Another Reason Couples Stay Married: The $$$

[Anonymous]

I want to make this really brief, because I know a lot of the traditionalists won't like me posting this but here it goes:

A lot of long term marriages didn't stay together because of the kids/love but because of money too. For example, if the husband and wife have a mortgage together, divorcing could have a lot of consequences. If they divorced and neither one can make the payments by themselves, then it would either be lose or sell the house. So even if they have a bad relationship, many couples will stay married because they don't want to lose all their money, or have to pay off leftover debt.

Another few more consequences would be that many places won't hire you without having a good credit score, and you might not be allowed to rent apartments either. So by defaulting on a loan or going bankrupt, your credit score will be shot. So many people stay married not just because of the kids, but but to protect themselves and their own finances.

I haven't read a marriage/traditional family mytake on here that does mention money. At all. Everyone really avoids that point. They try and pretend it's all emotional, or that married couples are automatically more mature and better than single parents or divorced couples. But from my pov that's just living in a fantasy world. Money does matter, and it matters quite a lot whether people will admit it or not.

[PiuBelloAmante]

Money only matters because we make it matter in todays society
Human beings have become slaves to currency, its pathetic really. how we allowed ourselves to get completely trapped by this system...

[myTake Owner]

the same was true for the older couples too. probably even more.

[myTake Owner]

today's society does encourage more debt though.

[HookingSwan]

Hmm might b the reason some couples do stay together. But u have to admit that not all might have that reason only.

And yes, some might even have love as a reason too. It is not impossible.

[hellionthesage]

Do you have sources to back this? Its just statisticly almost 50% of marriages end in divorce (usually filed by the wife) which would suggest this is not as big an issue as you seem to represent it as. Also since alimony childsupport are almost exlcusively paid for by men women would really not be affected by this since they would still make the same amount of money but also recieve exra payments from there exhusbands.

[myTake Owner]

there don't need to be sources, that's how the finances of everything works. and child support payments can be so low... only 20-30% of the paycheck. I'm not sure about alimony. and someone gave me the link to this: www.nytimes.com/.../...-but-the-myth-lives-on.html

and there's plenty of other articles about it, if you search 'divorce myth' on google.

and the same statistic/place ( National Center for Health Statistics) that you got 80% from is also the one that the 50% myth came from, so I wouldn't say it's reliable.

[myTake Owner]

and like I said before, I really think that most divorces happen because of debt.

[hellionthesage]

Yeah I was trying to find that source, about it being a myth, every article I can find traces it back to one book, the sources of which seem to missing. Then they also in the article you mention do point out that it being a "myth" is only applicable to higher payed college graduates and that the divorce rate is still the same (relatively speaking) for middle class and lower. As for the 80% I have gotten that from multiple sources, university studies and such. As for sources, if your going to make a claim you really ought to have sources. I don't deny that money is a factor for a lot of things however from what I have heard it usually results in divorce not staying in marriage, I have no statistics on this so I cannot verifie it.

[myTake Owner]

I see what you mean. I looked on the 'divorce myth' page I gave you and lots of the links point to the same lady/author who wrote the ny times article. but this page doesn't: https://www.truthorfiction.com/divorce/

see? "If it was true, he said, if you looked at all the marriages and divorces within a single year, you’d find that there were twice as many marriages as divorces. In 1981, for example, there were 2.4 million marriages and 1.2 million divorces. At first glance, that would seem like a 50-percent divorce rate.

Virtually none of those divorces were among the people who had married during that year, however, and the statistic failed to take into account the 54 million marriages that already existed, the majority of which would not see divorce."

so like I said, I don't think the statistics you gave were reliable at all, they just spun the info for some reason.

[hellionthesage]

True, but it also mentions the uncertainty of polls and such, that there are many factors, for instance the divorce rate is higher for African americans then whites, more for poorer then collegeducated (supposedly)/rich. So the statistics being a mean of all divorces will always give inaccurate results. The divorce rate is very high, it flucuates based upon other factors. I probably should specifie that but I admittedly get lazy since most people don't pay attention to it any way. In short saying its a myth isn't actually any more accurate then saying 50% of marriages end in divorce. The most accuarte way of puting it would be to say 50% of marriages kind of end in divorce but not really. It does, and it doesn't depending on which data set you look at. I appreciate you finding that link it was at least a bit more informative on where it got the information (if a bit vague about it) then the others. It was important to note these descrepency in the statistics.

[hellionthesage]

Statistics in and of themselves generally spin the information a certain way. Thats what statistics are for. It also doesn't account for the people who are not officially married, if the divorce rate dropping because people have stopped divorcing or because they have stopped getting married? That would also impact the statistics. The statistics of alimony/childsupport seem to be well documented, obviousley it doesn't account for those who come to an agreement outside of court so its not 80% of ALL divorces end with the man paying but rather 80% of all divorces that involve the court as mediatior so that can be misleading as well. Again as far as I can tell those statistics are still fairly accurate, the divorce one being the only one that is, I don't know if I would call it innaccurate or circumstantially accurate. But back to your take, where/how did you conclude that marriages last based on money?(also appreciate the fact that you bothered to find the source, most people dont bother)

[myTake Owner]

what I wrote in the mytake doesn't have anything to do with statistics. it explains how society works. and the link I gave mostly talks about the facts too. you posting about statistics and interpreting them, won't change any of that. lol nothing in my mytake can be backed up by sources or statistics, because everything I wrote is already based on facts!

