She can't control her words when she is drunk and it damages our relationship a little everytime.
What should I do?
As much as I hate to say it, you need to get out NOW. Take it from a guy who's been in your shoes. My ex was a drinker, and would get drunk on a regular basis. She would say HORRIBLE things to me. At first I ignored it but after a while it starts to wear down on you. Talking about it with her, whether she was sober or not did no good. In fact it just caused more fights because she would never "Remember" what she did when she was drunk, so she constantly accused me of lying. Then it got to where she would not only say horrible things to me, she was becoming physically abusive. I still toughed it out for a while in the hope she would change. It got to the point where I couldn't even trust her sober because I was constantly in fear of when she would get drunk again. I was scared to go to places with her because if she ordered a drink I would cringe. I would come home and see a beer can and wonder if it was the beginning of her getting drunk again or not. Get out now while you can.
Similar to my ex. She always had blackouts when she drank. She never believed me that her drinking was the cause of a rift between us. She'd come home drunk and pick fights. She'd totally imagine things I supposedly did and start fights over it - it was 100% in her imagination. It took me years to realize she never remembered any of that. That's why she denied how much of a problem it caused in the relationship, because she had no clue just what she was doing.
I loved my girl too. But you have to give up with her for your sanity, and / or safety. You're doing absolutely nothing but letting her drag you down. And obviously, the feeling is more on YOUR side than her, because she hasn't kept her word.
@Roy119 You're going to HAVE to leave her. You're already playing her game. "ohhh just one more time, if she does it THIS time, I'll really leave her!" With her it's just "Oh one more drink, I won't get drunk". You're already in denial. You need to just do it. It's not going to be easy, but it's what needs to be done.
Word of advice from someone who had an alcoholic girlfriend for years. Don't expect her to quit drinking. Either she'll quit or she won't. It won't do any good pressuring her about it, that's just as likely to make it worse. I assume she's near your age, so maybe she's not an alcoholic yet. But if she doesn't have control over it, that's a bad sign. If it's causing problems with the relationship, that's also a bad sign. If it's causing problems in other aspects of her life, that's an even bigger problem.
I fully admit my own bias because of my past girlfriend. Maybe I should advise patience. But I would not be too patient for too long, because she may never quit.
I'll repeat one thing though. Pressuring her is not the best route. If you can talk to her calmly about it and she's willing to talk, that's fine. Just avoid outright pressure.
Thanks, but it was a long time ago and past is past.
I wouldn't drink with her if I was you. That implies that her drinking is OK. Also, it's a good idea if one of you is sober. She's not in control of her words and actions. If you drink also, then neither one of you would be in control. That can turn into serious fighting real fast, because it will be harder for you to walk away or keep your mouth shut. There needs to be at least one clear head.
wanting her to stop drinking will only blind her to the issue.. my advice would be to never say anything, and let her feel shame or desire to change.
you can never change a person when it comes to a vise, trying to always has the opposite effect.
perhaps if this is a serious relationship and you got married, then she will be forced in a lot of ways to obey and respect your view ~ but it could be risky if she is a strong willed type, because now your bound to her.
My friend is in a similar situation... My friend being the drinker. & honestly, they just broke up after two years because she doesn't think that she has a problem.
Sometimes, people don't see how their actions are hurting others and themselves.
Ahh. Well my girlfriend drinks every day. So two different extremes. I think just be patient and talk to her when she shows interest in talking about you two... That will lessen the chance of being shut down.
Thats not possesive. It is just wanting respect for your relationship - which she should want as well
There is nothing wrong with a drink, but if she gets drunk every time, it's probably not healthy for her. There isn't much you can do if she won't admit she has a problem.
well you can't do anything. It sucks but it's true. The balls in her court.
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Drinking is really addicting, she might be trying to stop, but i think you should maybe hold an intervention
You don't have to do anything - it's a mistake to change who you are, for anyone.
She likes to drink. The fact that you have a problem with it, is irrelevant to her.
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