Girl kisses me one day, wants to be friends the next?

[Anonymous]

So I met someone through friends, asked for her number and we've gone out alone for the past 5 weeks. It's usually been dinner followed by hours of just talking. We get along great, share a lot of interests, etc. Throughout the time she's said that she's not sure what she wants, she doesn't know if she wants a relationship right now (she didn't say with me or in general), but I get the feeling that she DOES want one because she keeps talking about the subject. She's also been very flirty. When we go out she touches me all the time, says she feels very comfortable with me, stuff like that. We talk online almost every day and she's asked whether I'm a good kisser or not.

So this last time we went out, got some food, then she took me to a hill with a nice view and we just hugged for a couple hours and talked (strange I know). So I'm thinking, I've got all the right signs and should make the move right? I ask her if she's going to finally kiss me, and she says she can't decide...she says for her, kissing is as intimate as sex...so we're just there hugging for 20 min until we finally kiss. At this point, we get in my car, kiss some more, listen to music, cuddle a bit.

The next day, she IM's me telling me not to expect anything from her and that she's sure she's not ready for a relationship. I felt like my world was turned upside down in a day!

Anyways, she says I'm a great guy, and doesn't want me to feel like she's been leading me on...blah, blah..doesn't want it to get awkward, has always seen me as a friend (Even though one time while we were talking online before she said she liked me and that it was a hard thing for her to say).

So I'm wondering, why did she kiss me? Is she interested in a friends with benefits kind of thing? Does she have no interest at all? (would you kiss someone you have no interest in). She's not naive at all, she already knew that I liked her, so if she just wanted to be friends why would she put herself in situations like that? I was probably direct in telling her I liked her too soon, that could've turned her off also.

We still talk, but I kinda don't know where to go with this...she's a cool person, but can I really be friends with someone when that is always on the table...someone I have feelings for? I've never been in this kind of situation before.

Help!

[mrcofused]

well i am in the same situation. we talked on the phone everyweek for hours for everythink, then suddently she came to visit me for a week. on th first day i saw taht she liked hugging and spending time hugged, then i kissed her, on the second day she was mad at me and on the third day we started being intimate and i could see it that she liked it everyminute we was alone she was clinging on me.

. However when she went home she send me a message saying it was great but i feel you like a friend, thank you for the great time. she knows that i like her and i want her it dosent matter that she is a 1500km away i can travel if i want to.

so i replied - listen you know i like you and i want you i am not confusing friendship with love and i know exactly what i want, but i can see that you are afraid of something and dont know what you want.

she replyed that she knows what and who wants and is not confused, so i told her that is a rubish and when she miss me to text me , untill then i won't contact her.

it hurts and i feel like a shit. but what to do , the time will show

[mrcofused]

wow a update on the story

well after that almost a week passed and she texted me and somehow we ended talking on the phone, all it was good but after a few minutes she started yelling saying that i betrayed her, she was thinking of me like a firend, that she dont want me , that we have been intimate but she wasnot feeling it. ( totaly oposite of the way she behaved when we was together.) and more insulting words. I somehow managed my cool and just told her i opened my cards infront of you and that is all, when you miss me contact me.

[mrcofused]

And then another few days passed

she somehow is a friend with my mom on facebook ( damn social media sites )
and she understood that my mom wasnot well. instead of calling my mom directly she called me whiteout any warnig to ask of how she is etc.

then in the evening again to talk with my mom and then she started again to talk about us. that she is not for me that she has been thinking etc. i said that i miss hugging her and her small cute ears ( it is like a joke ) this time she was relaxed , so from a word to a word i told her that her behaviour is strange that she is afraid. she denied it. i told her dosent matter that you are far from me that won't stop any thing and that if she was close to me the matters could be different, she replyed i that she dont want to move to live with me that it will be easier if she was living with me for her but she dont ( and i didnot told her to move with me) then she made me to facetime her to see me and from all the jiberish she was talking she..

