Why do guys freak out and then stop being interested in you?

I have had two friends who were recently being pursued by a guy. The guy would tell them they have been interested in them for a while and wanted to go out with them. Then after a couple weeks of getting to know each other (things going great) all of a sudden "cold feet" starts to kick in. They ignored them and eventually changed their tune to "I'm not ready for a relationship".

We decided it's like they just freak out all of sudden.

Btw: One of my friends is ridiculously hot and super sweet/down to earth. The guy is crazy for not snatching her up!

1) Have you done this or seen this?

2)Why do guys do this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Something that hasn't been said yet.

    It could be that these guys simply fell for these girls looks and then later got scared at the thought of committing or something they found out about the girls just didn't click well with them.

    Or it could also be that they didn't give them sex which sadly some guys only date a girl for sometimes. So they get impatient and just go on to the next girl hoping he will get laid.

    Just more things to think about


What Guys Said 11

  • Well, it's not unknown for girls to do the same. Seeing someone long distance can cause you to invent a personality for them, and then when you meet them in real life, you're disappointed.

    Some people of course are just phobic about being 'tied down', so they do tend to freak out after a while.

    It's like online dating--people usually sound amazing online, but in person, gee, they have some flaws, and a lot of people seem to have expected perfection, so they run away! This also happens in 'real life' with people who are not realistic about their expectations.

    Even the 'hot' friend of yours probably has some flaws when she's seen close up...and guys often expect such women to be just as perfect close up as they are from a distance.

  • "Women dangle the carrot of sex to get a relationship, guys dangle the carrot of a relationship to get sex"

    I don't dangle and I don't really like carrots that much. We are not mules girls and neither are you.

    Too many women are looking for "Mr. Right". Guys lose interest because a woman can seem impossible to please, or he feels he cannot keep up with her, or she flirts with other guys when they are together, or she is constantly chaning her mind/plans with him, etc, there are a million reasons to lose interest in even the most stunning woman, sweet or not.

    Most real men, I don't know about "guys" but a real man wants to be a "kept man" and feel appreciated by one woman; once a "real man" finds a woman he is happy with, his hunting days come to a close. For a woman that is. Now he starts to hunt for a better job, better apartment, etc, so he has an opportunity to spend more quality time with her and NO I don't mean to "provide for her" like so many stone-age women still expect a man to do (it is the 21st century ladies and you are all supposedly "liberated" - so you pick up the check half the time - or all of the time, we have been doing it for millenia, your turn, thanks)

    Let me clear this nonsense up for the ladies once and for all;


    Grow up ladies, stop looking for Mr. Perfect, he was a wrestler in the early 90's and he died of cocaine and steroid abuse.

    Start looking for Mr. "Just Right Enough" and go find happiness together.

  • I'w done this many times. Personally I call it a PERSONAL RESPECT towards girls. ( I'm old fashion and Russian :) If I want to screw her up and that's it, I'm looking for girls that are up to it as well. But If I see that a girl wants a REAL Long Term relationship, I back down, because I don't want to be a fuk up in her life and fuk her emotions because of me. I have certain hard rules and laws when it comes to girls and what am I looking for. If I want to have fun, I'm looking for a girl who wants to have only fun too, but if she is not, I don't want to break her heart and bring her into depression mode because if me, because I know I'm not worth doing so lol, unless I'm in a real relationship with her.

  • ok so every girl always says her friends are hot, its like an unwritten rule. plus just because you think she's cool doesn't mean that all guys like that type of person (whatever it may be). they may have very different interests or goals in life. I think the reason this happens more with guys is because we hide our true selves less than girls, so you know what you're getting by the time you date. girls are very secretive, so it takes a little longer for us to realize what we have gotten ourselves into

  • The key part is they said that they were interested.

    Which means they know nothing about the girl and want to find out more. It does not mean the girl is the one for them.

    Also looks are nice, but girls tend to believe that's gonna get them somewhere and then they don't let a personality through. So even if your friend is a great person, if she is coming off that way I'll tell the truth about this. She is no more interesting than a broken off twig from a tree in the park. In fact, that twig is more interesting than her. You have to make sure you have some substance to yourself, otherwise people get bored very fast.

    I see this same story and situation all the time. One person is really trying to have a relationship and the other person may care but their down right lazy. I'll let them do all the work and before you know it visiting a deaf grouchy old man in a retirement home is more interesting. People decide it's not worth the trouble anymore.

  • yeah girl did this to me and it sucks.

  • i don't like it when girls play hard to get, as in they are too much of a challenge

  • Girl did this to me. It absolutely blows.

  • 1.The girls that have pursued me either have been secretly insane, played games, too young, too many insecurites or I just wasn't attracted to them. But yet, I've dated most that have approached me if not shown interest.

    2.Some guys like myself don't mind being chased, but others feel like the girl is coming on too strong an it's usually what scares em off or they just perfer the chase.

  • They discovered something about the girls that really put them off and are not interested in them anymore. They don't have cold feet, they are just no longer interested in her and are trying to spare her feelings. Is it unfathomable that someone can seem appealing until you get to know them a little bit and then pick up on specific behavior that spells out trouble?


What Girls Said 1

  • Well, because guys don't necessarily date a girl because they want a relationship. Many a guy dates a girl simply because he is very physically attracted to her. There may be no staying power to the dating if the guy cannot go from physical attraction to emotional attachment.

    I will add that guys have a rep for not being as picky as girls when it comes to dating, but people get this all wrong. Guys are not as picky when it comes to sleeping with a girl. All they need to be is physically attracted and it's a go. But, when it comes to a relationship, well guys, especially young ones, see a lot of drawbacks to relationships. They have to spend money on the girl they could spend on themselves, they have to spend time with her instead of their buddies and they need to meet all the expectations that come with a relationship. For guys, relationships can be quite burdensome, so the girl has to be more than good looking or nice. She has to be worth the "pain" of a relationship.

    • a woman's looks and sexuality iswhat attracts a man-it is her CHARACTER that keeps him around or not.

    • Sadly, it isn't always someone's character that keeps a guy or a gal around. Well, at least not in the positive sense. Some men will keep a girl around that is a hot mess, pain in the ass, because she is a status symbol for him. A lot of people enter into relationships with someone who has a lot in common with a caregiver, such as their dad or mom, even if the common qualities are negative ones. Relationships are just more complicated than attraction or picking a great person.