Why are boys players?

Okay so there is this guy that goes to my school that I am feeling, but he is a little player and talks to a lot of females. We have talked about things like sports and interests but I want to know how I can make a difference for him to change his player ways or at least find out if he is even capable of changing his player ways. What kinds of things make girls stand out to be different and not come off as sluts. What kinds of things make guys have an impression on a girl and gets them thinking about a girl and wanting to hang out?


Most Helpful Guy

  • First let's clear up the definition of a player:

    player (n): a guy who says and does anything just to sleep with as many girls as he can.

    Obviously this definition is self explanatory as to why guys do this. Some guys are just carnal and that's all they want. Girls do this too, it's natural that we wish to mate, just uncivilized.

    Your definiton:

    player (n): a guy who talks to different girls while not in a relationship

    This is not the correct definition of a player, in fact this type of guy should be called opportunistic.

    He is just getting options. Why only talk to one girl? There's no rush to perfection. In fact you'll find that most of these guys don't stay single very long and are happy to be in a good relationship.

    Anyways you'll just have to prove to him that you're the best girl to be chosen. To make an impression, stand out, you'll just have be yourself completely. Guys like when a girl is not afraid to be herself. To get him thinking about hanging out you'll just have suggest it to him subtly. Sometimes a guy will never think about something unless it's right in front of him. Show him you're interested in him. If he doesn't show interest, then that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Sometimes people just don't like each other.

    Good luck :)

    • I don't totally agree with this..

      Alarm bells started ringing in my head when I read the authors question. NO ONE should have to prove they are worthy to anyone. He sounds like he enjoys the interest he is getting so why keep to one girl when has so many to choose from, I think he will just break the authors heart because he has no desire to settle on one girl. We are all opportunists, we all try to get the girls we want. I would suggest the author finds an alternative fancy.

    • I have to agree with the answer, and disagree with the comment. The first girl that you meet ISN'T and CAN'T BE the best girl in the house. I prefer meeting and hanging out with more than a couple of girls and then seleting from one of them. After all, I can't know which girl is "my type" without spending a little bit of time with them. An example to this can be "first dates". The goal of a "first date" is to decide whether you want to spend more time with the person or not, isn't it?

What Guys Said 27

  • Ouch, not all boys are players. :P

    But as for changing someone, it won't happen. You'll end up hurt when he gets what he wants, that's what players do.

  • You CANNOT change a "player" and thinking you can change a player is a recipe to a broken heart. Only the Player can choose to stop hooking up with a bunch of girls for just one.

    If I a man can have his choice of women he is very unlikely to choose just one. Players are guys who seem to have other options, so for him to choose you, you'll have to be both pretty and genuinely interesting.

    But Trickster is right when he says for the most part, women don't need to do muc to get a guy if they're beautiful and actually show interest. Just don't be needy.

  • Actually, there's a lot of girl players too, it's just that guys don't actually get a chance with them, so they're not technically IN a relationship, since the girl has the ultimate say, so it's kinda harder to pick up on it... But so many guys are left broken hearted too after a girl strung them along a little too much in the flirting process or between people that are friends, without the girl committing/reciprocating.

    It goes both ways... It's not just guys that are players.

  • Well to answer your topic question, "Why are boys players?" the basic answer to that is...sexual hormones. Boys have a need to release, and do so indiscriminately, and sometimes the best way to do that is to by-pass female emotions and needs, 'play' around them manipulative, to meet that sexual craving in a rapid less trying political/economic success.

    That's something of a technical answer, but that's it on an academical sense.

  • why are girls sluts

  • The truth is that a guy gets a couple of options so he is instantly labeled as a player.

  • Females play too

    and you can always change a man

    if the proper bait is used

    • -1 for the "always" bro.

      There are some guys that have their characteristics carved into them like glyphs on a stone. You can't carve it off . You'll end up breaking your nails.

    • who said they wouldn't change willingly

      you can't make someone change but you can make them think about it

      its like steal on steal

      so my bad for the confusion

  • To say "boys are players" is like saying "girls are slags" Both statements are generalising and wrong, yes some guys are players, and yes some girls are slags. However I personally believe the players and slags are far outweighed by the nice guys and girls who want more than just sex.

    You say he talks to a lot of girls, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. When I was at school the vast majority of my friends were girls, but that didn't mean I was a player or even interested in them more than friends. My friends are now more or less 50/50, but I still have female friends and I'm the exact opposite of a player.

    You should try and learn what his interests are, and you might find you have mutual ones you can both take part in. By spending time with him you could chat more and get noticed more, and who knows, mabey get the guy you want?

