My boyfriend sleeps on the couch

Question

My boyfriend sleeps on the couch every night and has for the past 3 months. We are not fighting though. He just started falling asleep on the couch and now he makes no effort to make it to bed.

At one point, he claimed that he wants to watch TV. So I bought him a TV for the bedroom. Then he said that he doesn't like the color of the walls, that the bedroom felt like a hospital (walls are a light aqua color). So I spent $3,000 dollars on new carpet, paint and a new closet and re-modeled the basement to turn it into a cozy bedroom with a sitting / TV area, walk-in closet and full bathroom.

He still sleeps on the couch.

Why? And is it a sign of something seriously wrong? Should I throw a fit to guilt trip him into sleeping in the bedroom?

theresa27 · Accepted Answer

It's all about compromise. . say if he sleeps with you at LEAST 3 nights a week , you'll stay absolutely MUM about the other 4.. it wouldn't be fair to make him sleep in your bed EVERY night if he doesn't want to , however it's ALSO not fair for him to make you sleep alone every night if YOU don't want to.. Therefore a compromise is in order, which is what all relationships are about.. bottom line is when we love someone we sometimes do crap we REALLY. REALLY. Don't want to do , but we do it because we love them , and we know they enjoy it, and they do the same for us... don't listen to greyeys, he sounds a bit bitter and it's no wonder he lives alone , I'm sure his lack of compromise caused the houseplant to up and move. .. And as far as anything being wrong , if you guys aren't fighting and there are no other red flags , I'd say no.. The only question I would have is why the past 3 months , was anything about the situation different before that? If not it may just be that you guys have been together long enough to where he feels more comfortable in being the person he is at home , if so feel flattered.. my bf sleeps on the couch on occasion too , and I'm SURE would probably every night , but he knows I need time with him too , so he only does it a couple times a week.. of course I'd prefer him to sleep in bed w me EVERY night of the week , but I also want him to wash dishes put the seat down vacuum floors kill ALL the spiders , stop scratching his nuts and sniffing , stop farting etc etx.. and like a million other things I know he won't do.. and I'm sure he wishes the same for me.. that I gave head like a  p*rn  star for example... NOT gonna happen , our men are never gonna do everything we want them to , but we aren't ever gonna do everything THEY want us to either , so the answer is compromise. .3 nights cuddle like crazy , and use the other 4 to wear weird face masks and stretch like Armstrong , and both of you will be all the happier.

A-R-Norman · Accepted Answer

No--do not guilt trip him. I believe things should be done from the heart, not because they are coerced or tricked into it. If you are having problems, manipulation will only make things worse. Just let him know how it is making you feel and see if you can talk into opening up. If he can't, then let him know that his behavior is stressing you to the point of "taking a break" to see where things are headed.

If he cares about you, he may open up at that point. If he doesn't you may simply need to consider three possibilities 1) he is sick and maybe ashamed to say something is up with the equipment, 2) He is cheating and feeling guilty, 3) He is slowing growing away from you due to other factors that have nothing to do with cheating.

Either way, let no man or woman place you in holding pattern. If you have tried everything under the sun to make things work, and he is still unresponsive, it may be time to take the hint and get out before things get ugly.

Kimrav1988 · Accepted Answer

Going through the same thing with my boyfriend. We’ll go to bed together. I know he does have sleep issues. Sometimes he’ll wake up in the middle of the night and move to the couch. He’s done this 2 nights in a row now. It’s not the first time he’s done so either. He used to do it in the Summer when it was too hot in our room. We live in Australia. It’s Winter now so it’s far from hot. I actually think he needs to go to the Dr because it’s affecting my sleep now too because I’m wondering why he prefers to sleep on the couch instead of sleeping next to me. It could be a medical issue.

Greyeyes · Accepted Answer

I think you should just chill out and stop trying to control him.  If he wants to sleep on the couch, let him.  What's the big deal, aside from the fact you want to control him and not let him sleep there?  I have my own apartment.  I live alone.  I have slept on the couch for more than a year.  It's way more comfortable than my bed, and the room (family room) seems way less constrictive than the bedroom which feels clostraphobic to me.  Here's an idea, why not fall asleep on the couch with him?  What ever you do, don't make a bigger deal than necessary, and stop trying to control and manipulate the man.  I fire manipulative and controlling women immediately.  I do not tolerate their crap what so ever!  I have my own mind and don't need a woman to think for me.  I will not be controlled or manipulated, and to tell you the truth, if you were my girlfriend, I would have just fired you by now.  And in case you don't think your controlling or manipulative, what's this business about guilt tripping him by throwing a fit?  That my dear is controlling and manipulative behavior, for which you should be dumped immediately!  All manipulative and controlling people and especially women can burn in hell!  I hope this guy gets his testicles out of the neighbors tree and dumps you.  Just because you women look pretty and have a vagina  does not give you the right to attempt to manipulate and control us men.  Stop it!

laughingwarlock · Accepted Answer

Well one thing is for sure. He's definitely looking for an excuse to not sleep with you in the bed.

