I'm 21 and I never had a girl like me?

[Anonymous]

So that means I've never been kissed, also. The loneliness is starting to get unbearable. In the past, I'd be friends with a girl, then of course they'd never go any further than that. So then I decided to take initiative. I'd get to know a girl for a bit then ask her out so that I don't fall in friend zone. I was unsuccessful until recently, when I met this extremely beautiful girl and somehow she agreed to go not only coffee with me but on a real date.

Well, so much for that---when school ended she made excuses whenever I asked her to hang out and when I stopped contact with her, she never bothered to contact me. I recently tried to re-initiate with her and get her to hang out, but she pulled the ol' "i'll let you know" and never did and just left me just like that. I didn't deserve that.

I don't know anymore. I look around and see all these other people more successful than me. I've read all I can---deangelo, pua, bobair...and I just don't know. I'm funny, I have extreme depth to my personality, and I'm just not getting anywhere.

I think about that girl's old boyfriend and I think to myself: wow, that guy was a chump and he actually somehow was able to sleep with her? I was much better looking, I was funnier, and I had tons more to my personality. And yet I couldn't even match up to him in the end.

[ArtistBboy]

The problem that I'm seeing is that you aren't valueing your self-worth. I'd like to venture into the land of "calling-you-out-on-your-sh*t" for a second. Check this:

- You know that the guys these ladies are pursueing are chumps.

- You know that you are more valueable than the said "Chumps".

- Yet you still resist valueing your time / effort / sanity / etc at a higher level.

These girls that move on; you're right, it's not fair that they suddenly cut-things-off. It leaves us wondering "where did things go wrong?"... To answer this question, is like answering a riddle with a thousand meanings; you'll never have a golden answer. So why pester your mind with it to begin with- possibly a "lesson learned"?

The thing that we often don't understand about women; that seems to pass people by "ALOT!" is the fact of creating opportunity that is attractive. It's the difference between being "FUN" and "funny". Who do you think receives more opportunities to communicate with a woman's feelings?

Option 1) The funny guy that entertains crowds

Option 2) The fun guy that she's slugging due to a snide comment that was playful.

I'm not saying "change who you are"; I'm saying: "Who you are, may not be creating the best opportunity". If you want to change that, it's up to you; all it takes is 3 steps:

- Know what to expect

- Analyze what you know

- Suprise with something that's attractive

A lot of those "dating gurus" don't tell you this stuff; infact they often bid against it (mainly because most men go over-board)

- Being emotional; if your best friend dies, it's okay to cry. Quit being a rock.

- Being "fun" has it's limits; women like a mature and sensible man too

- Being worried / fearful / angry / etc (negative traits) hinder your ability to be a man

- Pursueing a woman with no intent of purpose in your head, is a horrible idea.

etc

Formulate your own man. You aren't stupid; it shows from the way you speak that you've spent your efforts in understanding this stuff.

The key parts that women look for:

1) Confidence without cockyness

- It's okay to be reasonably nervous to meet her, but don't be afraid to hold her hand.

2) Leading qualities

- If you want to hold her, reach for the opportunity. etc

3) Humor

- Self explanatory, funny things are more attractive. FUN things outrank funny things.

4) Sincerity

- What good are you doing her or yourself if you are faking it?

5) Composure

- Don't complain... About anything.

6) "Ignore her to score her"

- That doesn't mean on purpose. It means that you need to have priorities other than women.

etc etc etc

- ... lol

Crunch through that information and you'll see the brief highlights that you've covered and possibly something that you could brush up on. Here's my exact definition of things you can improve on:

- Worrying about these "chumps"

- Trying to study rather than being "hands on"

- Not creating opportunity"

- Not pursueing"

I'm here if you wanna BS

~ ArtistBBoy

[ArtistBboy]

As BobAIR started the trend for me; I'd like to pay it forward:

- OLD mindset: "Why aren't I attracting women?!"

- NEW Mindset: "What do I find attractive about this woman, to where I should offer her an opportunity in my life?"

[Asker]

I think, yes, that whole sanity thing is messing me up. I just can't get over it sometimes when she chose someone like that in the past--someone who didn't even care about her feelings---and yet didn't give me much of a shot.