  • I will tell you why!. Because we men are design to have sex with as many women as possible, off course this goes against the interests of women that only want one men that is the best of all of them, the provider. Off course there are clear exceptions, for men and women, as its obvious that men also want to have someone to take care of them and to love them eventually and well women do have sexual urges as well. Another reason for this behavior is that if we said what we actually wanted women will be like "Eeeewww he is so creepy" or go like "Ohhhh he is a player stay away from him" and third because women play all of these little games, that we have to jump through, players just lie or don't really disclose their intentions so she won't say no. Yaaa dig?

  • It could also be he's trying to be a player to impress his friends. I know I do that sometimes. I try to act cool and flirt with many girls just to get a rep. But really, I crush on a few girls pretty hard.

  • You can't change him,

    But he can relalize he loose something precious by seeing you go away.

    BUt in general...it's up to him to change... So I don't think he will

    move on

  • Because it's cool! I am not a player but most if my guy friends are players and they have more respected between their friends I just like to take care of one girl at a time :) I feel weird telling two different girls that I like them and want to be with them... But my brother is totally opposite of me he has one girlfriend that he has been with for like 3 years and has like 4-7 other girls he just uses for sex and pleasure and plays them and they all think that he loves them which he just likes sleeping with them lol

  • You can't change a player. Many girls think they can change guys, but the fact of the matter is...players don't feel they have a problem. The person with the problem must identify that he has one first before changes can be made.

  • This is exactly how girls get sucked in. Its one of the most cliche attitudes a girl can have to want to try to 'fix' a guy. You think you want to change his 'player ways', but you must realize that you alone cannot do that. You WILL just be another notch on his belt. I guarantee it. Unfortunately, from my experience, you will end up sleeping with this guy anyway, and soon after, he will dump you to the side. He may, himself even believe that he could fall for someone and want a monogamous relationship, but it ALWAYS ends up with him cheating and leaving. My advice would be to think about what kind of guy is best to be with and then find him. Forget the player or you will be sorry.

  • Why are all women shallow sluts?

    Enjoying generalizations yet? :\

  • As long as there are sluts, there'd be playas!

  • great question... a majority of all the boys you know are players... interesting... why are they players? because young ladies fall for it... if they didn't fall for it, they'd try something else to 'get action'..

  • first of all do you even know what a "slut" is...its a girl that sleeps around with a lot of guys... and no you can't change a guy from being a player ... and ...huh? don't you understand guys at all? they think about girls all the time. but some guys can never get to hang out with girls because some of us guys are considered unattractive etc so we types are not worth anything to a girl etc ... why are you going after this so called player? wouldn't it be better to go for a nice guy that will treat you right and not require you to try to fix him?

  • You can't tame a bad-boy, you can't change a player. Stop trying to. Your vagina is not made of gold. Its just like all the other girls that are chasing him

    Try talking to the other guys in your class. You know, the ones your ignoring? The ones that have NO girls chasing or talking to them? Why can't you give them a chance?

    Why is it that women want to chase and reward only guys that ALREADY HAVE GIRLS?

    • I think its the challenge that thrills me and that's usually the case for most women

      who go after the bad boys...

  • ok stop trying to make your own romance novel here...u can't change him...go get a boyfriend

  • Ok, first off, forget about him. Don't play the game, find someone that shows some interest back so there is no confusion. Looks aren't everything. But, if that's all that matters to you then go and try a little harder to attract him sexually and who knows maybe you can be the next one that he can brag about doing to his friends and then he can move on to a new challenge.

  • Keep him guessing. but definettly give your self an edge. Ask yourself what is it that you have that most girls don't.

  • Just look attractive and don't be too needy... you don't even have to do anything. If he really is a player like what you're saying and is attracted to you, he knows what to do next.

    It's funny to see these things about "girl game" when the only thing a girl needs to do is be attractive and display interest to that guy she likes... if he has the balls, he'll come to you and lead you all the way; if he doesn't, he ain't worth it.

    Man... talking about sports though ain't getting both of you anywhere. That's not what a player talks about with a girl.

    • Well I am a huge sports fan so I like talking about sports idk

      i figure if I talk about a common interest I won't seem like every

      other girl since he plays basketball...

  • Why not? You want a relationship and they want to play. Why should your goal take precedent over theirs?

  • guys are insecure and they keep theyre options open but they usually have that one that they really want over everyone

  • Guys turn into players cause they've had their hearts broken too many times by flirts or teases who lead them on in to thinking they have a chance of going out with her or that she likes him then we he mans up to ask her out he finds out she never liked him. They give up pursing the girls they like when after so many times Of being rejected by girls they've chace for a while they start playing girls for getting back at girls and cause they still need contact with girls so if they can't get affectionate contact like the one when you date then they try to get sexual contact from one night stand. One night stands can happen in less than an hour and there are more girls willing to do it than a relationship when there's only one girl that might not even be into you. Yeah players can change if they find that special girl that catches him that isn't like Tha girls he's trying to play and he finds her when he's not looking for her.