[mrcofused]

... slipped and said you dont know if i have someone here and i have not told you, i told her if you tell me you have someone i won't disturb you anymore and she said no i dont but you dont know if i have, and mentioned that she went out with a man for a coffe. i said good for you. ( inside i was angry but didnot show it ) but she insisted that he is just a friend. then se was talking more and slipped and said that she is CONFUSED and dont know what to think of me am i a friend or a boy etc. i told her i that i am not a friend ( if she needs any help i will help her ) but to not think of a firend of me and to not put me in firend zone. she started again with the same that she won't come living with me , that she miss our conversations, but dont miss me, she is confused and sorry for all the bad words.

i dont know what to do any more so i told her ok i will not contact you any more again when she wants to contact me ( she said no that i we should keep in contaact )

[mrcofused]

something is wrong with that woman and with me too i am thinking too much and i think i should forget her. it is a bummer

[guitarfan]

Man I am almost in the same kinda situation. Almost same story but we have dated for four months now. Last time we cuddled and kissed. Now wants to remain friends claiming that all would be different if we get 'out of control'. I just said 'ok'. I love her man. You know when you feel it. But guess I will need to take things slower. I am not contacting her anymore and u know what? She doe stil. I believe there is still a chance and still I look forward to talk with her in person down to earth if time is right soon. I love her dude. And I ca not see her only as friend. I am sure you felt the same since that date. All the best to both of us. Cheers.

[Rose-Red-Sunsets]

I think she might just need more time because it doesn't seem like she knows what she wants. It sounds like you two are compatible but she just needs to get it together. It could be a number of things. Maybe her last relationship wasn't so good and is afraid of getting hurt again. And she just really doesn't want to rush anything. If you just cuddled for a long time and listened to music in your car then I don't think she wants a friend with benefits.

However at one point you should probably tell her your feelings because truth is usually the best. Because you can't plan on being with someone who will always do one thing then regret their choices later, especially if the choices she made are with you.

[Asker]

Yes, she has mentioned that she has gotten hurt before.

As far as only cuddling, I didn't try anything more with her, obviously expecting more than sex to be the result of that day.

I've already told her how I feel...so just be friendly and don't expect anything out of it?

Thanks for the answer.

[Rose-Red-Sunsets]

Well, you have been going out for the last five weeks and told her how you feel. I would think that she would know if she wanted to be more than friends by now. I really think she might be leaning more towards you only being a friend.... Because why would she go on so many dates and only leave you with a kiss she later took back? Hmmm yeah I'd go with be friendly and don't expect anything. However, I wouldn't conclude that there is no chance what's so ever.At 1one point you may need to move on.

[Alex56]

Bro I have been there... A girl was hitting on me for days and I wasn't interested in the beginning but sadly I got involved and asked her out, this was the worst mistake which I did. We enjoyed on the date and she was real fun and she finally kissed me at the end. I was all happy about it. Then the next day she was acting weird. And the next day of that I asked her what's wrong and she was like " I just want to be friends". I was in shock, all the time I was trying to be away from her and trying not to get involved. And she fucking messed everything for me.
And couldn't get over it easily and weeks later on discussing it with her friend I came to know that she was Bi. I fucking feel used.

[3noch_DSouza]

Hmmm. Same here. We used to talk before and liked each other a lot. But then she got back with her ex. After six months I contacted her after knowing she broke up and started talking. But then I didn't feel the same love I had before. She kissed me and I didn't feel so good about the kiss. Haven't told her that. The next day she tells me she is feeling pressurized and shit. So I give her time and now she says she needs friends and family. not a relationship. What an a-hole. Have liked her a lot. Waited for so many months and she says we are just friends. I don't feel any like for her. it kinda sucks real bad. :'(

[TheOneTurv]

My advice... let it go. She's just not ready for a relationship :/ sorry bro

I would be friends with her tho, give ti time to cool of between you two

[ZeOneHimself]

Yea you both seem like you two need to relax.