Also, I'm having trouble deciding now if I ever did actually like this girl, or if the only reason I was pursuing her is because she was the first one who gave me a date.

[Asker]

Yeah, I get what you mean---the fun guy wins every time. I think I started to work on that (hence the pua stuff) because I was trying to make myself more social.

Can you explain more about "creating opportunities"? Because whenever I try creating opportunities for her to go out with me, it didn't work after the first date...hence, the stop contact.

[ArtistBboy]

There's no sense for either of us to strain these brain cells anymore. Who cares why she wants to be with d-bags that aren't treating her right? Simply smile and move forward with your life.

And secondly, only pursue a woman if you can find a reason (desire) to pursue them. Don't do it because of superficial sh*t like: "She was nice to me" or "I like her"... Get to specifics: "She has a warm and sensible personality that resembles humor"... The more specific, the better.

[Asker]

When you put it that way, it's much easier. It's more like thinking "what does she have to offer me" rather than the other way around. Now that I think about it, I think I did more for her than she did for me.

[ArtistBboy]

:D That's the point exactly. Now that you aren't "looking over the fence" at what she is doing; focus more on what you were doing and how YOU could improve. Do that with everything, work, school, social life, etc... You won't have to worry as much about getting angry over adolescent kids, and it'll actually help you see quicker results with these types of programs like David D or Robby.

[Asker]

Do you think the "ego" has a lot to do with this? Because I think that's what's stopping me from not caring. It's hard to think she can choose someone else or nothing else over me.

Do you know how I can remove the "ego"?

[ArtistBboy]

Men are VERY big on ego; some women are too (but don't tell them that) ;)

You can't necessarily "remove" your ego; otherwise you would remove your backbone. What you CAN do; and which I advice; is that if you were to remove the value behind the situations that harm your ego, then there is no real "kick" to the situation.

For instance, this girl is hurting herself. Not you... So why focus two cents worth of effort into being Mr Right for a woman that obviously isn't looking for that?

[frustratedchump06]

Seriously, girls expect more from us guys than us guys expect from girls, it's like girls only need half of those qualities in order to be girlfriend material

[ArtistBboy]

Personally I disagree.. I think women don't have high enough expectations. I often find very alluring women dating complkete douchebags. Same with other women as well... I think that we could all use a little reminder of what the word "standards" really means.

[Blackkid]

Common Attributes of the Uninteresting Male:

"I'm funny, I have extreme depth to my personality, and I'm just not getting anywhere.

I think about that girl's old boyfriend and I think to myself: wow, that guy was a chump and he actually somehow was able to sleep with her? I was much better looking, I was funnier, and I had tons more to my personality.

I couldn't even match up to him in the end."

Alright, #1:

""I'm funny, I have extreme depth to my personality, and I'm just not getting anywhere.": Self-assessments are horrible, and they are for a few reasons: 1. I'm funny, I've got depth, and if I act like I'm desperate or even worse just give it off as an air without even trying or noticing, yeah I'm not going anywhere; 2. You might be wrong, people might not find you funny, or even better you might just be outright delusional about how funny you actually are. You might be a lot more shallow too, esp. in this instance because you're regressing to physicalities and basic levels of attractiveness rather than talking about anything on anything.

You're as deep as a kiddy pool from the sounds of it. Not only that but you're the toddler IN the kiddy pool who's decided that the 6 inches he's in happens to be relatively "deep". No offense meant but you're definitely not "that guy", and how can I tell? "That guy" ( I being one of them ) doesn't TALK About how DEEP he is. It's normal for him, it's second nature, it's no different than you being male, you don't put it forth because it's a given, it's part of you, and it's not something you "use" to attract others. Same with your physical looks, you might be good looking, you might not be, you might be one of those idiots who proclaims he's good looking and in turn actually looks bad because of how he figures himself. People read that. To be honest this is like EVERY OTHER POST on this website with this issue, you're the asshole who's up and declared himself King Sexy and wonders why you're not going far.