[hellionthesage]

Where are they? The link you gave even mentioned that divorce is higher in low income households so that would directly contrast what your saying. Hence me wonder where your facts are, since a fact is indisputable yet thats what I am doing and thats what your link is doing. Where is the evidence to back your facts? I can claim the sky is yellow as a fact, doesn't make it so.

[myTake Owner]

I was talking about my mytake. you haven't talked about anything I wrote in my mytake yet.

[myTake Owner]

and the divorce thing... didn't you read this? "Virtually none of those divorces were among the people who had married during that year, however, and the statistic failed to take into account the 54 million marriages that already existed, the majority of which would not see divorce."

do you honestly think people would take months to plan their wedding, and then half of them would divorce in the same year? isn't that what you're saying makes the 50% divorce rate? it didn't occur to me either to think about it all that way until I found that page I gave you, but it really is common sense.

[hellionthesage]

No, as the article pointed out the divorce rate differs based on which group you speak of and the one tha you are reffering to only is applicable to college educated/well paid individuals. As it stated lower income has about the same rates. And the reason there is not mention of your take is because you have yet to make an argument, its a statment that may or may not be true. Hence me asking for evidence that supports it.

[myTake Owner]

even if divorcing did happen a lot, I would think that would be because of debt and money issues a lot of the time too. many divorce stories talk about people having hidden debt, that they kept secret from their spouse for years before they finally found out. or one partner paying bills for the other partner for awhile before they found out the reason the other partner couldn't pay was because of debt. a couple that's living paycheck to paycheck would be devastated by that.

or, it could just be from living expenses... and it's either divorce, or let your spouse's debt/bad finances wreck yours.

The evidence is the fact that this is the reality for many people, either married or divorced. like I said, this is how society works. do you honestly not get it? it's not about statistics or studies; it's life.

[hellionthesage]

Do you not honestly not get that if you make a claim you there should be some kind of evidence to back it up. If I say your wrong and thats that, does it make it true? I highly doubt you would except that explanation. Also You just acknowledge that money can lead to divorce but your take is stating the exact opposite. It seems odd.

[myTake Owner]

my mytake is about people staying married for $$$, stability, and overall profit. what I meant in my comment was that people divorce when that's not possible anymore.

I don't like things working that way either though. I used to think it was because of emotion too. and all of this is so hardcore. profit and investment. and when you can't do that or the spouse is wrecking your finances, split. but, that's how the business world works and with society the way that it is, that's how things are too.

and for evidence... what do you want me to find? a survey where people admit they left/married because of money? do you even know any people in real life who admit that?

[hellionthesage]

There are statistics and studies about everything. Also there was no real indepth discussion of it so it didn't even have any kind of thought experiment it was just kind of a half assed statment that may or may not be true. Thats all. I'm not trying to trash it just explaining why it seemed odd and admittedly rather pointless, you don't really provide anything new

[myTake Owner]

here, this is the only thing I could find: usatoday30.usatoday.com/.../...s-cash-series_x.htm

and I don;t think it contradicts my mytake, because like I said I meant that people stay together for stable finances, not when they're dealing with severe debt issues... you may actually like this article a bit.

[hellionthesage]

That was what I was looking for, that is a reasonable argument to make. It makes sense.

[myTake Owner]

xD I'm glad you liked it... I think it actually adds to my mytake. because the couples who divorced didn't really understand anything about the finances or debt, and a lot of the time, when people divorce they'll just end up with even more debt because of the court fees. but they divorce anyway, because they still can't handle their partner's debt and they'll finally be able to make their own financial decisions by themselves.

... so I think the only difference between them and the avg long-term married couple, is that the married partners understood finances enough to know that divorcing would hurt them a lot financially. so they made sure the marriage stayed together, so at least they wouldn't have more and more debt that they'd have to deal with alone, on top of losing a lot.

[Johnyk]

Only for girls. It's a bad financial decision for any guy.

[myTake Owner]

only what?

[Unit1]

That way I'm more than sure how fail the worlds economy nowadays is. No changes but drops.

Also, men should have known better on what they were getting themselves in to.

Hail the power of the witnessing!

[Anonymous]

The best option is avoid all of that crap to begin with. Either pump and dump, or cohabit if relationships are your thing.

[myTake Owner]

pump and dump? do you realize what kind of risk that is?

[GreatnessPersonified]

I stay for the sex. LOL.

[PtitZiziSolitaire]

Only for women.

[myTake Owner]

only what? plenty of men understand finances too.