Is anyone else self destructive? Have pity parties all the time in their heads that they live and ruminate negatively in?

[Anonymous]

Does this at all sound familiar to anyone? I really do find it hard to imagine I'm alone. I wonder how many people are the same, and how many people would admit to it. This is HARD to admit to.

Im so self destructive. I self sabotage. I have pity on myself. I F myself over. It's as if I enjoy the pain. If I'm not in pain or turmoil I feel something is missing. Nothing makes me happy. I'm never just happy. I've read books and sought therapy but I can't figure this out. I always go back to it. F-ing myself over.

[muspelhem_5]

I'm like you.

Used to believe that depression was a state, but I'm reading a book on addiction (which I have), and now I'm thinking that depression is better viewed as a vicious cycle.

You're depressed, so you have no energy and hence little willpower, so you make bad choices that hurt you, leaving you more depressed and narrowing your options etc. Ad infinitum.

Loneliness is really a prison for me. As is (relative) poverty.

What has worked best for me is changing environments. I volunteered for national service shortly after I first got depressed, and being thrown in with other guys working outside and enjoying/enduring each other's company 24/7 for months was hugely beneficial. It worked because there was no escape: I would literally have been arrested and returned there if I had tried to do a runner. It also worked because it was intensely social. And it was work.

[Anonymous]

I do this a lot especially in romantic relationships. That's why my relationship of almost two years ended on April 11. Sometimes I do this because I feel like I do not deserve such a wonderful life because of my family. Other times I do it because I do not think i'm good enough.

[ixi10]

I definitely put myself down in my head sometimes and the negativity gets to me. But I learned to stop those thoughts the second they begin. They're not helping anything