#2: I think about that girl's old boyfriend and I think to myself: wow, that guy was a chump and he actually somehow was able to sleep with her? I was much better looking, I was funnier, and I had tons more to my personality.: Yeah, being full of yourself? Turn-off. "I look better, am better in this and that aspects, how could she love him over me?" Because maybe HE'S not so damn conceited and backwards with how to "work the system" that she's genuinely happy because he's genuinely himself? No, no, it must be that he has a bigger d*** than you. I mean really, you read books on how to attract women, what are the odds that you're really just "you"? If they don't like you for you, odds are they won't stick around, and here you're playing the fool and trying to impress? The fat stinky kid has more merit and marrow than you do by volumes, sorry to say.

"I couldn't even match up to him in the end.": Because everything's a competition and she's more of a trophy/object than a person. Right Fabio?

[sonic241928]

Good points, the QA is a little self-absorbed, but this is a bit harsh, no? We all have the potential to sound like that when we're a little down.

[Asker]

Actually, I didn't say I'm good looking. I just said I was better looking than that guy. And in terms of funny, etc: I just said what people have told me. Otherwise, how are you supposed to assess a faceless user?

[Asker]

And I really didn't mean my post to come off like that, if that's how it came off as. Believe me, I've been through depression...... I know what it's like to have no self-esteem. I just posted this because of all the crap that was bubbling inside of me so it all blew up here.

And as for reading all that stuff---- when I tried purely being myself, it didn't get me anywhere. By "learning" what I could from this stuff, I was able to tweak things to use my personality to my advantage.

[frustratedchump06]

It's so much easier for girls, all a girl has to do is leave her house and she can have like 10 or more boyfriends

[amandamaragni]

i think that your over thinking the situation, try to just go out there and have fun, girls like guys with a care free addittude, if your thinking all these things when you try to talk to girls they can sense your insercurities and you might scare them away. Try to go out and have fun and don't care what anyone thinks. Girls like that and don't worry about that girl there are plenty of fish in the sea. Don't dewell on the past, loook towards the future and you will find that special someone.There's always someone out there for everyone.

[Blackkid]

"There's always someone out there for everyone." ---> No. You see, positive thinking is great, but there isn't always someone for everyone; apparently this young man is doomed to a life of reading books and pick-up material and dying very, very alone for trying to woo women's bodies and emotions instead of winning their hearts. Poor fellow will not change from advice on the internet. We are "wrong". He has "tried that". Etc.

[amandamaragni]

I disagree there are even women out there that think the same way this guy does. and yes I do believe there is someone out there for everyone. there are women out there that are into men that like reading . I didn't get that he was wooing womens bodies and emotions because of the fact that he's never even kissed a women before. Give him the benefit of the dout.

[Asker]

Yeah, I haven't even kissed a girl before, how the heck am I trying to woo their bodies? All that material I read is to tweak myself to get better with women (which isn't working)....I'm trying to get the positives I can out of that stuff, not do it full-out.

How did I say you were "wrong"? when did I say that? You're the conceited one, making so many assumptions about me from an internet post.

[Asker]

And I'm mad because her old boyfriend was the one who just cared about her body, and yet in the end he slept with her. And then cheated on her.

I DIDN'T just care about her body....I don't know where in the hell you got that from. If I did just care about her body, I'd be chasing any other girl right now.

[amandamaragni]

Hey I'm on your side

[Asker]

Sorry, I was responding to blackkid.

[amandamaragni]

Its ok

[frustratedchump06]

Seriously, it's way easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than it is for a guy to get a girlfriend, I hate how people disagree with that, common sense should make you realize that girls have it easier.

[amandamaragni]

Welll gils have I easier when it comes to dating , but they also have it worse in other ways like haveing kids and all that stuff . SO I wouldn't complai, if I had the choice I would of been a boy , I would of much rather take the dating isuess then what women have to deal with.

[frustratedchump06]

Yeah girls have dating easier, I'm glad a girl like you has common sense to realize that, because girls get to do the choosing

[amandamaragni]

Well they don't get to do all the choosing, the other party has to like the girl too , it goes both ways, girls might find it easier in dating and finding someone, but even after two people find each other and hit it off, the girl has to work just as hard at the relationship as the guy. I think your looking at dating in all the wrong ways and thinking way to far into it. Just go out and have fun and don't worry about the little things , they will come as time goes on, when your having fun time fly

[frustratedchump06]

Yeah, mainly, it's initially that girls have it easier.