What Girls Said 12

  • Basically first you have to respect yourself if you want the guy to respect you, for instance not being a slag is one, but also don't take any of his s*** if you think his taking you for a mug then tell him straight and if he makes you feel uncomfortable like trying to imply dirty talk put him straight cos that way he will know he won't get it! cos so many girls give it to guys on a plate these days and they wonder why they get used?:@

  • because they are genetically made up to be that way. it sounds so stupid and you probably won't like this answer but its true loll. it goes back to evolution and how males/females selected mates which was directed to help reproduction. since WAAAY back in the day, caveman time, men's brains have worked in way that made them seek out as many partners as possible to pass out sperm in order to create more babies. where as women seek one partner that she knows will stay with her to take care of the children. it's really not their fault that they are players hahah.

    and just so everyone knows, the purpose of life is to reproduce. so have LOTS and lots of sex;)

  • don't even get involved with a guy like that, they don;t change. I ended up dating someone like that unfortunately because I didn't even know he was like that. just walk away now trust me. if you get involved with someone like that it's complete hell and you will really regret it. they are not worth the stress- being lied to and treated like crap is AWFUL.

  • Everyone is different, but thinking there is something SO SPECIAL about you that will make him run after you is unrealistic. There is no recipe for love. If he has many girls chasing him he will allow himself to choose, enjoy it and go for what he likes eventually. You of course, will define him as a player in the meantime. You can't know do you fit the profile of his ideal girl. Be yourself, hope he likes you best and move on when you realize the scenes you tend to see in teen movies are not real. (Unless you see him sparkle in the sunlight. Then you go emo and remember not to bathe for a couple of weeks. xD)

    I'm sorry I couldn't help myself. I still can't believe I watched that thing trough to the end. xD

  • because they are pigs and dogs :)

  • It usually takes a lot to change a "player" mind. The best thing to do is to get close to him as a friend. As a friend you will learn his "ins and outs". It will give you a chance to find out if he is the type of person you would date. You may not want to be stuck in the friend zone but you will get closer to him. Eventually, both of you will have mutual feelings. Guys usually hang out with girls who are their friends a lot and the "get to know you" process is a bit faster. I have stepped into a the friend zone a lot of times to get close to guys, and it always works. Just give it a chance.

    • So we don't really text on a daily basis more like every other day... he plays a sport so he is kinda busy

      i don't know whether I should text him or wait on him to text me... and I don't know like how to make myself not seem like I'm jumping at him like all the other females..

    • A general text will not seem out of the ordinary.

  • Lol! this is so easy! you don't change the man. because he's not the problem it's the females. Looks at them for a second. and not the wrong that he's doing.You have to learn that males are like children.

    With that said men only do what we allow. In songs, in movies, in videos we dance around like prostiutes, and stirppers, We are called sluts, bitches, and whore. and what do we do? hardly anything.

    We have gotten to the point were young girls are calling each other bitches. "This my bitch right here I effing love here!". Me personally.. I don't take that lightly, it not funny. b.c when a man/boy see that. what do you think he says?.."oh well it must not be THAT bad to say".

  • One thing you need to know is that,YOU can't change nobody,YOU can only change YOURSELF! Immature men or boys think that being a player is in,until they get their heart broken! See,life expriences teach you,not another person! You can only work on yourself!

  • Because there are women willing to be played with who give sex out like candy & try to steal all the good girl's bfs. Let's ship these hoes all off to Mars so we don't have to worry about our boyfriends cheating anymore :)


  • i know exactly what you mean when it comes to such guys who have too many female friends and are nomadic flirts, but don't have sex with them or anything!...some people argue they are players others argue theyre not...whatever they are...theyre bad news! theyre definitely not committed and aren't looking for anything serious at the moment if they flirt from one girl to the next...i had my heart broken when I trusted a guy that he liked me, but turns out it was only temporary...he moved onto liking other girls too...and still coming back and forth to flirt with me...ugh. He wasn't the type of player to get in a girls pants...he just liked attention and sick mind games to satisfy his insecurities, people like him flirt for entertainment and pleasure.

    if you really wanna see if he cares about you, you should be detached and just friendly-flirty, no strings attached. Show that you are interested but don't show you need him. Be yourself and kind to him, don't text much or initiate contact, let him come to you all you have to do is show you like him but eye contact smile and going up to him to talk say whatsup?

  • just cause he knows a lot of girls don't make him a player...if he flirts with them all and touch them then that's a different story. he wouldve dated a girl in that group if he wanted to but he hasn't found the right one

    so why can't you be yourself and just hope he wants you? why not just ask him instead? don't wait for him. guys like girls that don't always rely on them when it comes to hanging out or texting

    thats one way to be different

    you can't want to be different from the girls if your the same...so only if you know you are different show it! show that your unique and your creative and you can do things they can't that people normally cant