you look good, then accept it and thank him. Hell your guy friend probably wants to say it, but is worrried you might bite him if he does.

Can you check out my questions on my profile please? Would really appreciate help on such mindgames by females!!

[loveisbeautiful]

I looked and I don't see any specific questions you asked, just ones you gave opinions on but I'll be more than glad to help you. I just need to know what question I'm looking for exactly?

[howardque]

girlsaskguys. com/flirting/q1889572-if-you-meet-a-nice-girl-at-uni-but-she-has-a-boyfriend-then-she-is

girlsaskguys. com/girls-behavior/q1889570-why-would-a-woman-group-message-you-in-this-special-circumstance

Thanks!

[loveisbeautiful]

You're welcome.

[StewieRH]

I saw that thing about the guy complimenting his girlfriend and her being mean about it too. I really can't say I understand that, I mean he was being so sweet to her and she gets nasty?

Don't get me wrong I don't like TOO much sappiness but there is no need to be rude when someone is trying to be nice to you.

I would love if my boyfriend said stuff like that to me if I was down.

Of course I get mad at my boyfriend sometimes but usually not for the reasons you say. Heck, I'm mad at him today because he took 16 hours (I kid you not) to get back to a message without first giving an explanation, he had been online since I sent the message as well and I have talked to him before about letting me know if he is going to be a while. I think getting mad because of this is logical though.

I would not get mad at him for saying cute things to me though, if anything, I would be pleased and flattered even if they were a tad sappy.

[TheNewJanie]

I really didn't read the thing but from what i did read, i totally agree. Girls are hard to understand. Im guilty of being this way but it is never unappreciation. I always appreciate the effort of others and i wpuld never go off on a guy for not understanding what i want from him because many times i dont even understand it myself. yeah im hard to get but at the same time im not disrespectful and rude, so its safe to say dont expect any of that rude shit from me and i wouldn't advise any guy to deal with rude behavior, or girl or anybody.

[Jibaku]

I was speaking to my ex-girlfriends younger sister not too long ago, she was telling me that she had no interested in guys and that she was into girls. I remember her saying something like 'Now that I'm chasing women I can really understand how frustrating it is for guys, I feel sorry for you guys'.
Probably one of the nicest things I've heard.

(An associated memory) I told an older female friend "I don't understand why girls are interested in guys, I find them really simple and straightforward", she told me "That's why I like them".

So what do I do in regards to the things you mentioned?
Largely it depends on the girl herself and how well I know her. I can't afford at any point to assume that I know anything about her and often I just have to put myself out there and go "yoloswag# I don't know how you're going to respond to me but here goes".
And that's it. That sums up my interaction with people, guys and girls.

[Riverock]

Well I can't speak for others but I have basically just given up on the idea of relationships before I even started. I've done so for many reasons, some of which you explained and that decision means I don't have to worry about the Byzantine politics of relationships, gender, sex etc. but basically I just don't think they're worth it and represent too much of a risk.

To be fair, I'm not blaming women for that. Most of those issues I have are my own business (and even fault) and many guys have given women cause to be suspicious, I'm sure.

[Prof_Don]

"Risk"? What are you talking about?

[Riverock]

@Prof_Don Divorce, waste of money, time and effort, being stabbed in the back.

Basically just being disappointed. Its best not to risk that in my opinion given how high the chances of it seem to be.

[Prof_Don]

Nothing worthwhile doesn't come without risk!

[Riverock]

@Prof_Don Agreed but I have enough issues without risking that amount of trouble given the rewards seem pretty small.