[ossander]

All those things you are reading will not help you. You need to be yourself, not concentrate on what so-called "experts" want you to be. Just hang in there, be confident in yourself and comfortable with yourself as an individual. You can't hope to get a girl until that is the case. This girl is obviously not right for you, so you shouldn't be wasting your time or energy thinking about her. There will be other girls, and if you hang in there, you will meet them. These will be girls who like you for who you are, not what some pick-up artist tells you to be.

I know it's easier said than done, I really do. But it's the truth.

[sonic241928]

Here's what you do: forget about girls and girlfriends for now. Forget about all the PUA stuff. Stop thinking about how good-looking/funny you are, etc.--thinking about yourself is getting you nowhere.

Meet lots of new people, network with people, expand your social network and have fun. Read this and apply it: link

[sonic241928]

Please note: this will not work, unless you do it. Best of luck.

[Asker]

Sorry, I just meant I thought I was better looking than that other guy. I'd give myself a 6/10 on a scale.

[Asker]

I will look into this. Part of the reason I've been reading about all that stuff is to improve my sociability---not to "score" girls.

[sonic241928]

Well, that's good. But sometimes the PUA stuff gets into your head and really clouds your thoughts. For me at least, and I think for other guys too, it would probably be easier to focus my energies on building up the social life without pressuring myself to pick up girls. Once you have a decent social life going and you're regularly going to events, meeting all kinds of new people, etc., I think dating prospects will present themselves much more than we think.

[Asker]

I don't know whhat kind of personality you have, but a lot of the stuff I like to do (reading fiction, writing, watching sports, reading about sports) are obviously not very social. And the thing is that these things take up most of my free time. So, as you can see, I fear that branching out into more social things will not only make me feel a little uncomfortable (as it is not really my personality), but it'll also cut into the time I spend on the things I enjoy.

[sonic241928]

Got it. Well, read that article I linked you to--it includes work-arounds for those problems. The author also gives some good advice in the comments section on the bottom of the page.

Number one is that you're going to have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone a little--it's the only way after all to get out and meet new people...

[sonic241928]

If you're an introvert like me, it is going to be uncomfortable just because it's new different for you, but it may actually turn out better than you think.

Number two: like the article says, find ways to make your solitary activities more social. I like to write too, and I'm looking into joining a writer's group. Look up meetup.com for your area and type in your interests. There are also book clubs, sports fan clubs, etc. You won't like the experience all the time, but every social...

[sonic241928]

...opportunity will make you a little stronger, more confident, and if nothing else more experienced. So it's one of those things where we just have to go for it and see what happens. (Also, I know playing sports is different from following it on TV, but you should try playing sports anyway. Another good way to meet people and socialize. If necessary, join a local club where you can take lessons.) If you're in college, check out the clubs there. Go at least 3 times before writing a club off

[sonic241928]

As far as a social life is concerned, I highly recommend two more articles: https://succeedsocially.com/sociallife and

https://succeedsocially.com/meetpeople

Two of the most exhaustive articles on the internet I've ever read on the topic--just simple and damn good advice. I hope you read these articles I'm linking you to and tell me what you think. Best of luck.

[frustratedchump06]

I feel your pain because I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend, always been single, it is very frustrating, I have tried getting one but no luck, seriously, it's way easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than it is for a guy to get a girlfriend because all girls have to do is welcome our advances or deny them, I hate and despise with a huge passion on how us guys always have to initiate.

[Asker]

Yeah, any pretty girl can have her choice of "average" guys...there will always be dozens of them approaching.

[frustratedchump06]

Yeah, eventhough girls do get creepy guys approaching them and I know that must not be comfortable for them, but still, the right guy is bound to approach them, a guy we like, meanwhile the right girl will not just land in our laps, we have to take charge unfortuneately, eventhough it's somewhat good because we get to choose who we want to go after, but rejection still sucks.