I am 21 and have had a girlfriend of two years just break up with me because she needs her space. She is changing her major in school, her sister just miscarried, she lost her best friend from childhood, and she is depressed. She told me she needs her space. I told her I would respect her decision and back off. About a month ago we broke up and she figured some things out and ran back to me and cried saying she missed me. Then she remained depressed and it tore me apart to see her like that. I tried everything to make her happy. She was number one on my priorities, but then she came to me and we just broke up again. She says she needs more time. The day after she broke up with me, she came back for school related issues...we are involved in the same activities and she missed a meeting so I was going to fill her in...strictly professional and nothing more than a friend. I talked to her close friend and thought she was cheating on me, turns out she still loves me and broke up with me because she can't start to become happy with herself when every time she sees me she feels so horrible because she can see how bad it hurts me that I can't help her through this depression and low time in her life. She was hurt that I thought that she was cheating on me and said that she was in no way in a place to cheat on the one person that she loves. She is really confused and there is a lot of stuff happening in her life.
Should I do what I have been doing and respecting her space by not contacting her? or should I give her a week or two and then check in on her? I know she still loves me and the last thing she wants to do is add more drama to her life by cheating. Why can't I seem to understand why she can't do this "solving" of herself with me? I have talked to a lot of girls and they seem to all understand, but all the guys I talked to don't ... What is happening? Will she come back?
Most Helpful Guy
Maybe you should ask those girls that seem to know what is up? It seems like they know what's going on, and to be completely honest, it's not a person over the internet that's going to solve this one for you.
" [...] turns out she still loves me and broke up with me because she can't start to become happy with herself when every time she sees me she feels so horrible because she can see how bad it hurts me that I can't help her through this depression and low time in her life."
Seems like you just pointed out your problem. I'd ask people in your entourage, since I imagine they'd have a better grasp of what's going on. Perhaps the problem was in how you tried to help her through her depression. Depression is not something to be taken lightly. You could even call it a mental disorder, that's what it is, basically. But don't panic. What people need during those times are good friends and some time for "light" depression. If it persists, going to a professional of psychology is usually recommended. I can't tell whether or not her depression is really bad or what, since I'm just some random guy over the net. The best thing you can do is to be the same person you were around her. Don't play doctor or try to be a superboyfriend.
Did you try getting her to talk about her problems? Talking relieves. You're taking something that pains you out of your system, it's good. From what you tell, she loves you, so in turn that means she trusts you. So this shouldn't be a problem. Keeping in pain only makes it worse and worse over time. Like I said, you just need to be there for her, let her know that, but respect the limit. You even mentioned she is "really confused and a lot of stuff is happening on her life." These kinds of things tend to be overwhelming for a single person to handle by themselves.
What I think the problem is right now is that she broke up with you because you were trying too hard and she didn't want you to "waste your time" with her "silly" problems. I wouldn't be surprised if that's what she was thinking. You have to respect her wanting to be alone, but always alone isn't going to solve anything if you ask me, and neither is always being there.
So my advice would be to just let her know you're there, and that she can share with you. Give her the space she needs, don't suddenly invade her life by trying to always be there to help. Be how you always were around her.1