I never had a girl interested in me before....is that normal?

Question

I'm 21 years old and all through my life I've never had a girl "crush" on me or been interested in me. That's including those years of middle school and high school where it seemed like everyone was getting together. Like I read these stories about how girl's friend told him that the girl was interested in him, or the signs a girl gives when she's interested, and it just seems foreign to me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting here moping. In fact I feel pretty happy with things. But it's just disheartening to some degree that this has never happened to me and this goes even for girls that I HAVE shown interested in...they end up not being interested in me.

I'm a little befuddled. While I'm not good looking, I'm not ugly. I have a variety of interests, I think I have a good sense of humor, and I can be funny. But I've never had a girl so much as be interested in me. Even as a friend--I've only had a couple and they end up deserting me anyway.

tallnhungjoe · Accepted Answer

Wow, it sounds like me at your age... I can tell you this, there are plenty of girls who are interested in you, but you aren't recognizing the signs of interest. I look back and say "damn I was so stupid" If a girl talks to you...even just saying "hi" she's is at least curious about you... it's up to YOU at that point to get the ball rolling. They are NOT going to start the relationship for you... you have to take some initiative and keep things moving.

Also, join some group or club of things that interest you... Find a group of singles and join. The more places you put yourself out there as "available" the better the chances are.

It sounds like you are a "Nice Guy"... Lots of women don't like that... they will say... "he's nice, but kind of boring" Believe me, that is a sign of a problem with THEM, not you. There are plenty of women looking for a nice guy, but they all seem to end up with Jerks who treat them poorly. I'm sure you've said "What an A55 H0!E what does she see in him? Many women are excited by the "Bad Boy" and once they get him, they bitch and complain what a Jerk he is and wonder how they can change him... THEY CAN'T!

Good luck to you, remember you are only young once... I wasted almost 10 years of prime dating time before I woke up... don't make the same mistake. Also a friend of mine mentioned a technique called S O F T E N... yeah I know it sounds Gay, but it works...

it stands for:

S mile

O pen your posture (Don't sit with folded arms all crumpled up in a corner)

F orward (lean slightly forward when standing)

T ouch (just a gentle touch on the arm)

E ye Contact (Yes it is uncomfortable, but keep making eye contact, it works!)

N od (Nod your head during conversation, it is a way of showing interest)

Once I started doing this, I went from Zero to Hero in a matter of weeks.

Pump yourself up, every day, go over the best things about you, and say them out loud to yourself... you need to be your own best friend first before you can be in a relationship.

Good luck to you...it's tough being shy, but I'm living proof you CAN get over it!

Joe

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Im in the same situation as you. My shyness pretty much ruined my life up until now that I am realizing I am probably fearing things for no reasons.

Recently, I have opened up to a friend, talked to him about my problems for a few hours, and he really helped me gaining more confidence into myself.

I have opened up to more people at work, I have started talking to some girls more even though I don't feel quite good when I am around girls I find attractive. I am currently working on getting less stressed out when talking to a girl. After all, girls are humans just like us, and some of them have the same problems you have.

I have recently met a girl at work that I really like, she seems really sweet and I have been thinking about her for the last few days. I am going to ask her out probably this week if I see her.

Shyness is probably not your problem, but maybe the girls that have a secret crush on you have this problem... Try to initiate conversations with girls that you know have checked on you before and maybe things will work out.

flumen333 · Accepted Answer

I'm 21 and I've never had a boyfriend.  In fact, I didn't have my first kiss until a couple of months ago.  I don't think you should assume that anything is wrong with you.  In my case, I think I intimidate people because I'm smart and have very unique interests.  I've decided I'm going to let things take their natural course and not push anything.  If you're happy right now then I would go with that feeling.  Sooner or later you will meet someone, and hopefully I will too!

SunsetToMe · Accepted Answer

I bet there were girls who had crushed on you, that you just don't know of. There were plenty of guys I crushed on in middle school & high school that I never told how I felt. Maybe you need to learn to stop waiting for girls to come to you, but rather you take the effort to go to a girl. From your question, it doesn't sound like youve really done this much.

dunc17 · Accepted Answer

You never know who might be crushing on you...some girls aren't so open about who they like. I don't tell people who I'm crushing on...at least I used to not do it. Now I'm a little more open about it. Girls could be intimidated by you if you don't seem into them. Be confident in yourself and things will work out sometime. Age is just a number.

TheAndi · Answer

Well first things first, relationships in high school really aren't worth it because theyre not even real relationships. once you start getting into the 20's is when you should be looking for a relationship with meaning. I think you should just do more activities in places with lots of people. and try being a lot more outgoing. if it works, it works. if it doesnt, then on to the next one right? once you have a girl interested, then you try to build a relationship. try going to the gym or maybe out to a club? any place where you could meet new people. hope that helped!

noonesname · Answer

You know just as others have said I am sure you've had girls who were interested who never let on. I've had crushes in the past but never showed direct interest because I was too shy.  I'm guessing you might be the shy type yourself? that will make it even more difficult for a girl to show interest.   If you do have an interest in a girl, make a point of talkng to her as a friend more. She'll gain comfort around you, open up a but, and thing may go from there. So to answer your question, you could ver well have some girls who liked you but you never knew it.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm in the same boat man. I have asked a lot of different people they all say they don't know. They say Im descent looking. I personally think its BS and chalked it up to me being ugly or looks and just moved on with my life. But if an opportunity arises I'll certainly go for it.

travis8888 · Answer

it sounds like your falling into the nice guy category. don't get me wrong being nice is not wrong but it just gets a little boring for girls. don't be afraid to push the boundaries and don't be afraid to let them go. there are tons out there

frustratedchump06 · Answer

your not alone either, I've been single my whole life, a virgin, and I'm 22, sucks more for us guys because traditionally we have to initiate

xwanttoknowx · Answer

Maybe you don't take enough interest in people so you give the impression you are uninterested. They may not want to waste time getting to know you if they think that, be more friendly!

Hartmut · Answer

...You make this sound as though this is a situation unique to you.

snackeyg · Answer

You're not the only one.

I never had a girl interested in me before....is that normal?

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