Are you two being physically intimate? If not, he could be relieving that tension on his own in private and falling asleep right afterwards.

Is he having a bout with insomnia and needs to watch Bob Ross or something specific to get to bed? If so, he might be embarrassed to admit that and doesn't want to view it in front of you.

Has he taken up drinking, smoking, or indulging in some other substance before bed but he doesn't want you to know?

Maybe you just snore and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

There's a million things that could be going on but I think any of them point to a deeper issue that the two of you aren't communicating. Instead of paying for $3,000 in redecorating, put it into counseling. Something is going on here and none of us have enough information to gauge what it is. If you can't talk it out on your own you may need to consult an expert who has the tools needed to get ya through it. If it's just sleeping stuff though, I don't think you're there yet.

loveAnsweringOldQS · Answer

It's all about compromise. . say if he sleeps with you at LEAST 3 nights a week , you'll stay absolutely MUM about the other 4.. it wouldn't be fair to make him sleep in your bed EVERY night if he doesn't want to , however it's ALSO not fair for him to make you sleep alone every night if YOU don't want to.. Therefore a compromise is in order, which is what all relationships are about.. bottom line is when we love someone we sometimes do crap we REALLY. REALLY. Don't want to do , but we do it because we love them , and we know they enjoy it, and they do the same for us... don't listen to greyeys, he sounds a bit bitter and it's no wonder he lives alone , I'm sure his lack of compromise caused the houseplant to up and move. .. And as far as anything being wrong , if you guys aren't fighting and there are no other red flags , I'd say no.. The only question I would have is why the past 3 months , was anything about the situation different before that? If not it may just be that you guys have been together long enough to where he feels more comfortable in being the person he is at home , if so feel flattered.. my boyfriend sleeps on the couch on occasion too , and I'm SURE would probably every night , but he knows I need time with him too , so he only does it a couple times a week.. of course I'd prefer him to sleep in bed w me EVERY night of the week , but I also want him to wash dishes put the seat down vacuum floors kill ALL the spiders , stop scratching his nuts and sniffing , stop farting etc etx.. and like a million other things I know he won't do.. and I'm sure he wishes the same for me.. that I gave head like a p*rn star for example... NOT gonna happen , our men are never gonna do everything we want them to , but we aren't ever gonna do everything THEY want us to either , so the answer is compromise. .3 nights cuddle like crazy , and use the other 4 to wear weird face masks and stretch like Armstrong , and both of you will be all the happier.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

What if it's you though? I like banging my wife, but I'd rather sleep anywhere else than with her. She's a jerk when she's asleep, wants the room too hot, might get too close to me, and the chick snores. I don't even want her sleeping in the same room. I get better sleep by myself and that's just how it's going to be.

And it's her in particular because I've been with many chicks and it really just depends on the chick. I had one creepy chick that would wake up and watch me sleep while she smokes cigarettes. That smoke would have my throat dry and plus who tf watches people sleep!!! Crazy people... that's who.

MizzRosa · Answer

You should ask him why he likes sleeping in the couch so much and what's so great about it. If you spent $3,000 dollars remodeling the whole room just too make him comfortable then why is he still sleeping on the couch? If that doesn't work put the couch somewhere else or hide it  and tell him that for now on he is sleeping in the bedroom.

profesSNLxgirlfriend · Answer

My boyfriend and I are both couch sleepers. Usually the fight is over who gets to sleep on the couch. So you can either 1.) become a couch sleeper yourself , or 2.) Sell your couch and get something less comfortable & smaller than the current couch. There's this ^ or you can dump him and find someone who wants to sleep with you.

Anonymous · Answer

This is very odd considering he gave you the supposed reasons and you remedied them… now I just feel like he’s avoiding you. Might have to have a talk? Or it could be a physical thing- maybe he struggles to sleep next to another person. Either way you guys should talk

spartan55 · Answer

So, this has been going for 3 months and you haven't talked to him about it? Why not?

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Couch might be comfy, or you might effect the bed temperature in a way that makes it hard for him to sleep.

Iron_Man · Answer

Well, I do that too I sleep on the couch now I sleep in a La-Z-Boy recliner chair in the living room

Nikki1989 · Answer

You are now officially roommates. You have some work to do.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Some people have a hard time sleeping with other people in the bed.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn’t trust no man.. they are a thief

Anonymous · Answer

talk about it

Anonymous · Answer

communicate

My boyfriend sleeps on the couch

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